Have you heard about Rachel Canning yet? She's the spoiled suburban honor roll cheerleader who is trying to sue her parents for refusing to pay for her college tuition. Waaaah. I can just hear her whining, "But daaaaddddddy, I neeeeeed you to pay."
But Daddy doesn't want to pay, because when Rachel turned eighteen, she moved out of her parent's house and into her best friend's house.
Her parents say she decided that she didn't like their rules. Especially the one about some boyfriend they deemed too skeevy for their precious pumpkin, so they told her to dump him or get out. Rachel chose to get out.
Since she moved out, Rachel has made allegations of abuse and said her parents contributed to her eating disorder and that's why she moved out.
She's been living with her friend and her family and she's still not keen to come home, but she'll happily take their cash. She wants her parents to pay her $650 a week for child support, pay her private high school tuition, plus her future college tuition bills, and pay off her lawyer fees.
I can almost hear her pouting in a corner while her parents try to cajole her and tempt her with a "nice boy" they found at church.
I honestly don't know who to believe or who to root for in this whole debacle - they all sound awful.
Plus, all I can think about is, WTF does an eighteen-year-old kid need $650 a week for???? Lip gloss and CDs must cost a whole lot more now than they did in 1990.
I think ALL sides of this thing are a fucking mess.
You've got Rachel, who sounds really good on paper: honor roll student, cheerleader, Catholic school girl. But I'm not fooled. My guess is she's a raging bitch. I look at her and I think she could be in central casting for "Mean Girls 2." The judge on her case listened to a voice mail she left her mother and he was shocked by how vicious she was. It seems to me like she's been a pampered poodle her whole life. Mommy and Daddy probably stroked her hair and told her she was pretty and of course she can have anything she wants. Mommy and Daddy probably never said no to her until she brought home her Bad Boy Boyfriend. Daddy took one look at that guy and knew he was banging his perfect princess, so he put his foot down. I'm betting Rachel never had a foot put down on her. Ever. So she ran away.
Then there's mom and dad. The two cream puffs that raised this kid. You can just tell that they gave in to every one of her high strung meltdowns because they were too exhausted to fight with her. They probably gave her a gold card and taught her how to be an entitled brat. They probably celebrated every accomplishment she ever had "Congratulations, Rachel! You are the fifteenth best artist in your class. Let's frame this award for you!" They both sat there in the courtroom crying while she glowered at them. I'd like to see a little less crying and a lot more, "Are you fucking kidding me with this, Rachel? Are you on drugs? Is that why you need $650 a week from us? Where's your jackass boyfriend you loved so much? Why isn't he here for moral support or did he dump your sorry ass already?"
And then there's the friend's dad. Rachel has been living with her friend whose dad just happens to be an attorney and who just happens to be the one footing Rachel's legal bill. I can't say for certain, but I think he's realized that living with Rachel is a fucking nightmare. My guess is he and the wife fight constantly about her. Mommy Warbucks feels guilty and wants to protect her because she believes the abuse stuff and she thinks Rachel's just a misunderstood kid, but Daddy Warbucks is tired of being Rachel's personal ATM. So he devised this plan to sue her parents and get $650 a week (!!!) plus lawyer fees (that's paying him back) plus tuition for all of her various schooling needs. I almost find him the sleaziest of all. He doesn't have Rachel's best interests here at all. He's looking for a payday and he's convinced Rachel they can both be happy if she just sues her weak ass parents.
Luckily the judge is the only sane one there and he ruled against Rachel and said this case could set precedent for twelve-year-olds to sue their parents for Xboxes. Exactly.
Just because I gave birth to you or adopted you or raised you as my own and then you move out and leave me because you're not feeling my curfews does not mean I owe you anything.
If you follow my rules, I owe you love and a safe place to live. One of the ways I show you that I love you and keep you safe is to set rules and boundaries. If you don't like my rules and boundaries, then we'll have a problem.
I know it's easy to sit here and say "never," but I can sure say "over my dead body" will my kids be assholes like this kid.
I have no idea what I'll do when Adolpha brings home some douchebag boyfriend, but I do know that ultimatums won't work. I'll probably try a different tactic and do some subliminal work on her. "Adolpha, I think it's great that it doesn't bother you at all that your boyfriend isn't that smart. Those gorgeous abs of his will totally get him a job!" or the deathblow for all teenagers: "Adolpha, your boyfriend reminds me so much of your dad!" That should work.
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(Image: NY Daily News)
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