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Weekly Wrap Up 12.9.12

Top Read Posts This Week:

Over Achieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies (The Original) - Well, today is the one year anniversary of the publishing of my rant Over Achieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies so I'm very excited that it's the number one read post again this week (really, for the whole month).  One year ago tonight a friend sent me the link to Blossom's 101 ideas and got me riled up.  I sat down at my computer and fired off my tirade.  When it was done, I pushed it out on my personal Facebook page (in those days I didn't have a blog FB page or a Twitter account) and my faithful 70 readers took a glance at it.  I'm not sure who the first person was to share it, but someone did and within a week I was going viral around the internet.


A lot has changed since the day I went viral.  I spent most of the day rocking in a corner because I never expected that many people to EVER read anything I wrote.  I was also a bit upset, because I received quite a bit of hate mail, but for every email that said I was a bitch or that I was a terrible mother I received five emails telling me that I made someone feel better.  I treasure those emails and I laugh at the others.

In one day I found 15,000 new readers to join me on Facebook and 1,000 on Twitter.  I think today I'm near on Facebook and over 5,000 on Twitter.  I've made my peace with Blossom and found out that she has a sense of humor (check out number 93 on her list).

This week the Elf and I had a good run again.  I was featured on Huffington Post where they reposted the original rant and Headline News where they interviewed me on air and then published my Op Ed piece.  I was also showcased on Elfshaming.com.

Over Achieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies Revisited - In anticipation of being interviewed on HuffPo and HLN, I reposted my original piece, but with a new pic this year.  This year Choppy Elfie demanded a picture worthy of Pinterest instead of last year's snap.  I'm guessing next year he'll want to be photographed in a wheat field at magic hour by a professional photographer.

Humble Brag Christmas Letters - I've received some great humble brag Christmas letters and I'm compiling the best excerpts for a post for Monday.  I'm also working on my own humble brag letter for this week.  There is a good one in my book, but I think I can do it one better.

Hypochondriac Hubs - The Hubs was sick and it reminded me of the time he contracted the Swine Flu from Patient Zero.

Making Memories the Punch Way - Christmas is in full swing around the Punch household and we are making memories that would make the OAMs cry - literally.

Book Update:

It's a Christmas Miracle!!  Barnes & Noble finally has my book Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat available for NOOK.

I think that takes care of all formats now - except audio.  Maybe next year.

I have two stores carrying the book now too!  If you're near Blue Hydrangea in Wickford, RI or Ginger With Love in New Vernon, NJ stop in and pick up a copy or two.

I've been receiving lots of orders for personalized books for gifts.  It takes between 2 and 9 days for books to ship so if you need a book for a gift, please order soon.  Here are just a few of the people who will be receiving my book this year for the holidays:

Wives
Sisters
Mothers
Aunts
Cousins
BFFs
Bunco groups
Book clubs
Teachers
Hairstylists
People attending White Elephant Gift parties

Get your order in now so you can be sure to have it in time for the holidays.  All of your book buying options can be found here.

Favorite Comment of the Week (and My Response if Necessary):

Just had to mention...my mom saw this post mentioned on HLN news the other morning. You're famous! Tina should be calling any day now. (If this was mentioned earlier I missed it because I was too lazy to read the other comments...sorry!) on Over Achieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies Revisited

I just hope Tina watches Headline News all the time during the middle of the day, because surely that interview convinced her we should be pals.


we're poor as shit with 3 kids and nowhere near as bitter as you dear writer...quit taking your cues from half baked sitcom parents and man the fuck up. on Over Achieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies

Can I just say that yes the lady writing the blog is crazy, but you are just unhappy and lazy (and writing a blog about it)! You are complaining about moving an elf to different shelves and spots in your house? Me and my wife work full time, have one elf, and move him daily while our kid is at school, or over night when he goes to sleep, It's called "time management". Yes your kids will grow up fine without an "elf on a shelf" but have some fun damn it!! Do u have no child left inside of you? Do you not get any enjoyment out of seeing how confused and happy your children get over the idea of there being a real elf in your house? All i'm saying is that you have way to much built up aggression and should be expressing it in other ways than being upset that some housewives that are wealthier than you have been spending all their free time making messes for themselves to clean up, blaming it on an elf, and bragging about it online. (also if you want a $400 Lego set for your kid, you need to save your money and not wait until your last paycheck) on Over Achieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies

I don't know what the deal is this year.  Last year I heard from some pissed off mommies complaining that I was ruining the magic of the Elf.  This year it's the douchey dads coming out in droves.  Both of the above comments are from dads and they're just two of the many, many, many comments I've received from the men of the house.  WTF?  I think it's hilarious that you guys are calling me "bitter."  Both of you took time out of your precious Elf mess-making day to sit down at your computer and read my blog and THEN compose your excellent, well written responses to me.  Thanks so much for calling me lazy, asshole.  Because, obviously you're right.  If I don't care to make a mess with my Elf, then it MUST be because I'm lazy.  (By that logic, I'm sure that in college you thought every girl who didn't want to fuck you was gay.)  I run a full time successful real estate business, I write a popular blog and contribute to many others, I wrote a book this year, I volunteer in my kids' classrooms and I sit on the board for the PTO.  What do you do?  My guess is you go to your shitty 9 to 5 job every day with a lunch that your wife packed you, because you're far too busy to even pack your own fucking lunch.  You come home and have a beer and watch TV and stage your Elf in some stupid, adorable pose every night.  Well, good for you guys.  You guys are the Dads of the Year.  You should write a fucking book on what I can learn from your "time management" secrets.  Oh, and by the way, did I ever say I couldn't AFFORD the $400 Lego?  No, I just said I didn't want to buy it for my kid.  Think about it, jackhole, I have a best selling book on Amazon and iTunes, I'm doing just fine, but thanks for your concern.

I posted a pic of mine tonight sitting on my DVR. I put "Oooooohhhh, Fred is ON the DVR!!" I got alot of likes. My cuz posted one that said "Even YOU could do this Dev" and her elf had made a snow angel in an ENTIRE BAG of sugar she had dumped on the counter!! I replied "GOOD LORD!! Is that real sugar?? Who in the hell is going to clean that up?? NO WAY!!" She didn't answer back, I think my cousins think I am a bitch. Also, happy ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of me stalking Jenn!! Woo Hoo! Here is to the next year, cheers babe! Devan on Over Achieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies Revisited

I cannot remember when I laughed so hard! You are right on and you write it so very well. Thanks for a wonderful set of belly laughs this morning. Next column -- Mommies who up the Advent Calendar ante. We've already "upgraded" from the crappy chocolate one to needing to fill a little box with some unexpected treat or treasure for 24 days, but yesterday my kid's friend says that they get to do a treasure hunt each morning because the advent calender only has the CLUES in it and then they get to do a hunt for the actual treat. Uh huh....cause when I'm already forgetting to fill the darn calendar each night (after moving the elf, of course), what I REALLY need to do is to add the extra step of a "finding clue" and find a place to hide the advent treats. Thanks alot Advent Escalation Mom! on Over Achieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies

This year I have been doing such a good job remembering to move my Elves, that I fogot to get out the Advent Calendars!  Luckily Adolpha remembered and got out one and filled it with candy.  We have a couple of Lego ones that haven't come out of the cupboard.  Maybe next year I'll get it together and remember ALL of these "traditions" together.

First off, let me say that I just stumbled across your blog today and am already addicted to it. You are hilarious and I totally connect with so much or what you talk about. The funniest Humble Brag Letters I've ever seen come from my aunt and uncle and are actually not Humble Brags at all. They have 5 boys and each Christmas they send letters to select friends and family (those who can actually take a joke) detailing some of the low points of the year for each family member. Examples in the past have included statements such as "[Son 1] dropped out of college this year." or "[Son 2] broke up with [his on-again, off-again girlfriend] yet again after she was caught cheating on him for the second time." Things like that. It's hilarious and awesome and I really think helps them to have a light-hearted perspective on some of the not-so-great things that have happened throughout the year. on Humble Brag Christmas Letters

That is a letter I would like to get!










18 comments:

  1. The douche-y Dads you write about are probably lead to the douche-y kids I just wrote about. I have been following you since you went viral last year and I can't name another blog I enjoy more than yours (or the awesome ecards you post on your Facebook page.) You've actually inspired a couple of the blogs I managed to eek out this past year, including my most popular one to date centered on "Period Parties." (I still can't wrap my fucking head around that one!) I look forward to the many guffaws I will have this next year thanks to you and your blog (and the Hubs blog, too!) Keep fighting the good fight and fuck the haters. They wouldn't be hating if they weren't jealous of the fact that you are fanfuckingtabulous. If you get a reprieve from being busy and awesome this holiday season, I'd love it if you took a minute to read my tiny blog on why douche-y Dads (and Moms) deserve bitchslapping. Long live PIWTPITT!

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  2. I just want to say that I love you! Your response to that douche-y Dad was perfect.

    Amanda from diaryofanangrypregnantlady.blogspot.com

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  3. Right on! I feel like I am so busy opening advent doors and moving the damn elf that I am running out of time to even get presents. Guess what kids, you have had your presents all month long. Chocolate every day and finding that elf! Hasn't it been fun! Thanks for the pick me ups! love your blog. I hope my "hubs" gets me your book for xmas!

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  4. I always say, a good joke is one that everybody can laugh about, including the one in spotlight. This is not the case here. You took on a woman who shares her ideas for free and who puts her real face there. Making fun of overachieving is one thing, but claiming that somebody who spends a lot of time doing crafts, baking cookies or moving elves has a secret drug and booze addiction is sheer rude and classless.
    Don't want to bake cookies, hide elves or do crafts during this month? Not a problem. Buy your dinner and the sweets at your grocery store and make your Christmas they way you want. If you are a good mom, you don't need to provide the most expensive toys and don't have to have an unnatural cheer or make cookies that fall apart because you can't or don't want to do them. Do what you want and make your Holidays they way it fits you and your family. But picking on those why do it differently is immature. There are 16254537 Jens in the country. But would you, with your name and face stand in front of Blossom and tell her, "ya know, beautiful cookies but I want to check your bathroom shelves for Valium" in the face? I don't think so. You have the talent to write, I read your other posts as well. But wasting it on an aggressive rant is just stupid.

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    1. Hmmm, I just don't see it. Jen's aggression doesn't bother me. I think it's actually healthy because she also balances it out with her positive qualities of being loving, kind, thoughtful, adventurous, amusing, and she has a good set of priorities for her children and family. If you read all that she writes, you see that. Or you won't.

      I think that she's just venting about doing things that are expected of people who have a similar lifestyle of having a hubs, kids, job, lives in the burbs, etc. Her candid expression shows us her internal battle of being pulled to be an OAM like her mother, and also feeling like she just doesn't want to because life is so busy as it is and what's the point. I'm sure there is more to it, but her frustrations about it, she turns into humor, which is an art form. Maybe it's not your kind of art, but I think it's a fucking blast to read and as far as picking on someone else, I wouldn't do it, but that's what comedians do! It's comedy. Laugh or go someplace else!

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    2. Thanks, Kate. You summed it perfectly.

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    3. Do you know her personally or are you one of her paid bodyguards who spreads her book? *laugh*
      Do you think an analysis from somebody who is just a reader fan has enough credibility? *laugh again*
      I do not know anybody who would find funny to read upon herself as a "mom on drug"while she is helping out. BTW, I only stumbled upon this via facebook shares and then I looked into Blossoms blog. She is not the kind of mom I am either but does it give me the right to ridicule her? Is that an achievement that hundreds of desperate housewives laugh about this crap? Oh, are younot laughing hard by now? You must have issues with your sense of humor. Harharhar. Last input> Jen could have also gone someplace else if she is so irritated by Blossom. Contradiction, anyone?

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    4. Of course she did. Because she licked your a$$. Really good comedians can be humble once in a while...but, before I sound like a desperate housewife as well, I shall leave this site and give it back to the overflow of narcissism followed by the ooohs and aaahs from people who think they are original because of not being ordinary.

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    5. Blacktulip, I think it is too late NOT to sound like a desperate housewife. If you hate the post, feel free to move on. I guess you don't you have anything better to do with your time. I know I don't. I only TROLL blogs for asshats commentators who do nothing except comment on other people's blogs.

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    6. I am a reader and I bought 3 of her books. One I got autographed for myself and two I gave away as holiday gifts.

      I am a 34 year old nanny of infant twins. This is my third set of twins and I've cared for 2 other singleton families full time. I have a bachelor's degree in studio art and my favorite musical artist is Ani DiFranco. She isn't everyone's cup of tea either. She is very opinionated and truthful, with a touch of sarcasm and is also kind, loving and has the big picture in pretty complete focus, similar to what I gather Jen to be like. I'd be curious if you could stomach her either.
      I am clairvoyant and am known among people who know me personally to have an uncanny ability to see people for who they really are, their pain, their innate talents and their intentions. I have a good sense how healthy people are mentally and emotionally. Why? Because I've done the work and I'm pretty fucking special!
      While I pretty much never explain myself to strangers because I could give a shit what others think, I find I'm pushing out of my comfort zone tonight. I think if you're going to point fingers at others and criticize what they are doing, you better be walking a high road and not be doing the same thing yourself. Your gift of shining a light on what ails us is a little dim. I think revising your approach to inspiring others to rise above the negativity of the world is in need. While I personally don't believe that Jen is negative in an unhealthy way, I can respect that you feel that way. I just think that harping on her is working against you. If you want there to be more light in the world, then be light. Jen is not full of hate, she is just making the mundane, sheep activities of white, uptight America a lighter topic through humorous rants and new relationships built out of awkward confrontations, e.g., Blossom.

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    7. @Blacktulip-
      1.) The blog is called People I Want To Punch In The Throat- so what exactly did you think it was about? Making snow angels after the first powdery snow of winter?
      2.) If you had read her blogs a little more thoroughly, you would know that Jen and Blossom Bunkhouse have already done the hug, hug, kiss, kiss thing. In fact, number 93 on B. Bunkhouse's list has been changed to: Punch stuffed animal in the throat AND Jen's book is being advertised on the site.
      Coincidence??? I think not!
      3.) Who are these narcissistic, desperate housewives you speak
      of? In fact, what exactly is a desperate housewife?
      4.) Most of Jen's sarcastic rants are directed at herself and her family.
      BTW- a good joke is not one that everyone laughs at, because not every has the same sense of humor-OR they just don't have much one. Perhaps someone like.....you???
      If'n you don't like the blog, then you ain't a gotta read it! Go find a blog about rainbows and unicorns.

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  5. You are so loving, level-headed and kind. You are also sarcastic, hilarious and always seem to be having fun and I'm sure the hubs thinks you are some kind of goddess. I think the douche-y dads can just suck it! Dicks!

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  6. You are awesome. Our elf is also lucky to be moved each night, but now I now have to deal with my 4th grader's classmate bringing their Elf to school! There are so many rules that they have made up. I am so sick of it! You are NOT supposed to touch the Elf! Why are all the parents letting their kids bring them to school? And now he is going to get a letter from another friends elf inviting him to come to their Christmas party. WTF? Just move the elf and do whatever you like in your house, but stop with all the rules for touching them (you have to be 20- I am not kidding, this has come up)and bringing them to school. Also, I totally forgot the advent calender today and my 6 year old did it for me too.

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  7. I plan to send a brag letter that just says "I'm the mom, whose child ruined Santa for the entire Disney Store."

    My 5 year old overheard a child say something about Santa bringing her a gift, and before I knew it there she was loudly proclaiming that "everyone knows Santa isn't real". I couldn't get my half dead tired ass off the floor (where we were playing with dolls) fast enough! I have to say although we are Jewish, I have never once told her Santa wasn't real-we just don't discuss him at all. Especially since my newphew is being raised Catholic and adamently believes in him! I can't wait for this Holiday get together--my guess is the 5 yo gets us all banned from future gatherings!

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  8. Thems. Just. Jokes.
    (Also? BAM! Another comment in the books!)
    <3 Devan

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  9. I guess everyone can raise their kids how they want to and make a big deal out of what seems to me to be someone's brilliant attempt to cash in on sentimentality. I had never even heard of Elf on a Shelf until I read about it on this blog and it seems like just another guilt trip for overworked parents who don't "create the magic of the holidays" by pretending a stuffed doll is real. If people want to, that's fine, but don't go all crabby on others for not participating or doing it to the max. I'd be pissed about the wasted sugar and the mess (posted about above). How about we give each other a break from all the judgment? Especially since I don't even have a tree up and there are still remnants of Halloween around the house.

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  10. Yea, I am getting pressure from my 5YO to get an elf. I guess they have one in his Kindergarten classroom (shouldn't that be enough???) and a friend bragged about how hers played with her Barbies one night. However, this is #4 on the "List of things I swore I would never do" - unfortunately I don't have a good track record as #1-3 have already been broken... The things we do for our kids...

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  11. I love your blog. I swear, I think we were separated at birth! After reading some comments on your blog, I just have to state, that for the record, people are stupid (I wanted to stay retarded, but figured that would cause some nasty backlash on it's own.) People just really need to get a sense of humor. It's sad really. Sad that they don't understand how you "making fun" of other people is pretty much how you deal with feeling like an "underachiever"...at least, that's why I do it. Not sure if that's really your goal here, but it helps soften the blow for me, anyway.
    Oh, and the whole EOTS really freaks me out. Seriously. Who designed that thing, because it is the creepiest looking creature I've ever seen. I mean, my thought is, I don't want that thing within 500 feet of any of my daughters. Total, Creeper. I'm pretty sure my youngest daughter would be terrified of it, anyway. (She once left a gift in a bag for a week, refusing to open it because she saw the top and thought it was a wolf, when it was actually just that little Jingle Dog from Hallmark.) Now back to the elf: So, can someone explain to me why is the Elf being naughty? Isn't the point of it to make kids be good at Christmas time? I'm not sure I've quite grasp the concept. It must be the whole "do as I say, not as I do" thing, eh?
    Anyway...thank you for putting yourself out there and feel free to check out my little ol' blog www.timsheadache.blogspot.com (where there are typos galore, but my editor has a day job, so I wing it without her).
    P.S. After reading your response to the sense-of-humorless dads, I totally feel like a loser, because keeping up the house for this family of 5, volunteering at school, putting together various fundraisers for said school and our local community theater, repurposing old furniture and donating it to various charities for auctions, spending time with my mom in the nursing home and entertaining my dad as he adjusts to life without my mom in his home, being a wedding coordinator at my church and shuffling kids around to 2 different schools and a million different activities just doesn't feel like enough. I guess I need to get a paying job, too. ;)

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