My Book Cover is Done!

It's happening!  I am sitting here tonight looking at the brand new cover design for my BOOK!!!  I can not even begin to tell you guys how excited I am.  Isn't it perfect?  I had so many awesome submissions it was hard to choose.  In the end I chose this one, because every time I look at those carolers' heads on the floor, it makes me laugh.



Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat


This is a looooonnnnnng time coming and I can't believe it's here.  The book should be ready for purchase in just a week or two!  Can you believe that?!  The book will be available on Amazon and Nook.  Some of you (OK, really just my dad) have asked for a signed copy.  If you so desire, you will be able to order a personalized signed book from yours truly directly from my website.  I'll seal it with a kiss and ship it to your door.

I don't think I've been clear just how big this is for me.  Ever since I was a little girl I have dreamed about writing a book.  That's all I ever wanted to do.  Instead of playing with dolls and ponies, I used to write stories when I was a kid.  I was a dreamer who always had my head in the clouds or my nose in a book.  I've been a story teller my whole life and now I'm writing those stories down to share with people who actually want to read them.  That blows my mind.

It's taken me so long to get to this point, because I've had a ton of obstacles to overcome first.

When I was in high school I moved to Kansas from New Jersey and I had a rough time transitioning.  I didn't fit in at my new high school.  I found it impossible to make friends.  (I still find it tough sometimes.)  I wasn't bullied, instead I was just invisible.  I was ignored completely.  It was as if I didn't exist and didn't matter.  All I had to keep me company were my books and the stories I wrote.  

The only person who noticed me and took the time to get to know me was my English teacher, Mr. Goodson.  He was such an amazing teacher who really encouraged me to be creative and to push my boundaries with my writing.  He allowed me to discover my voice and he really helped me to cultivate it.  He showed us that everyone has their own style and that's OK because we've all got our own story to tell.

With his guidance and his support I wrote a short story that won me a scholarship to college.  I left for college finally believing in myself and thinking that I could actually make a living at writing.  When I got to college everything changed.

I majored in Creative Writing and I was assigned to an advisor from absolute fucking hell.  I knew instantly that he did not like me and he did not like my writing.  I knew this, because he told me - clearly and succinctly (with big words worthy of a pompous asshole English professor).  He was sure to tell me every chance he got just how much I sucked.  When I reminded him I won a writing scholarship, he told me that the submission pool that year had been especially weak.  He berated me and basically made me feel like shit in class and every time we met in private.  I'm not sure why he hated me so much or what I ever did to piss him off, but there was something about me that really grated on his nerves.  He went out of his way to make sure I knew how little he thought of me.

During our years together, this man wore me down like no one else.  At one point during an advisory meeting he told me I needed a back up plan, because no one would ever buy anything I wrote.  He actually suggested I marry rich.  After that, I quit meeting with him.  What was the point?  I wrote whatever was necessary to finish college and get my degree and get away from him.  I did find jobs that paid me to write, but I never wrote anything creative again.  He'd ruined it for me.  I no longer loved writing.

Finally, a few years ago I started up again.  I wrote a couple of short stories for Gomer and then, with the Hubs' encouragement, a year and a half ago I started this blog.  This blog has saved me.  I found my love again.  This blog has empowered me and it has made so many of my dreams come true (like the book).

Most importantly, this blog led me to YOU - to my readers.  You are my people.  You get me and you understand me.  You support me and you encourage me.  You laugh at me and you laugh with me.  You keep me going when I'm down and you make me so happy.  I am so grateful for all of you!

Want to order the book?  It's ready.  Click here.


84 comments:

YKIHAYHT said...

I am beyond happy for you. I cannot wait to read this and you know that I will be expecting a signed copy! Not to be mushy, but this is proof that hard work and confidence really do pay off!! Congrats my friend!!

Natalie said...

Congratulations! I hope your college advisor sees your book on a best seller list someday soon so he can feel like an ass hat.

Unknown said...

you give mr. goodson a link, but you should also site whoever this nasty professor was. my husband is a teacher and my husband and i are both parents. we believe that anyone who treats anyone the way that professor did you, deserves to be called out by name. good for you, for finding your way on your own terms. i'm proud of you!!

Rachael said...

I am not one of those people who laugh out loud at funny things on TV or when I am reading the comics...You have made me laugh out loud on numerous occasions including one of which had coffee spewing from my mouth and nose. I love reading your rants and raves and I am excited to read your book. Congratulations and may you have much success with it!

Marta said...

I have to say that this post brought tears to my eyes. I am so happy for you!!! I can completely understand what effect that professor had on you - the last few years at the company I have worked for have done the same. I too, am moving forward to a new job and can share your excitement. I love your blog - I read it whenever I get a chance. I can't wait to read your book!!!

LoveNotesFromTheGroin said...

Congratulations! I can't wait to order my very own signed and kissed-with-love copy!

Anonymous said...

Yes, I will want a signed copy! So happy for you and that fucking elf! lol :)

Toni

Linda said...

Send the assvisor (Oops meant advisor) a copy of your book with a really "Nice" inscription !!! Will you accept Paypal ? I want a signed copy.

Monika said...

I agree with Natalie. I hope your book hits the bestseller list, your advisor sees it, and feels like an absolute and utter moron. What a douche! Congrats on your book! That's so awesome!

Anonymous said...

Jen: Congrats on the book. Your high school story sounds like mine. I threw myself into writing but the pressure to do something other than that in college won out (by the p's), so I never pursued it. Flash forward, time has taken its toll and I would love nothing more than what you're doing! I'm living vicariously through you and you rock!

So did I tell you about... said...

I think you have it backwards. It is us that are grateful to you. You provide us with an outlet. I check this page every day. Multiple times. Just in case you snuck something on here. I don't want to miss a thing. So yeah, I'm gonna want that signed copy. Because you? You shine so brightly and I want to be there holding the first signed book when you are at a book signing for your 15th NYT Best-Selling book. Thank you!!!

[email protected] said...

So I am tearing up over here....
Congrats! SO HAPPY for you!!! The cover is perfect! And I want a signed copy, especially if it is sealed with kiss;)
Wouldn't you just love to give your advisor a copy of it and sign it, "Thanks for nothing asshole." What a prick.
Congrats again!!!!!!

Ghada said...

Congratulations! I feel like I can say I "knew you when..." before this blog super blew up :) Even though I don't really know you, know you, but you know what I mean, right? I've always had, and still do have the dream of writing a book. One day...
The cover looks great. It is on my Christmas wish list. Well done you!

Anonymous said...

SOOOOOO FUN!!! Congratulations!!! Can't wait to read it:)

cosma said...

Bullies suck. I'm so happy you persevered and that we get to read your daily writings! Best wishes for much success. You are an inspiration.

Anonymous said...

Congrats! I would like a signed copy! You need to send a personalized copy to your advisor as well.

Anonymous said...

Can you please tell us who the advisor is so we can all toilet paper his house once a week?

On another note, congratulations... you certainly deserve it. Your writing is hilarious and real.

Unknown said...

Congratulations! I'm thrilled for you since I shared your passion as a child (reading book after book and then dreaming up my own stories). I didn't have that passion pushed our of me like you did, but somewhere along the way it was lost. When I turned 30 I decided I wanted it back and hope to be in your shoes one day. I can't wait to buy it and read it.

A.Happymeal said...

I think you should track down your old advisor and send him a personally signed copy saying how you hope he enjoys your 'back up plan' and that you hope he reads it so that he can see the Punches to the Throat that are specifically dedicated to him :)..... Congrats on triple stamping your double stamp, love the cover by the way LOL!

Sheric said...

I, too, would like a signed copy! When will we be able to order?

Anonymous said...

so exciting for you, and envious! ;)

I love love LOVE the cover. Makes me wonder what the F--- happened during the holiday gathering....

brilliant! where did it come from?

Anonymous said...

That is so exciting for you! Congratulations! You definitely need to send a personalized copy to your so-called advisor! You followed your dream...

Erica said...

Make sure you send your old advisor a copy with a lovely note telling him "Because of your extreme douchery, you get your very own Punch in The Throat. Suck it!!" So proud of you!

Padraic said...

Congratulations! It is great to prove a moron wrong, but it is even better to find your passion in life again when you thought you had lost it. Enjoy!!

Candied Fabrics said...

Congrats on the book - and I've gotta say, as a college educator myself - what the hell kind of college did you go to? Why didn't you switch advisors??? I am not one of those people who think that constructive criticism shouldn't be used, but it is unacceptable that someone treated you (and probably countless others) like that!

Donna T said...

I can't wait to get the book! I hope you are coming back to Portsmouth, NH for a book signing!

Michelle said...

Congrats, Jen! I am so happy for you. I am really glad I was speech communications and not creative writing or I too would have had the same type of conversations with that same advisor.

I hope this book does great! I can not wait to order and read it.

Sarah said...

It's awesome! So excited for you! I will be needing a signed copy as well, It will go in a place of honor, next to my signed copy of Jenny Lawsons book!

Amy said...

Jen, so very, very happy for you! As someone who is still waiting to get her book published, I know what an accomplishment this is! Love to be able to say "I knew her when..." :)

Anonymous said...

Wow...good for you overcoming those tough times. That must have been horrible. So glad you proved him wrong. Glad your Hubs encouraged you!I love reading your blog and can't wait to purchase your book for me and some of my girlfriends. The cover is hysterical!

(P.S.- how can I comment with a name if I don't have a blog? Sorry for the spaz question. I can only figure out how to do it anonymously...)
Thanks, Lynn

Anonymous said...

Congrats on the book! You usually make me laugh and spew water out my nose (thank goodness I don't drink coffee). Today your words moved me tears, tears of sadness for the girl you were and tears of joy for the writer you've become. So Happy For You!

Leila said...

I totally think you should add a special Punch to the throat for your college prof in your book. Then track the turd down and send him a copy and all of the awesome reviews you received.

I bet he treated you like crap cause he was just upset that his writing career never panned out the way he wanted to and was stuck teaching people he felt weren't as "awesome" as he was.

I'm super excited for your book. :D Congrats Jen!

Amber said...

Congrats! I am a constant reader and fan but do not often comment.
Good Luck on the book! I just might order a signed copy . . . I'm super lazy so don't feel bad if I don't. :)

Unknown said...

Jen, We are better off for having YOU in our lives. You make us cry, you make us laugh wildly until snorting and spewing coffee from our nose (okay, maybe that was just me - and only that one time). You give us a voice too. You inspire moms out there to find their dreams they lost. You inspire me.

Unknown said...

I hope you don't mind, but I pinned your book to my wall - PR baby!

Gwendolyn Cease said...

Major Congrats, Jen!!!! As a writer I still get a thrill when I see my name on the cover a book and I just pubbed my 9th book. May it never get old and may you write a bunch!!!

Dawner said...

Congratulations, Jen! Just bought it for my Kindle and cant wait to read it!

Unknown said...

No way!! I can't wait to read it! I had no idea you were writing a book. Is there a synopsis yet, or will that come in the future? Who's the publisher? I'm way too excited for this. :)

P.S. Your adviser was an idiot.

Mrs*Rhed said...

So Happy for you Jen!! And THANK YOU for making me smile every day! (Ok....so usually, I'm laughing so hard, I nearly choke and/or spit Diet Coke all over my keyboard, but hey---I smile too!!)

Stephanie said...

I hope you are sending him a copy of this book?! I love the cover too - it's really fun! I hope that's what the super secret holiday mission at your mom's was all about - can't wait to read the book!

Unknown said...

I am so excited for you. You have clearly been through a lot to get to this point and you deserve it. Totally and completely. You go girl, you've inspired us so much over the last year - thank-you!!!

This Is Fifty With Lil said...

*LIKE*

**LOVE**

Marcy said...

I read your blog all the time and I am so happy for you that you were able to pursue your dream! I am not normally this sappy, but things like this make me happy.

Kelly and Sne said...

Congratulations! And I love the cover. So, will us cheapskates be able to find it at the JOCO Library anytime soon????

Marcy said...

I did not realize until I hit publish that that rhymed. That was unintentional, I'm no poet.

Wendy Wainwright said...

That's awesome!!!! I can go punch your advisor in the throat.

Unknown said...

I can't wait to get my hands on your first book! Congratulations and keep on writing!

Diane F. said...

Hooray for you! What an accomplishment. I was so sad reading the part about the douchebag who killed a joyful part of your life yet am so thrilled you have risen above it - that shows such strength! I (and many others I am sure) am definitely going to buy your book (your writing rocks!) so he was so very wrong! I hope you are sending him a signed copy (with a sales report) - "Dear Douchebag - suck on this!"

Anonymous said...

Congratulations on your book! Your advisor not only needed to be punched in the throat, he also needed to be kicked in the nuts. What an asshole, & you know what? I bet he's still stuck doing something that he so obviously hates, whereas YOU are doing something awesome that you love!

Keep up the awesome writing!

Jamie

Amy said...

Congratulations! I'm so happy for you! You should send a signed copy to the asshole professor and all of his students! You are a great role model for your children about not giving up. I enjoy the laughter you give me and look forward to your book. I will be purchasing a signed copy.

Amy, from NJ

Maya said...

Congratulations!!! I am so happy for you, and you and your family should be so proud of all your hard work! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and bringing laughter in my life. Can't wait to check out the book :) And a couple of fast punches in the throat to that jackhole advisor - he has no business in education.

Melinda said...

Congratulations! I'm a new follower, but you've made me laugh out loud with almost every post and I've shared your blog several times on Facebook. I love your blog, and kudos to Mr. Goodson for that early encouragement - it's nice that you had him as a teacher before you met the professor from hell. People like him shouldn't teach - the problem is they are most likely frustrated creatives themselves who try to elevate themselves by killing the creativity of others. MORONS! So glad you persevered. :-)

Munkee Boi said...

Congratulations, I look forward to reading it.

Anonymous said...

Send a copy to the moron's boss, with a copy of this blog and MENTION HIS NAME!!! I'll bet he kicks puppies because he's a Loser!

Kim at Let Me Start By Saying said...

WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
I am so glad you came back to writing.
We're lucky to have you.

Unknown said...

Isn't it nice to think back on that sad pathetic little man and know that you reach more people with your humor than he could ever hope to teach? Can't wait to read the book - I broke the heads off all my carolers years ago...

Jamie Miles said...

How cool you always wanted to be a writer. I always wanted to be a cheerleader. Maybe like the secretary for the squad?

No joke, that is a huge accomplishment. Love, love the cover. Can't wait to read it. So glad you found your love again.

Donna said...

Congrats!!! Can't wait to read your book!

Krysti said...

THIS IS SO EXCITING! I wish I was cool enough to write a book. That is probably the best book cover ever...I giggled when I saw it. YAY BEING PUBLISHED CONGRATS!!

Meredith said...

CONGRATS!!!! I'm so excited to read it. I hope you can still buy/read it if you don't have an e-reader, because I'm the last remaining dinosaur.

I also have author-ish dreams, but YOU inspired me to start my blog! It's still a baby, but hopefully it'll grow and my voice can be heard as well (by more than just my mom!)

www.frommeredithtomommy.com

Susan/Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva said...

So awesome! I wish you much success with what is hopefully the first of many books! And what a feeling it must be to have a dream come true! Can't wait to read it!

Hallie Sawyer (@Hallie_Sawyer) said...

Ya-hoooooo! That is so awesome J! We need to get together and celebrate you AND Claire! How about wine, screw the coffee!!

Seriously, need to talk! So excited for you and want to hear all about it.

Beth said...

I can not wait to read your book! I have a Nook....but then again, there is something about turning actual pages....any advice on how to convince my Hubs I need both?

Margo said...

I just bought your book for my Kindle! Laughing out loud right now!!!! It is not an autographed copy, by hey, I am one of the first to read it! Thanks for putting into words exactly what I am thinking :)

Frugalistablog said...

Yay!! I'm buying, getting an autograph and going to your publisher's party. Right?
And the cover is fantastic!

Mrs. Reynolds said...

I'm a huge fan of your writing and I have fantastic literary taste. I'd like to purchase an autographed copy of your book. Please forward it directly to your jack hole former advisor and score one for passive aggressives. Thanks!

JennInAustin said...

Soooooo inspiring. At the risk of sounding cliche...YOU GO, GIRL. You know, I've been working through a few of Julia Cameron's Artist Way books. I've still got a long way to go...you are now one of my role models...but your essay reminded me forcibly of the "creative monsters" that she says haunt pretty much everyone. Sounds like your jackass professor was a real DOOZY of a Creative Monster. It's awesome to see how you've overcome all of that nonsense. Woot!

Anonymous said...

I've got a topic for you. Parents that hire a choreographer for their overscheduled child and her friends to audition for the school's talent show. And then talk through the entire audition of the act in front of their kid. Let 'er rip. And thank you very much, I did shush the dads that were talking. Along with an icy cold WTF are you doing look. Yet another awesome example parents set of 'it's all about me'. I will buy 25 of your books. And deliver them to all my nut job neighbors. They probably won't get it.

Anonymous said...

I hope you send that douche canoe advisor a copy of your book. With a giant turd squished into the center of the book. Piece of shit deserves a copy. With a piece of shit in it.

Angela said...

To comment with your name_ where it says Reply as Select profile... click and then click on Name/URL and then just add in your name. Don't worry about putting anything in the URL spot. (took me ages to figure this out so don't feel bad! LOL)

Congrats on the book Jen, this may be one I actually buy. ( I am cheap and the library is my favorite place haha)

Kristin said...

Here's hoping your advisor is still alive and squirming when he hears about you being a published author (if he hasn't already!) Never let anyone have the "power of words" over you! That man should not be in education, period!

Anonymous said...

I am choked up by what you've been through to get to this point - I am so excited for you and I can't wait to read your book! God bless you and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!!!!!

Imogen said...

Aw Jen this nearly had me crying at my desk! What a lovely post and a big well done for achieving such a magnificent thing. Not everybody can write a book and I for one can't wait to read it.

As to your 'professor' he hated you because he was intimidated by you and your writing, there won't have been another reason. I hope you've realised this by now.

Well done on your book!!

Anonymous said...

Not only do I want a copy for myself (hint hint to the hubs!!) but I have a feeling that a few of my besties will be getting a copy in their stocking too! Congrats!! And thanks for the daily smiles!

Ann E. Bryant said...

This is wonderful. Congratulations! It is an accomplishment to be truly proud of and to be able to tell your old advisor to "suck it!"
I will be wanting a signed copy and will be dropping anvil sized hints to my hubs. As many of your other readers have said, your blog speaks to me. My tenuous grip on sanity is made stronger reading your blog in the mornings. It helps me to face my day knowing I am not alone in my irritation at moronic people.
I am sure your book will be a well deserved success, and I look forward to reading it.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations!!! You are so amazing and don't let anyone take this away from you. You deserve all of the good things coming to you. I have to tell you that I am grateful for you. I have read your blog everyday since I found it, and I feel like I know you because of it. You better believe that I will be getting a copy of this book! Thank you for making me laugh.

Kaliste said...

I personally can not WAIT to get your book! This is the first blog I open on my work computer every morning. Sets the mood for the rest of my day. Occasionally I go back and reread some of my favorites.
Oh- and you need to add a "like" button. Some of these comments are hilarious!
And if I may steal this quote from Anonymous- "I hope you send that douche canoe adviser a copy of your book. With a giant turd squished into the center of the book. Piece of shit deserves a copy. With a piece of shit in it."

Teri said...

Can I be your date? I'll even wear the tux!

Teri
Snarkfest

Teri said...

Jen I'm thrilled for you!! Will be ordering my signed copy shortly!!

Congrats, my friend. You deserve the accolades and praise.

Teri
Snarkfest

Erika said...

Congrats, Jen! I hope you send a signed copy to Mr. Goodson who inspired you and the pompous ass professor who degraded you.

Anonymous said...

You should also send him a personally autographed copy. I can only imagine how you might sign it...

Anonymous said...

Ordering a copy for my MIL and looking forward to reading it. Great job, Jen!

Krystle said...

Congrats! I'm so excited! Will it be available for Sony ereader? If not I'll go old school, but just for you!

lynn said...

thanks!

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