Brad & Angelina

These two are the most annoying parents I can ever imagine meeting at the playground.  Assuming, of course, I go to a playground in Cambodia or France or the Hurricane Katrina ravaged areas of New Orleans.

I've never been a real big fan of Brad Pitt - even in his "hot" years.  He just always looks like he tries too hard to make himself ugly.  He's always got some kind of nasty facial hair growing and a dirty ponytail.  When he actually cleans up and looks good I find myself attracted to him until he opens his mouth.  Because he's always condescending with a touch of arrogance - like he thinks his boyish twinkle can get him out of any mess.  Ugh.  He's pushing 50 now.  The boyish twinkle look is done.

I lost a lot of respect for him when he left Jennifer Aniston to take up with that Skeletor, Angelina.  You know I'm not a big fan of Jen's, but I hate cheaters more.  (C'mon, we all know Brad and Ang hooked up long before his marriage to Jen was over.)

I'm shocked that Angelina gets as much traction in Hollywood as she does.  Doesn't anyone remember her kissing her brother?

With her tongue?

OK, no tongue, but still gross.

Or carrying Billy Bob's blood in a vial between her ample Elvira-inspired bosom??

All of a sudden she's the U.N. Ambassador and everyone thinks she's Audrey Hepburn!

I also can't stand the way they collect kids at every stop on their world wide tour.  If it's Monday, it's the south of France, Tuesday is Mozambique and Friday is Nepal!  I hope we can find a new kid today! 

Don't get me wrong, their brood looks well loved and taken care of, but I just can't help but wonder if they're accessories rather than children.  Or maybe it's an "image" thing.  After all, the Pitt-Jolie squad is starting to look like their very own perfect little Benetton ad.  OK, let's go take a tour of this city, kids!  Smile for the paparazzi!  Leave the nannies in the hotel, we're just an average family of 8 on vacation.  Smile, kids, smile, dammit!  Ooh, let's get a rug for the dining room, a picture for Granny and a new kid!  We'll take the cute little one in the corner - we don't have one like that yet!  That one will balance our ad - oops, I mean our family - out nicely.

I can't help but think they're screwing those kids up though.  How many 5 year old girls do you know that want to dress like boys?  How perfect for them to have a little girl who thinks she's a little boy.  They're big into gay and lesbian rights and have said they won't get married until EVERYONE can (good for them, btw) and now they have a little girl with apparent gender identity issues?  How ironic.  For Shiloh's sake, I truly hope the desire to dress and look like a boy is coming from within, rather than something Brad and Angie are projecting on her just because they want to use it to make a statement of some kind. That would be so messed up.

My tipping point on these two self-absorbed douches came today though when I saw this picture:

This is Angelina's new ad campaign for Louis Vuitton.  We are supposed to believe that beautiful, gorgeous, au natural Angelina is not wearing ANY makeup in this photo.

Are you freaking kidding me??  Does she and/or Louis Vuitton really think we're that stupid?!

Yes, because when I take off my makeup I always have smoky eyes, chiseled, well-defined cheeks and glossy lips.

Now I feel like crap about myself.  How can I possibly feel better?  Oh I know!  I should go and drop a grand on a Louis Vuitton bag and then sit in my yard without makeup on.  SUDDENLY, I'll be transformed into a natural smokey eyed, leggy brunette beauty with a movie star husband, a jet setting lifestyle and 6 kids who I can care for effortlessly.

Thank God for advertisers and movie stars who keep it real so we don't feel so shitty about ourselves.  Thank you, Angelina and Louis Vuitton for helping me realize what natural beauty looks like and how I can achieve it!


Serena said...

Lmao. I love this! So not a Brangelina fan either. I like brad before he left Jen. I wish your blogs had a "like" button. :)

Anonymous said...

I'm asking this question all the time: Have ppl forgotten the weirdo that Anglina openly was?!?! Kissing her bro, the disgusting PDA w/Billy Bob ('We just had sex in the limo on the way over'), the vial of blood, the knives, etc., etc., etc.?!?! Now, we're supposed to just look at her as an everyday mom...just like us?!?! Are you kidding me?!? But, apprently many do view her like that. Oh, the power of the right publicist(s).

Anonymous said...

I will say that Angelina can act, IMO. One of my fave movies is 'Gia'. This was before many knew who Angelina Jolie was.

Brad, on the other hand...yuck! I was NEVER into him. And he just reminds me too much of Tom Cruise (someone else that I just never 'got' why everyone was so crazy about). Esp. in 'Mr. & Mrs. Smith'...was he NOT Tome Cruise 2.0? Creepy!

pj said...

Somehow missed that pic; THAT'S her brother?!? I thought at first it was BillyBob. Wow. Puts a whole NEW creep factor on her relationship with BB.

TC said...

I always thought Brad was Hot stuff, from the first time I saw him on screen in "Legends of the fall" ahhh...but yes, again I agree. There is a strange & unusual feeling I get when I see them on tv. I've seen the little girl in boys clothes & wondered what was up with that. Celebrities get away with too much.

Ajg said...

You wrote exactly what I think of whenever I see their brood!!! I also hope that that little girl chooses to dress that way but aren't parents supposed to guide their kids? To gently remind the little girl to wear girly things? My daughter likes to wear her jeans and sneakers but I always remind her about her sundresses etc especially for bday parties/family dinners etc. Though the kids are super lucky to have a home and a fam, theres something odd about the parents and their parenting approach but I guess different strokes for different folks.

Laina said...

Uh - I haven't worn a dress in... probably 10 years. That includes a wedding. Why the HECK should "the little girl" HAVE to wear "girly" things if she doesn't want to? And since WHEN are jeans and sneakers not considered girl clothes???????

Anonymous said...

. I am sure we all know that the nannies are raising the kids, if any raising is going on. Both Brad and Angie are so yesterday. I do feel that their adoptions are more about keeping their name in the news than the love of children.

Debbie said...

I, too wish your blogs had a "like" button and also a "love" button. hahahaha...after studying that pic of "skeletor" I NEVER even noticed the LV bag...if you hadnt told me what the ad was for I never would have thoughts were "I wonder where the eff that is" hehe

jenlarson said...

I know I'm a little late reading this post...but evidently, I'm not very observant. I thought, up until today, that Shiloh was a boy! I guess I just thought in the younger pictures of him/her, he had longer hair. Some parents like their boys' hair to be long. I think I remember seeing 'him' wearing some girly stuff, and I thought that was a little weird, but hey - It's Brad and Angelina, so I'm not gonna try to understand it ;) Although, I gotta say, I love it when parents let their kids be themselves...whoever it is :)

skyethebard said...

So...if a child decides to reject what society has deemed acceptable for here to wear, it must be suspect? I, for one, am glad that they don't seem to push her into wearing "girl clothes" just because that's what other people want to see. Guess what, folks...we weren't born with gender-specific clothes on. Girly vs. Boyish is not a given, it's someone else's Kool-aid that so many people blindly drink.

Kathleen said...

I actually love your blog, and wholeheartedly agreed with you on most of this particular post, but the Shiloh thing is just awful. Yeesh.

Amanda said...

I've never been a fan of them either. People tend to forget that their relationship started while Brad was married still (ahem, it was an affair). I don't care for Jen, but still, cheating is cheating, and Angelina even talks about how their kids will someday be able to watch the movie where mommy and daddy fell in love. *gag*

I also think there is something narcissistic about them refusing to marry until gay marriage is legal. I am 100% for gay marriage, but seriously, the two of them proclaiming that they won't get married until everyone has the right to will not increase the speed of the legalization, like "omg we just HAVE to legalize gay marriage so that we get Brangelina's wedding pictures in People magazine." NO. No. For the love of god, no.

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