|Source: Barnes & Noble|
The people who make that little bastard The Elf on the Shelf are at it again. They've got a new product: a Birthday Elf.
Yup. Now Santa's elves will fly down from the North Pole (wearing a cupcake around his belly for some reason) and help your child celebrate his/her birthday.
No, no, no, no, no. Surely you know by now how I feel about that doll.
It was bad enough when the overachieving mommies were turning their elves into mess-makers, but this one is just too much. There is no reason why my child needs one of Santa's elves at her birthday party. Isn't a pony enough?
Stop it. Just stop it. That stupid elf cannot come to a birthday party. He is not welcome. This is getting ridiculous. I have not read the book, but I cannot imagine that there would be any reason why he needs to be at a child's birthday party. He needs to stay in the North Pole until it's his season. He has work to do! He needs to make toys and whatnot.
And it's not just that the little bastard is showing up where he doesn't belong, but I feel like this is just another way that seasonal companies are looking for a way to stick around all year long.
We are letting retailers creep Christmas into our lives earlier and earlier. Did anyone else notice people wishing one another "Happy Half Christmas" on June 25? My Pinterest was exploding that day with ah-dor-able Christmas ideas. I'm sure that Hobby Lobby will start stocking festive holiday ribbon any day now if they haven't already done so.
I can't wait to see the overachieving Elf on the Shelf birthday parties now. Will he arrive in a hot air balloon? Is he messy too or does he bring elaborate over the top gifts?
The Elf on the Shelf people are milking their little doll for all it's worth, so I'll give them a hand. Here are my ideas of more elves they could make:
1. Gender Reveal Elf - Santa sends down a pink or a blue elf to let your family and friends know what you're expecting.
2. Animal Loving Elf - This is for the dog and cat parents. It's an elf that Santa sends to keep an eye on your pet-child's behavior and report back if he should leave a lump of dog poop or a good chew toy.
3. You're Special Today Elf - This is like that You Are Special Today red plate. Only it's an elf that comes when your child has something special to celebrate like a 100% on a spelling test or an award for hanging up his coat properly.
4. The Elves of the Week - We've got panties of the week, why not an Elf of the Week? Monday's Elf is full of mischief (someone still has to make a mess), Tuesday's Elf is tiny (he's smaller than the rest), Wednesday's Elf is a little wacky, Thursday's Elf is ticklish, Friday's Elf is fun, Saturday's Elf is silly, and Sunday's Elf is sleepy (this one is for the underachievers like me who don't want to move him).
You're welcome, Elf on the Shelf people. I'll be waiting for my check.
Disclaimer: This is obviously not a sponsored post.
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