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Kimye Had A Baby and Lost Their Minds

North West? Are you kidding me? Seriously? Are we being punked? Is this is a test to see how dumb the world is that we would really believe that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West would name their adorable, sweet baby girl North?? As in North West.

I assume North West, because every variation of South West was already trademarked? Or maybe because Kim's original favorite Easton West (say it out loud) was too corny? Yeah, that's where they drew the line.

Hey, Kim and Kanye, you do know that just because you have buckets and buckets of money doesn't mean you have to pick a stupid name. No one would judge you if you named your daughter Jane. Take a look at the Pitt-Jolie clan. They never once named a child Peach or Cherry, because they understand that the idea is to name your kid something the kids can't make fun of on the playground of their high priced private elementary school. You're supposed to go through all the variations of your child's name (and initials - no one wants A.S.S.) to figure out all of the pitt-falls (ba dum dum) of each name on your list. The kids are going to call her Wild West. And Mid West (no they're not, they don't even know what the Midwest is).

Now that North is the official name, I would like to revisit Kimye. I'm beginning to think that actually would have been a better choice. I realize now that you didn't like Kash Kow, but Kimye West is downright precious compared to North. North makes me think of that stupid movie where that Hobbit kid goes off looking for better parents. (Hmm ... maybe you shouldn't let her see that movie.)

'Cause like the "K" is totally silent. (source: Wendy Nielsen)

Kim, does your mother know that you didn't stick the "K"s? She is going to have a fit. You're going to be fined. Literally. You might even be cut from the family empire. (You're definitely going to be cut if you can't squeeze those feet of yours back into stilettos before it's time to be photographed leaving the hospital.)

Look, at this point, it's still fuzzy if this is really the truth. Everyone is getting their news from TMZ and they're not the most reliable. Sure, they say they've seen a birth certificate, but there's still time to fix this. I've come up with a list of lovely K names that I think work perfectly with West:

Kali
Kallista
Kamilah
Karlotta
Karma
Kasmira
Kezia
Kora
Krystal

Just pick Krystal. It's perfect for you guys. It's glitzy and glamorous. Especially if you pronounce it Krys-TALL. Think of the branding opportunities you can have with a name like Krystal West: chandeliers, glassware, faux jewelry, bedazzled cowgirl hats (here's a good place to play up the whole "west" thing, right?), even lingerie at some point! No one wants to wear a thong by North West. We all know, North West makes track pants.

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49 comments:

  1. I'm very sad they didn't go with my name suggestion: KATASTROPHE. It has a lovely, lilting quality to it, don't you think? They could call her 'Trophy for short, because this child just bought them at least two more seasons of reality TV.

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    1. Haha! I love your reasoning! I agree (:

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    2. Boom. Trophy. Rach, you make me smile so much.

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    3. RachRiot YOU ROCK!

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    4. HAHA! This comment made my day!

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    5. Look if they were going to have some dumb play on words for their child's name, then it most assuredly should have been: Keya West.

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    6. this was the best name suggestion i have seen!

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  2. I have been waiting all morning for you to post about this! You didn't disappoint!

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  3. I was going with Kaching! but RachRiot's is way better.

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  4. Time to ignore these people. Stop watching the entertainment "news" (since when does having a sex tape make one an entertainer), don't buy the magazines, stop talking about them. It'll take a while but they'll go away.

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  5. Ahhhhh love it!!! you are so kf-ing khilarious!

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  6. My daughter wanted Krayola. I like Kandelabra myself.

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  7. Good Lord in Heaven. Good thing they have boatloads of money, because therapy is not cheap. That poor kid. It was bad enough before, without being saddled with a ridiculous name. That said, first post is dead on! Trophy indeed!

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  8. LOL this is great! I love your point of view!

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  9. I think the chances are high that this poor kid will end up at the Betty Ford Clinic later in life. Look at her mother first of all.(We all know Kim will hire a Nanny) Kanye is just a jerk period! and now that this poor kid is named North West with a nickname of Nori supposedly. Nori is way better than North West. I think this kid was doomed before she was born.

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  10. Seriously those two put together are about as dumb as a box of rocks and this truly didn't shock me, because I knew it was going to be something so out in left field that it would make Gwyneth Paltrow's Apple look normal!!!

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  11. Aw, come on, Jen. Like we didn't see this coming?

    Personally, I think they named the child in order to capitalize on the branding opportunities. I'll bet that within the next few weeks, the child will have already introduced a new fragrance: North.

    Yes, that's right. North. By North West.

    (Calling Hitchcock's lawyers in three... two... one...)

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    1. All I could think about was North by Northwest, but your take on it is hysterical!

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  12. I like Karma, because they've got it coming. As a second to Rach's, of course. Being from the Pacific Northwest, I think the chosen name has a nice ring.

    No I don't, if I can't even type it.

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  13. Hahaha! Thanks for picking my name! It would sound good with West! LOL

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  14. And, is her middle name Bynorth?

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    1. no, but she will shill fragrances when she gets older. "North" by North West

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  15. I wonder if there's some sort of secret celebrity society or something where one, once they become a celebrity, has to put their hand on some sort of holy book and swear / pledge that if they give birth to any minions... er children after they have become famous, that they then must give them the most ridiculous names possible. I kind of picture it like some sort of underground cult.

    You shall be banned and excommunicated if thou giveth thine children "normal" names!!!

    *shrug* I feel bad for the children.

    I was rooting for Rach's suggestion of Katastrophe myself.

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  16. Everyone was picking apart Kaidence because of the spelling a couple days ago.. I bet they mourn that name now. lol

    North west, (and yes, I have a real problem not spelling it like Northwest, because I live in washington) is just stupid. I can't imagine that being a real option. I could see it being one to Kanye, because he's freaking nuts, but to Kim? thought she might have some kind of logical thinking going on, that maybe naming your kid what seems like a Joke, would be a bad idea. I have to assume this is wrong, that it's a joke.. who would do this to their own child? Either that are they haven't figured out that parenthood isn't a joke yet. can't name kids like you do dogs... actually, they probably gave their dogs a better name.

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  17. I thought they named the baby Kaidence? Kaidence Donda (his mom's name)...I think the world is being punked.

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  18. I respectfully disagree that Maddox, Zahara, Shiloh, Pax, and Knox are "normal" names (although they are all better than North). Vivienne is the only one that doesn't sound better suited for a dog.

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  19. CRACKING up over the comment about Kim being fined by Kris. You may be right about that .. LOL

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  20. Kaboom! Loved this... xo

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  21. They should have named her Key.

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  22. hehehehehe... Katastrophe :)

    But I beg to disagree on the point that Kanye and Kim had the baby and THEN lost their minds... I think their going nuts (or knuts)happened a looong time before the baby was born.

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  23. I am hearing that the real name is Kadence. That's better but not by much. I actually would have preferred Easton West over North. At least it's a "real" name. Plus not every kid would make the connection. The dumbest kid in the future school is going to "get" North West.

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  24. I really hope they are trying to pull one over on the world because who actually names their kid a direction? Even the rumored Kaidence is better than North. Much much better. Even Apple is better than North West

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  25. Her name is Kaidence Donda North, and the are going to call her Kati.,you're all effing knuts?

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  26. Someone wrote online "so does that mean Kim's Vag is the North West passage?"
    My DH responded "you can sail a ship through that thing"
    I about died laughing.

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  27. It's so much ridiculousness that I have too few words. Seriously.

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  28. I'm hoping that this is not her real name. Perhaps it is her "stage" name to allow for privacy? And while we're discussing odd names, what about Penn Jilette's daughter, Moxie Crime Fighter?

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  29. I know part of the joy of parenting is getting to mess with your kids but this is just a bit too far.

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  30. I was hoping they'd name her Wild Wild!

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  31. So the whole spoonerism of Shilo Pitt was missed in North America wasn't it?

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  32. Love it

    June is Hydranencephaly awareness month - help spread the word
    http://mommysrambles.blogspot.com/2013/06/i-love-someone-with-hydranencephaly.html

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  33. I posted on Facebook that if Chick Corea lives long enough, the hapless West child could marry him and become North Corea. But Katastrophe, nicknamed Trophy, is brilliant!
    And oy, because I do not follow the Pitt-Jolie family story, I wasn't aware, until jetski's post above, that Branjolie were stupid enough to bestow the spoonerism of Shiloh Pitt on one of theirs. Poor soul! If he ever gets to got a ritzy school instead of having traveling tutors, I'm betting he'll beg to be enrolled with his mom's last name!

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  34. Is there a cutoff date for scratching the name off the birth certicate and changing it? Like, do they have a few weeks to decide that they made a mistake and would like to settle on something a bit...less directional?

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  35. Track Pants!! I knew I recognized that brand lol. This is everything I've been thinking, verbalized. Excellent job, my dear, excellent.

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  36. Does this mean that her vag is the North West Passage?

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  37. TMZ is actually one of the most reliable gossip sites. They verify stories several times over before publishing especially if it is higher profile gossip news. Just an FYI!

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  38. I thought they named the baby Kaidence? Kaidence Donda (his mom's name)...I think the world is being punked. indian names

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