People I Want to Punch in the Throat: Weekly Wrap Up 5.20.12

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Weekly Wrap Up 5.20.12

I don't know if you noticed or not, but last week I did not get a Weekly Wrap Up done.  I apologize to the 12 of you who read it faithfully.  This week, I've incorporated posts and comments from last week and this week.  Let's get to it.

Top Read Posts This Week:
50 Shades of Grey - The PIWTPITT Review - At this point you can't swing a dead cat without hearing about 50 Shades of Grey and how hot it is. I decided I'd give you my two cents. I just want to clarify, that while I said overall the book did not live up to its hype, I'm still totally going to buy the other two and read them - I am not a high brow reader by any stretch of the imagination. I also would like to give props to E.L. James for getting it done. It's not Shakespeare, but good for her for finishing a book and selling the shit out of it. I noticed a few people said she was greedy. I don't know much about the fan fiction world, so maybe it's tacky to want to get paid for your writing, but where I come from all the writers I know would like to get paid for a book. Good for her for figuring out how to do it.

I also want to add that a lot of people suggested I pick up the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by Anne Rice writing as A.N. Roquelaure. I totally forgot that I own those books. They're tucked in the back of the closet where Gomer can't find them. I will add my two cents and say, Yes, if you were looking for a little more spice in 50 Shades and you have not read those books - go get them now. THEY do deliver.

Me - For Eavesdropping on a 13 Year Old's Date - I learned that being 13 hasn't changed much in 20+ years, just the technology has. This post is "totes awk." (Read the post and you'll get it.)

The Creepy Guy Who Lived Down the Street - I don't live in Mr. Roger's Neighborhood, unless Mr. McFeely is a child molester.



Survivor Producers - I watched the finale of Survivor and I decided the premise is getting old. I have ideas for the producers that are a surefire way to boost ratings.

TIME Magazine - I don't know if you heard of not, but TIME Magazine put a picture of a hot mom breastfeeding a preschooler on their cover. It was to promote an article about attachment parenting. I wasn't in the mood to find statistics about attachment parents, so I made a jokey generalization based on the park I attend most and suggested that MOST women practicing AP were gray haired and drove Subarus and the woman on the cover was as rare as a Yeti. I heard from quite a few Yetis that they are not as rare as I had suspected. I received so many pictures of young, attractive AP Yetis posed by their cars (not one Subaru among them) that I'm thinking of making a calendar of hot AP moms. I did not intend for the AP moms to take the punch. It was not meant for them and if it came off that way, I apologize, because that wasn't my intention. My punch was for TIME for it's outlandish photo that clearly does not represent the majority of attachment parents and was only put there to sell magazines. It was also aimed at Dr. Sears, because I do think he does not take into account that fact that some moms don't have the luxury to attachment parent and many are made to feel bad because they can't.

I wrote some new posts for Babble.com:





Favorite Comments (and My Reply if Necessary):

Okay--new to format--I'm Allison. First, Dr. Sears is actually pretty cool. I read his book..and on the first page you know what he says? "If it doesn't work for you, don't do it." I've never seen another parenting book with that saying. Go easy on him, Jen...he's not evil, just passionate. And yes, I breastfed...15 months, 2 years, 1 month (died), and 2.5 years. Yup, getting longer each time...and I slept with my kids...am I glad I have my boobs back? Yes. Am I glad to have my bed back? Yes. Am I sorry that I parent the way I do/did? No. It worked for us...and isn't that what parenting is about? Doing what works for your family...and telling the busybodies to go punch themselves in the throat. (I'm too lazy to punch anybody) I don't really care how other parents parent their kids...just leave me alone. Good blog though...like your style. on TIME Magazine

The money she made for posing for TIME will surely go towards the therapy her son will need in a few short years... on TIME Magazine



Another classic blog post, Jen! Thanks for the laugh. And some of the comments are hilarious (the others need to chill). I have to admit that my first reaction to the photo was disturbing. But the more I thought about it, I agree that it is natural and that breastfeeding older children isn't necessarily disturbing - just the provocative photo of it was. on TIME Magazine

Fuck, If I breastfed that long, when would I have the time to drink? on TIME Magazine

Jen your best: "Yeah, I'm mom enough. I don't need to put on my fabulous skinny jeans and whip out my itty bitty titty to feed my preschooler"...Seriously when I was gawking at her I thought 'a Capri Sun holds more liquid'. Thanks for being our Voice! on TIME Magazine

I keep thinking that Survivor should take the contestants, fly them around in circles for hours, land and take them off the plane somewhere right here in the good old USA. Except they blindfold them from the time they get off the plane until they drop them off in the middle of a forest or swamp or something where they can't tell they are like 2 miles from a McDonalds. HA HA suckas, can you smell the Big Macs? You must be hallucinating... on Survivor Producers

Another super overused word right now is YOLO. Listen for it and you will hear it so much it will make you want to vomit! Try saying the word to your child and see what the reaction is since most parents assume that YOLO is your kid mumbling or gurgling...the definition Of YOLO is YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE! Again text speak but the experiment will be hilarious since they think we are as fossil like I we thought our parents were at that age! Worth the fun since YOLO right? HA! on Me - For Eavesdropping on a 13 Year Old's Date

I would like to add the word "creeper" to the interesting vocabulary list. Defined in teen terms creeper - n. a pedophile, old man, or weird-o person. Ohh.. Jenn, did you see that creeper looking at us in the mall? How awkward! on Me - For Eavesdropping on a 13 Year Old's Date

Wow! I just realized that my 13 year old daughter must truly be a nerd. All her friends do is talk about Star Wars, Hunger Games and Minecraft. They all play in the Orchestra and post obscure classical music videos on each others Facebook pages. on Me - For Eavesdropping on a 13 Year Old's

I want my daughter to be like your daughter.  

My girl is 11. "Awkward" is the word du jour. It makes it's way into every conversation. Even those about church. "So, it's the body of Christ we're eating? AWKWARD!" http://amysreallife.wordpress.com on Me - For Eavesdropping on a 13 Year Old's Date

I knew Amy when we were 11 and I'm trying to think what word we used all the time.  Probably something like "grody" or "gag me."

As a former wall flower, with a beautiful, intelligent, hilarious wall flower 13 year old daughter, this post made me laugh and sad at the same time. You have no idea how hard it is to go through 13 again with your daughter (my son isn't there yet, but I can't imagine it will be as bad.) I actually think the pain is worse to see your daughter feel socially awkward and cry for a boy to like her. And because she is cute...she left her dorky friends since elementary and hangs on the periphery of the "kewl" group...feeling isolated and alone. I want to shake her...but understand and probably would have done the same at 13. Good luck Jen... on Me - For Eavesdropping on a 13 Year Old's Date

BWAAAHAHAAHAAAA after a while I found myself skimming the sex scenes. How does someone have THAT MUCH SEX? At some point she's gonna be like fuck this shit, I just want to go to bed. on 50 Shades of Grey - The PIWTPITT Review

I've been poking around and almost almost almost...and hiding in a corner trying to feel out if I should blog. Been home for two months now with a newborn (enough to drive me nuts....with joy of course. tooootal joy.) and I wanna! So I stumbled upon your blog through babble, and love it, and feel it, and then to see you say the magic words - "Just start" Done and done. Thank you. I'm going to check out blogger now, and have wordpress in the wings. on FAQ About Blogging

Be sure to post a link to the blog on my Blog Love post so we can all check it out.

I've commented before (www.not-so-super-mom.blogspot.com) but now I know I am "Bizarro Jen". I just got MY real estate license (finally! after being licensed in another state previously), I have a registered sex offender living around the corner, and I have some deadbeat's old cell phone number; and the kicker there is I just found out today that that deadbeat (who's name shows up on landline caller ID's) is a tenant in one off my broker's rentals. on The Creepy Guy Who Lived Down the Street

Jen, I just moved from a similar JOCO culdesac... very nice McMansions... one neighbor got so drunk he pissed in his yard in front of all the neighborhood kids in broad daylight... my next- door neighbor killed his elderly dog in his basement to save money... seriously nutty guy down the street had two giant concrete lions in his driveway that he said "were his eyes"... I could go on and on. Glad I got OUT. Love my new neighbors in the 60 year-old subdivision I now live in - much farther north. on The Creepy Guy Who Lived Down the Street

Wow..and I thought that the 500 lb. lady across the street who died and then her little Yorkie dog ate her big toe because nobody found her for three days was exciting.Or the father/grown son down the street who shot/stabbed each other because they got into a fight over beer. on The Creepy Guy Who Lived Down the Street

Jen, I really wish that you were a teacher! You would have way too much to write about. Today, I was threatened by a parent who asked for a conference to speak about his son's failing grade in my class. (High school). I told him nicely that I would arrange a time that would work so that the son, the father, the guidance counselor and myself could all meet together. I found that Thursday would work the best...Father wrote back in ALL CAPS......" You can't find any time on Monday?? I want to meet on MONDAY! If you don't find some time to meet on MONDAY then I will be in school at 6:30 waiting for you and we will meet with your principal" really? tell your son to study, that's why he's failing. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was that I couldn't be taken out of a class to meet with him....Boy, I really could have used you in the teacher's room today. on Got a Punch?

I hear some crazy stories from my teacher readers.  I need all of you to tell me your stories anonymously so I can tell people how fucked up we are to teachers.

9 comments:

pj said...

Missed your babble post about summer camps before. Now I'm totally going to steal your idea. My kids will hat-I mean LOVE it!!

Anonymous said...

Teacher story: Conferences, 2nd grade, grandma has custody. I tell her "little girl" is doing well, we go over some scores and I say she is on grade level.
Grandma "Wow, I guess she's doing better than I thought considering her father is a bastard and her mother is a retard"
Me: <> Out loud: hmm, yes, She is doing quite well"
In Head: WFT?!?!?! And which one is yours?!?!?!?

Anonymous said...

Sorry...but I have to say that i just laughed my ass off at your story! Thank you very much for being a teacher! A job that I have no patience for! :)

Anonymous said...

2nd grade teacher here. A mom wanted to meet with me last month (April) about her daughter failing 2nd grade. I've already setup 5 conferences with her that she didn't attend. She asked to meet with me on my "lunch hour". Ummm... I have 25 minutes for lunch and I eat WITH my students. I MIGHT have 10 minutes for me to actually eat after opening 27 ketchup packets, getting forgotten forgotten forks/ napkins/ milk, and making sure that the child that brought PB&J sandwich isn't sitting directly next to the friend that has a peanut allergy. Lunch hour?! Really?! After telling her that I don't have a break at lunch to meet with her, she got very snarky and told me if I had a "real job", I'd have a lunch hour. Hmmm... yep, I guess if I weren't spending my days being a nurse, counselor, mom, dad, entertainer, coach, friend, confidant, social worker, waiter, and EDUCATOR, I might have time to get a "real job"! P-U-N-C-H spells PUNCH!!! Thanks for letting us vent, we need it too!

Anonymous said...

. I am the lowest of the low I am a substitute teacher . That's right I am at the bottom where the shit all stops.I am the person most often thrown under the bus to satisfy any parental complain or any student's outrage. example: asked 4th grade student not to continue leaning back on his desk chair because "he was too big for only two small legs to hold" Reported as embarrassing student by calling him fat in front of classmates.

Chrystal said...

I have to say that is the funniest comment i have ever read.... laughed until i cried!!!!

Anonymous said...

From a fellow teacher "without a real job", AMEN!!!

Hey Mon! said...

Awesome! That made me laugh and then want to cry. Teachers have my utmost respect.

Hey Mon! said...

Wow, just wow. What an idiot jerk to not know these teachers are on full time during the day and really don't get to "chillax" during their lunch hour.

I had lunch with my 2nd grade daughter last week. The teacher and TA got to help open a dozen packets of ketchup and mustard (hamburger day) before even sitting down to eat their lunch. (I am gonna brag and say that I did bring them Subway sandwiches made to order. They do deserve it, though.)

Then they had like 2 seconds to wolf down their food before dealing with the discipline again. And my girl's teacher had a horrible cold to boot!

I don't know how they do it day in and out!

I work FT with disabled adults and my job is still easier than theirs.