OK, so I already hate the trend right now where everyone paints shit on their nails. Who needs stupid owls or polka dots? When did this happen? What's wrong with pink or a simple French manicure? Why did it have to get so fucking complicated? Why do we feel the need to bling everything? They're fucking nails. They help you pick your nose and dig shit out small crevices. There is no need to make them works of art.
The human nail obsession has been driving me crazy for a while, but today I saw something that pushed me over the edge: Doggy Pedicures. Not just a usual toenail clipping or something like that. Nope. Dog owners have decided they want their pup's paws to look as ridiculous as their own. There is not one, but TWO companies, that make nail polish for dogs. (BTW, I didn't even know a dog needed special nail polish. If human nail polish isn't good enough for a dog what the fuck are we putting on our nails??)
I spend a lot of time ranting against overachieving mommies and now it's overachieving dog mommies' turn:
|You look like an ass when you walk your bedazzled dog.|
Photo: Dog Community
Absolutely not. Stop this nonsense right now. It's ridiculous. I know you love your dog, but come on, your dog looks stupid. It's a dog! She's an animal who uses that bejeweled paw to scratch her ass. She digs in the dirt and slobbers. Your dog does not want to be "spoiled and pampered." Your dog wants you to pet him and take him for a walk and not forget to feed him. My guess is, if you take your dog for a pedicure that will make him look like a hooker, he will hate you. Plus, this is such a waste of money. Stop spending money on dog Pawlish and send that money to the Humane Society or something.
Where does it stop? Apparently humans have run out of things to dye, pluck, enhance, bejewel or laser so now we've moved onto our pets. Right now, it's just dye jobs and pedicures, but I'm afraid that soon you'll see a bulldog with her owner's face tattooed on her tummy or a badass Doberman with his ears pierced or a sure sign of Apocalypse: a vagazzled Chihuahua.