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Who Is Attractive According to Gomer

And once again, one of my children has given me a complex with their unsolicited advice.

Tonight we took my in-laws to dinner and we were on our way home when Gomer started asking us 150 questions about absolutely NOTHING.  He is in a phase right now where he asks questions about everything and it is driving me absolutely bonkers.  I was sort of answering his random questions with random answers:

Gomer:  What do you think that green building is over there?

Me:  (Vaguely looking in the direction he's pointing.)  Hmm...maybe they make salads there.  (I'll say anything to stop the questions.)  

Finally, he asked me a normal question:



Gomer:  Do you think Uncle C.B. (my brother) is a better bike rider than you?  (My in-laws bought Gomer a new bike this weekend and it's been a hot topic around the house.)

Me:  Yes.

Gomer:  Really?!  You do?

Me:  Sure.  Why not?  He's younger than me, he's more athletic than me, he's more...

(I was trying to think of the word "agile" when Gomer interrupted me.)

Gomer:  Attractive?

Everyone in the car:  What?!

Gomer:  Attractive.  Uncle C.B. is more attractive than you.

Me:  (Wow.  OK, let's see where this goes.)  Why do you think Uncle C.B. is more attractive than me?

Gomer:  Well, you know, he just is.  He's very attractive.

Me:  Yes, you said that, but in what way?  What makes him more attractive.  (I'm fishing for Gomer to tell me how young Uncle C.B. looks or how tall he is compared to me.)

Gomer:  He's just very...uhh...striking when he walks into a room.  (WTF, Gomer?  Have you been reading Harlequin Romance novels?  Who says that?)

Me:  (Trying not to laugh.)  OK.  Go on.

Gomer:  Well, when he walks into a room, people notice him.  Oh and people are always following him around.  He's very popular.  When you're popular, you're attractive.

Me:  What?  You only see Uncle C.B. with our family.  Who in the world is following him around?

Gomer:  You know, Auntie Ida, Sherman and Violet.  (C.B.'s wife and children.)

Me:  They don't follow him around.

Gomer:  Yeah they do.

Me:  OK, fine.  So when we're out I have you and Adolpha and Daddy following me.  So I have just as many people following me as Uncle C.B.  I must be as popular as he is.

Gomer:  Nope.  When we're out, you walk behind Daddy.  You follow him.  (Oh for goodness sake, the Hubs just walks too fast or else I'd be in front!  Slow it down next time, Hubs!)

Me:  OK, how about this?  I have more than 180,000 people who "follow" me on Facebook.  If followers make you popular and more attractive, then I'm a lot more attractive than Uncle C.B.!  Ha!  What do you think of that?  (WTF, Jen?  Get a grip.  You're arguing with a 7 year old.)


Because you make me popular and attractive.

Gomer:  Umm...okay...sure, Mom.  (Realizing his mother is insane and he'd better fix the situation quick.)  You're attractive...too.  Hey!  What do you think that brown building is for?

"You're attractive too."  Not quite "You're more attractive" but I'll take it.

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68 comments:

  1. LOL - At least he tried to fix his mess!! I remember when my daughter was about 5 taking her out shopping with me. (I hate shopping by the way - so I go in get my crap and get out.) I needed a dressy skirt. So, while in the fitting room trying on this super cute skirt, the daughter says (of course, loud enough for everyone in Australia to hear) "Mommy, that skirt DOES. NOT. WORK. You are WAYYYYY too fat for that. Your EVERYTHING is jiggling."

    Yes, I then dissolved in tears and ran horrified from the store with the oblivious 5 year old running behind me.

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    Replies
    1. I'm so sorry, but I just fell out laughing at this story!

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    2. Anonymous16:18

      Ah Jaime something similar happened to me when my son was little. I had been struggling with my weight and going up and down on the scale. I had to attend a wedding and had my son with me in the dress barn fitting room when he says to me (loud enough for the whole store to hear) "Mommy, when are you going to be skinny again?"

      I too was brought to tears and high tailed it out of there asap

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    3. Anonymous21:36

      When my daughter was 4 & just learning how to read she read the label on a pair of jeans & said to me "Mommy those will never fit you. They say skinny jeans."

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    4. I have struggled with my weight since my daughter was born. A few years ago [my husband told me a few days after it happened], him and her were watching TV when a Jenny Craig commercial came on. Luckily it was just them since she proclaimed, "Hey, that's what mama needs!" Yeah kid, thanks ......

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  2. If you ever figure out the magic words to end the nonsensical interrogation by a child, please feel free to share it. I think my son thinks he gets paid by the word...
    ArrogantSOB
    Arrogant-sob.com

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous12:07

      Ha! My daughter could triple that revenue stream without even trying. She thinks not talking is boring.

      Delete
  3. Oh that is hilarious. I get his point about followers and grabbing people's attention, which therefore mean they are attractive.
    Gomer is awesome.

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  4. Too funny! I recently went shopping with my 9 year old daughter and my husband. We split up in the store (because he hates to "girl shop") so he met up with us about 15 minutes later. He showed us what he wanted to buy but did mention that while it was practical, it wasn't overly attractive. My daughter then says, "Dad, you're married...why do you need to be attractive?" LOL

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  5. Anonymous11:08

    My youngest Gomer asked me why I like to sing so much, because I am really bad at it!!! ( I have always dreamed of being a singer when I grow up, and here I thought stage fright was the only thing holding me back!!) LollyBean

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  6. I love the way kids think. I'm almost afraid to ask mine if I'm "attractive," but my 6yr old did say I must be popular because I have a "Baby Bump"...to which he added "Baby bumps are popular and you must be cool to have one even though you don't have a baby in your belly." Yeah, kid, I'm all kinds of awesome. Thanks for the pep talk. Sheesh.

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    1. Anonymous12:06

      LOL that's too much!

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    2. Love it!

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  7. My son, 5 at the time, asked me if he could have a play date with his buddy Jack. 'Sure, I'll set it up with his mom.' 'Do you know who his mom is?' 'Yes, I do.' Ignoring me, he continued to describe her. 'She's tall and straight.' 'Straight?' 'Yeah, her body is straight, you know, with no bumps or things.' Then I asked a stupid question, 'So if she's straight, what am I?' He hesitated, caught my eye in the rear-view mirror and made a very good decision. 'Wonderful!' he answered. Smart kid - he got ice cream that night.

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    1. Rhonda3522:56

      Not just smart...friggin' Einstein!! Wonderful moms make wonderful kids. :-)

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  8. Anonymous11:29

    He is definitely on to something. And for the record, Gomer is very striking as well -- Uncle CB.

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    Replies
    1. That's because he looks a lot like you!

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  9. Anonymous11:35

    I asked my 6 year-old son the other day if I am as cute as the other mommies. He belted out a, "No" with authority. There was this horrible long pause....then he said, "You're cuter." Whew! Disaster averted.

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  10. Anonymous11:38

    Oh Jen, Sherman is going through the same questioning phase. However, he's not concerned about popularity or attractiveness. He keeps asking me questions about black holes that he then answers himself when I start to say "I don't know." He's just trying to make me look dumb. And clearly, being dumb *must* be part of being unpopular because, after all, I *do* follow Uncle CB around all the time.

    Auntie Ida

    PS, I love my name.

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    Replies
    1. Yours just flowed right off the tongue for me. C.B. gave me the toughest time.

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    2. PS - What MUST Sherman and Gomer talk about when they're together? Can't see my boy talking about black holes.

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    3. Anonymous13:43

      I think Sherman loves him so much he forgoes the "crazy talk" and talks about whatever Gomer wants to discuss. Either that or they can go for hours discussing Lego.

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  11. Lately when I've been putting my son to bed he tells me, "Mommy you're hot!" Which is usually followed by "Daddy is hotter." He is, in fact, referring to body temperature. But he, I'll take what I can get!

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  12. Anonymous11:47

    My 5 year old step son is into the question asking too, except they all start with "what would happen if..."
    The entire drive home from school every day is filled with "What if we lived in California? What if zombies were in real life? What if Scooby-Doo lived at our house?"
    Sometimes I want to answer his questions with a question of my own...."What if you stooped asking questions?"

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    Replies
    1. Glad to see I'm not the only one who suffered through a million hypothetical questions. The good news is that my son is now 16 and he's a freaking genius. Don't discourage the questions, I really think it makes their brains grow.

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  13. Jaime G11:52

    Well, I for one, think you're adorable!!

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    1. Jaime G13:33

      And I'm wracking my brain...C.B? C.B? Dare I ask? Did I miss the meaning before? I was hoping I could come up w/ it on my own...but just came up w/ "Cute Brother"...which he definitely is. :-) (oh wait...I think I just got it...)

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    2. Haha, it's called trying to think of initials that don't resemble his real ones, because that's what the kids call him. I've decided CB stands for Council Bluffs - he once lived there - or very close at least. I'm sure he'll take cute brother.

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    3. Please do NOT expose our family skeletons, I'm trying to maintain a veneer of bourgeois respectability.

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    4. Don't worry, Uncle Poopy, I mean Poppy.

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  14. LOL at least he was diplomatic in the end and try to save his butt. I was singing in the car one time, and my sons told me after the song was done, "Mom you sing like a man" (So sorry, there aren't many girly parts on the Creed CD that I was listening to). My daughter also told me I need to do weight watchers...she's so sweet! ;D

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  15. My son is the same. Though he tells me I am pretty and his favorite (he's 7) he has also said some not too flattering things. 1. Stop singing in the car - you ruin every song. 2. This one is my favorite from when he was 5. "Mom, are you going to have a baby?" Me - "No." Him - "Then why are you fat like Kung Fu Panda?" Really kid? Thanks for that confidence boost! He got the talk about calling people fat and being hurtful. Of course, now if he wants to talk about someone's size he says things like "See that lady over there the, well I 'm not saying she's fat, but the bigger one....LOL

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    1. Anonymous00:12

      Hahaha...I'm a plus size woman with a 6 yr old sister. (I'm 30...huge age gap!) She and I have also had to have the discussion about "fat" being hurtful. So now if she wants to say something about my size (usually asking why, in fact, I am larger) she will put a big pause in the sentence before choosing another word. Like "So, why are you so...you know...(looks at my stomach)...bigger?" Kids...lol.

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  16. Anonymous12:39

    My 9 year old son said to me while looking at pics of me in high school, "Mom, you used to be hot. Now you're just old."

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  17. This is making me giggle. Especially
    "He's just very...uhh...striking when he walks into a room. (WTF, Gomer? Have you been reading Harlequin Romance novels? Who says that?)"
    Seriously, where did he get that? Next he'll be saying he's getting the vapors.

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  18. Anonymous13:09

    This is so funny and I love the comments. When my boys were little the youngest would ask the black hole type questions but my oldest would ask me what I was doing, all of the time. I could be mopping, painting, doing dishes, making supper, whatever. I finally started saying "brushing my teeth" to his rather obvious questions. I did it for years. This same son now 26, told me the other day that someone asked him what he was doing and he said "brushing my teeth." :D

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous20:51

      haha, that is a ComedySportz routine!

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    2. My answer to everything always had to do with a shark attack. Probably not the best response. He's 22 now and is not scarred in anyway. He loves shark week and is not affraid to swim in the oceans. :)
      Iay need to borrow the brushing my teeth deal. I have a ton of nieces and nephews beginning that phase. YIKES!

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  19. I noticed Uncle C.B. commented on your blog so I checked out his picture beside his comment...I personally think he is a little nondescript!

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  20. Nice. I answer questions until they get to the bottom of their pile of whys, or until my imagination is wiped out enough that I have to say "I don't know."

    Who uses the word "striking"? Men over the age of 55. I've heard it.

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  21. Anonymous14:44

    The post and comments are all cracking me up. They're also making me think that I need to lose some weight before my kids are old enough to call me fat.

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  22. :) Thanks for making me smile again! My oldest is currently in the question stage too and it drives me nuts. My responses when I get fed up is either "I don't know" or "Ask Daddy when he gets home".

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  23. First. Uncle CB is much taller than his wife and kids, so there is no way anyone can keep up with him.
    Second: Tall people are always more striking because they are tall and somewhat freakish.

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  24. jessica17:04

    Mommy, I hope when I grow up my boobies are nice and loooong like yours.
    Next day...
    Mommy, you look like you are going to lay a baby today.
    I must look like a pregnant chicken with cow tits ... wth???

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    1. Anonymous20:56

      Lmao my little girl likes to say "floppy boobies! Floppy boobies!". At least she acknowledges she gave me my glorious floppy boobies lol

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    2. Anonymous22:16

      L-O-V-E this!!!!! So stinkin funny!!!

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    3. Anonymous20:01

      Jessica. You made me laugh so hard I'm crying. Oh. My. Gosh! HA!

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    4. ROFLMAO This one wins the prize! I've got tears!!! Kids, I swear.

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  25. I don't have children but the last time I was with my little 5 yr old nephew, he covered his face with his shirt and yelled, "ewwww, your breath STINKS!" :o|

    How ironic that when his father (my brother) and I were kids, he used to blow his bad breath in my face all the time on purpose. So in a round-about way, karma is served. muhahaha :)

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  26. Anonymous20:02

    Warning, after the endless question phase comes the "Mom how do you spell...?" phase. I'm not sure which is worse.

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    1. Anonymous20:14

      My mom had the PERFECT response (for me!) for this one: "Go look it up in the dictionary." Every. Single. Time!!!! (This, of course, was back when people had large, printed dictionaries in their homes, vs. just spell-checkers on computers!) Worked great, got her off the hook, and my spelling was greatly improved too! =)

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    2. Yes, my daughter STILL does this in 6th grade. The kicker for her is, I don't allow her to google anything related to homework ... I still have a hardcover Websters Dictionary sitting on the shelf that she's supposed to use. She asks, though, hoping I may slip up and just start spelling whatever word she asked about.
      Most recently, we had the conversation about how Google and even the internet as we know it didn't exist "when I was a kid" [I quote that since I sound like MY parents now...] We did even get a windows computer until I was entering high school. The look on her face was mortification.
      Her: "How did you do research for projects?"
      Me: "An encyclopedia and journals."
      Her: "Like real books? Wow, that musta been hard!"

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  27. My 12 year old son hit me with a bomb yesterday. He said that if I were a Native American, I would be called "Body Bigger Than Self Esteem". WTF? My self esteem is just fine, thank you....or it WAS before he said that! If he were Native American, he'd be called "Grounded For Life". ;)

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  28. (WTF, Gomer? Have you been reading Harlequin Romance novels? Who says that?)

    LMFAO!

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  29. Brandy20:40

    The constant questions drive me crazy! My 3 year old asks the same question over and over, even when he receives and answer to the question the first time. And the second time. And the third. Saying "I don't know" just elicits a whiny "Moooommmy, will you please tell me the answer?" When I'm fed up or fresh out of answers I just say marsupial.
    "Mommy? What are you doing?"
    "I'm going potty."
    "What are you doing, Mommy?"
    "Trying to pee in peace!"
    "Mommy, what are you doing?"
    "Marsupial."
    This also works for "What's for dinner?" since no matter what I'm making his response to my answer will most likely be "I don't want/like that."
    "What are you making for supper, Mommy?"
    "Marsupial pie."
    Silence. Apparently, marsupial pie is more acceptable than spaghetti.
    (PETA disclaimer: No marsupials have ever been harbored, harmed or consumed by this household.)

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous22:19

      Oh my God, I can't stop laughing at this!!!! And I just taught my first graders about marsupials today! TOTALLY using this!!! LMAO!!!!!

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    2. hehehehe I have a 9 year old who also happens to be a picky eater. A trick that worked with her older sisters but that is just now finally, starting to take hold:

      Her: What's for dinner?
      Me: Food.
      Her: Mommyyyy!!!!
      Me: What? It's food. It will be delicious, and you will like it.

      She's finally getting to the point that she understands not to ask too much. Most times. :D

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    3. I always answer Mouse to any annoying question that my darling one has. It goes like this,
      Whats for dinner? (asked for the third or fourth time) Mouse pie.
      What can I eat? when he's has eaten nearly everything in the house.
      Have a mouse.
      What can I wear? after all his clothes have been pulled out of the drawers.
      Mouse pants.

      He now does it too, I've heard him answer mouse to his Dad.

      Delete
  30. Anonymous20:47

    My 2 year old crawled into bed by us one morning. He put his hand on my cheek and said "Momma. You're so puuurty." My heart swelled. Then he reach over and scratched our dog's ears and said "awww! Puppy, you're so puuurty." And that hallmark moment ended quickly.

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  31. I have a mild (?) food addiction, I tell my girls about healthy food and living healthy (cause I am ALWAYS on a diet and exercise like a crazy lady). I try to put it in a way that they dont obsess with image, rather want to live healthy. Also I do this cause I dont want them to call anyone fat and embarrass me!! :)
    This is hysterical Jen! Love it as usual, LOL!
    Devan

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  32. Anonymous20:59

    My son started the insults before he could speak. I think he was about 8 months old when he started putting his hand over my mouth when I'd sing to him. "You are my sunshine" was a sure-fire parlor trick for company.
    Had to settle for "if you can't say something nice, say something vague"

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  33. So funny! I love these comments, making me giggle all by myself. I remember telling my husband one night that if my oldest son didn't stop talking my ears were going to bleed. Now at 15 & 17 when they ask questions my answers had better be short and to the point or they just walk away. The other day my son was asking about a law our state had just passed but will be referred back to voters and I was explaining how this works....yup ~ Geeze mom why don't you just go into politics it's all you want to talk about! Excuse me I was answering your question ~ turd...

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    1. Anonymous22:22

      Excuse me I was answering your question, turd! BWAHAHA!!!!!

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  34. I subscribe to Runner's World magazine and a copy of the latest issue was on the seat in the car next to my 10 y.o. son. He said "That cover is fake. Runners don't look like that". I replied "What are you talking about? I look just like that." and he said "No you don't. You hair isn't that blonde." And that, my friends, is why he is my favorite!

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  35. Dawn09:26

    My 7 year old son came home from school one day last week and said his friend thought I was hot. I have to say, it boosted my ego and I even texted my husband to tell him. I know its sad, but I'll take a compliment from wherever I can get it!

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  36. When my youngest was 2 years old he used to tell other mums at the school gate that they had a sexy ass.
    His brother at the age of 7 although always nice to me telling me how pretty I was and how I looked better than everyone else, always notice and complemented me when I got dressed up or done my hair, sadly never had this way with other people, he was the child that asked an over weight women when her baby was due,(he also did this one to his 19year old cousin, when he was 11) and told and elderly man who was having a rest on a bench because he was tired of following his wife around the supermarket, not to worry about it because he would be dead soon enough. At 12 he told his teacher she wants qualified to teach him, true but not something u say out loud in front of the whole class lol

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  37. LOL! In tears - lol! We have a 7 year old little guy and I know exactly what you mean here,!

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