Botox mommy

Re-posted from archives.

By now you've probably heard all about Kerry Campbell, the mom who gives Botox to her 8 year old daughter because she has "wrinkles" and needs to stay ultra competitive in the high stakes world of children's beauty pageants.  WTF is wrong with this woman?


You know how I feel about the pageant kids and parents who name their kids Britney and parents who let their kids call all the shots, so it's probably no surprise this dumbass is getting the punch today.

So let's break this down.  Britney is competing in beauty pageants and realizes that she isn't winning because she has wrinkles?  (BTW, those are called dimples, sweetie, and you're supposed to have them.)  She complains to Kerry and tells her she doesn't look pretty with all these wrinkles.  Does Kerry tell her she's beautiful and she shouldn't worry so much about her looks and rather should focus on being a kind person who BEHAVES beautifully?  Does Kerry tell her that obviously the pageant world is affecting Britney's self esteem and maybe she should take a break and focus on being a little girl where her biggest worry should be if she should play with Rainbow Dash or her dollhouse today?

Nope.  Not at all.

Instead, Kerry laments to the other moms that she needs a secret weapon of some kind and the more seasoned pageant moms suggest Botox.  Kerry thinks to herself, Of course!  Botox!  Why didn't I think of that?  It's perfect for an 8 year old with borderline low self esteem who is already demanding a boob job and a nose job!  Let's do it!  And while we're at it, let's put hot wax on her body and rip all that unsightly hair out by its roots - it's so unladylike!  

I don't know who is more to blame here - Kerry or Britney.

Kerry is SUPPOSED to be the parent.  She is SUPPOSED to be voice of reason.  She turns around and blames it all on Britney.  "Well, Britney, wanted to do it."  Blah, blah, blah.  Of course Britney wanted to do it!  She's a spoiled rotten brat who obviously gets whatever she wants.

Kids want to do (and own) all kinds of asinine things and it's the parent's job to say NOOOOOO, over my dead body will you inject botulism into your face.  NOOOO, a four year old girl does not need Sketchers Shape Ups that tone and firm your butt and thighs!  (Yup, my kid wants those.)  NOOOO, a six year old boy does not need his own iTouch.  (Yup, the other one wants that.)

My other question is where the hell does Kerry get her stash of Botox and is she legally able to administer it??  I always thought you had to be doctor or a nurse supervised by a doctor to inject someone.  Who is supplying her and who trained her?  This stuff is dangerous if done improperly and for some reason I don't think Kerry is qualified to inject a monkey, let alone a human being.

Do you remember growing up when your mother would say "If so and so jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?"  Now I feel like asking PARENTS "Hey Mom, if Amaryllis jumps off a bridge, does that mean Jaxon should too?  It sounds a bit dangerous don't you think?"

People like this should not be allowed to reproduce.  You have to jump through more hoops to adopt a damn dog than you do to have a kid.  There should be some kind of idiot test you must take before you're allowed to get pregnant.  Kerry would have failed.

It's Botox and body waxing now.  What will it be when my daughter is eight?  Clitoris and nipple piercings?  A skull tattoo inked on my son's scrawny bicep?  You think I'm joking, but just you wait.  The Shape Ups and iTouch will seem quaint.

PS. If you thought this was funny, would you mind jogging over to Circle of Moms and voting for me as one of the Top 25 Funny Moms of 2012?  I would really appreciate it!  I don't need to be Number 1, the Top 25 is good enough for me.  No need to be an over achiever!

39 comments:

Jennifer H said...

I was in Kohl's yesterday.Well I think it was Kohl's I was in and out of soo many stores looking for a dress, I could be wrong and it might've been JCPenney, but either way the point is..I was in the 4-6x girl area of clothes just looking for my oldest and there was a section in there with bras.....yes BRAS in the 4-6x section!!! I hope my 5 year old doesnt start asking for one already.

Anonymous said...

I clicked the link to read about Kerry & Britney b/c I wasn't familiar with their story before now. There was a related story listed below that seems to allude to the idea that the whole thing is a hoax, and that "Kerry and Britney" aren't even their real names. Even if it was all made up, it's still completely pathetic how far a person will go to get attention. I'm trying to teach my 6-year-old the difference between positive and negative attention (and which one you want to attract)...I guess nobody ever did that for "Kerry."

Blondie McBaffled said...

OMG!!! I bet the mom is some ugly, overweight person that was laughed at all through school, living vicariously through the over indulged brat of a child. I swear pagents and dance concerts would be a pedophile's playground, with parents making their young daughters look like little hookers. Uggg...don't even get me started! Now I feel like punching someone in the throat...great post. Also voted for ya.

mosaicmaddness said...

All of this is the mom's fault. Having a child so spoiled, demanding, and hell-even the big self esteem issue is the mothers blame.... having a regular kid who demands crazy stuff (like Shapeups) is normal, but if YOU gave in, it would be your fault too. Totally 100% agree with this.

Did you ever see the Steve Martin movie "Parenthood?" My favorite line in the whole thing was by Keanu Reeves. "You need a license to drive, hell, you need a license to catch a fish; but any asshole can be a father." Or something close to that, because I'm fighting the urge to Google the exact quote.

Christine Heusinger said...

I did indeed vote for you but I'm not sure it was counted. There was no message aftewards.

Anonymous said...

I cannot even understand these pagent moms... I'm in no hurry for my kids to grow up, not in that sense anyway! Spray tans, false eyelashes, and stuffing their bras???? Come the hell on people! How much does that trophy really mean to you?

And to the pagent moms that say... when the girls wins, it's the ultimate self esteem boost. You get a punch in the throat. Cause what it took to get them there, in my eyes, was hell and as you dress and 'fix' your baby up to something she's not... you just bought yourself a lifetime worth of therapy & self-loathing for her. And what about the girls that don't win? Add prozak to that list.

This reminded me of an episode of Nip/Tuck that I just saw. When Kimber wanted to inject collagen into her little babes lips in order to land a modeling shoot. I guess the writers for the show gotta get their ideas from somewhere!!!

Nancy said...

Discrimination! I tried to vote for you but only MOMS are allowed to vote. I think your shit is super funny and it makes me laugh even though I don't have or want kids. Why can't I think a mom is funny and vote for her just because I don't have kids?! LAME. Hope you blow that domestic diva chick out of the water, even if I can't help you get there.

Ajg said...

Holy cow. The only good news here is that it might be a hoax :0 Holy cow to that one too.

Anonymous said...

I think this has been proven to be a hoax, I remember reading about it a few months ago...

Laura said...

Ditto! I've been a lurker here since November. While I also both have no children or the desire to have children, I think all Jen's post are hilarious, even if they don't hit home with my life in particular.Not being able to vote because one isn't a mother is complete crap. Keep the punches coming Jen!

Kimberlee Bever said...

I love that movie, just saw it the other day and completely agree with you!!!!

Anonymous said...

Whether this specific story is true or not... dumbass moms are doing this shit to their babes... it DOES happen! Do you not catch glimpses of "Toddlers & Tiaras"?????

Anonymous said...

OH MY GOSH! I want to put up your segment about idiot testing for parents on my forehead, seriously I sooooo agree!

Anonymous said...

I think you ladies read it wrong...the contest being only for moms is in reference to the contestants not the voters. All you have to do is click on vote for it to work. I don't have an account and it worked fine for me when I clicked on the vote button. And I am on my cellphone...I hope you win!!!!

Brett Minor said...

I used to be a professional piercer in a tattoo shop. I would occasionally lose business over this type of stuff.

I kicked a woman out of my shop once when she brought her 9 year old in to have her belly button pierced.

Others I turned down and couldn't believe I was asked to do in the first place:
6 y/o nose piercing
8 y/o earlobe stretching
12 y/o wrist tattoo
14 y/o nipple piercing - I called DCFS for this one.

And the worst one. A woman brought in her 15 year old daughter who already had a clit peiercing. (I didn't do it.) It had gotten infected or something and they wanted me to see if I could heal it and reset it. I didn't even let them in the room. I sent them to a doctor.

Jamie said...

unbelievable!! Botox?? I wouldn't even do it for Myself, let alone my CHILD.

Derpina Derp said...

Yeah, it's always boggled my mind that you have to prove to your state that you are competent to operate a motor vehicle, but ANYONE can go make a baby. I feel like there must be some sort of sign like in front of roller coasters, ya know- "you must be this tall to ride this ride".

L. Shanna said...

Oh. My. God. Scary, scary, scary.

Jamie said...

So it's wrong for 7th grade girls (12-13 year olds) to get a nose piercing? Or for 8th graders to get tattoos?? Or 9th graders to get their belly button pierced? I coach high school gymnastics. I love coaching and I love my girls. I do think their parents must smoke some special form of crack everyday. I have a 14 year old daughter who will not have a nose, nipple, belly button piercing or tattoo while she lives under my roof. I don't get these parents that allow these LITTLE GIRLS to mar their bodies. Dumb asses. I'm still working on the vaccination for stupidity - could be a while.

Mariflor said...

you are my kind of mom, I just put my vote in for you!

luvgreen said...

The bras are there for the overweight girls. We have an obesity epidemic going on here and girls are starting to sprout earlier, either due to weight or hormonal additives to food (milk, meat, etc.). Sad, eh?

Heidi said...

WHY do parents do this to their kids?! Bitches be crazy!

luvgreen said...

Holy shit!

Cricket said...

Yea, I read about this...heard it's from hormones in milk and drinking soy milks. Sad, sad, sad.

The Griggles said...

thought you might appreciate knowing even a 2 month old can see the ridiculousness of beauty pageants. our daughter cried every time we sand the miss america song. check it out...www.soundsfromthebackporch.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Bullshit . Dcfs should step in....bad parenting

Anonymous said...

Uhhh..yeah. Reading comprehension skills are a must and I freely admit mine were apparently not up to snuff this morning (not enough coffee..or possibly too much) VOTED!

Laura said...

Second post came up as Anon. Huh. Anywho..-Laura

Anonymous said...

This story was a complete fabrication- a hoax. The mom (who's name IS NOT even Kerry Campbell but Sheena Upton) has NEVER injected her child with botox. The child doesn't EVEN DO pageants. The worst these pageant moms do is give their little girls giant self-esteem issues (which is bad enough, I'll grant you). They do NOT inject them with prescription drugs that are heavily regulated. Come on people! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/19/sheena-upton-botox-mom-hoax_n_864148.html

Karianna @CaffeinatedCatholicMama said...

OK, the story may be a hoax, but the sentiment is right on. Some people, for whatever reason, really choose to indulge their children and then wonder about the result.

As a formerly pierced and currently tattooed mama, I say BRAVO to the piercer above who stepped in and said NO to the insanity seen.

Unknown said...

Exactly, hoax or not, there are parents out there that cave to their childrens depands way to much.

Now I do have to defent the Sketchers because my daughter does have a pair. However, she didn't want them. I wanted her to have them and not so that she could achieve a shapely buttocks. Heck I have three pairs and I knew having them don't result in that. But they are well built shoes and I figured they would be more comfortable for her and get her walking more.

My daughter wants a cell phone (she is 9) and I am putting my foot down. I mean at what point at this age is she going to be somewhere w/o another adult around that would have a cell phone or home phone??

Oh and she wanted an iPad to, get this, learn to the play the piano. Um, that is what the actual piano that is in our living room is for.....

Anonymous said...

My daughter wanted one when she was that age, trust me she did not need one. She didn't get one, me being the last to develop, and now a really odd size (32FF), told her she did not need one, and that "when you need one, you won't want one, so I am saving you a little misery."...lol. She is now 10 and yes she needed a training bra and got one. I think it is crazy for a size 4-6x to need a bra.

MommyOntheEdge said...

Couldn't agree more. The toddlers and tiaras people are seriously whacked, and this...even if it's a hoax, someone thought of it somewhere. That's bad enough. The whole piercing, tattoo, nose jobs, cell phones, class trips to Florida in 6th grade, etc is out of control.

I firmly believe that parents have forgotten how to say "NO!". I think I have the only children in my school district who are not loaded up to the eyeballs w/ expensive cell phones that have unlimited texting.

I have four kids, only two of the four even have a use for a cell phone. However they don't have one, they have both figured out how to download an app, 1 for his iPod touch(that he JUST got for Christmas at age 14), and the other for his Nook tablet(also for Christmas, age 17) that they can text for free just like a phone, as long as they have wifi. They are both allowed to have a phone as long as they pay for it. The other two, 8 and 10, have no need for a cell phone. Unlike most of their friends it seems, who can't get through life w/o one. Amazing. We have a land line, they are all welcome to use it. I have a cell phone, as does my husband, we don't have unlimited anything, and get along just fine.

Bethany said...

Not sure if you saw this, but I laughed my ass off when it first went viral and I thought of it immediately at reading this post. It is Tom Hanks' spoof on Toddlers and Tiaras:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPLWKBWkn3s

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with you. I like your point that adopting a dog is more complicated than having a kid, and also find it tragic that some people can be responsible for another life when they can't even manage their own. Thanks for the post!

Anonymous said...

That Kerry lady's mother should have swallowed and saved the world from that idiot!

Anonymous said...

What about vajazzling?

Jim Thomson said...

Really Good Post!!

Botulinum toxin ( Botox ®) provides muscle relaxation. This makes it particularly suitable for controlling expression wrinkles. Think of wrinkles caused by frowning, puzzled look and laugh.

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Anonymous said...

I must say - a pageant in itself is not necessarily wrong, if only they were done right, and the parents put the focus on the parts that need to be focused on. No fake anything, no makeup before 16 years old, poise, personal hygiene, personality. Make them show actual "TALENT" not just fakeness and posing/"dancing" in provocative stances/making cutesy/sexy faces/gestures. Also, a decent question/interview portion to show they have a brain, as well. The parents and judges have taken it way too far, these kids on toddlers and tiaras look so like fake little mannequins/kiddie porn.

I was in a local kiddie pageant at age 5, wore my easter dress and barretts in my hair, no makeup, no false teeth, no fake eyelashes, wore my church shoes, walked, sang and answered questions. I didn't win, but one of my good friends did. I was in the teen version of the same pageant at 18, wore my already worn Prom Dress and shoes, did my own makeup and hair, there was an interview with the 3 judges a day beforehand, I had tham all laughing. I walked on the stage did the turns and all, there was no talent portion or I would've sang, no swimsuit part, but there was a question - "Tell us about your sponsoring organization." I nailed that and gave a 1.5 minute speech about the Lions Club. I won the whole thing. Did it go to my head? Was I a little spoiled brat about any of it, no. I was glad I won, and had fun with it, and cam back the next year to crown the next queen after a summer of riding floats in all the other local parades.

The parents need to shift the focus, or someone needs to start some natural beauty/talent pageants rather than all these glitz ones. Rediculous.

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