Getting to Know You

Have I ever mentioned I do my best thinking while blow drying my hair?  Well, I do.  And this morning was no different.

I was thinking about the blog and the comments and the emails I've received and I realized something that's been nagging at me that I just couldn't put my finger on.  I realized that I don't know you.  You're a mystery to me.  Yes, you, the one sitting at the computer reading this.  I know a little bit about the few of your who post comments or send me an email, but there's many of you out there reading who have never said a peep.

I don't know what your likes and dislikes are.  I don't know if you're a SWF (single white female) or a MBM (married black man).  I don't know if you live in Florida or Peru.  I don't know if your favorite color is puce or pewter.  

You know me by now.  You definitely know my likes and dislikes.  You even know my family.  You know my kids' goals for their futures.  You know the Hubs uses Star Wars for just about every important decision that needs to be made in our house.

I want to know you.  Tell me who you are and what makes you tick.  You can make it short and sweet or you can give me the first chapter of your memoirs you've been working on for the last 6 years.




487 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   401 – 487 of 487
Anonymous said...

This 30 something working Mom of 3, enjoys a peaceful lunch break each day, eating leftovers from the night before while reading your posts. 99.9% of the time I whole-heartedly agree and 100% of the time they make me laugh. But do you think you could make your punches longer? Last night's dinner was tasty but I couldn't enjoy it due to the "Mommy I need more milk." "Yuck, I don't like this." "Can I have a snack." and "So & so was mean to me on the playground." I'd like to enjoy my stirfry leftovers in peace & quiet a bit longer today.

Corinne said...

Age 41, Kentucky, currently divorcing for the (gasp) SECOND time. 14 yr old daughter and 8 year old son. Cattle farmer and public servant. Recently reconnected with my high school love - turns out some things do last forever. Found you through FB, totally relate to your style/humor. Keep the punches coming!

Anonymous said...

SAHM of 2 boys in NY. You remind me of my sister and her sarcasm. You are real and so so funny and I think we are meant to be friends. :)

Jenn said...

I can beat that with third graders in our neighborhood!

Jenn said...

I'm 43 years old, married and a stay at home mom to a 13 year old boy (acts much younger than his age) and a 9 year old girl (acts much older than her age)whom I love dearly but most days get on my very last nerve! Can't wait to drop the kids at school and go for a very long run. Took up marathons in my 40's. Like many others, I found your blog with the Elf on the Shelf post and I was hooked. Never had an Elf and will never get an Elf! Santa's enough and I'm about to get rid of the fat bearded guy soon, along with the tooth fairy and Easter bunny! I'm harsh. I've shared your humor with many of my friends, but given I live in the deep, conservative south they just don't get it! If I had my choice I'd live on the west coast, but our business is here, so unless someone wants to offer us $20 million to sell it is here I shall die or close enough. I love how you say it like it is and don't care. Life's to short to worry about what other people think. Keep writing and we'll keep reading! Cheers!

Anonymous said...

Cat from Wisconsin, huge Packer and Brewer fan, well, it may just be the tailgate parties, but whatever, I like my beer. Married 24 yrs, 2 kids, 21 boy (at home, I think forever) and 19 girl (over-achiever in college). NEVER heard of the Elf until you, but have been loving your blog ever since. It brings back memories of the over achieving moms I met through my kids school years and how I did so want to be one of them. But my attitude and sarcasm just didn't fit the O-A Mommy mode. I am a bit ocd however, and after reading some of the comments, I think if I were you I would be marking all the different places "checking in" on a world map. That would be a cool stroke to the ego :)
Oh, and if I could figure out how to not post anonymously, I would

Lee Anne said...

43yo MWF, mom of 9 yo girl and 14 yo pain in the ass teenage son(still love him)...PTA President, softball coach, cheerleading commish, decent cook, half ass house cleaner, loves me some tennis and grateful for my husband that tolerates and supports my need to make up for everything I didn't participate in at high school. I do these thinks not to impress others but for myself. When it comes to what others think...I'm a honeybadger..just don't give a shit. I believe kids can be responsible, respectful AND creative all at the same time. I work hard at my parenting job..make lots of mistakes..but strive to improve and teach my kids to be open minded thinkers. Lastly, I love your blog! Thanks for sharing your life with us.

Reens said...

Oh dear. I know that look - really I do. Yesterday I told him I liked the one that looked like a horse. The absolute look of disgust on his face coupled with the "well, which one? Ponyta or
Rapidash?" question. And then I had to ask what the difference was.

Reens said...

Hah! Stay-at-home mom is SUCH an oxymoron. I might not work, but I'm sure not home much either!

Nicole said...

I am a 36-year-old stay-at-home mom of 2 sets of boy/girl twins. The older ones are almost 5 yrs old and the babies are almost 11 months old. My husband is in the military and we live in VA.

Stephanie Wallace said...

44 year old, married wife (3rd marriage) and mom with 3 daughters (23, 19, 13) and one step-daughter (14). I live in Northwest Indiana. I have a full time secretary job (which I hate) and I have a part-time wedding photography and portrait business. My political views are liberal and I am not religious. I find your blog hilarious and can relate to many things you write about.

Gloria said...

Hi Jen. I'm a 31 year old SAHM with 2 kids. My son is 7 and my daughter is 5. Met my husband while chatting online and been married going on 13 years. I grew up in South Africa but moved to the States when we got married. Live in Durham, NC. Love being a mom but have to admit it's much harder than I ever expected (especially since I have a special needs child). Love your blog - you make me laugh and it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one who finds this parenting thing extremely rewarding...and exhausting. Our family motto is to take one day at a time....and survive ;)

Brandy Broderick said...

35 year old mom in Texas. I have 3 biological kids and 2 step kids. Yes, we have a house full and yes we are quite busy (the two most common comments.) Ages: 2 14 year old boy, 1 11 year old girl, 1 10 year old boy and an 8 year old boy. I work full time and just recently got my degree. I love your blog, it consistently makes me laugh!

Kristel said...

I know I am late to the game here, and don't know if you actually see this comment but...
I am 33, been married for 15 years, and a stay at home mom to 6 kids. We have 4 boys (11, 9, 4, 2) and 2 girls (7, 10 months). We home school and love it! I look forward to reading your blog everyday because it puts such a smile on my face!! Love knowing other people go through the same stuff that I go through! I almost always share it with my husband and he gets a laugh out of it too. Thank you so much for taking your time to share with all of us!!
Oh, and I have to say, I really loved the one about how you met your husband... that was great!!

Pattyann said...

Hi Jen. I'm 27. I got married 5 years ago, have a 2.5 year old daughter, and a 2 month old son. I stay at home with my babies! We live in KY for my husband's residency, but we are from Georgia. I'm a planner and a want to be over achiever, but life gets in the way. My babies are early risers so by 8am I've done more then most people do by lunch. I love/hate that fact of my life. For me time I do 2 things: 1. work out (at 6am, thanks babies) I'm doing Insanity right now, if you really want that much detail. 2. read, my book taste is a bit different then yours, I have 3 go to authors: Nicholas Sparks (feel good), Sophie Kinsella (funny), and Philippa Gregory (makes me feel smart). I found you from a FB link to the famous Elf post. I DON'T have an Elf. They freak me out, like a chucky doll. Always moving around watching you. The idea makes me paranoid, I can't make my kids feel paranoid too! You are how I get out of a FB news feed read. I get to the one saying you have a new post and I log out of FB and come read!

Trey Ramsey said...

44 year old married man living in a small town in far North Texas with two awesome kiddos (daughter - 11, son - 9.) I stand 6'04" tall and on June 1st, 2011, I weighed 348 lbs. I was a depressed, very fat, whiny, borderline alcoholic whose marriage was on the rocks. Between then and Christmas 2011, I lost 111 pounds and turned my entire life around. I believe passionately in a person's innate capacity to chart his or her own destiny in life and have little tolerance for excuses and complaints. I have a passion for truth and for a reality-based approach to life and fitness... and for our wounded warriors (long story.) My wife turned me on to your blog and I absolutely LOVE your writing!!

Unknown said...

Hello, Mom of an 8 year old and an 11 year old. So I bang my head against the wall a lot and threaten to pull the car over at least once a day. I'm also a full time student for massage therapy and work part time for a steel import company. Because I guess I can't be too busy as a single mom. My best friend and I wipe out in the mall pretty regularly. We make a lot of noise when we do because we are both on the tall side. I do have a tendency to correct ill mannered children whether they are mine or not.

BNo said...

I'm a 33 yr old from Calgary, Alberta (just find Montana and the go north about 5 hrs). Married to a man I've known since I was 15. One daughter, 3 yrs. I work as an administrator in Canada's largest acute care centre managing capacity and pt flow-but really, I'm an emerg nurse at heart. I like snowboarding, golfing, gardening and scrapbooking, but mostly I just watch TV and FB.

Lynn said...

Disgruntled military wife with one spawn. Forced to live in a country that smells like mold and kimchi because I couldn't bear another two years without my husband just months after returning from 18 months in hell (his words). Your blog is my daily dose of crack to get through the "my shit don't stink, my kids are perfect, and my husband's boots are bigger than your husband's" environment I have found myself in. Seriously, I think your blog is the only thing that keeps me from going postal on some of these other Americans I live close to! You remind me that no matter our life's circumstance every one around us is crazy, WE are the sane ones. ;-)

Rani said...

New Jersey married mother of a 13 year old girl and a 10 year old boy. Me, the hubs and the boy all went to the 3D release of StarWars Phantom Menance (the teenage girl had better plans). This is probably the 1st time since the last StarWars release he actually suggested we go to the movies so I sympathize with you there.
I work part-time and am so not crafty! I don't have an elf on the shelf and that is how I came across your blog. I'm lucky if the gifts get bought before Christmas day or if the tooth fairy remembers to show up, why would I add an elf to my list of "To Do"?

AlabamaMommy1996 said...

38 year old MWF with a 4 year old daughter. I am a fourth grade teacher (and I want to poke my eyes out. We live south of Atlanta, GA...I grew up in Naples, Florida and my husband is originally from New Jersey but grew up in Charleston, SC. I am a graduate of The University of Alabama and my husband is a former Marine and now a TSgt in the Air Force (retirement in 2 years...hootie hoot hoot!!). Besides working and hanging out with our 4 year old we are avid CrossFitters...it is a sickness...we are addicted. Other than being a mommy, wife, and teacher...we are a bit boring...

HolaLarkin said...

White, 41, married for 16 years. Mom to two boys (6 and 3) and pregnant with #3 (gender TBD). I'm the co-owner of a workshop that hand-makes shoes and moccasins here in Oregon. Balancing family-life, motherhood, and a small business is... challenging. I find you speak my truth and it makes me laugh and think.

Heather Forcey said...

I found you through your Elf posts back in December. It must have circled Facebook like wildfire, because it reached me here in Clovis, CA (right by Fresno in Central CA). I have been married for 9 years, I've been a teacher for 12, vice principal for 3, I have two boys ages 7 and 4. I'm Catholic (teach at a Catholic school). I try to run. I've completed two half marathons. I like to read, but lately I read more blogs than books. I LOVE tv. I LOVE movies. I LOVE your blog!

Rich said...

I'm a 37-year-old boyfriend of a 35-year-old mother of a 5-year-old who shares your point of view on just about everything. She claims she's not nearly as witty and could never write as you do, but I don't believe her. You make us both laugh.

Anonymous said...

Hi Jen,
I'm a 34 IDKWTFTLTM (I don't know what the fuck these letter things mean) girl. My one year anniversary with the hubs ( I HATE that word!) is coming up next month. We will have been together for 11 years though. I teach 5th grade in Denver and would love to punch a lot of my kids in the throat daily. But I need the income from this job. If I could, I would be a professional pencil sharpener. Ahh, nothing speaks to the soul as much as sharpening a butt-load of pencils with a really good mechanical sharpener.. Sigh. Oh, we have a dog too.

Rock on, sista from another mista!

Stephanie

p.s. Did you read this? I'm a comment whore who likes to know you read my comment.

Anonymous said...

31 (when did that happen?), married 5 years, no kids; 1 cat. I am petrified of having kids and turning into one of the superficial, misguided, hovering, gossipy, tennis moms who seem to dominate the suburb in which I live. I avoid baby showers like the plague since I'd rather talk about the actual baby that what color the custom crib skirt will be. If you ever make your way to the affluent suburbs surrounding New Orleans, you will have fodder for your blog to last a thousand lifetimes.

MJ said...

I'm a little late to the party, so I won't be mad if you don't read this.

I'm 32, married, mom of 2 cuhRAZee boys ages 4 and 2, SAHM, and found your blog through a friend who thinks you and I sound a lot alike. I popped over to check you out, and LOVE you.

TNMom said...

37 y/o MWF, 2 girls - 5.5 and 2. (pure princesses!) Awesome hubs. I work night shift at the phone company as first level tech support (now AT&T), hate it. I live in middle TN. I love my time off - traveling with my family, camping (fake camping - we have a house that we pull behind our truck), beer and wine, football (Go Titans!) and NASCAR, and pretty much anything with my family and friends! I am a life-time recovering food addict, but work out like a mad woman!
I served 8 years in the USAF ('92-'99), good thing to do - glad to be OUT!
I have never in my life read a blog till yours, but now I read a few - love them and you!
My name is Devan, rhymes with Heaven, where I have a sister who will be 16 forever. (RIP SND)
Keep making us laugh Jenn! (thats one way to get a shit ton of comments - people LOVE to talk about themselves!)

The NotsoSuperMom said...

Although I can't imagine you are reading comment #431, I can't resist. 38-yr-old mother of 3: Moo (10), Slim (7), and surprise baby Geel (9 mos).
More at not-so-super-mom.blogspot
:)

RettMom said...

31 year old, married mother of one (girl age 1). I stay at home to care for our daughter who has special needs. I blog (Sunshine in a Hypotonic World) about our daughter's Hypotonia and our search for a cause. I also enjoy photography, baking, sewing, and have a BA in History. I enjoy reading your blog because there are days/weeks I really need a really good laugh. I became a follower after your Elf on a Shelf blog and have brought several friends along with me.

Anonymous said...

I'm (almost) 37yo married, white female and fellow OP resident! Full time mom M-F to 3 & 6yo girls, and full time nurse every weekend. I feel the OAM pressure big time here in JoCo (and admittedly succumb to it often). Thank you for putting humor to this mommy/wife crap. You make me feel normal. Cheers! Melanie M

Anonymous said...

35 year old female living in the "New South". Married to my hubs for 10 years, we have a daughter who is 7 and a son who is 3. I love your posts because it is nice to know there are other sane people in the world besides myself.

hnorton said...

I'm a 35-year-old mom of two girls under three and you just made me laugh salad through my nose. I just tweeted that to all my @NortonHolly followers in Delaware, where I'm an editor. Your honesty is beyond refreshing for the rest of us who live in the real world and use copious amounts of napkins. Keep it coming.

Anonymous said...

I am a 28 year old married white female with no children but I do have 2 fur babies named Ariel and Alex. The hubs and I plan on procreating sometime in the somewhat near future but want some time to ourselves for a bit. I live in Houston, TX and I first started reading your blog when you posted about the Elf on the Shelf. You are hilarious. Please keep those blogs coming!

Andrea said...

33 years old, single,have 2 quasi children...a 19 year old and her 1 year old daughter who I took in a year ago. Therapist at a rape crisis center. Live in the chicago burbs. Love your blog...it gives me much needed comic relief during some dark days working with trauma survivors!

Anonymous said...

JUST found your blog via a friend 3 days ago, and I'm hooked! The name alone hooked me, actually. Your posts are absolutely hilarious! I am 42, 2 kids ages 6 and almost 8, work from home, hubby works from home too so we try not to get in each other's way. We live in Roswell, GA. My friend told me about your Elf on the Shelf story, so I looked it up - made me laugh so hard coffee almost came out of my nose!

Anonymous said...

26 year old married teacher from suburban Atlanta. If you ever run out of punches, I am sure you could get plenty of punches from teachers. We always say a camera crew should follow us to record daily irritants and astonishing stories from students, parents, and higher ups. Thanks for the entertainment!

Jo-ellen said...

35 years old, married to my high school sweetheart, two kids age 4 &6. I relate to most everything you say...especially the stuff about the other moms at school...my kids go to a catholic school and a few of the mother that I am friends with refer to the other mothers as the mean mommies club!! Love your blog! you're the best.

A Caring Heart said...

31 year old mom of 2, wife to 1. I stay at home doing the housewife thing. I have a heart condition that I have to stay on top of all the time. UGH. We live in a suburb of Orlando. I live for your humor, I think you are my long lost twin.

My loves are 6 and 8. I live for them. I am a Girl Scout leader. I am a reality TV junkie and I am not afraid to admit it.

You rock, Jen...

Eden said...

I think I'm like #443 to comment and I know you can't possibly be reading all of these, so what's the catch? Do you have a sponsor sending you a dime for each comment or something?

Mrs. Hoskins said...

Wow! So many comments!

I am 31, married for just about 8 months. Live in St. Joe, just north of KC. I do a little of this and a little of that- dreaming of opening a photography studio, but who isn't these days?!
My husband would opt for Star Trek over Star Wars, but I hope he never figures out how to apply space laws to our household!

TNMom said...

37 MWF, 2 girls - 5.5 and 2 (princesses all the way!), like you, I have an awesome Hubs. I work night shift at the phone company (now AT&T), hate it.
I love my off time: outdoors, boating, camping (fake camping - we have a house we pull behind our truck), and anything with my family and friends! I love my beer and wine!
Life-time food addict, on the wagon at the time - I work out! (wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle)
I served 8 years in the USAF ('92-'99), great thing to do-glad I'm OUT!
My name is Devan, rhymes with Heaven, where I have a sister that will forever be 16. (RIP SND)
I have never ever read a blog till yours, and now I read a few and love them and YOU! Keep making us laugh!
Devan (middle Tennessee)

I can sometimes comment, sometimes not, and maybe I really do but don't know it, and you get my comments seventy-eleven times - sorry if you do. :)

Maura B said...

Late 40s mom. 4th grade daughter who wants to be a Rockette when she grows up (her BFF wants to be a doctor). Son has reached the Holy Grail of Kindergarten (yay!) and loves all things LEGO and Playmobil. Nurturing their passions so that they don't grow up to be MBA financial types like mom and dad :)
FB friend turned me on to your blog and you had me at "punch". Spent the entire last year attempting to read The Happiness Project, recommended by a friend who is encouraging me to write a blog. But I am "too busy" for that, so thank you for gettin' inside my brain and sharing yours and making me laugh out loud every day at myself and at the punch-rich incubator of material that we all live in here in suburbia!

Hilary said...

Hey there! I'm a 33 y.o. sister, daughter, wife, mother, photographer, blogger, reader, cooker, Jack-of-all-trades. I like swinging kettlebells, indulging in voyeuristic tendencies on FaceBook, pretending to be chic and crafty on Pinterest and reading other blogs. I'm active in my sorority and a mother's group dedicated to the well-being and installation of core values of my children. I thoroughly enjoy your blog and would love to tag along when you and Tina Fey go out to lunch (like I said, I'm a photog, so I'd kinda be mini paparazzi!). If you have a chance, catch up with me at www.hilarywithonel.blogspot.com or www.feteography.com

Thanks for all the laughs and insights!

Anonymous said...

I am 41 years young and have been married for 20 of those years. ( yes, to my high school sweetheart!) I have three kids 14girl, 11boy and 6girl. What....you ask? Why the age gap? Well, apparently you CAN get pregnant after your husband has a VASECTOMY!!! 4 YEARS later, apparently it CAN grow back together!!! Never thought I would like the child, but now she is the sunshine of our lives! Anyways, love your blog! You say all the things I wish I could say OUTLOUD!!!!! Keep up the funny stuff!

Taylor said...

So, I have a feeling you're done reading these, but I figured I'd comment on here anyway. I am the youngest of your readers at a mere 19, haha. I have no kids of my own, but I have a 5 year old little sister, so I can understand all the things you talk about since I watch her all the time. I'm a broke college student in Wisconsin. I read your blog for fun and to laugh since my mom reminds me a lot of you. Rude, inconsiderate, and just plain irritating people make me tick. Actually a lot of things do. I guess I can be a short fuse...haha.

But I love reading your blog. It brings humor to my studying!

imbogus1 said...

I am one seriously crazy motherfucker....just sayin'

Anonymous said...

Eric I work with e/be students in Central Il too.
Christine

mik1224 said...

48 y.o. WMF with 2 daughters, 4 step-sons, 1 D-I-L, 1 S-I-L and 1 grandson. I live in Mobile, AL- about as far south in Alabama before you hit the drink. My youngest daughter is at Mizzou studying Journalism. We thought it would be a culture shock for my little girl, but she LOVES it and will probably never move back home. Yeah, thanks Midwest for that. I usually don't read blogs because I find them boring unless I know the person-EXCEPT for yours. I don't even know how I found it, but it's my new addiction. I read it in bed while my husband sleeps and I nearly wake him up laughing so hard. If I didn't know better, I would think that my oldest daughter wrote this-except she's an accountant and doesn't like to read or write. Only numbers for that girl. Keep up the good work!

michelle said...

Just a few things I like: texting my 12 year old step son when he's sitting right next to me, music you can sing along to, driving past the bread factory with your windows down, listening to people with accents talk, the way rain sounds on windows, snuggling with down comforters, creating how characters in books look in your mind, the way hair mousse expands in your hand, multi level holes on putt-putt golf courses, big fat brindle pitbulls, fresh vacuum lines on carpet, the sound of runners feet hitting the pavement, black and white photos of people or places, sushi, playing Monopoly and getting to be the shoe, tattoos on the the side of a guys neck, boys that sparkle, bowling and beer and so much more...

Anonymous said...

39 year old female from Texas, 'common law' married for 7 years. We have a 5 year old girl and an 18 month old boy. I stumbled upon your elf on the shelf blog and have stalked you every day since...you are HILARIOUS and make me laugh out loud. Thank heavens you say what I think! I end everyday with your blog b/c it means I go to bed with a smile on my face! YOU ROCK and thanks!

Anonymous said...

Hi Jen,
I'm a 33 year old mom of a 3 1/2 year old w/ a baby girl on the way - due June 1. I stay at home with my daughter and work part time from home training ESL teachers who teach adults and writing grants. We live in Hummelstown, PA, right next to Hershey, where I grew up, and yes, it does smell like chocolate a lot of the time. No, I don't get sick of smelling it, or eating it, unfortunately! My hubby and I have been married for 7 1/2 years, and he's scared to death to have another baby coming into the house. Even though our daughter was a great baby, he was traumatized simply by the change in our lives. I've even told him maybe he should move out for the first 6 weeks - ha!
I love your blog and wish I could say the things out loud that you usually say on here as I'm thinking them most of the time. I have particularly enjoyed your rants on overachieving mothers on Valentine's Day (my daughter is in preschool and it was RIDICULOUS on Vday) and LLL. I couldn't breastfeed because I had to restart some antidepressant medication, so it was never an option for me. My daughter did perfectly well on formula, and like many others, even though I know breast is best, we all do the best we can at the time, and everyone else should just butt out.
Anyway, thank you for having such an awesome blog - I even miss it on the weekends!
Hillary

Dr. E said...

I'm a military pediatrician living overseas married to another military doctor. I have 2 kids. My FB status updates consist of funny/pithy posts about my patients/kids/the people with whom I work. Apparently, people think I'm funny, because people telling me I should write a blog. I'm so busy that if tried to write a blog it would consist of one post and a lot of good intentions. I recently didn't post anything for about 2 weeks (in a funk) and got complaints. I have random people at work friending me, because they've heard through the grapevine that I'm funny. Your blog often makes me laugh until I cry. Keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

I enjoy your blog.

I'm a 32 year old married stay at home mom to 2 daughters 4 and 1. We live in Houston and are rich.

carly said...

32 years old, married for just over three years after being a single mom for 6 years. My son will be nine on Monday- he was a 24.2 week preemie and spent 132 days in the hospital. I teach 4th grade and live in Utah (where we have the worst drivers ever - except me of course - and the dumbest liquor laws). I love reading your blog, you say all the things I wish I had the balls to say!

Anonymous said...

32 (for 8 more weeks), single mom of a 12boy and almost 6girl. Drawn you by the infamous Elf on the Shelf post. Also enjoy the thought of punching people who deserve it in the throat and also never acted on such enjoyment. I manage a small-business coffee shop - many people I see daily need multiple throat punches. Often disagree with you, but love the way you say it and that's what counts. I have differing opinions with many of my friends, but we're still friends :)

Tracey said...

Wow, being #459 sucks! I don't know that you'll get to read this BUT...I'm 45 and live in the backwards ass county of Lancaster, in PA (home to a bazillion puppymills so please don't spend tourist dollars here to see the "angelic" Amish...but that's a whole other story). I'm a dance, Zumba and group fitness instructor with 2 boys ages 7 & 8. My oldest has Down syndrome, Autism and Celiac Disease. I love dogs. I love chocolate. I love dancing. I love your blog. Hugs to you.

Cmiller said...

Carlla married with 2 kids, girl age 7 boy age 3. We live near Nashville. I work for a Plastic surgeon and the hubs is in the John Deere business. I have been reading your blog since Elf on the Shelf and love reading it daily.

Jessa said...

31 year old SWF Masshole.I don't have any kids, but I borderline stalk my friends at work who do :) I love to scrapbook, although I suspect that if i had kids, I'd end up scrapping their lives when they were away at college. I don't think i have the patience to be an OAM, but maybe someday we'll see. Like 99% of your readers, someone posted a link to your Elf on the Shelf blog and i was hooked! In my extended family we do three things well: eat, drink, and make fun of each other. You could hold your own with my uncles, which makes you awesome :)

Currywag said...

I'm a little late on this: 35 year old Cougar from central PA with 3 kids, 2 boys and a girl ages-6,4,3 oldest and youngest were whoopsies-all to my husband though who is 5 1/2 yrs younger. We also have 2 dogs. Never a dull moment at our house. I became a stay home at mom at the beginning of the year-jury is still out on how I like it. :)

kwoods said...

37 years old, newly transplanted from Texas to Louisiana...married to my hubby for 6 yrs this month, mom to 2 boys 13 and 4 (yes I know, a teen and a whiny semi toddler at once, WTF was I thinking?), and I buy and sell junk (my biz is Gypsy Treasures, shameless shoutout so you can find me on FB, lol!)

Karyn S. said...

Ahhhhh.....I am a 42 yr old, mother of two, from Virginia. My son is 18 and will be graduating in June from high school. He has a REALLY good job working at UPS. My daughter is, ahem, 8 yrs old. Yes, same Daddy....I tell everyone I'm obviously only fertile once every 10 years! LMAO and believe it or not, they are 9 yrs, 353 days apart, ALMOST 10 yrs to the day! I currently work as an Office Manager for a "Mom and Pop" home automation/security company. I am currently only working 1/2 days, due to being involved in a car wreck July 2011. It messed my back up pretty good! My husband and I are "separated, but still live in the same house...yes, this makes for a rough time, but we make it work, somehow! I caught your blog through a friends FB post about that damned Elf! I was hooked right then and there! I see how much chatter this Elf has had, and damnit, he doesn't deserve all this freakin' attention! I am still trying to figure out what I want to be "when I grow up!"

Krysti said...

Well, since my earlier comment was inexplicably deleted (it happens often, I think technology has a grudge against me), I shall repost!

23 SIF (single Italian female) from Colorado Springs. Grew up around military, from two ex-military parents who met at the Pentagon (mom Navy, dad Army). Graduated with an elementary teaching major and dance minor about a year and a half ago, and still trying to find that elusive teaching job...though subbing is all right for now. Voracious reader, passive-aggressive and proud, loud in volume but remarkably shy. Love your sarcasm and ranting!

Angie in Chicago said...

I'm Angie, and I think we're sisters who were separated at birth. So many of the rants on your blog are very similar to rants I've had with my girlfriends. (Elf on a Shelf? Really? Stay out of my uterus you filthy politicians, etc.)

I'm a mother of three girls: Jo, 7, a ballerina and honor student; Lu, 4, my tomboy who has crazy food allergies and a yet-to-be-determined learning disability; and Vi, 1, an adorable little mischief maker. I used to work as a journalist full time, but when Vi came along, I decided to make a change and be a stay-at-home mom for a while. (Plus, I was pretty sure I was going to get laid off anyway.) What the hell was I thinking? I traded one crazy job for the non-stop marathon of cleaning up after three kids and shuffling Lu to at least three doctor/therapy sessions a week. However, the benefits of being home with my girls outweigh the constant struggle with a to-do list that will never get any shorter.

Thanks for injecting some much needed humor into my life every day.

Ellie said...

This comment accurately describes me - I meant to get to this the first day you posted, but am doing it now - days later, still in my jammies, and "taking a break from cleaning", i.e. not cleaning my kitchen. But I did manage to make a kick ass breakfast! 34 yr old 1st time mother to a 6 mo old daughter, having moved half way across the country 8 mos pregnant. Yep - life is exciting these days!

Jeff Laws said...

My question is, are you reading all of these? Lol.

My stats, MWM, 2 kids, 2 stepkids.

Likes - pro & college sports, reading books and blogs, tv and movies. (Wow,those have changed as I've gotten older)

Dislikes - Most people now a days. Oh, and the new captcha for blogger comments.

I'm a relatively new reader to your blog, a few weeks now, but have enjoyed the posts.

Nica said...

My best thinking is putting my makeup on. Not sure why, but the kids are usually still asleep and so it becomes one of the only times of the day I get a moments peace and time to myself. I am guessing this is why you do the same with the hair dryer...the sound can tend to drown out all other noises. (Another reason I love to mow the yard during the summer as it tends to help me clear my mind) Just recently started reading your blog and love you humor. I started blogging a few months ago. Not nearly as daily dedicated as you or funny, but it is definitely an outlet I enjoy. Thanks for the laughs and having the courage to say out loud (or in print) what most of us are thinking. http://ajourneythroughadolescense.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Married, 43 year old mother of 3 kids, 11, 9, & 6. LOVE your blog...I regularly share it with friends. We live in Avon, IN which is just outside Indianapolis. I'll be checking out your new "paying" job, but I think I'll miss the language and have to catch you here too!

Anonymous said...

30 something mother of 2 and a school principal living in the same town as the school, so I have to be professional almost every minute of my day. Your blog is stress relief to me each time I read it!

kristy said...

Ha ha ha, that was funny. I think it must be the cat.

Anonymous said...

34 year old developmental therapist (special education teacher for infants and toddlers)and behavior consultant in WV. I have been married to the Hubs for nearly 12 years. He is terrific, but there are sometimes when I wonder how in the Hell we are together. We have no kids and no plans to have any. I love kids , but I love to come home from work to my quiet house, hubs and dog. I have a multitude of graduate degrees and actually use them for my work.
I volunteer with animal rescues as I love dogs.

Samiamstill said...

Might as well make it an even 475. I am a 35 year old mom of 2 boys (10 and 7) and am preggers with a girl, yikes, starting over!! Hubs and I have been married for 17 years, that seems like a LONG time when I write it. In my spare time from mother extraordinaire (haha) I am a flight paramedic. I am wildly sarcastic(hubs says he married the Queen of sarcasm) as is my ten year old. My 7 year old is mildly autistic and misses the sarcasm all together. I read your blog to fulfill my need for daily sarcasm.

Marcella said...

Married and 34. Restless SAHM to 3 kids: boy (8), Boy (5), girl (2). I have a graduate degree in art history and wipe kids butts instead of talk about lofty things. My house is dirty but neat-ish. I go off on tangents because of said restlessness and bake epic cakes or dismantle my kitchen and refinish cabinets...much better than laundry right? My daughter told me, "I not fucking bed." Yesterday...I should watch my mouth when I'm mad that she's out of her bed, again. I blog too but not all the time b/c I get bogged down with life. I do enjoy it and yours as well. Cheers to "salty" mommies, we are far more fun than those with a rod up their ass.

Alison said...

33-year-old female, 18 weeks pregnant with twins (our first pregnancy) from Connecticut....scared as sh!t to be first time parents to twins even though we knew our odds for twins was really high since we spent a year and a half trying to get pregnant (a year of that on fertility meds); breastfeeding also scares the sh!t out of me so I really appreciated your NZ LLL blog.

Anonymous said...

42 year old mom, nurse and sarcastic bitch. I love my family. I dont watch much tv because there only crap on... even though i pay for the hubs to have 600 channels of options. currently I like mike and molly, greys and shameless. What a combo huh? The fat, they dying and the dysfunctional... but I'm hooked either way. I hate the PTA bitches with their fake smiles and extra crafty attitudes. I have about 8 true friends I would donate a kidney to... the rest are all just acquaintances. I have a short temper and I say way too many F bombs in a day... but in my defense my generation used it more as an adjective than a curse word. My whole center of purpose is to make my kids happy and to love the hubs who routinely gets on my f'in nerves with his clever wit. I enjoy your column immensely ... sometimes I think we were twins separated at birth. :) Keep writing ... cause Im gonna keep reading.

Brandy said...

35yr old Canadian, married mother of boy/girl twins who are almost 9yrs old.
I am a Facebook addict and your page is the funniest and most real blog I've ever read. I'm sure you've heard it before but I'm sure you and I were seperated at birth!! You say all the things I am thinking!!

Unknown said...

I'm a DWF, that sounds like an airport code, and proud momma of a 15 year old boy who still hangs out and/or hugs me in public. I've been a teacher for 13+ years and am currently living in AR (Arkansas for the many who think Arizona). I moved here from South Florida and lived in NY prior to that.

Aside from being most proud of the child I've raised, I am honored when people ask me to help them lose weight. I'm not a trainer or a nutritionist, just someone who has BEEN THERE, so I can relate. If interested in seeing my transformation, it is here: www.malwo.com/6.html

Thank you for the laughs...I've shared your stories on several occasions! :)

Jessica Johnson said...

Hi Jen! I'm Jessica. I'm 26, married and living in a small town in Texas. I love reading your blog because I live
in a community overflowing with overachieving Stepford mommies and am
absolutely terrified of turning into one of them when I have kids. Your
blog is a (hysterical) reminder that some people can have a career and a
family and still keep their sense of normalcy, honesty and sense of
humor about them. Keep writing!

Ann said...

Still reading? 42 y/o married mom of two even though the hubs makes it feel like three! I teach technology education to middle school kids...yes, please pray for my sanity daily. Live in the suburbs of Atlanta. I share your blogs frequently with my overachieving coworkers and laugh all day! Went to college with one of the guys on SNL and sent him your wish. Guess he didn't pass it on or just didn't get it. I tried. :).

superkt said...

I am a 38-yr old SAH mom in Nebraska to 5 kids: 4 boys and 1 girl (finally! the testosterone was getting way to thick around here) If I had one more boy he was going to be gender confused because I was gonna dress him in a damn princess dress! I love to craft and sew-really IO would love to do those things but instead I spend my days doing load after load of laundry and changing the channel for my 3 and 2 yr old! I love your writing! I tried being a OAM but its just to exhausting besides the upside of so many men is they don't give a damn if I do or not. I can't stand women who have children and don't know it, people who put depressing stuff on FB w/bad spelling. (Maybe if they had paid more attention in spelling class they wouldn't be so depressed) Also dislike having to explain why I am laughing when reading your blog to my husband because sometimes he just does not get it after being raised by a perfect type A mom. But I do love my life and would not change anything except maybe hire a maid.

Em said...

31 year old Mommy to a 19 month old Boy who is fascinating and funny, darling and hilarious, and a little bit of crazy all rolled into one 25 pound wrecking ball. Dog lover and former puppy mom to two ferocious wiener dogs. Adoring but somewhat judgmental wife of an incredibly kind and giving Hubs. Disgruntled attorney working hard to keep the little guys down. Midwestern girl who will never leave The Homeland. I read gossip magazines and PIWTPITT to relax. I have a subscription to Shape Magazine because reading it makes me feel like I am living a healthier lifestyle. My wardrobe includes essentially three outfits: a dress with riding boots, yoga pants and a hoodie, or skinny jeans, boots & a good ass-covering sweater. I'm fairly certain I've seen every episode of Law and Order SVU, but I continue to DVR every USA Marathon every Sunday just to be safe. I have strong opinions about natural birth and baby wearing, but not so much about breastfeeding. I hold grudges for years over stupid stupid things and never feel bad about it. I check my Facebook account compulsively even though no one I care about ever updates their account. I'm a little bit crazy in the head, just this morning dropping The Boy off at day care I cried when I saw a little boy (read: someone else's child) take some of his first steps. Also a comment whore, except I'm fairly certain about 4 people (including you and My Hubs) have ever visited my blog. http://copingwithconniptions.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

37 yr old full time trainer by day in hospitality, mother and wife by night. charlotte nc

Anonymous said...

33, Female, South Carolina. Married mother of a 7 y/o girl. I love your blog and there are plenty of people I would love to punch in the throat...or the baby maker. Whatevs.

Jaguwar said...

Wait.. what does "marginally married" mean, exactly? Surely that's on your blog, right? ;)

I'm joking (but only because I don't want to freak you out), and just had to reply to that.

JennInAustin said...

Maybe it's too late to respond to this since the most recent comment was posted Feb 27th....but I just found your blog and, you know, I am ignoring my family as I read it obsessively. Sort of like I ignored them for 48 hours while I read all 3 Hunger Games books during one weekend. So that should make you feel good.

Anyway - I'm 40 (41 in September) and mom of 2 kids (one girl, one boy). Still married to the same guy I've been with since I was 18. What else? Oh, I get paid as an attorney but I really want to be an author but don't totally have the gumption yet. Plus I'm really nice to people on most days but probably have a lot of pent up anger issues that I don't express. Thus...I love your blog for obvious reasons. Oh, and I'm eating cheese, crackers and drinking beer right now. I think that's all.

Anonymous said...

35 year young mom of two boys married for 14 years and I'm a nurse - fun times! :) I love your honest and sense of humor and every day I think yup that person/place/thing/outfit/comment/etc. deserves a throat punch LOL!

Anonymous said...

I know I'm realllly late about this but... SBF w/2 kids. My son(the boy) is 10. My daughter (aaaah it's Godzilla when she's sleepy) is 3. About to attend school in the fall to become a cosmetologist. And I totally dig your blog! That's all I can think for now cause my kids are driving me nuts...lol

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