Getting to Know You

Have I ever mentioned I do my best thinking while blow drying my hair?  Well, I do.  And this morning was no different.

I was thinking about the blog and the comments and the emails I've received and I realized something that's been nagging at me that I just couldn't put my finger on.  I realized that I don't know you.  You're a mystery to me.  Yes, you, the one sitting at the computer reading this.  I know a little bit about the few of your who post comments or send me an email, but there's many of you out there reading who have never said a peep.

I don't know what your likes and dislikes are.  I don't know if you're a SWF (single white female) or a MBM (married black man).  I don't know if you live in Florida or Peru.  I don't know if your favorite color is puce or pewter.  

You know me by now.  You definitely know my likes and dislikes.  You even know my family.  You know my kids' goals for their futures.  You know the Hubs uses Star Wars for just about every important decision that needs to be made in our house.

I want to know you.  Tell me who you are and what makes you tick.  You can make it short and sweet or you can give me the first chapter of your memoirs you've been working on for the last 6 years.




487 comments:

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Boo and Sara said...

31 year old, married mother of 3. 2 boys (8 and 5), 1 girl (2). I'm a liberal currently living in southern Utah, where I am from. You can imagine how that goes.....I try to stay away from discussing politics or religion :). My husband plays professional baseball which has taken us all over the country. Toronto, Boston, Phoenix, Detroit and Houston, to name a few places we have called home. Getting ready to make our move back to Houston for the baseball season. I have FB and a random friend to thank for introducing me to this fine blog back in December with your Elf on the Shelf post . I agree with you on everything! You make me feel normal! Thanks for the great reads!

Anonymous said...

I'm amazed at how much this question stumped me! What do I include, what do I leave out...
I'm a 36 year old teacher, who is kind of done with teaching but doesn't know what else to do, with a son who will be 2 in May. I'm clearly an over thinker and have all of the worst (and sometimes best) case possibilities for my life figured out long before anything actually happens. Hubby is a flight instructor turned car salesman, which has made us a little more money and him a lot more stressed and a lot less fun, I'm praying that will all even out soon... I live outside of Philly, but wish I lived somewhere warm and sunny.

Anonymous said...

I am a 34yo Mom to one and stepmom to 2..all boys. I write a blog called Stepmomma. I first read your Elf on Shelf post and have been reading since. We live in KY (Georgetown). Hmmm...we have two dogs..a geriatric boxer and a horrible but adorable Doberman mix who sleeps under the covers.

Krysti said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CynG. said...

You're not going to start singing "Getting to Know You" are you? 'Cause I might have to punch you in the throat if you do!

Anonymous said...

I also found you with your elf on the shelf post and haven't looked back. I'm a MWF mother to a toddler who stalks me while I sleep and I love it. Thanks for saying what we all wish we could say every day - from ugly at soccer games to crazy ass parents at school, you and I see the world in a very similar way. I'm sappier than you are in my blog though...feel free to follow me at monkeypieftw.livejournal.com too if you like - when you want sap = I shall provide.

Bethann said...

This is me.. LOL
http://curtinsforyou.blogspot.com/

Laura Carpenter said...

Hi Jen. I'd like to start out with how pissed off I am that I just wrote this whole thing to you and the fucking thing didnt' publish. Boy is that irritating. Anyway, my name is Laura - I'm a 34 yo married woman (if that's what you wanna call me) with a 6 year old boy. Yup, just one child. And if I hear ONE MORE TIME how CUTE my son is and how I HAVE to have another I'm going to poke my eyes out.....or PUNCH SOMEONE IN THE THROAT. I love my son, and wouldn't change having him for the world, but I couldn't possibly put another child through ME. Not enough prozac in the world. I live with my hubs and son, along with 2 LARGE dogs who seem to think my king size bed belongs to them - they thankfully give me about 8 inches of the side to sleep on. I also has a cat that I have a LOVE-HATE relationship with, whom I dont' ahve the heart to get rid of, but feel every day that I'm going to kill him. Especially at 3am this morning when he woke me up just so I could let the little fucker outside. OH. MY. GOD. Yeah...so anyway, i live in Lancaster, PA (aka Amish Country). Yes, I see Amish. No, they are NOT neat. And God forbid you get caught behind one while your driving to your destination (which I am most likely ALWAYS late to) because at that moment the traffic increases so you are UNABLE to pass them. Nothing like yelling profanities at the 16 little amish kids staring at me from the back of their little black buggie. Anyway, I'm getting off topic here. I was introduced to you through "OUR MUTUAL FRIEND" - FACEBOOK. Bet you thought I was gonna say AOL, huh? Well lemme just say that was hysterical! Anyway, I came across your "Overacheivers with the Elf on a Shelf" and I was instantly hooked. I know you hear this often, but we honestly must have the same brain. You are HYSTERICAL and I love it. I actually thought of you yesterday as I almost PUNCHED SOMEONE IN THE THROAT yesterday at the grocery store. I honestly did. But that's a story for another time. Keep up the great stuff...you give me hope that I'm NOT THE ONLY ONE! We would most definately be friends instantly! Keep on keeping on Jen, for you make the world a REAL place.

ArdentlyAncedotal said...

Funny you asked today. . I am a 37 year old attorney and mom of 3 boys who works full time in every respect (MWWFM- married, white, working female mom). Every time I think of someone I'd like to punch in the throat I think that your idea for this blog could easily be my stream of consciousness and I think I wish I could post stories about the people that I want to punch in the throat, then I forget until they remind me again with their facebook posting or a happenstance encounter. Keep on keeping on. . .maybe I should just send you my material.

Anonymous said...

41 year old married mom of a daughter, 14 and son, 12. I'm a farmer in NJ. I own an orchard, farm market, bakery, greenhouse, & ice cream stand. I'm mayor of my town & sit on several volunteer boards. On first read you might think I'm an over-achiever. Lucky for me and my kids I'm a relatively disorganized procrastinator. Imagine what I could do if I wasn't?? People ask me how I do it all and I invite them over to my house....It's a wreck. I love reading your blog. It's a great procrastination tool when I am avoiding the mass quantities of paperwork on my desk. Thank You!!! I agree with about 99% of your posts & mentally add my own thoughts/experiences to each entry. Please keep it up as I will always have paperwork to put off!!!

Rachel said...

My summary of me from FB. It needs to be updated to say that I am the mother to the cutest dang 9 month old boy in the world. I am: wife, daughter, sister, and mother to two great dogs; Christian; a whole lot country with a little bit of rock and roll; pessimistic; OCD about very strange things like separating M&M's and Skittles into colors before I eat them and making sure the bubbles in my dish water are the same all the way across the sink, yet very not OCD about things that should matter like house work; pretty content with my life. I love my family, sleeping and tv. I have this weird disorder called Adult Stress Adjustment Disorder which basically means I stress out about everything driving my husband and anyone who gets trapped listening to me when I'm on a tangent absolutely crazy. I despise: traffic; crowds; standing in line; waiting for anything; finding Bo pee on my boots and couch; people who think they are better than others; people who ask you a question and before you can answer completely they have interrupted with their "that's just like..." story that is absolutely NOTHING just like what you were talking about; the despise list could probably go on and on.

Sheric said...

40 yo MWF 2 boys 17 and 18. Hairdresser who lives in Ohio. Love to read and do crafty crap and adore your blog. My husband can tell (from the next room) when I am reading you! Thanks for all of the laughter!

Gypsie said...

MWF, 32, with a 16month old boy, a dog named Jengo (after Jengo Fett, Star Wars Bounty Hunter), 2 cats (Kali and Onya). DH is 38. We are both active duty AF. And surprisingly, you are the first person to use the phrase "punch in the throat". Although the last person I heard use it said, "I bet she'd like a punch in the throat," when referring to our tattooed server at a restaurant.

Anonymous said...

I am 28, married with no kids, yet.

Anonymous said...

Name is Cat, 48 mwf living in Wisconsin, huge Packer and Brewer fan, well, it may just be the tailgate parties, but whatever, I like my beer. Married 24 yrs, 2 kids, 21 boy(at home, I think forever) and 19 girl(over-achiever in college). NEVER heard of the Elf until you, but have been loving your blog ever since. It brings back memories of the over achieving moms I met through my kids school years and how I did so want to be one of them. But my attitude and sarcasm just didn't fit the O-A Mommy mode. I am a bit ocd however, and after reading some of the comments, I think if I were you I would be marking all the different places "checking in" on a world map. That would be a cool stroke to the ego :)
Oh, and if I could figure out how to post replies other than anonymously, I would

dawoodsmama said...

Married, 3 kids under 6 and one on the way. Yes, crazy lady with 4 kids. That must find time in the day to read YOUR blog and watch Ellen.
I hate people who are late all the time and overachievers.

Just Me said...

29 y/o female, married with one daughter and an elderly yellow lab. Full time nursing student (Senior, YAY!) as well as work at an ER and on 2 different volunteer ambulance services.

VioletWings81 said...

I'm dirty 30 and live in Louisiana. I am an underacheiving single mom to 5 year old triplet boys. They are are result of a blessed oops, not anything Octomom-ish. What makes me tick? I guess trying to making sure they don't kill each other, devalue our house, and finding ways to balance the redneck influence their dad has on them. He gives them guns and teaches them to flip the bird, I teach them how to read and take them to plays. That kind of thing. I love your posts that blast the overacheiving moms. My boys' step-mom is exactly that. (Think Bree Van DeCamp meets Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony. Blarf!) Other than unravelling the weekly damage the Mongoloid does to my kids, I like reading and hanging out with my boyfriend. Occasionally, I give a small shit about politics. I got hooked on your blog after a friend forwarded Elf On A Shelf to me.

Anonymous said...

13 year old girl from Kansas (probably not the typical reader...) who found your blog because my mom sent me your rules for daughters.. Now reading it is one of the few things I do every day. You're posts crack me up and sometimes I wonder if I'll turn out with a sense of humor like yours.. People tell me I'm funny now but your sarcasm and snarky comments never fail to make me laugh. As for favorite things I love to read, color: definitely purple, iced tea (but not sweet.. Nasty), and living life to the fullest.

Over and out.. Off to do homework.. Thanks for the laughs!

Anonymous said...

47yo separated white male, 10 and 14 yo girls live with me half of the time, work in IT at a newspaper.

ZippityDee said...

31-year old, SWF with no kids. I have dogs instead and have left the kid department up to my sister and cousins and much rather spoil theirs! It's an arrangement I love! I life in NW Suburbs of Chicago. I found you during the Elf on the Shelf blog post and have been a follower ever since! I usually end up getting caught up on the weekly wrap-up and love reading your favorite comments for the week. And love that you repost the link multiple times a day (and I don't mean that sarcastically...rather a poke at the person that mentioned that in their comment last week). Oh and I did use the line "I'll punch them in the throat" today in regards to someone posting up a picture of the Coach purse they got their wife/girlfriend saying Happy Birthday. Which made me say that if any man ever spends that kind of money on a purse for me I'll punch them in the throat. There is so much I could do with the money then a purse and not even a great looking one at that! Keep on being the funny, sarcastic, foul mouthed, secretly crafty person you are...and THANK YOU for saying in words what most of our brains are thinking!

Midlife Molly said...

Middle-aged single with no kids (yeah, my sister in law calls me a spinster). I have serious issues with over-achieving hipster moms who are perfect and thin and don't discipline their kids. But we can talk about that in group.

mustangsally said...

I am a special needs mom too and yes, I can relate to those you want to punch..plus ad a few more :-)

Treece said...

45 year old Mom of two grown ass kids (25 & 27), in a relationship with a man that has two teenage kids (16 & 18, god help him) in CA. Your blog was recommended to me by a coworker and I look forward to it every chance I get to catch up on it! I appreciate your take on things because I always felt like an underachiever raising my kids when I didn't go nuts and spoil them, or told them no, and I raised my voice from time to time....but they are both successful functioning members of society with their Momma's sense of humor :) Thanks for sharing your life with us!

KD said...

Wow, I feel like I'm signing up for online dating... what to say, what to say to make myself sound really cool... I'm 35 MWF with 2 kids, The Girl is 8 and The Boy is 2. Married my high school sweetheart, been together for 20 years, married 11. Work as a personal assistant to a family (yup, one of those uber rich families) while going to school for yet another degree because I still can't decide what I want to do when I grow up. Grew up on Long Island (in NY) but transplanted to upstate NY about 12 years ago, decided I liked the mountains better.
Likes are coffee, Stephen King and Apothic Red (it's a really yummy wine)
Dislikes are people who don't push chairs in around a table. I suffer from very bizarre OCD.

Anonymous said...

35 (ugh) MWF living in Baltimore for now. Hubs is finishing his fellowship, and then he will be a "real dr". Hopefully we will know where we are living next year sometime soon. I teach elementary school, and we have one daughter 16 mos, one on the way, and two dogs that aren't happy to be city living this year. Love your blog, and I have recently started one of my own. I am drinking vicariously through all of you for until Oct!

kablaese said...

Hello Jen! I'm your twin from Wisconsin. I swear we are the same person...except that I'm a little older, have three kids and my Hubs isn't Asian. But you and I think alike...and I'm so glad you say what you do! I love reading your blogs and I have yet to disagree with anything you say. I own my own business, I do purse parties and I should blog about the people I meet, the stuff I hear at the parties and the douche canoes I have to deal with. I could write a book.

I was told by one of my neighbors (who moved back to Texas...buh-bye, please don't come back) that my children are going to need extensive therapy when they grow up because of the way I raise them. She's the kind of mom who babies her children and acts like they live on a rainbow with unicorns and leprechauns, where the sun always shines and when they fart flowers shoot out of their asses. I, on the other hand, raise my kids in the real world, bribe them, blackmail them and teach them that the world sometimes sucks and how to deal with it. My kids have a point of view, sense of humor, are kind and fun to be around. Her son is a whiny brat who can't deal with anything that doesn't go his way and he can't do anything without his mommy. Oh, did I mention that she said this to me at our Neighborhood Bunco Night...in front of about 12 other neighbors? I don't miss her at all.

Enjoy your time in New Hampshire! Can't wait to read your next blog!

Ashley said...

26, engaged, bachelors degree, love blogging, reading and traveling. I live in northern California

Anonymous said...

42, married mom of a awesome Boy Scout, jewelry designer, teacher, district exec at BSA, avid reader, have no free time of my own, quickly became addicted to a good laugh with your blog.

Laura said...

I'm a 23 year old SWF from UT who is more sarcastic than anything else. Love reading your blog which makes my days at work so much better!

Sherry E said...

35 MWF, SAHM to 3 kids Girl, Boy, Girl. 9, 7, 4 1/2. I completely appreciate your humor and have similar thoughts regarding the general public. I love that you pepper your blog with profanity in the perfect places but not so much so that it becomes annoying!
I may or may not be eyeballing everyone in the grocery stores to try to figure out if it's you!

Anonymous said...

34 year old mwm. Been with my wife for 15 years. One 7 year old girl, 2 dogs, one cat, and some fishes. Been following your blog since the elf explosion, and my wife and I love it. It's nice to see that we aren't the only ones that think the way we do!

Anonymous said...

I'm Jen, 35 years old, mother of two amazingly gorgeous kids. Kyle who will be 6 in March and Hailey who just turned a year. They keep me super busy and drive me crazy on a daily basis. I have been married to my husband for 8 years and we live in Arizona.(we're both natives too...lord help us) I am currently a stay at home mom who also has two blogs of her own but apparently I must suck at them because I don't have many followers. I love your blog and seriously almost pee my pants everyday reading it. Yes, I am okay saying that because after you have two kids, it just doesn't matter anymore if I have to talk about my loss of bladder control. LOL! I have a food blog (because I love to cook) and I also have a personal blog just to write about whatever the crap I want to write about. I am also going to be starting my BSN soon to be a RN. I share your opinion on so many of your topics and I am so glad that you feel the same way I do about over achieving moms. I first found your blog after your Elf on the Shelf post. Thank goodness I did. You rock! Keep on doing what you do best and thanks for wanting to know about us! If you really have time and are interested, you can find out more about me by checking out either of my blogs.

http://thediaryofamodernmom.blogspot.com/

http://food4yoursoulbyjen.blogspot.com/

Dawn said...

38 year old mom of one awesome 3.5 year old daughter. I have been married 9 years. I have worked at the local library for 22 years. We live in Ohio about an hour east of Columbus. I first read your blog after my cousin-in-law shared Elf on a Shelf on FB. I was hooked.
You seem to write the same things that go through my head. I love Tina Fey. I love my husband dearly but as my daughter told him the other day, "You are a dingdong daddy!"or "Daddy is a silly silly boy".
I am not very organized in my homelife, seriously, I work at a library, I need some disorganization. But the first year of my daughter's life I was on top of everything. Now, I am just happy if her hair is combed and her clothes match, kind of. Scratch that, I am just happy if she has clothes on.

PletcherFamily said...

Married, have three children (2 girls, one boy). We adopted our little boy from China 4 years ago. Our youngest daughter has a rare genetic disease called Lebers Congenital amaurosis that is causing her to go blind. We have a foundation due to her disease - www.rdh12.org and www.finleyfighters.com. We have raised $300,000 for our foundation in the last year and a half, which pays for research for a cure.

I am a registered nurse but this year I am just concentrating on the foundation and my kids. My husband is a geneticist at Pfizer. We live in Massachusetts.

I really enjoy your blog!!!

mandiessugarbowl said...

I'm a married 30 year old redhead. Have to spawn...girls 8 and 2, 2 guinea pigs. I am a self employed baker from home. I have a seizure disorder that puts a few kinks in things, but we deal with it. I read your posts every day and while I don't comment a=on them all, all of them make me snort my morning coffee. If I ever go to an ENT doc, he may wonder about my nasal lining!

Likes:Baking (DUH), purple and blue, frogs and dogs
Dislikes/Fears: Drains (childhood trama brought on by my brother) Dime store wooden Indians (Same brother, same childhood. He tortured me) and heights. Oh and peas. CANT STAND THEM!

Keep up the good work Jen!!

Jeri Schreiner said...

31 year old married mom of one 9 yr old boy. We live in southern NJ, very southern. I found you through a friend on facebook and like many others I feel a kinship with you even though we have never met. I find your point of view on many subjects extremely funny and refreshingly truthful. I have only one child and there is a reason for that...what if he is the good one?

B said...

33 YO Southern Female married to a 34 YO Southern Gentleman, living in NJ (and grudgingly accepting it, on my part, for 2 years!) & expecting our first in July. I work for an urban farm managing a mobile produce market project, he owns a homebrew/winemaking shop. Found you through a FB post by a friend and stalked you ever since... ninja-ly of course.

Jean said...

My daughter-in-law introduced me to you. I'm 58 yrs old, married 36 years, two adult children, one grandchild. Hubbie works. I'm retired due to disability. I'm a progressive liberal democrat, a very ex-Catholic. I'm all WTF about the Church trying to force all women to follow their birth control teachings thru government coercion. I want government to quit trying to insert religion into our underpants & our bedrooms. I don't need birth control anymore but I've been there. I'm wondering when the Republicans will make their move to take away the right of women to vote. I live in Florida, a place shaped much like Italy, and we are currently being run by Mussolini returned from the dead. Bleah! You cheer me up a lot. I just hope younger women realize the danger that they may lose their rights if they are not politically active. Vote! My grandmothers couldn't vote until they were in their mid twenties and never missed an election. One of them got off her death bed to go and vote back when voting absentee wasn't available. Even if the choices are poor, vote and then harass the your elected officials by email and phone, especially the ones you don't like. The secretary of my (R) representative in the House told me I've written to him 76 times. It wasn't because I agreed with him. An elderly African American lady I once did voter registration with drummed up business by yelling, "If you don't vote, you're not really a citizen." She spoke the truth.

Lora said...

You don't really care about all this crap, do you?

-Lora (42 yrs, MWF, 2 sons (5yr and 11 yr), Marketing person, Texan)

Anonymous said...

32-year-old female, married with two girls 5 and 3. I am a teacher and really enjoy reading your blog, especially the pjs at school one! My husband also reads your blog but only when I am laughing my ass off. He wants to find out what is so funny. I found you on facebook after one of my friends "Liked" your Elf blog. Keep doing what you are doing!

Jessica said...

33 year old MWF (I totally just had to do the math in my head to figure out how old I am!) with an 8 year old son who WILL be the death of me. We live in the suburbs of the Gateway to Hell, aka Phoenix. Anyone out there who lives where it's not 110+ degrees for 3-4 months per year and can get my husband hooked up with a job at your local electric utility, let me know! :) Anyhoo, we're borderline animal hoarders with 2 dogs, 3 cats, and a geriatric guinea pig. We've also dabbled in chickens and bearded dragons in the past. We'd love to live on a couple acres someday and have *legal* chickens--and maybe goats! We're huge hockey fans (both my husband and son play), and really don't pay attention to any other sports. When someone mentioned watching the Super Bowl last month, my son in all honesty asked, "What's the Super Bowl?" Yep, that's MY kid. But we did watch it...gotta be able to make small talk with other normal people! So, that's me. Thanks for the hours of entertainment your blog has given me. My husband, on the other hand, would probably like it if I'd tear myself away from the computer and stop constantly talking to him about it. "You know that hi-larious Elf on the Shelf blog? Well there's this other one by her about..."

Robyn said...

38. MWF. Mom of a 19-month-old with HUGE brown eyes. Part-time newspaper journalist. Part-time crafter/work-from-homer. I like yellow a whole lot. I have 7 pounds to lose. My husband also seems to lack an edit button.

Anonymous said...

59-year-old, married, 2 great kids,(Out of the house, thank you very much!)...Great Lakes area, work in Special Education/high school level, sarcastic sense of humor, (which explains why I read/enjoy your blog) Two grand-dogs and three grand-dogs.
Entertain myself by riding my motorcycle, quilt, read, and garden.

Karla said...

Almost 35, 2 kids, music teacher (part-time so I am sane), hubby works in the evening so he is with the kids while I'm at work; lived in OH for 8 years while in college but from CT and currently live in CT. My family is huge and Portuguese on my side (basically like my big fat greek wedding but Portuguese). My husband and I met at a Boy Scout Camp.

Team J said...

Bored at work?? Sounds nice.

Team J said...

Please explain marginal marriage. Sounds like my kind of arrangement. ;)

Anonymous said...

22 year old female engineering (or a "chick engineer" as one of the boys I met on a job interview called me...made me want to punch him) student (senior) from the midwest. Stumbled across your blog with your list of things to teach your daughter. Don't always agree with you, but I love the way you present things.

Traci said...

44,Hairdresser, Married Jersey girl stuck in Maryland(don't ask, your in Kansas right? same difference),I miss Jersey, the beach,the food, I have 2 girls 8 and 7. Waiting for the day that I am in Menopause and they are in puberty..God's sick little joke for me. Love reading your blog about how I feel everyday and I have paid if forward and shared with my friends..The Elf blogs was the bomb! I sent that SOB to Jersey with my Mother. I love my family and I love to cook. Work full time AND my kids use to go to bed at 7 sharp no excuses but now they can tell time so 8 is rule. Put a fork in my by then Im done. Keep them coming every time I see something eff'd up I think how you should write about with your twist.

NorthernGirl said...

37 year old married mom of 2 from Northern NH. I prefer a cold beer over a glass of wine any day. I'm an emergency dispatcher so your blog gives me a much-needed daily dose of humor. Overachievers, dork moms who throw potty parties, and over-privileged under-disciplined kids also drive me crazy. I think that life is hard enough without killing ourselves trying to live up to the expectations jammed down our throats by politically correct parenting magazines. I will, however, own the fact that I've occasionally tried to get crafty. The results were... less than desirable, so I went slacker and never looked back lol. I've never owned an elf on the shelf, I think "organized" is a relative term, and being a parent with a full time job outside the home has allowed me to become a master of functioning inside of chaos. You make me laugh every single day and I wish you all the best!

Anonymous said...

I am a 22 year old gay college student. I'm in my senior year and I am studying elementary Ed. I have been with my boyfriend for two years and he has a 5 year old daughter from a previous marriage ( he was young and trying to appease his parents by practicing a heterosexual lifestyle). We recently bought a house in a rural community in northern Missouri. I like cheese.

Jamie said...

35 year old, happily married for 11 1/2 years to a 52 year old recovering alcoholic/drug addict who had been married 3 times previously (always a good conversation starter). I've been told I'm sarcastic - I call it bitchy. Got 4 kids - 24 year old step-son, 22 year old step daughter in law, 14 year old daughter, and 10 year old son. Also have a 4 legged demon spawn. I think that's me in a nutshell.

Erin G said...

the memoir chapter invite is tempting. I will refrain since you already have a shit-ton of comments. :)

Married white female mommy in Raleigh NC. Southern AND smart. (Yes that's a real thing.)

Unknown said...

I read your blog everyday and if you ever move to beautiful San Diego, we will be best friends! I'm 38, married 12 years, Boy age 8, Girl age 4. I'm a high school principal, working with a pretty tough bunch of students. Your post about picking up Gomer in your PJs made me laugh so hard, I cried.

You rock!

Lizbeth said...

Hiya! We're practically neighbors. I'm over in Leawood and Lord in Heaven there is enough stuff going on in South Johnson County to keep you busy for years. YEARS. I moved here three years ago and am continually going, "WTF, for real?"

Lisa E said...

MWF 43 yrs old with one kid-boy. Work full time as attorney for a gov't . Found blog before Christmas and been following since then. Shared a number of posts on FB and I think I ticked off a couple people with some of them (glad I did too). Thanks for the posts. They make me laugh. The hoarder post was one of my favorites.

Unknown said...

16, female, Boston suburb. i don't believe in marriage and i never want to have a child of my own. i hate the rich, snobby, skinny MFG's (Mean Faced Girls) at my school who complain about how fat they are or that daddy won't pay for more skimpy designer clothes to add to their overstuffed wardrobes.

Anonymous said...

I'm Anon. because I'm still not 100% comfortable with putting it all out there. I'm 36 and on the cusp of comfort with social media. Mom to 2 boys, a 5 yr old who at 2 was calling the dog 'shithead', and an almost 2 year old who yells 'fuck' when he drops something. Guess I need to curb the cussing. I came to you by way of the elf, shared on fb by a friend. I'm happy to add you to my list of inspirational modern day women who refuse to be pigeonholed. Even if this is only a one-sided relationship, I love to be around women who can own who they are!

Christine said...

28 year old wife and 33 year old hubby. from S Texas but living in boring Arkansas! Two dogs and a cat and work in a PRISON lol :)

Unknown said...

I'm a 33 year old female from Tampa FL, lived here all my life. Just started reading your blog around Christmas re: the elf/shelf post (hilarious) and I've been a fan ever since. I am in the workers comp field and I have three wonderful children. Two boys 8 and 6 and a baby girl that's one. My boyfriend has a boy also that's 6. I recently started a blog myself. I love reading your posts and the comments too. With such a busy house it is difficult to get around to reading everything, but when I get a few hours I catch up. Love your stuff!! Renee :)

Anonymous said...

50 something mom/teacher/wife in that order. Married to a man I call SAM (stupid ass man) .Have 4 kids 2 boys who's super powers are muttering, (the younger one has Aspergers - thats kept us all on our toes) one daughter who I call the feisty little pixie and a wicked step daughter who we keep because she provides us with adorable grand babies. Love the snarky sarcasm, keep it coming!

dpowers92 said...

I'm 41 and divorced (but for longer than I was married, so that's single now, right??), and I love living on my own. No kids, but I've taught students with special needs for 20 years, so that's kinda like my own kids...Started reading your blog after the Elf, like so many others. Look forward to your posts each day!! Thanks!

Unknown said...

Mom of 3 (9,7, 3), wife to hubby very similar to yours (must keep him from your hubby's posts!), teacher to many. Like many your elf blog hooked me. Read every day-- look foraward to your posts. Love Twilight, reading, scrapbooking, movies and music. Sadly, not enough time for all. Apparently close your age as I too have many embarrassing college pics in 1991. None of you though! Keep up the great work. You have not inspired me to write a blog, so no need to follow me. I live vicarously through your blog!

Anonymous said...

I'm a SWF in my 30's and enjoy you very much. I found you through a friends FB entry that she posted. What I find so refreshing and disturbing at the same time is that all you are saying is common sense. I'm so shocked that some people find your advice so profoud....but good for you b/c if there are that many clueless people out there than you are doing the us all so much good!!!

Anonymous said...

37 year old MWF. I live in rural VA. I have 2 sons ages 9 & 6 who both love Legos and Star Wars although the Hubs loves neither. A friend sent the Elf on the Shelf link thru FB to me at Christmas and I've been following you ever since. You say the things out loud that I don't have the guts to say so I live vicariously thru you, LOL. I always thought the Elf thing was so creepy and people had too much time on their hands messing with them so I couldn't wait to read more....

PletcherFamily said...

Your comment about FL made me laugh! We lived in West Palm Beach for 4 years and hated every minute. It really is the armpit of hell down there. Especially when the snowbirds show up. :)

Elizabeth Medovnik said...

I'm 38, live in London (the English one), have a (just turned) 1-year-old girl and have been married for 10 years. SAHM now, but used to work in IT and then taught autistic children. I've been enjoying your blog since someone on a website I'm a member of posted a link to your Elf post. I'm too indicisive to have a favourite colour. Oh, and I cried laughing telling my husband about your china having a mustache!

Jen said...

37-year-old MWF. I met my husband through AOL chat in '96 and still tell half-truths about how we met (mostly because I can't remember who knows what.) No kids; am unsure about having children since most of them remind me of the benefits of birth control.

Jules said...

I think this is comment number 267, so if you're reading I adore you even more than I already did. You really are a comment whore. ;) I'm an almost 33 year old, married, advertising manager by day, mama to the best 2 year old girl always, aspiring funny lady. I love funny. I think funny makes life worth living and I search for it actively, which is how I discovered you. YOU are a funny lady. <3

Fiona said...

23-year-old non-mother, non-wife from New England. My mom shared this blog with me because she thought it seemed "right up my alley." Indeed, it is now my favorite thing to read and I agree with so many punches! Despite my not being a mother or wife, I can identify sooo much with your thoughts, ideas, sentiments, and mood swings. It makes me optimistic that one day, I can be a successful mother and wife while still being funny and cynical, and also brutally honest towards those who are punch-worthy! Love it.

Mrs. Kirbyface said...

35 year old MWF. 2 kids, 1 cat, 1 dog, 1 husband. I live in Northern California near San Fran. I have been a dedicated reader since you posted about The Elf on a shelf. I too believe in the punch, but my line has always been, I'm gonna punch you in the face....I say it so much, it was my two year old first complete sentence. I feel EXACTLY the way you do on all the subjects you post about. You make me laugh out loud EVERY time I read your blog. I enjoy it so much I have shared it with my closest friends. I'm a fellow blogger, but don't have quite the following you do. You have a gift. You are very talented and you keep me coming back...which isn't an easy feat. So keep up the good work! Can't wait for your next post!

Jen said...

28 married mom of 2 (almost 3yo boy and 18mo girl). Been following your blog since the Elf on the Shelf! lol

Courtney Kay said...

23yo SWF. No kids of my own but hundreds of borrowed children. I have been called; Super Nanny, Mary Poppins, and the Baby whisperer. Graduated college with a psychology degree in 2011. I am currently a nanny for 17 month old triplets, but am moving soon to train with a home-birth midwife!

mosaicmaddness said...

40, white female, recently married for the third time (is a charm)... daughter graduating in May and getting married soon after. Work for the state in which I live, have a gorgeous cat that drives us crazy.... sarcastic, witty, bitchy, and my biggest wish is for world peace.

Dianne said...

29 single white working girl - found you when emily giffin (awesome author, def read her if you havent) posted your elf on the shelf blog post. i read it about 4 times, nearly peed my pants, passed it along to anyone who would read it, and have been hooked since. i love people who have the kind of humor i do!

Lea said...

33, MWF, SAHM mostly (work a few hours a week, if I have a client), speech therapist, have 3 year old b/g twins. Your wisdom makes me giggle. And contributes to what sanity I can claim.

Brittany Wardrip said...

21 year old married woman. 1 child, a boy. And one due in October. We live in North Carolina. I'm an aspiring writer. I found you after a post on Elf on the Shelf, lol. I loved the way you wrote and loved your sometimes brutal, but always funny honesty.

Andrea said...

33 years old... married with four kids (one boy, three girls) 2, 4, 6, 9. Professor with a stay at home hubby dad which is fabulous...perfect dad and does all of the laundry (and everything else)!!

I speak fluent sarcasm. Love your blog because you write what I think! I love that you speak from the heart and don't sugar coat what parenting is really like!!!!!!!

Jill said...

Constantly cranky, super tired, but mildly optimistic. 42 year old "mature mother" of an almost 5 year old girl and a 2 year old boy. I'm never bored. My hands are never idle. And you make me smile! Thanks!

Anonymous said...

i have 2 boys...6 and 4...Packer fan too! Are you in WI?

Anonymous said...

Almost 33, not married, no kids, no pets. I'm selfish about my sleeping patterns and fear I will someday ruin a child of my own so I am currently content with spoiling my nephew who is quite honestly the best thing in the world. At least this way if I start to feel I have ruined him I can just give him back to his parents.
I work 60 hours a week in retail and have considered starting my own blog or writing a humor book that will be filled with real life incidents from the idiots I encounter in retail. Most of these stories will begin... "so this douche canoe..."

Anonymous said...

37, Leo, white female. Big mop of curly red hair like Sideshow Bob on the Simpsons. Tattoo artist, oil painter, freelance smartass. Married a dude from Italy and he looks like Luigi from the Mario Bros. games. I have a giant pink 1958 Buick Roadmaster and I swear like a sailor.

Construction Queen said...

33 year old, married mom of 1 boy who's 2 & a 34 year old husband who acts like he's 2, & we're planning to add another face to the family some time next year :)

I love reading your posts & laugh hysterically when I do, you say the things I can't or won't some times. A girlfriend of mine that I got hooked on your blog says you must have been friends with us in a past life.

I'm not an overachiever mom. I nannied for 10 years & know that these parents are just putting on a show for the other parents, the kids could care less & eventually they'll all fall of the perfection band wagon right straight on their perfect little faces.

Keep up the good work! You are a source of daily entertainment for me!

Tazi Kat said...

I am so flattered! I am an 8 year old neutered male cat, rescued from the shelter at 11 months. I write an advice column for humans, which is doing quite well, considering it started out as a college writing project. You can read more about my ghostwriter in her online portfolio, www.kimberlymanchester.yolasite.com

Leigh said...

32 year old married female. 4 hairless cats, 1 hairy cat and 1 dog. I'm a radiation therapist and car freak. Just bought a new corvette for Christmas. Love it! I'm completely devoted to my job and patients. I have a terminal brain cancer patent who has been very depressed. I asked her to come in for the last morning appointment the other day and we sat for an hour reading your blog and Bitches in the Burbs. You gave her a great laugh and made her feel better.

Amanda @ Life, Experience Needed said...

27yr old married mom of 2 sweet kids - 3.5 yr old Lynden & 13m Alyssa. I'm one of those mom's you want to punch in the throat when it comes to Elf on a Shelf. :-) I am addicted to Pinterest and think everything on there is something I MUST have... but never really do.
I think you (and your blog) are Hilarious and am so glad I found you :-)

Anonymous said...

Female, divorced with 1 child - 18, happily remarried. Love cats, reading, playing games online. Vermonter through and through. Usually read your blog at work and love it. Now you know something about me...

Anonymous said...

It all started on a blustery fall day in October of 1981....

Remember the days of A/S/L? on AOL? 30/F/Gulf Coast

I have an almost-4-year-old daughter who has autism and keeps me on my toes. I'm a SAHM & military spouse.

Sue said...

I'm 51 and started following you with the Elf on the Shelf blog.

Been married for 29 flipping happy years.

I used to stay home with the kids, but now I stay home with the dogs.

My son is 23 and my daughter is 18.

The daughter will be going to go to Mizzou in the fall.

I'm tucking my chin in as I type that. :)

Cheryl said...

My name's Cheryl. I live in Durham, NC. Married for almost 16 years. 2 kids; a boy who's 7 a girl who is 4. I work p/t at Barnes and Noble and am working on getting a photog business going. Found your blog through a friend and feel fortunate that I have. Thanks for making me laugh.
If you get the time you should come poke around my blog.
http://cnavphoto.blogspot.com

butterflytatus said...

Hi! I'm the ghostwriter behind Tazi-Kat's musings, and I am embarrassed to admit that "his" blogs are more successful than mine ever were! Thus the secret identity. I am 38, from New England, and am a full-time student, graduating in December. My first degree is a BA in Communications, my second will be a BA in Science; and I hope to combine the two. I have no children, and an amazingly supportive boyfriend/life partner, which is why I can do this! I love your column/blog, and promote it every chance I get! For those who missed it, here's my latest plug for PIWTPITT: Tazi recommends: People I Want To Punch In The Throat

Tasha McCalicher said...

I am a 31 year old mom of two. A girl age 7 and a boy age 6. I am stay at home military wife. I love your blog and my husband and I tend to read it together it gives us some good chuckles. I tend to have the same opinion as you . I am living in CA near San Diego. So hey if you ever want to take a vacation my house is open we would prob have a great time hanging out. lol I love sharing your blog and you make me feel like I am not the only one who feels this way about stuff. :)

Anonymous said...

Arky full of Malarky . . . that means I'm from Arkansas and love word play. Hooked on Scrabble and Words with Friends to prevent the onset of early Alzheimer's. Am also a forty-something homeschooling and public schooling mom with 3 kids and one dog. You make me laugh even though or maybe because you curse like a salty dog of a pirate.

Anonymous said...

40 y.o. mom of 2 girls, married to a humorous sexy dork for 18+ years, live in suburban Denver, sarcasm is my language
I work as a SPED/IEP para in an elementary school

Haley said...

26 year old army wife, currently stationed at Fort Leavenworth. No offspring, but have 2 cats and 1 needy dog that outweighs most kids, so I think she counts. Also have a needy husband, so maybe I should add him to the tally. Thanks for saying the things that most people don't think they should when it really does need to be addressed.

Kim Furnell said...

My 17 year old son has high functioning autism, and we went through the pokemon obsession as well. I didn't realize those things were still around. Don't worry ladies, it doesn't last forever. The bad news is what it gets replaced with. :P

Keren Jackson said...

Wow! Are you really going to read all of these!?

I'm Keren, 29, mom of one (soon-to-be 2 any day now), and a high school English teacher. I love reading your blog, as it provides a great deal of comedic relief in my sometimes stressful days.

KrzyMomy said...

44 MWF Married 23 years.... 4 kids (20g, 19g, 15b, 14b) 20yo is married and expecting first baby in June (my feelings are at least she was out of high school and married first and no matter how I feel about this baby's parents, I love the baby! - and yea, the 20yo too, only because she's mine) I have 3 more chances to get it right ;). My husband and I are still married but live in different states... he retired from the USMC and got a job in a different state and I stayed put to let the kids finish high school. Tough yes, but much better than more deployments! I have a super flexible job so we visit often and I think of his home as my vacation home! I honestly can't wait til all the kids are out of the house and moving on with their lives as we've prepared them to do. I just hope we still get along when we actually live together again ;). I hate drama and stupid people. I like to be in front when driving because so many people don't know how to use their cruise control. I can agree to disagree and not get my panties in a wad over many subjects. I love your blog and enjoy reading it.

Kristen said...

Love that I too could live on coffee and wine (or would if I could).

Kristen said...

I am a married momma to a crazy, wildly independent yet uber shy 5 year old. I teache first graders and have for the last 14 years. I will be 36 in 3 months (WTF!!!!) and have been married for almost 10 years. I have dreams of being the overachieving mom, but reality tells me that will never happen. Well, reality and the giant crate of scrapbook paper, the cricut and other assorted mommy things. You say what I want to say, but can't since I have to maintain some form of professionalism at work! I live in the oh so fab state of CA where bankruptcies are rampant, furlough days are in our future yet again and I have to be bilingual to communicate with my kids parents! I adore your blog and think you are a genius!!! Keep it up!
Kristen

Www.socalteacherstuff.blogspot.com

kdmomof3g said...

Trying to remember my age - like it really matters anyhow at this point (36 I think). Married, three girls (4, 7, &9), love life, beer, wine, coffee, and my family. Your blog makes me chuckle every time so people in the lunch room or cubicle land at work make strange faces at me(of course, that happens anyway!) Thanks for keeping it real!

Unknown said...

Social worker, for real!!! Do adoptions. Was a preschool teacher for 6 years before that. Me and children have a love and hate relationship, sometimes I do not like them and other times I like them less, but I love getting them a "forever family" when they do not have anybody to take care of them. 32, married, female. Been married for 17 years with the same man, just in case you are wondering. Have 2 girls,16 and 11. Yes, I did start really early. By the time, I am 40 my kids will be in college and I am looking forward to that, with a passion. I am Puerto Rican and nobody in my circle of friends get your sense of humor. They are overachievers and I do not have time for that shit because I still going to fucking school to finish the master degree I started like 3 years ago. Ha!! and I was thinking about being a lawyer but my husband says my temper, attitude and narcissists ways are going to make a judge throw me in jail and he has no money for bail because cops do not get paid enough. He is a Puerto Rican cop and I know the joke is on me. Does not get any worst than a cop and a social worker working for the government. Yes, I am poor. My last words, love your blog. I feel like I am not alone in this world when I read it.

Marianne said...

Navy wife married for ten years with two girls 5 and 3. Lived all over the place with Japan being my favorite place so far. Right now we are residing in San Diego CA and I am ready for a change. Not sure when that will happen. Got to love the Military. I am a stay at home mom with a degree in Medical Specialties. The things that peeve me are the people who say there your friend and you do everything under the sun for them and when you need one small favor for them they cant do anything for you. Really burns me up. Thats all.

Jill said...

Midwest farm wife....2 adult kids trying to find their way in the world...enjoying "together" time with my hubs of 26 years...30 if you count dating time...not true empty nesters yet because the kids keep coming back home...9 cats...2 dogs...(it's a farm/animal rescue)...believe in hard work, honesty, true friends and good wine time...love picnics, traveling, quiet Sundays and sleeping in on rainy days and my new love...my Kindle...enjoy your humor.

Anonymous said...

38, male, married, six year old daughter. Music professor and church musician. Your blog makes me smile.

Lizzz said...

34 year-old from Massachusetts. Mom of 2 kids the Boy is 13, the Girl is 7. Not sure how long I'll be the mother of the Boy. He might just end up on the doorstep of a church.
I work full-time and I'm on facebook full-time so that doesn't leave much time for anything else.
Your blog is the high-light of my day....

jenn said...

My name is also Jenn, which i absolutely HATED being called growing up, but am called the most now. I grew up in Kansas and now live in Iowa. I also lived in Minnesota for about 9 months. I have 4 kids, all boys, ages 10, 9 ,7 and 4 months. I also have a husband of 11 years. Im an over achieving elf on the shelf stay at home mom who occasionally posts how busy i am on Facebook and takes the hubby to his dr appts, but to be fair, he is a truck driver who is only home on the weekends (did i mention i have FOUR BOYS?) so if ny chance he gets home to go to the dr for an hour then that is where we spend our "quality" time. I also made my kids cutsie Valentines that all the other moms likely trashed immediately ;) i love your blog. I totally relate to you and your sarcasm.
PS you should consider moving to a more rural area....i wear my pjs to my kids' school often, but then again so do the other moms.

Anonymous said...

My name is Nikki, happily married 33 year old graduate student. I graduate in June with my Master's of Social Work. I have a 2 year old boy and am currently cooking another one:) I LOVE your blog and laugh my ass off on the regular with it-it's a nice reprieve from the insanity of school and life! I'm not an overachiever and sometimes use the tv as a babysitter to get some school work done (gasp!) Particularly Finding Nemo- I owe that damn fish! Thank you Pixar!

Jennifer D said...

40YO wife and mother whose blog has exactly 9 followers. Married 18 years, some of which were beyond hard. Love spending time with my 13YO daughter and my 9YO son, as well as my 20 2nd grade students. I'm a conservative Republican, and I think you're hilarious! (Have you started hiding Christmas presents in your luggage yet?)

Anonymous said...

I am spitting kitty. Ftt Fttttttt. I am angry bear. Grrrrr. I am large
watermelon seed stuck in your nose. Zermmmmmmmmmm. I am small biting
spider in your underwear. Yub yub yub. No mimes.

cheerfully stolen from a personal ad. love your blog. :)

Erin said...

I'm 33, married to a Marine, and the mom of a 2 and 5 year old. I lost my brother in Iraq in 2006. We live in Cali, but I can't wait to move back east. I first found your column when someone reposted your elf on a shelf rant. Loved it and have been reading your stuff ever since. I often thought if I ever wrote a blog, it would be exactly like yours.

Anonymous said...

Alicia, 34. SOMETIMES a coupon blogger at iamwickedcheap.com. I <3 crocheting and show off my goodies on the "Wicked Hooker" FB page. I drink way too much coffee and love to paint (walls, not pictures). I have TWO masters degrees and am a stay at home mom. I had 4 kids in less than 4 years...'cause I'm fertile like that.

Found out about you when a FB friend shared a link to your elf on the shelf post - loved it!

Watsonville said...

I'm a blog stalker. I hate that term and even MORE I hate people that do it. I read blogs, talk to other people about how much I love or hate them but I never make comments on them. Why now? Because you asked. I am 36 (I think) with 4 kids under the age of 9. I originally live in California but am currently living in New Zealand for 3 months with the entire family. We moved here for a job stay with the husband. Man are we adventuresome/brave? I thought this would be a good time to do some self-reflection and work on some areas of myself to make myself a better person and find my true happiness again. It's helpful to leave all the drama behind and be in such a beautiful place as NZ. HOWEVER there is a piece of me deep down inside that will always be "ME". That is where you and your blog come in. It is my guilty pleasure. It is where I go to read and laugh my behind off when nobody else is around and I am not judged by anyone. It's like crude reality TV via the blog world that I can't get enough of. You speak what my mind says all the time but I know I shouldn't say to anyone's face. You are keepin it real and I mean real GOOD! For all us stay at home moms who suffer from crap the world is laying on us, thanks for giving us a moment to breath every now and again by letting us know we are in the same crazy boat. Now can someone please throw me an oar before I sink this thing?

Anonymous said...

Live in CA, 43, married white female w/ one child, age 6. I regularly share your posts w/ my friends on FB because so many of us share your opinions. I've been teaching for 21 years in large urban school district and am NOT your typical, anal-retentive teacher.

re from AR said...

35 year old, happily married small business owner in the great state of Arkansas. Wait, who am I kidding? I peddle 2 dollar liquor in an economically depressed town in the Mississippi Delta and have to bathe in lysol on a daily basis. I love dogs, kids...not so much. My daughter is a 2 year old basset hound named after a rap star (I had a hip hop moment, i suppose) Sarcasm is my first language which is often paired up with whatever swear word complements it in a sentence. Your stories never fail to brighten my day. Rock on, the imaginary kids I will never have would be proud to have a mom as cool as you.

--kim said...

46, SWF, stroke survivor, avid cyclist, have 2 cats and 4 chickens, Autin, Texas.

Sara said...

33- year old female. Single mother of a 4 year old girl. Started reading your blog after a colleague posted your Elf on a Shelf on Facebook. LOVE your sense of humor. I often feel guilty that I'm not doing enough with my daughter because I'm usually exhausted after we get home... You help me feel less guilty because you suck too. :-)

Kateminder said...

I'm a 28 yo mom of three kids. Alexa(6), Connor (3), and Alana (6 months). My husband works out of town Monday-Thursday so I'm on my own during the week. I live in FL and love it, even though I'm states away from all my family. I love your posts! They make me laugh and remind me they I'm not crazy when I think some moms ' over achieve'! My hubs is a star wars freak too! I love that my son calls it ' star whores'! Have no clue why he can't say star wars, but it cracks me up!

Marcella said...

34 year old professional SWF on the prowl. I like long walks on the beach, thunderstorms and someone laying on top of me naked. Ugh. Have I told you how much dating at this age sucks ass? Relationshits. My grandma has called me a “spinster” on more than one occasion and my friends are certain I’m 2 cats shy of being the crazy old cat lady. “Run!” The children will exclaim whilst passing by my house.

I was born and raised in the cornfields of Indiana. I am the youngest and only girl in my family of three older brothers. They were rotten little shits growing up but all pretty cool now. We were horrible kids…ever seen the show Nanny 911? Yeah, those brats are the Von Traps compared to us 20 years ago.

I’m just a sweet Midwestern Christian girl who loves to drink Vodka, swear, overuse sarcasm and offensive humor. Thus, I am a loyal follower and fan or your work. Found you on from FB during the Elf era. I think we could be BFFs…I would even buy you one of those heart necklaces that splits in two so you could wear one ½ and me the other…think it over.:)

pelican said...

I am a married 40ish woman with a husband who has been out of work for one year. Do I miss the paycheck? Hell yea! Do I miss my husband not being in my business 24/7? Even more!! We have a daughter in grad school and 2 in middle school. I work in first grade and became a faithful follower with your Elf on a Shelf post. Each year I move around 5 of those bastards! I did forget to move Koneecheewa(one of the elves names) and you would have thought the earth stopped moving on its axis!!

Alicia said...

I think my fist post didn't publish, so I'll try again.

Alicia, 34. Upstate NY. I drink way too much coffee and love to paint (walls, not pictures). I am a SOMETIMES coupon blogger at iamwickedcheap.com. I am addicted to crocheting and show off my goodies on the 'Wicked Hooker' FB page. My favorite word is 'wicked', in case you haven't noticed. I have 2 master's degrees and am a stay at home mom. I had 4 kids in less than 4 years...'cause I'm fertile like that.

I found out about your blog when a FB friend posted a link to your now famous 'elf on a shelf' post - loved it.

Lindsay Mize Onofrio said...

37 yr old married mom of 3 (girls 7 and 4 & a boy who is 1 + my husband/4th child who is 47) Technically considered a SAHM but I am a massage therapist doing home visits at night & on weekends, teach preschool 2 days a week and I do marketing for a massage publication from home. Highly cynical, sarcastic, weird and silly! Thanks for the smiles and laughs!

skiddy said...

46 and counting MAIIF (Married/Asian/Indian/Irish/Female) I live in South Overland Park, Kansas... the land of Overachieving moms!!! Fact... YOU write what I would like to say ... if I had some balls!!!

Pre-cleaning for the Cleaning Service said...

Married, mother of 2 in NC. I am the breadwinner of my family, but hope to fulfill my wish of being a kept woman someday! Found your blog through a FB friend who posted the 'Elf on the Shelf Moms' post. It was like someone reading my mind! Since then, I read and enjoy your posts when I can.

AndreaS said...

35 years old
Married 10 years...my hubs also thinks your blog is hysterical by the way
2 boys- ages 6.5 and 1.5
Work full time as a Speech language pathologist
Work with geriatric patients
Try not to be an annoying overachieving Mom but do admit to buying and reading excessive numbers of children's books and enrolling my kids in music classes. You will not however find me throwing a potty training party!!!

Anonymous said...

I tell my friends that you are must be my sister from another mister! Truly, I think we could be great friends IRL as we have lots in common, at least in the attitude department. I am 44 and married, with a 20 year old son from a previous marriage, and two daughters ages 5 and 2. I'm a native Texan but have made my home near Toronto, Canada for the past 7 years. Your blog makes me laugh - I'm so glad I found it due to the infamous Elf post.

jenneuse said...

MWF 47 2 kids girl 18 boy 16 dh of 22 years
Former PTO president. Built two new playgrounds and got out. Love your blog because you have to laugh at yourself first. My favorite saying is don't let the bastards get you down.

Kelly said...

SWF, 34, social worker at inpatient psychiatric ward for the military, no kids, never been married. travelled a lot. live in seattle, orginally from texas then moved to baltimore after my MSW, then to england for a few years. i enjoy reading your blog because there are a lot of people i want to punch in the throat. i can't stand hipsters, who are way too cool for me, i want to punch every person that asks me why i am not married then says i am not because i am too picky or that i don't have kids because i am selfish. i want to punch everyone who thinks they are better then me because they got pregnant when they were 17 and i am awful because i waited to find a good partner to have kids so i must be a bad person. thanks for asking

Anonymous said...

I am 44 just turned this I have 5 children girl 26 girl 24 boy 18 boy 6 boy 4 I have 2 grand kids boy 2 girl 9 months. I have told you about the story where my son told the Costco lady I wasn't his mommy Remember. I worked in field of children abused neglected you name it I have done it from top to bottom, Now I am a stay at home mom and on bad days I hate it yep I said it face book is my only adult convo during the day and you make me smile laugh thank you and when hubs gets home he is just to tired to talk I LOVE ALL MY CHILDREN with all my body and soul would die for all of them but someday's it is just crazy lol I am not medicated some days they just might help me, I have a child that has ADHD and he also has a sensory disorder and when he is on a bad day it is bad so those are the days I hate it because he can't help it and I feel like a failure maybe I did something different during my pg I just do know they say it has nothing to do with me it's just his make up I am not an overachiever someday's I feel like I don't achieve anything LOL but these last boys are my most enjoyment maybe because I get to stay home and do not have work My elder children I was there for them my job was very flexible which was wonderful but I still worked which means I was tired more, I love what you do and what you give to me a reason to go on lol just kidding but you diff rock keep it up and thank you CARRIE

Anonymous said...

Married female 37, from Northeast Indiana (and I hate it), wishing to move back to Minneapolis, Mn. I work part-time, have 3 kids 1 girl 10, 2 rambunctious boys 6 and 3 and 2 dogs. I love your blog, you say so many things that I would love to say out loud sometimes, but since moving here have no one to say them to, or who would think it was "kosher" to say so...LOL.

I heard about you through a friend on facebook, and am so very glad I did!!

Kim said...

49 MWF with two girls (18 and 19) in college. I'm also a high school AP English teacher. When I'm not boiling frogs or eating babies (ask my students!), I enjoy all things Harry Potter, playing in the SCA, walking my Old English Sheepdogs (both rescues), and hanging with the Hubs.

Anonymous said...

Married 10+ years, work from home mom of 2 minions,, Barbie and Destructo...yes not their real names but that sums them up! Love your stories and you are telling the story of my life...have more than enough SW figures that are in the box and can't be played with than I care to have.

Shana Busby. said...

MWF, 37 from Birmingham, AL. I've been reading your blog since the "ELF" back in December. I have 2 girls, ages 10 and 5! WTF! I quit my job when the first one was born and now both are in school and I enjoy reading and watching ant reality show! Can't get enough! I love reading your blog! I tell all my friends about it bc everything you say and do is "my life" and the hubs is a cheep bastard and the Christmas lights story was him. Thanks for making me laugh!!

messycook said...

Nearly 46 year old MWF. Have been married for 29 years (yes I was 16 and he was 17). Mother of 3 grown children and 1 adorable grandson. I consider myself a conservative, but can appreciate your views and love your sense of humor. I work as an administrative assistant for a school district in CO and my co-workers and I spend time during our day reading your posts, sometimes resulting in fits of laughter and a few tears have been shed. I agree with your Hubs that Star Wars references apply in just about any given situation. I have done the crafty-cooking thing for years and began to wonder if I was an overacheiver. When I asked my friend at work, I found that thankfully I am not, because apparently one cannot be an overacheiver when the Valentine's cookies she brought (from a Pinterest recipe) were in a cracked plastic container. Phew. Thanks for the laughter.

Anonymous said...

oh yes I am Married and live in this place called California not as great as everyone thinks it is maybe to visit but not so sure to live here it's is outrages now lol Carrie

Jessica Nettles said...

I am a 46 year old, divorced mom of two--a daughter, aged 18, and a son, aged 16. I have a Master's in Professional Writing, and I teach Learning Support English at a Georgia Technical College. I am not or never will be a soccer mom (they make me want to punch someone in the throat). I love God, but don't think it's anyone's business to shove their view of God down my throat, on the tv, and certainly not into my politics. I also have very little in the way of patience for stupid, lazy, or a victim attitude. Your blog makes me laugh, mostly because I find a kindred spirit in you.

Patty in TX said...

Newbie divorcee(almost a year)mom of a great 9 yr old daughter. 44 years old and just totally beat my child in Just Dance 3 Take On Me by A-Ha. I rock! I'm out of shape, work in relationships ministry and love the messiness of life and being human. So happy to have found your blog. Keep it up!

MommyOntheEdge said...

37 yr old, married, Mom of four - 17,14,10, and 8 from MI. Crazy busy, I work part time for the bsa and the other part cleaning horse stalls. My husband irritates the piss out of me, I'm opinionated and not afraid to share it, I hate people who waste my time or beat around the bush. My time is valuable, it's never given lightly. I love my kids fiercly but I'm not blind to their faults or mine. I'm probably not the most tactful person you'll ever meet but I have some of the most amazing friends in the world so I must be passable. If you want to know more head on over to the blog mommyontheedgeof.blogspot.com

Susan said...

After reading lots of the comments I am happy to know I am not the oldest of your readers (one of the oldest, though). Living here in Texas, my adopted state, 49yo married mom of 2 boys, one off at college ($$!!), other one in high school. Since high schooler's not driving yet (soon, and that means more $$) I still have a job driving him and his friends around. Also feeding him is quite the job. He's a big football player (it is Texas ya know).

Most of my friends/neighbors have young kids still at home, and they hate me because a) I have lots more time than they do (although they are "busy" because they overschedule their kids; please do a blog on that!) and b) I love to tell them their parenting future...


ANYhoo, I have a side business to keep me out of trouble but mostly I start projects and don't finish them. Your blog gives me another (GREAT FUNNY) reason to procrastinate! Thanks for that!

Anonymous said...

SWM, never married. Architect, NYC. I think a lot of the things you say out loud.

Unknown said...

I am a ninja! With kids...who drives a minivan... Except Thursdays, when I am a pirate! With kids...who sails a minivan... (Or I am a 38 yr old mom with an overactive imagination and a serious addiction to FB and blogs.)

Anonymous said...

37, married Jersey girl, kids = 2, one sensitive 11 yr old boy, one really loud 3 yr old girl. SAHM, was working, now I just run around all day doing ? Need funny stuff in order not to end up on NJ.com news

Amy said...

I'm a new mommy.
I have no idea what the color puce looks like.
My hubby is also Chinese, but he's "fresh off the plane" Chinese, not ABC Chinese. (You know, American-Born Chinese.)
Since I'm a WF, I say my three-months-old today baby boy is CaucAsian. Get it, "Caucasian" and "Asian" combined? Yeah, the hubby don't find it as funny as I do either. My friend Ruth says my baby is "AmerAsian." I think that's just stupid. If we're going with that logic, my baby would be "AmerNese" (pronounced Amer Neeze. Hey, that doesn't sound too bad.)
Anyway, I digress.
I like to read your blog. I wish I knew how to find your archived posts. I'm sure they would amuse.
Reading you blog is like listening to my friend JaLane. It's like your words are coming from her mouth. I've told her about you. When I mentioned that your blog reminds me so much of her, she huffed a little and said, "Aw, don't say that." I slightly offended her. Opps. I think it was the "punching people in the throat" part.

Shannon said...

I am a 32 year old mom of FOUR BOYS..14 year old twins, 9 year old, and an 8 year old. My twins have Tourette's syndrome, but they don't cuss all the time contrary to popular belief. I would LOVE TO PUNCH PEOPLE IN THE THROAT that ASSume that all kids with Tourette's Syndrome shout obscenities all day. No..mine just have horrible tics and twitch all over sometime..some can be treated with their meds, others can't. I absolutely love your sense of humor...my husband and I crack up on a daily basis reading your posts..and I'll even admit that sometimes I deserve a PUNCH IN THE THROAT...but admitting it is the first step :) My life can be VERY VERY CRAZY at times, but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Thank you for giving me something to laugh about on days when I don't even feel like cracking a freakin' smile!

Unknown said...

Wow! Don't you love how everyone leaves when you want to talk about them instead of you? :) I'm a 33 year old mother of a 21 month old son - (always adamantly said I'd never have kids and LOVE that I changed my mind), I'm a doctor, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a full time employee, own my own side business, have lived in Baltimore for the last 6 years but am actually from Lawrence, KS (Rock Chalk alumni)...travel for work and for fun, try to live on 90% organics, but have to fall for the horrible fast food once in a while, I love to exercise, but rarely get to do a structured routine, love to write, but am not the greatest at it (aside from research), LOVE my friends and family, and cannot stand stupid people, people who intentially cause problems, people who cannot take a joke, I love my smut because it provides my brain with an escape, love fashion, but hates getting all dolled up to drop my kid off at school, love a clean house, but can stand a little clutter (a little - once in a while), love a good wine, good movie, and a good steak. I love my husband and son more than anything in the world and strive to live every day through my bucket list - as if every day is my last day on earth. I never regret anything and sometimes fail to hold my thoughts to myself...but I am also a very caring, understanding, loving person and put a lot into my relationships with those I care about. You're my newest love and I make a point to read about you and your family every week. :)

Unknown said...

Haha, I love why you started a blog. We all can relate. :)

Anonymous said...

Aberdeen?? Get out! Me too!


31 female, married, two kidlets (4yrd girl, 1yrd boy)
Jenn, your blog is my morning coffee!

Sarah

Unknown said...

I love why you started your blog...we can all relate. :)

Jen Too said...

Hi Jenn. I'm "Jen Too". 37 MWF. "The Boy" is my 9 yr old son. 18 yr old stepson is the "Brotha from anotha motha". Hubs is like yours in personality, but usually covered in grease and hydraulic fluid and on his iphone with his customers.
I used to work as an Art Director in Marketing and now I'm a psycho Cake Artist and baker making 3D cakes (better than Buddy) and looking for a place to work that gets my sarcastic self.
Found you through a friend's FB post. So glad I clicked that link!
Love ya sista! Oh and my fave color changes with my mood. Today is dark grey.

Beauxsquared said...

I want to read your blog! Do you happen to put booze in your coffee too?

Anonymous said...

You're a genius. I found the readers' profiles almost as good as your blog! I started following you when you wrote about the Elf on the Shelf and haven't stopped since. I am a 37 year old married mom of 4 and a teacher. My husband is a cop (the people he meets in his profession could EASILY make it to your blog!)and we are like most households. Crazy with kids, careers and all of life's demands. I think I enjoy your blog so much because I share many of your opinions and interests. We have owned 3 Siennas and loved them all until Baby #4 came along and Costco items had to share cargo space with strollers and diaper bags, so we needed something bigger. Thanks for taking the time to read about your many fans, and thanks for the laughs!

Jules65 said...

46 yo DDWF (Double D is divorced twice) Two kids - one from each x... boy 21 girl 13. Oh and the dog that the boy brought home when he was 18 and was experimenting with responsibility. He lives in NC now - the dog lives in NY so much for that experiment. My first read was your ELF blog - LMAO - seriously I didnt think there were so many other twisted souls out there. I finally feel like I have this huge extended family that I can check in with everyday who are are just as nuts as me. Thank you. I figure someday I could write a book just from material provided by the boy - but for now enjoying your hysterical take on life. Keep up the good work and thanks for asking.

LuLu said...

I am a 30 year old SWF living in Fort Wayne, Indiana. Single mom of the funniest kid I've ever met. (Biased? Of course.) He is 4. Didn't think I wanted kids, but found out admitting that out loud is actually what gets you pregnant. Wouldn't change a thing.

I am currently going to school to try to get more than a min. wage job for us. First step: Pharmacy Technician. Final goal: Pharmacist. Hope they get these pharmacy robberies under control before I make it there!

Likes: NFL (Colts)fanatic and love our local hockey team. I even like Nascar! Only sport I can't force myself to watch is basketball. Linsanity means nothing to this girl.
Wine. Also can put a hurtin' on a bottle of Malibu rum.
Books. Even Twilight series had me addicted! (The movies are crap when compared.)
Spending time with my son, but not in a forced, over-achieve-y way!

As with a bunch of other people I found you with the Elf post. I spent the next three or so nights catching up with all I had missed and haven't missed one since. Whether or not I agree with you, I always find myself smiling... and who couldn't use an extra smile in their day?!

Beauxsquared said...

34 white married (to a complete hottie , I'm not bragging this guy is totally out of my league but I put out regularly and put up with his bullshit and flatulence with little nagging so he sticks around. I think he also thinks someone in my family is rich.... I'm not telling him otherwise!!) 2 kids 6 and 7 boy and girl who are awesome but can drive me bat shit. I'm a stay at home mom (thank ya Jesus!) and I am a blog slut. I spell like shit and my math is worse but I can cook the crap out of anything that has canned cream of mushroom in it. You have inspired me to write a blog called "don't tell my mom it's me". I'm going to write about my totally true yet very bizarre life. Self depreciation and world domination..... One blog at a time.... I read your blog with a nice cup of booze coffee. Just one until I can come up with an excuse for an early happy hour. I enjoy slow dancing and walks on the beach. But since that never effin happens I'll take sleeping in and the hubs taking the kids to school. Life is good in Texas!

Shannon said...

AND, I bet you NEVER THOUGHT you would get so many responses did you??? I would LOVE TO BE YOUR FB FRIEND...I can only imagine your status updates :)

lizzybeth52 said...

36-year-old MWF, approaching our 11th year of marriage. Live in central Illinois, not Chicago. We have two girls, ages 6 & 9. Work full time as a chemotherapy infusion RN, then full time as a referee/taxi driver/cook/maid----MOM. Hubby is a cop. Love your sarcasm and wit.

Jess said...

Hi Jen! I am a 37 year old stay at home mom to a 9 year old girl and a 7 year old boy. I'm a Kansas girl who after marrying my husband almost 15 years ago moved to Phoenix, back to Kansas, then to Canada. Just moved back to Kansas (Johnson County) in August after living outside of Toronto for 6 years. I'm missing my Canadian life a little more than I thought I would. I have been reading your blog since the Elf on the Shelf post. Thanks for telling it like it is and making me laugh! We should have coffee sometime. I have a lot of punches to share.

DianaMilbourn said...

I am a 38-year-old mom with 3 kids as my full-time job and a husband who is a truck driver who is gone a lot of the time. Just finished my Associates Degree in Business and working on my Bachelors. I used to have a real life working in sales at a tv station, and then realized one day that my kids were my real life. I have a step-daughter who half worships me and half hates me. My dog Abby is the one you see sitting in the middle of our road cleaning herself. I am hugely involved in Church activities but not so much school activities for the kids. Once in a while I tend to be that over-achieving mom, but not so much lately. I'd rather spend the money and take the kids out somewhere. I love reading your blog because it makes me laugh and makes my daughter ask "what's so funny?" Try explaining most of your blog to a 4-year-old...."It's just mommy stuff sweetheart. Now go aggravate your brother!"

Swanson Family said...

31-year-old white female. Married for 10 years, two daughters 4 & 7. Elementary school teacher. Big fan!

MASmommy said...

30yr old female from WV. Marred 6 yrs, dated 6 yrs. met in high school and broke up then came back together my first yr of college. We have one son 3yrs old. 2 dogs and a fish tank. Found you with the elf....laughed uncontrollably....and fell in love with you! You are great!

Mandie said...

36, married mother of two girls. One is 16, the other is 10. I think the 10 yr old should write a blog! Never a dull moment!

Your blog cracks me up!

A Few Tacos Shy... said...

36 years old, married for 17 years to my best friend (who drives me nuts sometimes), mom to 3 boys (two adopted from foster care), full time student in the nursing program at my local university. I love to read and sleep and eat. I have had my fair share of tragedy in the last 6 months and am sick of crying. For my birthday this year I am going with my nursing department to Haiti for 2 weeks and I am really excited/nervous! I am a big fan of saying what I think and often do so and love reading your blog because you do too :-) Oh, and I am annoyed because the Amazon ad on the bottom of this page has damn elf on the shelf kits...

Widget the Blogging Elf said...

29, female, American living in Tokyo for the past 4 years. I belly dance, sing, and teach English. I've been dating a Japanese guy for 2.5years. Love him! I recently have to pee a lot... Not sure if that's good or bad...

tee said...

Sbf 23soon to be grad from the Bronx live in Nj for the last 8 yrs (still cant except it). I'm a late night reader and I love reading your blog. it makes me laugh when I am suppose to be reading for class. People who do not drive correctly makes me tick

Livin Single in a Southern World said...

Hi,
35, SWF, not in the Bridget Fonda stalker movie scary way though. ; ) No kids, one dog, couple houseplants that might still be alive. LOVE the blog. I found you at Christmas thanks to the power of facebook but if I'd seen it prior to that I would have followed you before based on your title alone. [email protected] if you ever want to punch me. Thanks for keeping me entertained!

Lisa

Anonymous said...

Married fluffy white chick from Utah. Non-mormon. Just turned the big mother of all F words...40. =( Mom of 3; 23 year old, young adult whose ass we just kicked out 2 weeks ago. We rule!! 13 yo girl who has obviously consumed too much hormone induced cow's milk as she is 5'9". The boy is 9... still sweet most of the time & then acts like a total jackass. Like I said, married. Pretty good guy, 46 (I think).. he's better than most, kinda on the lazy side. Currently, he is snoring so loud that my floors are seriously rattling. I'd love to give him some pillow therapy.. he farts too. =/ besides that annoying shit, he is an excellent father.
I'm no longer an over-achieving mom, crafty, or a helicopter mother. I did all that with the first kid, I'm burned out. I don't pretend to be perfect. I like to volunteer at the boy's school on Friday's because I need a break from work.. and he is the only one of my children who isn't embarrassed to be seen with me.
I work for the State of Utah in the Foster Care field for the last 18 years. I've learned that I hate people who continuously have kids while on drugs & live off of welfare & handouts all their lives. Along with them, I hate child abusers, molesters and the people with defend them.
I have my moments when I work extremely hard at work, get things done, then shut my office door and read your blogs, harvest my farm, & play Words with Friends. LOL! =)
I love to judge my old high school friends/family for posting annoying shit on the FB. I'd love to have enough balls to re-write their posts so that it actually makes sense, maybe let them know that they obviously didn't do well in school and I'd be happy to correct all of their spelling & grammatical errors. PET PEEVE OF MINE, just sayin~
OH! and one last thing... I hate people who roll outta bed, gather the whole family (kids & granny) and all go shopping in their jammies! C'MON!! REALLY?? POW! BIG PUNCHES IN THE THROAT!!
No one can ever out blog you Jenn, don't ever quit!!
Big hugs from your stalker in Utah~
Angie Hansen.

Deb said...

38 yr old married white female with 3 kids (8, 6, 6). I'm a scientist, regular suburban mom, Texan relocated to California, ultra-liberal, love literature and great films plus cooking and weight lifting. I have a temper and curse like a sailor. I detest most other women/moms. They are too stupid and irritating and wussy.

lucyinthesky said...

I just skimmed the previous 300ish posts and thought to myself, "So THAAAAT'S where all the SAHM jobs went! B*tches!" Me: 36, white, 3 kids, two jobs, living the dream in the Ohio Valley. Shacking up with "Baby Daddy" for the last 10 years. Some day I'll make an honest man of him. Love your blog!

Anonymous said...

Married mum of 5 - aged from 7 to soon 13. Just passed the big 40. Live in Norway and had never heard of Elf on the Shelf before I read your blog! That thing isn't coming into my house:) Caught a link on FB and have been a regular reader since then, love your sarcastic humour and the way you tell it like it is.

TNMom said...

37 y/o MWF, 2 girls - 5.5 and 2. I work night shift (as I think you know) at the phone company (now AT&T), hate it. My hubs is awesome, kinda like yours. We love summer, boating, camping (fake camping - we have a house we pull behind our truck), and anything with friends. My name, Devan, rhymes with Heaven, a place where I have a sister that will forever be 16 years old. I have never read a blog till yours, now I read a few and love it! I love my wine and beer! I am a chub, kinda, food addict in lifetime recovery, but I work out like a crazy lady! I served 8 years in the US Air Force just out of high school - good thing to do - glad I'm out(1992-1999)! I'm so easy going, unoffendable, I'd say.
(PS this was a great way to get a shit ton of comments! People love to talk about themselves!) <3

Anonymous said...

I am probably the youngest here, with a WHOPPING 13 years, 10 months and 11 hours. I actually came here simply by chance and a weird and annoying search engine which I can't seem to remove. I live in Sweden, which I have for a collective of almost 12 years, 2 years spent in the minuscule island of Singapore, which made me bilingual as you can probably guess. I am quite tomboyish, with a love for comics, shonen, videogames and action movies, though I look nothing of it, with one of the girliest sense of style in the whole school. Think bows, dresses, skirts, think anything but pink. I am a wannabe author, though I don't really believe I can make a career of it, I just write for fun and relaxation. Since I'm pretty lazy, I would not be able to cope with the deadlines anyways. Though it's fun to hear them go "whoosh" as they fly past.
I am a complete bookworm, with one of the most prominent things in my room being the multitude of bookshelves and despite spending a LOT of time with books and my beloved laptop, I'm the top of my class in most, if not all subjects, especially languages since I have a knack for those. Oh, and if you haven't realized it yet, my flaws are being a motormouth, lazy, nonathletic and something of a brag.
Hmmm.... What else.... Oh, I have a love for last words and random facts.
And, yeah, that's about it.

Anonymous said...

Married 35 y/o mom of 2 girls. Born n bred in South Jersey. Registered nurse. Passionate about animal welfare. Vegan tendancies with organic leanings. Make my own liquours.

Anonymous said...

MWF. Been with the husband for 14 years and we have three great boys. 11 y/o twins and a soon to be 8 y/o. We have a dog, 2 cats and 3 guinea pigs and exactly half of them are rescues. I will be 35 this year and I work full time and go to school full time. I definitely don't have time to be an overachieving mom but I will admit to buying my kids a valentine present and once making green pancakes for St. Patricks. The Elf on the Shelf looks like a serial killer imo.
Mary

Whatever said...

I think I'm 33 years old (I only get socks and sweaters for birthday's and Christmas now, so my age is kind of irrelevant). I've been married for 8 years. We have two monster boys, ages 4 and 2, named "Mefirst" and "Metoo". We live in Westchester County north of NYC, and after a 4-year misadventure living in Tennessee will never leave again (ever). I'm an Internet Executive, she's a part time project manager and monster/beast wrangler (we also have 3 dogs - two pugs and a Boston Terrier). I used to be a DJ and Producer, and collect toys from the 80's. Now I wipe faces and butts, break up fights, wrestle, clean the house continuously, dodge imaginary missles, etc.

Anonymous said...

37 yr old. mother of 1 7yr old and faux step mom to 1 9 yr old (i'm shacked up and living in sin due to fear of marriage and its legal entangements) i got you from a friend on fb and have added you to my favorites daily check in bar along with mcsweenys, espn, and fb. i'm an underachiever if anything but everyones happy so its cool :)

Silently Screaming said...

FYI - if you've read this far, you have laundry piling up somewhere. I am 42, a mom of two kids 9 & 12 and another that's 21 and has made me a grandchild (who is perfect) :)

I have a full time job in the real world, a horse farm, a house that is dreadfully under-kept, and a schedule that would make most women just sit down and cry. Honestly, I am barely hanging on to my sanity most days. I enjoy reading your blog because it makes the crap in my mind seem (almost) normal.

Love ya!
Dee

Anonymous said...

I'm a 38-year old divorced mom of 2. 11-year old girl and 9-year old boy. Trying to navigate the world as a divorcee and still trying to be supermom.

rjrmommy said...

43-year-old, native Floridian; mostly conservative Roman Catholic; married homeschooling mom of 4 children, boy (10); boy (8); boy (4 almost 5); and girl (2). Yes, I know where they come from. No, I'm not done just because I "got my girl". We are open to life. I really enjoy your blog--most days. You and I don't agree on everything but I support your right to believe and say what you want--it's a free country! I do agree with much though and have spit my tea all over my computer at some of the things you say...mostly because I've said (or thought!) it myself!! Congratulations on a great blog!!

Rachel said...

I'm a 30-year-old mom of one awesome 3-year-old girl and married (approaching 5 years) to a third year ophthalmology resident. I'm an Arkansas native, with two years in Missouri, but my husband is currently interviewing for fellowships that will take us very far away from home, which I'm excited about.

I'm a legal assistant at a law firm that specializes in the needs of the elderly and disabled, but I have all my fun running my film blog (also for almost 5 years now) at Rachel's Reel Reviews. I also host a bi-weekly film podcast (Reel Insight) with my dear internet buddy Jess, whom I've met once in person, but have known for years through blogging.

Found your blog when my cousin linked the legendary Elf on the Shelf post on FB and have enjoyed it every day since.

Suzanne said...

I am an Asian American married to Latin American, have two teenage daughters, and read your blog from Sao Paulo, Brazil. Your humor keeps me sane while living in this crazy country full of throat punching worthy situations. My daughters also love your blog & we just say to each other "throat punch" whenever we need relief from people's nonsense.

Erica Gutowski said...

34 year old mom of 2 (9 year old boy and 2 year old girl). Started reading your blog when the elf post hit, and it only took me 24 hours to plow through your entire archive. I think you are my 'Tina', I frequently talk about road tripping from WI to Kansas and forcing you to be my friend. :) I wait until I can't take the B.S. at work anymore (usually around 8:15 am) and log in to read your blog. LOVE you, your opinions, your politics; the whole package. Thanks for writing.

Anonymous said...

I am a 34 year old, white female living in Indiana. Married, stay-at-home mom to 2 kids (boy - 18months, girl - 3 years) and a dog. I came across your blog during the Elf On A Shelf and have loved it ever since. I must admit, your blog made me realize I'm one of those over-achieving moms. However, because of your blog, I can now laugh at myself and not take it too seriously. Thanks for the laughs!

Jenn Patin said...

27 year old mother of 1 rockin little girl. 'Currently'... being a mother, planning my wedding, a class reunion, all while doing my REAL job which has just recently become doing the job someone who decided that a stint in a looney bin was right up their ally. ?? With, no addition pay. GO FIGURE! (Can you tell I am NOT in the mood to deal with these ego driven asswipes today?) Just one of those days!
And also, the reason why I am here... its my... HAPPY PLACE! And, may be the only laugh I get while at work today... or, this YEAR for that matter!! LOVE what I do, just not the people I work with... shame huh??

Home life: MUCH better! ;o) My 2 year old, Emalee Jeanne, is about the funniest kid I think I have ever met. Her "l'"s are "y's" and I could watch that child do just about anything for eternity... lately, eating 'wice' (rice) is my favorite thing. That girl doesnt leave a SPEC behind!
Meeting her DB father, was probably the only BEST mistake I ever made! Ah well...
Some people will forever lie in the bed they continue to make. Not pointing fingers or anything...
I am a Cookaholic, frugal, coupon clipping, pinterest obsessed, self proclaimed wine junkie. AKA, I just like drinking the stuff. A bottle of wine and reading (your blog/books) are my "ME" time at night. I also have convinced myself that MY hell, if I happen to make it there, will be a wineless pit of sticky rice... its the ONE thing that I HATE to clean up after a meal. UGH!
Long story short (I know, too late!!) LOVE this blog... You write the words of the REAL everyday mom. The one who goes to hell and back, on a daily basis. And would do anything for their kids, husbands(on a good day) THANK YOU for giving some of us moms a little break from the world!

Nicole said...

I am a 36-year-old stay-at-home mom of two sets of boy/girl twins. The older ones are almost 5 and the babies are going to be 1 years old in April.

I have been married for almost 11 years to a man in the Air Force and we live near DC.

I am a republican and a practicing Catholic, but I do have a sense of humor and agree with most what you blog about. You had me at Elf in the Shelf.

Susanne said...

Currently living in New York City -- 37 years old, married, with two kids (girl is 3, boy is 6 months) - and now that I have two kids, I'm very impressed that you have two kids and find time to blow dry your hair. I dried my hair the other day for the first time since my son was born (aug '11) and the hair dryer almost caught fire because of all the dust in it. My daughter said, "Mama, what IS that thing?" because she's seen it in action so infrequently -- I take my kids on the bus every day, I drop them off at daycare then I head to work. Riding public transportation in new york city with 2 babies has been such a ridiculous adventure that I started a blog to tell our crazy stories, here's the link if you want to check it out:

http://www.madmomtales.blogspot.com/2012/02/baby-wearing.html


-- I look forward to your posts because a)they're hilarious and b)its an awesome reminder to moms losing their minds (I'm firmly in this camp most days) that a sense of humor is key and c) they're hilarious -- keep up the funny!!!

annie_a said...

hi!

I've been reading your blog since your infamous Elf on the shelf post. I'm 34, married, mother of two teens 14 & 11 years old (with the attitude she's got, my 11-year-old daughter IS a teen).

I live in Quebec, Canada. I'm a freelance translator, working from home - which is ideal for parenting & family care, but kind of sucks in the social gossip department. I follow a few funny blogs like yours as a way to take a break from my (mostly) boring translations. It's like listening to your coworker's funny stories at the office, if you will.
I've been working at home for 6 years, and the only reason I haven't turned into a serial killer is my 100-pound Golden Retriever baby. I'm not as crazy as some dog lovers, but as my kids are getting older and more independent, I direct my "mother hen" tendencies towards the dog. So I'm definitely turning into those women who love their dog a bit too much.

I love your sarcastic tone, and while my kids are older than yours, I totally relate to your stories.
so that's it!

mrskristinmoore said...

I'm 30 and have been married for 2 years in April. I live in Paragould, AR. My husband and I have a 5 month old son and he has 3 kids from previous marriages.. ages 17, 12, and 9. We love drag racing on Sunday's at our local Drag strip with lots of wonderful friends. Im love your blog :-)

Robin615 said...

33 y/o WF with 4 children ranging in age from 1 to 8. Full time computer nerd for an Army Command and engaged to a man 7 yrs my junior. (I refer to myself as a Puma... bow chica bow wow!) Full time student and part time photographer. Ummmm... the guys at work call me the throat puncher and every new person is warned that they WILL receive a throat punch if I deem it necessary. That's been my nickname for 4 yrs now. That is all...

Anonymous said...

38 year old woman, living in Kansas City (represent), working in fundraising or as I like to call it, dignified panhandling. I have a cat but no kids, I like to watch tv, and I often want to punch people in the throat, including many people at work. My boyfriend is moving in with me next month, and I'm torn between happy because I'll be splitting expense and a little bummed because I'll be giving up tv time so he can play Call of Duty: Black Ops.

Christy said...

Married, working mom of a 6 and 8 year old. I started reading your blog after the Elf entry, forwarded it to about 20 of my friends and eliminated half them as friends when they responded that they actually do those things with that bastard elf. I never comment because I'm lazy, but you can take my silence as a universal "tru dat". Keep it coming!

Stacy Frisbie said...

Stacy here, mother to 3, wife to 1. Pediatric nurse who makes her kids sit in a safety seat "way too long", breastfed for eternity only to have all 3 kids with allergies, asthma and eczema, politically incorrect Democrat living in the second most conservative state in America (Oklahoma, where they get to register for the GOP with their birth certificates). Therefore I'm always wrong. Love my family, and friends fiercely. My daughter asked what I wanted her to be, and I said "independent". Love your no-nonsense personality, and feel if I were a man you'd be my soulmate :-) Have a great one!

Anonymous said...

29 Female, Paralegal, 1 daughter age 9, never been married. In a 3 year relationship and house hunting:) Love your blog...your attitude mirrors my own on many, many things:)

Amy Fanning said...

40 yr old SAHM, homeschoolers (2 kids 5 & 7), artist, atheist, nerd, geek, steampunk aficionado, urban homesteader, fellow Star Wars fan living in Houston, TX but raised in Southern California. My favorite color is blue, I like the radio station Live 365 "Mystic Soundscapes" and we love cats. I don't always agree with your views (but most of the time I do), but life would be too boring if everyone all thought and believed the same! I have to be careful not to be drinking anything when I read your blog otherwise I'll baptize my keyboard and desk yet again! I started following after reading "Elf on the Shelf" and look forward to yours and the Hubs' posts every day! I often hurt myself laughing! Thanks so much for your forward, refreshing VERY funny point of view!

Anonymous said...

You are hilarious, love reading
your blog. I am 47, married with one child, two dogs and a full time job!

Anonymous said...

I am a 46 year old, divorced single parent to a 15 year old princess, that I created. Typical overachiever mom. I have a full time plus job, I am almost half way through a masters program, and can't seem to say no when asked to "help out" at my childs activities. My sister introduced me to your blog just before Christmas and you are awesome.

sheldinicola said...

Married, 38yo mom of 3 boys, 8 months, 2 1/2years and 9yo from Delaware. Work as a nurse, enjoy spending time with my girlfriends (very rare now), alone time with my hubby (also extremely rare), going to the beach (we go the beach not the shore in DE), skiing, snowboarding, and shopping. All activities which I have zero time for anymore but nonetheless love to do. I use the 'F' word regularly, watch the clock somedays and countdown the minutes until my kids bedtime, cannot tolerate stupidity (and being a mom and nurse, I get overloaded on it) and always love a good hearted laugh. I found your blog on FB, shared it with everyone I love and pull it up everyday at work to share with my coworkers to brighten our day. Thanks for your blog, it keeps me going because I can almost always relate. Except the Star Wars stuff...

Anonymous said...

I'm a 44yo MWF - husband is older and had two grown kids when we got married 15 years ago. We live in Ohio, in what's been called the most conservative county in the the US (where people take themselves way too seriously) and your blog feeds my desire to hear intelligent people say funny stuff which is difficult to find around here. Like so many others I was introduced to your blog via the Elf on the Shelf post. I think you're a riot and I love the irony of my feeding your narcissistic desire for comments by talking about myself.
Keep up the great job.

Lyn said...

35 year old, divorced and single...Mom to an 8 year old boy. I live in North Carolina and love your blog! Carolina basketball makes me tick!! Go HEELS!

Kim-Ella said...

Well let's see... I'm a 34 year old in the early years of parenting. I'm a mother to a 2 year old whiny streaker (seriously hates clothes!) and 1 year old toy addict. I read your blog while trying to stay sane as my kids eat cereal and watch The Wiggles. Somehow I picture us as being b.f.f.s, as I too would love to punch people in the throat. I have a B.Sc. in Psychology but I don't use it on anybody since I stay at home with the kids most of the time. I live with my Partner in Suburbia (We are like a modern day Green Acres- I wanted to live in the city, and he wants to live in the country. We fought it out and settled in the middle). Some times I write so I don't nag at everyone. I also like shoes.

Kathy said...

53 y/o RN working in Surgery for too many years to count...LOL; happily married for almost 19 yrs & live in western KY (UK 'CAT fan!)with our 3 kitties. I found your blog during Christmas with the infamous "Elf on the Shelf" & have been a devoted follower since!! Thinking you really should write a book! Thanks for making so many of us laugh by telling it like it is!!!
Best wishes always!

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