A List of Mini Punches

13.  Mini-Punches.  Today the hubs and I were driving along and someone in front of us swerved into our lane for no apparent reason other than - "Oh crap, there's the turn I was looking for!  Look out everybody, I need to go there."  WTF??  Hubs suggested I punch that person in the throat.  "Just a mini punch," he said.  In honor of him, I decided today should be a list of mini punches for crappy drivers and anyone else who pisses me off on a daily basis.  So here you go and feel free to add yours to the comments.

1.  Tiny women in giant SUVs who think they own the road.  9 times out of 10 they are on the phone when they practically drive over you.  The sad part is they'd just think you're a curb or a speed bump and keep going.

2.  Large men with tiny you know what's who drive giant SUVs and park so close to me at Sam's that I can't open my car door to get in.  You stay between the lines, not straddle it, dumb ass.

3.  Aldis.  For never having more than one flipping employee working.  Most people who shop there shop like they're filling their bomb shelter for Armageddon and I go in for the ridiculously cheap gallon of milk and lose 45 minutes of my life because Aldi only has one cashier working (thus the way they manage to sell milk so cheap, but still - would it kill them to have 2 cashiers??).

4.  Costco.  For only opening 2 checkout lines and letting the lines snake to the bakery aisle.  Costco does not have cheap milk and they have dozens of employees, so what gives?

5.  Couponers/Price Matchers.  (Can you tell I did a lot of shopping today?  There's a real theme to my rant, isn't there?)  There's always an expired coupon in the mix and you've got to argue with the cashier.  You're going to argue over 30 cents when there's a huge line of people behind you?  I always pick the line with the price matcher person who has her multiple flyers that she wants honored.  I'm probably just pissed off because I'm not that organized, but again, it always happens when I only have one item and I'm in a hurry.  If Aldi listed their price of milk in a flyer, I'd bring that in to Price Chopper and piss off the people behind me.

6.  Perky morning people.  You know who are.  Stay out of my way until lunch time.

7.  South Korea.  WTF??  I realize I'm a little late to this party.  I just heard about this today, but still, it pissed me off enough that I had to add it to the list.  I don't even like animals.  I eat meat just about every day.  I wear leather.  I'd wear fur if I could afford it.  But this is sick and wrong.

8.  People who let their dogs eat and/or drink out of their mouths.  Yuck.  Told you I wasn't a fan of animals.

9.  Pets that KNOW I don't like animals and yet they choose my lap to sit on every time.

10.  People without clutter in their house.  I don't trust a clutter-free home.  I've seen too many homes and most of us live in a cluttered home.  I think clutter-free homes are owned by aliens.  Outer space ones.  Lizard people kind.

11.  People who pick their noses and flick their findings out the window at red lights.  We can all see you!  Your windows are not one way glass.  You'd actually have more privacy at your desk when you get to work than you do at the light.

12.  People who don't believe in conspiracy theories.  Don't be a sheep!  I love conspiracy theories.  The crazier, the better.

13.  People who don't read my blog.  That will take some time to punch all of them, but I'll see what I can do.

26 comments:

Crafty said...

14. People who refer to ALDI as "Aldis" and don't realize the best time to get your one gallon of milk and gov't cheese is five minutes 'til close.

Richelle.T said...

People who give you dirty looks when your toddler has a meltdown in public, and they can clearly see that you are trying to stop the meltdown... They obviously have perfect children, or they paid for someone else to raise them.. either way, I would love to punch them in the throat.

Drew said...

People who still write checks at the grocery store.

JustMe said...

Parents who give into to everyone one of their kids "DEMANDS". It's no wonder this generation think they are "Entitled" to everything..

justbreathe said...

People who hang out in the passing lane doing 60 in a 65...SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP TO THE RIGHT!...While I'm on the topic of highway driving, people, 99% of cars come standard with cruise control...USE IT!!!!

TeacherAmee said...

People who complaign that they are overworked and don't have time to do the things they enjoy....AND they are unemployed!!! WTF?

Anonymous said...

Fuck yeah, conspiracy theories! Here's one for ya, with a tip of my tin foil hat: Places like Aldi and Costco with their crazy-ass lines down the block are a beta test to prepare us for the bread lines in the looming societal crash.

JosephRobins said...

i hate people that hold the door for me when i am not even close, forcing me to awkwardly hustle/jog to the door. um...thank you?

Unknown said...

Lol-ing at JosephRobins post above. Been there a time or two.

I have said I am going to Aldis. It is awkward to say I am going to Aldi. Why? I am not sure. But it is. BUT. Remember Ames? It was just AWFUL when people said "I got to go to Ameses." Irate. Ha.

Ps. I hate woman drivers. They suck. Yes I am a woman.

Unknown said...

Your blog made my day especially at aldis that one cashier business is crap

Monica said...

My mini-punch of the day? People that don't tell me their address has changed BEFORE I send out their Christmas card. How hard is it to send out a mass email once you get settled telling me to update my records? Thanks for wasting my 40-some-odd-cents...

blogao said...

I would like to say that I would like to punch someone in the throat but she is an ex boxer. buydazzles.com had me order and ship 15,000 labels to her and she refuses to pay me for them. I am a designer and did the design and now she hangs up on me. I would like to drop kick her also

Anonymous said...

Effing church treasurers who try to cut your husbands salary RIGHT before Christmas...What's even shittier, the church is running a effing surplus...I want to punch him in the throat, the balls and the butt.

Jamie said...

Office managers who feel the need to micromanage.

Lisa Ransom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lisa Ransom said...

"Friends" who have nothing better to do then find themselves in your FB posts, get pissed and post how awful you are all over their blog (not you Jen!).

Ginmashar said...

The Santa and his fire truck complete with the sirens, the lights and the horn coming down my street after 8:00 at night after I just get my kids in to bed. Are you serious? Any kid who cares about Santa is already in bed. Oh, and there goes the baby screaming his fool head. Thanks Santa!

Molly said...

People who dress their children in Santa suits. Unless your baby is 6 months or younger (even then, it's iffy) it is not cute!! It's stupid and nerdy!!!

Missy Smith said...

The over worked, tired person who can't get anything done person that complains about not having a job but being too tired to go out and look for one.

HeliconiaPink said...

Complete strangers that try to offer me advice about how to care for / raise my children... Really? I should give my 3 month old a peppermint candy to stop her colic? THANKS!

Gaslight ;-) said...

I no longer have patience for anyone writing a check at the grocer store. Natch, on Christmas Eve. Heard of a debit card? Money comes from the same hole! And you don't need a pen!

Mandy said...

People who reach the end of an escalator (up or down, doesn't matter) and just...STOP...and stand there saying, "now, which way is it to the shoe deparatment..???" I want to say, "HEY!!! Y'know that moving staircase you just exited? Well guess what! It's STILL moving and there are OTHER PEOPLE on it who are now standing behind you because you are IN THE WAY. MOVE!!"

Saramather said...

People who do not understand the flow of a hallway.. It's just like driving, dummies. You stay to the right, you don't STOP in the middle of the hallway so we all have to dive around your fat ass and for the love of GOD, if a snail could pass you, STAY to the side.

Beth said...

Holy shit! Snarky much?

Anonymous said...

I hate really fat people that eat at mcdonalds. Come on your not even trying to loose weight and my tax dollars pay your disabilaty check. THROAT PUNCH.

Piper and Leighton said...

Me and my friend have an ongoing rant about perky morning people! Just shut up for a few hours so the rest of us don't have to deal with your stupid comments ALL day long. Love your blog!

Covid-19 is Serious, But I Won't Stop Being Funny

Hey! How's it going? Everybody hanging in there? It's weird being home all the time, right? As a full-time writer, pants-loathe...

Popular Posts