Assistants to Pseudo-Celebrities

Assistants to Pseudo-Celebrities.  Do you watch any of the Real Housewives shows on Bravo?  Lately I've been catching up on my Real Housewives of Orange County.   The OC girls have really been hit hard by the housing crisis and the collapse of the economy.  A lot of them had to go into foreclosure and move out the gated community where they all used to live.  They've given up the big houses, the fancy cars, spa days, but not their assistants (and limos, for some reason - those girls will rent a limo for a Tupperware party).

Half these gals don't even have real jobs.  They're always trying to start a beauty line or a line of hand bags or something dumb like that.  ("Jessica Simpson has a line of hand bags, why can't I?"  Umm.....'cause no one knows who the hell you are.)  They live in crappy condos on the outskirts of town and keep tiny dogs as their pets. The assistant will always show up in the morning with Starbucks in hand ready for a "super busy day" at the "office" (AKA the housewife's kitchen table).  I don't know if the work is too boring to show or what the deal is, but once they "get to work" Bravo always cuts to the assistant feeding the dog or giving the dog a bath or his heartworm meds or picking up poo.  It seems to me the assistant's number one job is taking care of the dog.

When the assistant is not looking after the dog, she is rehashing the latest fight with the housewives and then ends by telling her boss how she's "got her back."  WTH??  Are they in a gang?  Did Bravo cut the streetfight scenes?  This is the OC, remember, this ain't Jersey with all the extensions-yanking and alleged Mafia connections.

My questions to these assistants are:  How did you find this job? and Can't you find a better job? and How much do you get paid?

I'm thinking this job was posted on Craigslist and the ad went something like:

WANTED:  Relatively attractive woman to be assistant to famous reality show star.  Must be detail-oriented, have a car and know where ALL the Starbucks are.  Candidate will be compensated with air time on my reality show, free products from my beauty line/purse line and stock options for future IPO of beauty line/purse line.  Great potential for the right person to make six figures!  MUST love dogs.

Honestly, if your BOSS lives in a crappy two bedroom condo and has a full time job fighting with other women on a reality show while she tries to start a "beauté" business, you should get a new job and a punch in the throat.


19 comments:

Christine Heusinger said...

You do understand don't you that your IQ drops 10 points with each episode you watch?

mosthighqueen said...

I have to admit to being a fan, but the biggest thing that gets me is hearing their woes of foreclosure or having to make cutbacks, but hiring people to do their hair and makeup for a party. Seriously? You wear your hair straight! You can't do that? Oh wait, of course you can...you do it everyday all by yourself! And then there are the vacations...

Momma O said...

They are paid "friends." They have to pay these "assistants" to hang with them, laugh at their jokes, sympathize with their "problems." Then since they are paying them they can make them pick up poo. It is sad, so very sad.... the saddest part is I watch it.... this is the result of the demise of soap operas. So very sad.

PB said...

I WISH there were street fighting scenes...

Luke said...

^^ This :D

Jumpin Jim Flash said...

I obviously don't watch these shows being, probabk, one of very few 100% American male but it sounds as if these women have serious self esteem issues and they think they need a visible assistan to project some kind of successful life. (which they obviously don't have). We need to find success from within. It doesn't come with big houses or personal assistants or anything from this world. Those can be taken away, as the have experienced. And yes PB street fights would be good and probably attract more of a male audience. I enjoy you posts and always look forward to the next one.

Kateminder said...

So my question is what is the criteria to be a 'housewife'? Where do they find these people? And how can you be considered a housewife if you're a divorcee?!

Spirit of Hope and Kindness Awards said...

Spot on...oh, and these assistants have to be able to wipe their bosses' butts and drooling faces after every plastic surgery. xo Great post..

Anonymous said...

As an OC resident, I have to say that this is my LEAST favorite Real Housewives show and I'm ashamed to say I live in the same county as these women. They're all so boring and their lives aren't remotely interesting. I'd prefer to live in Beverly Hills and share a zip code with Kim, NOW she's a crazy bitch that I'd bring coffee to in the morning just for entertainment value.

imbogus1 said...

Where is Gabrielle during all these episodes? She must be lurking somewhere. Maybe in a nearby limo or Starbucks??

Anonymous said...

They have what I call "White People Problems," or WPP for short. "Oh no, my house is in foreclosure. I didn't know I had to make more money than it takes to pay my bills. Woe is me."

feedee said...

Oh, Kim could keep us entertained for years. Bless her little substance abused heart.

Elizabeth said...

Just like the Kardashians, these Real Housewives shows are like CRACK. I hate myself after every episode, but I CANNOT STOP WATCHING!!! Do you think the Betty Ford Clinic has a wing for those of us addicted to these shows? For every hour of RH I watch, I try to compensate with at least 2 hrs of Discovery or TLC. Hoarding: Buried Alive or Intervention. Wait, there's a pattern here...

Stacy @ Cardigans and Crayons said...

I always have this same questions. They are "housewives" yet most of them aren't married and/or have a job. They aren't in the "house" or a "wife". How is that a housewife?!

Stacy @ Cardigans and Crayons said...

But how about this...I used to babysit the children of the "deadbeat dad" that Vicki is now dating.

Can that be my claim to fame?!

SPA GIRLS aka Diane and Angie said...

I think Bravo should DUMP the housewives...and discover Diane and I and our Spa Girls show.... www.facebook.com/SpaGirlsTampa SOMEBODY get me an INTERN to send this to Bravo.....HELLO???? Bueller??? Bueller....???

Mommy2Kaylie said...

Hilarious! Sadly, I am addicted, too. I have never missed an episode of any of the Housewives show (every single franchise). I need an Intervention for this $hit!

Katie Fritzsche said...

As a HW junkie...I like it....I like it a lot

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I don't get how these women are "real" "housewives" either when they don't even do laundry on the show, let alone a dreary chore like cleaning bathrooms.

Unless the criteria is that you apply your eyeshadow with a shovel and think you're hot shit.... I don't get it.

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