How Best to Control Your Kids

No children were harmed during this photoshoot

Guest post from the Hubs AKA "The Law" about his "Forceful" parenting style.

Lots of parents wonder why my kids are so well behaved and get 100's on their spelling tests.  Well, I thought I share my secrets to raising great kids.  I have seen those other asshat parents all over the media about how to control their kids.  Tiger mom, Wolf dad and the new entry Pistol Packing Papa. They go to such extremes to control their kids.  In reality, it is not so hard to control them and get them to do what you want.

Two simple words: Bribery and Blackmail.  Yes, I did say bribery and blackmail.  Let me explain myself before everyone tells me I am a bad dad and that my children are having a terrible childhood.

How About a "Thank You"?

Lately I've been kind of busy with a bunch of other stuff so I haven't been paying close attention to what's going on in the world. However, over the weekend and into today I've received countless links to articles about that letter from the asshole parents who are throwing their snowflake a first birthday party. I finally had to stop what I was doing and take a look!

Holy cow.

Little Bags of Crap

It's been a long weekend.  I put the kids to bed tonight and I looked around my disaster of a house, but I didn't see my mess.  (I never see my own mess - just the messes the Hubs and kids make.)  But tonight I only saw the mess the Girl made.  A shitload of little bags the Girl packed with random crap.

What is the deal with this?  Am I the only one living with a tiny bag lady/boy?

I'm sooooo sick of finding these bags.  Over time I have found gift bags, Target bags, tote bags, backpacks, purses, Wal-Mart bags, duffle bags, ZipLoc bags and brown lunch sacks filled with crap (and random important items that I've been missing).


I knew she had a lot of bags packed around the house, but it wasn't until I decided to get them all in one place that I started to wonder if she might have a problem.  I started making the rounds through the house and here's what I found:

PIWTPITT's How To Be a Good Wife

Are you a good wife?

I've been married to the Hubs for 12 glorious, ah-may-zing, and wonderful years. OK, they haven't ALL been glorious, ah-may-zing, and wonderful, but they've been pretty darn good. I'd give them a good, solid B+ in my book, maybe even an A- if I'm feeling generous.

The Parents Who Ruined the Easter Egg Hunt

Seriously?  WTF, people?  Pushy parents went so far at a Colorado Easter egg hunt that this year, the organizers are just cancelling it.  They don't want to deal with the annoying, asshole parents who went crazy trying stealing Easter eggs from little kids.  It's a joke, right?  Nope.  Not at all.

One asshat was quoted as saying:  "You have all these eggs just lying around and parents helping out.  You better believe I'm going to help my kid get one of those eggs.  I promised my kid an Easter egg hunt and I'd want to give him an even edge."  (This guy isn't even a father.  He took his friend's son.  I fear for the world once this guy starts procreating.)

Why I Don't Want Another Baby

I have been getting my baby fix. Years ago I gave birth to my final baby, Adolpha. (Yes, she was the last, although starting this blog almost two years ago felt a bit like giving birth and sometimes it's my favorite child, I still don't count it.)

Every now and again I get a little twinge and I realize that it's baby pains I'm feeling (and not gas pains as I had originally assumed). When I get these twinges I have to remind myself that I am 40-freaking years old and I am way too damn old to have another baby! So I take a Tums and I go on with my day.

My Rules for Playdates

My kids have reached the age now where they have playdates with their friends and classmates without anyone's mother looking over their shoulder watching.  It's awful.  Now I have to not only discipline my own kid, I have to discipline someone else's kid too.

That's assuming I'm hosting the playdate.  I feel just as bad for the mother hosting MY kid at her house.