A lovely man named Tom Junod wrote an article for Esquire magazine where he sang the praises of 42-year-old women. I'm not sure how young Tom is, but I'm imagining him as a strapping 19-year-old with a full head of hair, tight abs, and sparkly green eyes. Because according to him 42 is the most alluring and sexy age. That's right. He thinks 42-year-old ladies are MILFs. A lot of his reasoning has to do with feminism and life experience and a good sense of humor. I think. I had a hard time following the article, because all I could focus on was the fact that for once in my life I'm HAWT.
That's right, people. I am the hottest age evah. Suck it, forty-year-olds.
The Most Epic Bridezilla Ever
Many of us have been bridesmaids in our lives for friends and family members. Every bride thinks a bridesmaid should feel really special because she is one of the "chosen few." There can only be one . . . or four . . . or 15. . . of your closest friends to stand up with you in poufy taffeta ensembles and dyed to match shoes on the most important day of your life.
Sure most of the brides we stood up with were really cool to be around, but we've all had that one bridezilla friend. Y'know, that one who ran her wedding like a corporate board meeting where she handed out agendas and time tables for everyone that included times for them to "be on deck" for the photographer or gave each bridesmaid a bag of "must have" items like bendy straws (can't wreck the bride's lipstick when you're trying to keep her hydrated) or Shout Wipes (for when the bride is a moron and can't control her bendy straw and gets lipstick on her dress when the bendy straw falls out of her mouth and onto her dress).
Oh wait, that was me. I was that bride.
Yup, I was a bit of a psycho. In those days my job was to organize and plan board meetings for a large multi-national company in NYC and I pretty much ran my wedding like a board meeting. It might have been a little crazy for the people participating in the wedding, but I tell you what, my wedding ran like fucking clockwork. (Except for the damn cleaning crew that was supposed to clean the church. Instead my wedding party stayed behind and cleaned the church while the rest of us went to the reception! It still gets me mad when I think about that.)
Sure most of the brides we stood up with were really cool to be around, but we've all had that one bridezilla friend. Y'know, that one who ran her wedding like a corporate board meeting where she handed out agendas and time tables for everyone that included times for them to "be on deck" for the photographer or gave each bridesmaid a bag of "must have" items like bendy straws (can't wreck the bride's lipstick when you're trying to keep her hydrated) or Shout Wipes (for when the bride is a moron and can't control her bendy straw and gets lipstick on her dress when the bendy straw falls out of her mouth and onto her dress).
Oh wait, that was me. I was that bride.
Yup, I was a bit of a psycho. In those days my job was to organize and plan board meetings for a large multi-national company in NYC and I pretty much ran my wedding like a board meeting. It might have been a little crazy for the people participating in the wedding, but I tell you what, my wedding ran like fucking clockwork. (Except for the damn cleaning crew that was supposed to clean the church. Instead my wedding party stayed behind and cleaned the church while the rest of us went to the reception! It still gets me mad when I think about that.)
Got Too Much Money? Kickstart This.
People have way too much money and no clue how to spend it.
Today I found out about the Potato Salad Kickstarter. I know it's been in the news for a while, but somehow I missed it. In case you did too I'll bring you up to date: this guy, Zack, really likes potato salad around the holidays, but he's never made it before. He decided to try and raise $10 on Kickstarter to buy the supplies to make potato salad. He wrote a funny little bit about how if you give him a buck he'll say your name while he makes his potato salad. It struck a nerve and went viral out of control. As of right this minute (10:55 am central time) he's raised $69,802.
Holy shit, right?
Today I found out about the Potato Salad Kickstarter. I know it's been in the news for a while, but somehow I missed it. In case you did too I'll bring you up to date: this guy, Zack, really likes potato salad around the holidays, but he's never made it before. He decided to try and raise $10 on Kickstarter to buy the supplies to make potato salad. He wrote a funny little bit about how if you give him a buck he'll say your name while he makes his potato salad. It struck a nerve and went viral out of control. As of right this minute (10:55 am central time) he's raised $69,802.
Holy shit, right?
The Makers of the iPad Toilet
OK, just when I thought I'd seen it all, I find out there is an iPad Potty. It was actually just introduced at a trade show recently, but I'm sure it won't be long before it's available at a retailer near you.
It's been a while since I potty trained kids. I remember it took a long time and it wasn't fun. I remember there were plenty of boring moments watching my kids sit on the pot. I had two kids who required deep concentration to do their business and so books or even light conversation was discouraged.
It's been a while since I potty trained kids. I remember it took a long time and it wasn't fun. I remember there were plenty of boring moments watching my kids sit on the pot. I had two kids who required deep concentration to do their business and so books or even light conversation was discouraged.
The Hubs Tints Our Windows
What did you do over the weekend, Jen?
Oh, thanks for asking. It was a clusterfuck.
A few years ago we paid professionals to tint several windows in our house. We didn't have enough money to tint all of them at that time. Over the years we kept saying that we were going to have the tinting company come back out and tint the rest of the windows, but we've always found other ways to spend that money.
On Saturday the Hubs woke up and decided he needed to tint our windows. That day.
Oh, thanks for asking. It was a clusterfuck.
A few years ago we paid professionals to tint several windows in our house. We didn't have enough money to tint all of them at that time. Over the years we kept saying that we were going to have the tinting company come back out and tint the rest of the windows, but we've always found other ways to spend that money.
On Saturday the Hubs woke up and decided he needed to tint our windows. That day.
The Crumb Wars
There's a new war brewing on the internet and it's not about breastfeeding or clothes. This time it's all about CRUMBS!
Irritating, messy, nasty little crumbs that irritating, messy, nasty little children leave in restaurants, because apparently no one should ever drop a crumb on the floor of a restaurant!
Here's the deal: A couple of moms took their kids to a little local cafe for a snack one day. The cafe serves scones. You know what a scone is, right? It's a crumbly, dusty little biscuit thing. Not a messy food at all. Ha! Anyway, the moms bought some scones for their kids and the kids ate them. Well, not all of them, because they managed to drop a ridiculous amount of scone bits on the floor.
The scone drops upset the owner so much that she sent over one of her minions to vacuum up the mess because she "just spent $50" getting the carpets cleaned.
Irritating, messy, nasty little crumbs that irritating, messy, nasty little children leave in restaurants, because apparently no one should ever drop a crumb on the floor of a restaurant!
Here's the deal: A couple of moms took their kids to a little local cafe for a snack one day. The cafe serves scones. You know what a scone is, right? It's a crumbly, dusty little biscuit thing. Not a messy food at all. Ha! Anyway, the moms bought some scones for their kids and the kids ate them. Well, not all of them, because they managed to drop a ridiculous amount of scone bits on the floor.
The scone drops upset the owner so much that she sent over one of her minions to vacuum up the mess because she "just spent $50" getting the carpets cleaned.
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