So Middle-Aged Women are Baring All for Football

Okay, so if you've been following me for a while, then you know that I live in Kansas City. I don't know if you heard or not, but the Kansas City Chiefs (our football team for the unsporty folks like myself) are going to the Super Bowl for the first time in like 1,000 years or something.

Because it's been 1,000 years since we've been, our city is losing its damn mind. Everywhere you go has Chiefs' paraphernalia for purchase. Every. Where. The usual places like sporting goods stores, but also drug stores, grocery stores, and yesterday I saw some dude on a corner selling stuff out of the trunk of his car. Flags are flying on houses, businesses, and cars. Everywhere you go someone asks, "How 'bout them Chiefs?" and you're supposed to nod along and say, "Yup. How 'bout 'em?"

The whole city glows red.

Everyone is getting on the bandwagon. Even me. I admit it. I did it when the Royals were headed to the World Series and I'll do it now too. I'm always glad to support anything that puts Kansas City on the map and boosts her confidence a bit. Plus, it's much easier to be a sportz fan when major things only happen every 1,000 years. I don't have the stamina to be a die-hard fan.

So, what I'm trying to say here is that EVERYONE is rooting for the Chiefs. We're all doing what we can to encourage the players and let them know their city is behind them!

And today I found out the lengths that some women in this town will go to show their support. It was brought to my attention that there are Twitter handles out there dedicated to women showing their bewbs to motivate the boys to win big. Not just any women, though. MIDDLE-AGED women. That's right, you've got a 35+-year-old boobies out there on full display as a form of uplifting inspiration.

At first, I didn't believe it, so I had to go down the rabbit hole. I was holding my breath because this isn't a very big town and I was a little worried I might recognize some of those milk duds from my days in La Leche League. I was also a little concerned I might recognize one of the moms from school. Gomer thinks I'm the most embarrassing mom on the internet, but you know someone's mom is out there going, "Hold my bra."

After perusing some of the pics all I can say is, "Whoa, mama." Sure, some porn sites have glommed on and there are some professional-looking bodies out there, but the bulk are just what was advertised: middle-aged melons. Imagine if you and your friends were wearing nothing but a Chiefs shirt with strategically cut holes (one a little higher than the other because by middle-age we all have that one droopy gal) to show off your tiddies.

After I was done clutching my pearls I said, "Hey! My nipples do that too, it must be normal. I feel so much better now!"

I mean, it takes guts to put your middle-aged body out there on the interwebz and let everyone ogle your wonky nips. I'm not going to do it, but good for them and if this works for the Chiefs, then I'm going to let it go without any judgment because it's been 1,000 years since we won the Super Bowl.

I'm on the road next month! Come and see me!

Have you listened to my podcast yet?? Yup! I have a podcast now. It's called Two Midlife Mommas.  Check it out here!


Anonymous said...

Hey-Why didn't you post instructions on how the rest of us could look?

Lindsay said...

Ew. Sounds like some pervert created this so that they could look at boobs.

hcalbertson said...

Lindsay, it's bewbs, not boobs.

Richard W Haviland said...

hcalbertson, I beg to differ. Fun Fact: The origin of the word Boob. B - Top view, oo - Frontal view, and b - Side view

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