"The Interview" Ruined Jason's Holiday!

There are dumb people you run into or hear about every day and then there's Jason Best.

Remember when we were all talking about "The Interview" a few weeks ago? That's the Seth Rogan movie that supposedly upset North Korea so much that there were threats against theaters that dared to show this film. So, since Sony is a company who worries about risk and liability and all that good stuff, they pulled it. They said, "No movie for you, America!"

But then America got all riled up and were like, "No! We're Americans! We have freedom of speech and we refuse to be silenced by North Korea! I want to see that movie! Even though I had absolutely no interest in seeing it two weeks ago when I first heard about it! I will risk being blown up in a theater to see this work of important political satire from the same guys who gave us 'The End of the World,' which sucked by the way!" 

So then Sony was like, "OK, OK, the people have spoken. We will stand up against tyranny and release this [stupid] movie!"

I think there was a parade after the announcement, but I can't be sure.

Anyway, some of the theaters who agreed to show it, sold out right away. That's when Jason Best, the dipshit from Ohio, hatched his get rich quick scheme.

He found the only theater in his area that was showing "The Interview" and he dropped $650 bucks on 50 tickets. He figured his local theater would sell out the remaining tickets and then he'd have his 50 that he could sell at a profit to the last 50 suckers. He was going to scalp the tickets and become rich! Rich! Rich! (Insert photo of Jason Best laughing diabolically.)

However, Sony ruined Jason's plans. They decided to go ahead and let people stream the movie from home. (Insert photo of Jason Best with fist raised shouting "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!")

That's right, everyone in Jason's town is a lazy ass and they decided to stay home and watch "The Interview" on their TV and not over pay him. 

Now Jason was stuck with 50 tickets that no one wanted, but this mastermind wasn't foiled yet. 

He went back to the theater and demanded a refund. The theater said, "No way. No refunds. You bought the tickets from Movietickets.com which states no refunds for special events. Also? You were going to resell them. Scalping is illegal, you asshat." (Or something to that effect.)

Instead of slinking back to his lair to think about where his plan went terribly, terribly wrong, Jason Best contacted the media. He wanted to share his story so that we could all learn a valuable lesson or something? So that we could be outraged on his behalf? So I could make fun of him? Yes, that one. I believe that's the reason.

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1 comment:

Unknown said...

This story would've looked right at home on Dumbass News, what an idiot!

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