Call for Submissions

Have you figured out yet that I like publishing anthologies? Well, I do! I think anthologies are awesome, because I can put the book down and come back in a week and not have to remember which two fellas our plucky heroine is waffling between. I think anthologies are a terrific way to discover a new writer that I didn't know about before. I'm never bored reading an anthology because each chapter is a totally different voice from the one before it or the one after it. 

So. Because I love publishing anthologies so much I've decided to publish another one. Nope. Scratch that. I've decided to publish two at once! 

So far I've done I Just Want to Pee Alone which was about motherhood, kids, and vaginas. Then I did I Just Want to Be Alone which was about husbands, bed wetting, and vaginas. This time I want to do something totally different (probably no vaginas in this one, but we'll see). 

This time I want to do letters of advice to teenagers as they leave the nest. One book would be addressed to daughters and one book would be addressed to sons. I'm looking for funny, hysterical, and/or make me cry essays that have never been published before. I know what you're thinking: but I don't have kids and/or my kids are little still. No problem! Get creative! Think outside the box! Are you interested? Great! Check out the full list of submission guidelines below. The submissions are open to anyone, so if this doesn't sound like your cup of tea, but it does sound like your neighbor's, then send him/her this link and let them know. 

Hey fellas, did you see what I did there? I said "him/her." In the past, I've preferred to work with the ladies only, but this time I'm interested in what you have to say too.

Submission Guidelines (Due to the overwhelming response, I must INSIST that you follow these instructions to be considered):

Send submissions to jenthroatpunch@gmail.com. Subject line must read: SUBMISSION. Submissions MUST BE a SEPARATE .doc file attachment with a short bio and the following applicable social media information: 

Blog Title 
Books that you've written and/or contributed to
Facebook page
Twitter
G+
Pinterest
Youtube
Whatever else you've got

1,000 - 2,500 words (I'm super flexible on word count. I want the letter to be how many words it needs to be, so don't worry so much about word count as you do about writing a great piece.)

HYSTERICAL - make me laugh and spit out something or make me cry like a baby. Basically, make me feel something.

Original essays only.

Due September 1, 2014. (No one will be notified about the status of their submission until AFTER the deadline.)

Compensation: The book will be published in March 2015. 90 days after publication I will pay each accepted contributor $100. The essays need to be previously unpublished material. You retain the rights, but I would require you NOT to repost/print the essay for five years from publication. You can post an excerpt of your letter on your blog to encourage sales. You can be anonymous, but please be sure to remind me in your submission that you are anonymous. There will be a bonus program TBD.

There will be discounted copies available to you to sell on your sites. I will take care of getting the book edited, the layout, the publishing, and cover art. We work together to market the book. If you're interested, please email me your submission at jenthroatpunch@gmail.com.

In case you don't know who I am, here's my brief bio:

I started my blog People I Want to Punch in the Throat in April 2011. In December 2012 I had 70 followers and I wrote a post called "Overachieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies." In two days that post went viral and I had over 1 million pageviews on it. I worked hard over the next year to capitalize on my luck. I now have over 180,000 followers on Facebook and 8,200 followers on Twitter. I have self published three books in two years and I've sold over 40,000 (and counting) copies. One of my self published books has been acquired by Random House and I have a second book coming from Random House in September 2014.

SUBMISSIONS ARE NOW CLOSED!