People I Want to Punch in the Throat: The A-String for Men (Probably NSFW)

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The A-String for Men (Probably NSFW)


Once I received my new adorable headband slash underwear (i.e., a c-string) and looked so good in it, I noticed that the Hubs was getting jealous. He was overheated too and he wanted his own cool and breezy underwear! He didn't think it was fair that the ladies get to call dibs on all of the great tiny topper undies out there.

Lucky for him there are some choices this summer.

Like the asymmetrical man thong.

From what I gather, you sort of stuff the twig and berries in the tiniest nut sack I've ever seen and then stick the other part of it between the ass cheeks and clench like a motherfucker.

I love the Hubs. I do. But my God, I would laugh my ass off from seeing him in one of these things. Also, I value my eyesight too much. My eyes are still burning from seeing the hot model types who are trying to sell these sling shots.

Let's just think for a moment why this thing was even invented. I mean, I get the appeal of the c-string. I do. It's lightweight and covers nicely without those pesky tan lines. But this thing? What the fuck? What brain trust sat around discussing the the engineering of this thing?

"You know what, Bob? I think thongs are really nice and I enjoy wearing a thong, but I hate that there isn't any danger of accidentally exposing my man business."

"I know what you mean, Joe. Also, yesterday when I was at the beach with the family, I noticed that my thong was really chafing. I think it would be so much better if it just sort of crept up your ass and stayed there. Maybe with a wire?"

"Ooooh, a wire would be great, but don't forget my much-needed element of danger!"

"OK, hang on, let me think about this for a second. My wife has the c-string. You've seen that right?"

"That thing that's made out of hard lace and wire?"

"Yes. That's the one. I'm thinking we could design something similar for men."

"I'm not a big fan of how stiffened lace feels on my skin, Bob."

"None of us are, Joe. I'm thinking something soft and supple, but with wire boning to help keep it's shape."

"Heh, heh, you said 'boning'."

"Get your mind out of the gutter, Joe. We're designing a real serious product here. This is going to revolutionize the undergarment industry."

"Sorry."

"I've got it!

"We don't need a pesky wire. Let the women deal with that! We'll do all spandex and it will literally grip our balls and hang on."

Another guy joins the conversation. "I love this idea, you guys, but I've been thinking. What about those of us who like to have our asses completely exposed? Do you have any ideas about that, Joe?"

"I'm not following, Johnson. Heh, heh. I'm sorry I laugh every time I say your name. I do the same thing to Dick in accounting. Anyway, go on. You were saying something about not wanting a thong?"

"Precisely. I don't like how it feels between my cheeks. I like to keep them aired out, so I'm thinking a bag of sorts that you could deposit your manhood into and then sort of cinch it closed."

"An actual nut sack?"

"I prefer to call it 'bulge bag', Bob' That will be better for marketing."

"I don't know. It sounds kind of painful, Johnson. Heh, heh, that is funny! Listen, Johnson, I have a lot going on between my legs. I'm not sure a little sack can contain me."

"I hear you, Bob. I've seen you at the gym after raquetball. I'm thinking it could be stretchy. That way it could accommodate all shapes and sizes of man meat."

"Why not? Why should the women get all the fun when it comes to high-exposure clothing? I think the world needs to see a man in a marble sack!"


"Great thinking, Joe, and, if nothing else, our household cleaning products subsidiary says these new menswear products should definitely increase bleach sales!"

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Photos: Amazon/PetitQ and Ebay.

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