I Don't Take Nudies. Do You?

OK, so a bunch of female celebrities took nude pictures of themselves and them uploaded them to the Cloud (whatever the hell that is) and then someone else (probably a dick-nosed teenager) hacked into the Cloud and released the pictures for the world to see and now the world is upset. Did I get that right?

I have some questions. 

I think so.
1. Why is it always the ladies getting the nudies leaked? Where are the guys uploading theirs to? Would it kill a hacker to release a nude pic of Hugh Jackman or Henry Cavill or my new boyfriend Benny Cumberbatch? (Yes, I see the trend here, I really enjoy nice abs paired with an accent.) I'm appealing to the female hackers out there - find me a good dick pic, would ya? The closest we've come are Hamm-bone's freeballing paparazzi photos and while they're nice to look at, they're not quite the same. 

2. Why is it that someone even deigns to ask the question, "Why did these ladies upload nudies to the Cloud?" we are instantly accused of victim shaming? I'm not shaming them. I'm not saying that their accusations of being victims of sex crimes is a bit intense. I'm not even suggesting that maybe these pics were released to get the Google Alert going, because that would be insensitive of me. I'm just asking a question we're all thinking. We've had this delightfully pesky thing called the Internet for a few years now and we all know that everything we do or say or upload to this joint is never private and will probably be revealed to the world if it's a secret that's worth anything. Next time, these girls need to go old school and invest in a Polaroid camera.

And finally,

3. Am I the only person in America who DOESN'T have nude photos on her phone? (Of herself, I mean.) I'm truly surprised by the number of people who are coming out and saying, "Oh God, I can't imagine if the photos on my phone got leaked. It would be so embarrassing for my family." Keep in mind these are not gorgeous starlet types. These are middle-aged suburbanite types. Not to worry, world, I will not bow to the pressure and take any nude photos and upload them to the Cloud where they might accidentally be unleashed upon you. I love you guys too much to do that. 

Your turn: Be honest, do you have nudies?

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28 comments:

Rebecca Jo said...

I dont even like seeing myself nude, I don't want to save it for memories sake

Anonymous said...

No. I really don't. I've been married 22-years, and I'm not sure my husband has ever seen me naked.

Stacey OneFunnyMotha said...

I don't even trust email. When I worked in an office I thought the phones were probably tapped (& I didn't work for the CIA). I don't trust anything, but technology makes everything so easy & accessible & I think ppl forget. Jon Stewart did a great segment on that the other night. People should protect themselves but it's not their fault. Thankfully, I have no desire to take a naked picture. And, I think, Smithmiki03 up there is too funny.

KCmomof2 said...

The problem is that even if they took the picture and deleted it from their phone the next morning or 2 hours later it already backed up to iCloud if they have "photostream" turned on. This is a really cool feature if you are someone like me who infrequently backs up her phone and has had her phone stolen or dropped in a pool. It means those first day of school, birthday party, gymnastics meet pics I took of my kids for the last 3 years that I never backed up are not "lost". It is an amazing feature if you are lazy about your data back ups. The problem is that 90% of people never go back to the "Cloud" and clean it up. I do personally feel this is more a sex pervert issue than a hacking issue. I know lots of people who are super safe about not posting pictures of their kids online but are also vulnerable to this type of attack. If you have cute nudes of your kiddos that you have ever been taken of your toddlers or preschoolers they are likely in your cloud also and they are also vulnerable to hacks by sex perverts and you may never know you have been hacked. Does that change your view if is your kids instead of a Hollywood starlet?

Kristi Phillips said...

I think what happened was they took the pictures with their phone and iphone's automatically upload to the cloud, unless you tell them not to. My MIL once asked my Husband to take a picture of a really gross infected sore that happened to be on her bottom to show it to her cause she couldn't see it. This picture and a picture my Husband took of his junk (fully clothed) uploaded to Google Plus. It was terrible.

I have on occasion taken some crotch shots (without my face in it) to send to my Husband as a kind of pre-foreplay but the most recent one showed that childbirth had not been kind to my woman parts and what was supposed to be a Mmmm picture turned out to be something quite scary. They say those things bounce back after labor... my youngest is 6! How long does it take!? Now I am a 26 year old with a ruined vagina.

Dominique said...

I once dated a man who pressured me to take nudies…a LOT. He eventually became my husband. Then my ex-husband. Glad I never gave in. But when we divorced, I found a dick pic he made me take of him. I'd send it to you, but it's just ashes in the fireplace now.

Kie310 said...

Nope. Never, ever, ever. Maybe it's because of the line of work I do, but I have a very strict moto - Don't write something or take pictures of something or tape something you wouldn't want the world to read, see or hear. There is no telling how things will get out and about.

BrnEyedGirl676 said...

My husband and I have been married 12 years and have two kids, and we totally still send each other steamy selfies! He works long hours and these pictures keep us excited to see each other. Daily life can be boring, sometimes crappy & monotonous - job, housecleaning, schlepping the kids around, yardwork - and it's nice to have something that's adult & fun for us. The pictures aren't totally scandalous, but cheeky enough to give a little thrill... it's good fun. :)

Tammy Soong said...

Yeah, I don't even text WORDS I'd never want someone else to see. My friend is a family lawyer, and that shit gets subpoenaed all the time...

Anonymous said...

#3 is always my first question when these things happen! Does everyone have nude pics of themselves? Am I the biggest prude this side of the Mayflower or something? It's so good to know that someone else is keeping their clothes on in front of their iPhones.

Sarah said...

Yeah, I have some. Not on my phone though. That's what I don't get. I don't leave that stuff just hanging around. Besides I have a 4 month old baby and he's the star of my photos 99% of the time. I don't want to show someone pictures of my baby and have then scroll onto something I don't want them to see. You know what I don't understand is this whole cloud business.

mspice3 said...

I don't even like to take regular selfies WITH clothes on, much less off! And what I find even more astonishing are all the people that make sex tapes and then get surprised and get surprised and embarassed when they are leaked to the world (I'm looking at you Kim Kardashian)... Who makes a sex tape? I remember the Friends episode when Ross and Rachel were watching the one they accidentally taped and then became completely grossed out by it all, that's how we would be and I love my man to pieces, but I don't want to watch us doing it!

Teri Biebel said...

NOBODY needs to see this body naked. I'm afraid I'd be arrested if I DID take a nudie.

Kate Hall said...

No way would I ever take naked pictures of myself. Nope. But this is coming from the same person who would never write personal stuff in their journal as a kid/teen because I just KNEW someone would find it and read it and reveal all my secret embarrassing thoughts to the world. I like to leave that job to myself.

Nikki Chatoor said...

Brilliant reply! Lol

Rory Bore said...

If you want to take nudes of yourself, all the power to you. but I won't be doing it with my phone that's for sure.
It certainly is not their fault that these images were linked -- they are definitely victims. But I do kinda see your point that honestly -- as women in a sick world: we just need to be a little bit smarter than than the bad guys. AND since sick men are not likely to suddenly become well, or go away. Perhaps not make it quite so easy for them.

Anonymous said...

I am apparently a huge prude. I have never taken a nude photo of myself and it will never happen in my lifetime. Plus, I accidentally found a naked polaroid of my mom when I was a teenager looking in her drawer for a pair of pantyhose. Needless to say that S#%* scarred me for life. I haven't worn pantyhose since. More people should follow my motto: Camera on, clothes on. Camera off, clothes off.

Rebecca Rose said...

Not on my phone.

My husband takes photography classes, and I have let him take pictures of me. Tasteful pictures of me. Artsy pictures. Not pictures I'd want my dad to see... But nothing I'd honestly be too embarrassed showing my female relatives. We'll say things are arranged where you can't see anything... No nip slips... No ass crack.... And no crotch shots.

spymay said...

If I was young and perky, I'd probably do nude pictures. Not in a porn kind of way, but so I could pull them out thirty years later and say, "Damn, I looked good. I didn't even have to tuck my boobs into my pants." I guess it's a good thing that I didn't have Jennifer Lawrence's body when I was younger because I would've been nekkid a lot. Enjoy the breasts of your youth,lol.

RachRiot said...

Of course I do.. I MEAN LOOK AT ME

ShaMac said...

Nope! Your Welcome!

LaurelMia said...

Good for you! Daily life can absolutely be boring, why not have a little fun?

LaurelMia said...

Let's be honest...if someone's bank acct info is stolen, are we gonna say "it's your fault for doing online banking?" Of course not. Sorry to be a killjoy here but hacking is hacking.

But the rest of your post? Priceless. Ha!

Susie said...

I don't take nude photos of myself (or anyone else). I also don't upload my photos to the "cloud". I save my photos on an external hard drive.

Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms said...

The fricking Cloud is going to be the end of us all. Ellen

Chris Dean said...

Being a natural born button pusher, I'd never take a picture of anything that I could accidentally post to Facebook by hitting the wrong button.
And you totally need to schedule a book signing in Indy.

Kristine Laco said...

When I get a fully clothed pic of myself I suck in, legs crossed in front, look slightly out of the top of my eyes while pulling up my chin and pull my shoulders back. None of that will disguise the amount of wine I consume or my love of chocolate in a nudie. The answer is, NO, I do not have a nude of myself on my phone. But, if I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

librarybook said...

I don't even like looking at myself in the full length mirror on my bedroom closet door. UEEEEWWWW! Nobody wants to see that.

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