What I have never seen was a baby tied to the train of a bridal gown.
Have you seen this???
So, this lady somehow tied her one month old baby to the train of her wedding gown and then dragged her down the aisle behind her.
Why you ask?
Who the hell knows? It's the craziest thing I've seen at the wedding.
I get the desire of wanting to have your baby involved in your wedding, but couldn't the bride bling a wagon or a baby buggy so the groom could push the baby down the aisle? Couldn't someone make her a silk sling to carry the baby and keep her hands free for her flowers?
|"This train will be perfect for the twins!"|
Since she won't tell us about her thought process on this one, so I'll go ahead and make something up. Maybe the bride was at David's Bridal trying on dresses (she can try and say that dress is Vera Wang, but she's not fooling anyone, especially when Vera's denied she had anything to do with it) with her mom and sister.
She tries on the first one.
Mother of the Bride: Oooh, honey, that one looks great. You're beautiful.
Sister of the Bride: I love that one, sis. It's perfect.
Bride: I do like this one. I wonder if I could find a matching one for Baby.
MOB: Oh. Baby is coming to the wedding?
Bride: Of course she is. She's our baby, Mother!
MOB: Well, I just didn't know she was coming. You didn't invite your Cousin Hildy's children, so I assumed children weren't invited.
Bride: My own children can come, of course! Besides, Cousin Hildy's children are the spawn of the devil. I don't want those brats ruining my special day.
SOB: So true.
Bride: Besides, we're covered in Christ. Baby should be too.
MOB: So, what will you do with Baby during the ceremony?
Bride: What do you mean? I thought you could hold her.
MOB: ME? No. I can't. You're my first child to get married. My oldest daughter. I want to watch the wedding and not be distracted by a fussy baby.
Bride: Baby isn't that fussy. She could lay on the floor at your feet on a blanket and you'd never even know she was there. She loves to be on the floor!
SOB: Mom's right. She needs to enjoy your wedding. She paid enough for it.
Bride: OK, well, I'll ask Hubby's mother.
SOB: That won't work. You know how she is. She won't even babysit long enough for you to run to the store. She doesn't "do" babies. She'll never say yes.
Bride: Yes, you're right. What about you? You're my Maid of Honor. It would be perfect! You could hold Baby while Hubby and I say our vows. She could witness the whole thing.
SOB: I don't think so. She might spit up on me. I plan to shorten this dress and wear it again to go clubbing and I won't get any men to buy me drinks with spit up down the front of my skirt. Besides, I'm going to be very busy during the wedding. My job is super important.
Bride: Your job? What is your job except to hold my flowers and straighten my train ... MY TRAIN! I got it. You two suck, but lucky for you I'm a multi-tasking momma!
MOB: I don't understand.
SOB: What are you talking about?
Bride: You'll see! Excuse me, I need to go and see the tailor and have her add a couple of feet to the back of my dress and advise me how to best sew a baby to a train without harming her or the dress, because I want to go clubbing too.
And there you have it.
I still wonder about the reception though. Do you think she detached the baby before the reception? Or did she bustle her up into some sort of papoose you wear on your ass?
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