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Daddies Don't Deserve Medals

There is another awesome parent out there doing awesome parenting things on the internet and I'm giving this parent the slowest clap I can muster.

Have you seen this guy? I bet you have. There's a viral picture going around of a blogger dad doing his daughter's hair while holding another baby in a carrier. Ring a bell? That's because this picture is on fire.

No doubt, it's an adorable snap of a dad who is multi-tasking and getting the job done for his kids.

HOWEVER, the world is lining up to give this guy a fucking medal for the ah-may-zing task of brushing a head of hair while another kid is strapped to his chest. He may not have "asked" for it or he might not "want" it, but the internet is vomiting on themselves to be the first to congratulate him and give him kudos for going above and beyond or whatever it is that they think he's done.

I am not hating on this guy in particular. I've got nothing against him and his picture. I'm irritated with the way we're acting about his picture. I am hating on the fact that we put dads on pedestals for doing ordinary things. This is just something I've been thinking for a while and this picture is just what finally made me react.


He's not going above and beyond. He's not curing cancer or walking on the moon. He's combing some hair. Not just "some" hair, the hair of HIS child. He's doing his fucking job.

I am so sick and so tired of the world bending over backwards to congratulate every dad for doing what every mother does every fucking day (and then some) without so much as a thank you, let alone a parade. I've seen a mother breastfeed her infant while making dinner for her family. She never stopped for a minute and said, "Hey Jen, could you grab the camera please? I want to put this on Facebook."

I've never been in a business meeting where the woman in charge asked us to take a picture of her while she gave her presentation so she could Instagram that shit with the hashtags #Boom #PowerPointinMomma.

Dads, these are YOUR children too. You don't get to hold a press conference when you wipe a butt or comb some hair or read a bedtime story. That is your job. You are part of this family too. You are an important part of the family and you are a necessary part, but your role is no different than the mom's role. Aside from squeezing a baby out of our hoohas and nursing it, there isn't much more we can do as a mom than you can do as a dad. You can comb hair, load the dishwasher, fold laundry, and vacuum the living room. Just like I can mow the lawn, paint a bedroom, fix a squeaky door, and plunge a toilet.

This is such bullshit that if a dad does anything remotely maternal he suddenly gets Headline News and Katie Couric up his ass.

As a mother, I'm furious with the attention this man is receiving for simply taking care of his children. It's nauseating to see the world applaud these men for doing ONE of the HUNDREDS of tasks mothers do every day for their kids.

If I were a father, I'd be furious too. Come on, Dads. You're better than that. I know there are many, many, many of you out there who comb hair and pick up kids from school and help with homework and never expect to be rewarded. Why aren't you speaking out? Do you want the world to think that you're so pathetic that we need to give you a gold star chart to hang on the fridge next to the kids'? Do you want us to pat you on the head and tell you how wonderful you are every time you stay home alone with YOUR kids? (Which, by the way, is not "babysitting." You're the dad, not the babysitter. When their mother stays home with them while you do your thing, she's not babysitting, so neither are you.)

I've got a newsflash for you, America. I'm going to take out the trash tonight. I'll make sure and get a good picture of me and get you my PO Box so you can know where exactly to send my award.


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UPDATE: OK, I've been reading the comments and clearly I need to clarify something here. I'm surprised at how many people think I'm attacking this guy. I am NOT attacking this blogger and his picture. We can all agree, he's a great dad. As I noted at the top of this post HE is NOT the problem. WE are the problem and the comments are only proving me right. I am not attacking this guy. I am attacking the way we treat these men when they do ordinary stuff. Why is it when I write about Maria Kang or Mrs. Hall, the torches get lit and the women come out to tear them down, but whenever I DARE to point a finger at dads (even douchey ones), the women rush to defend them? Why do we put our men on pedestals and not call them out for their BS when we're more than happy to call out the women all the time? 

84 comments:

  1. I was going to have you come over and take a pic of me going to the bathroom while breastfeeding #multitasking and talking on the phone. Oh wait. When I did this I didn't have a smart phone.

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    1. LOL!

      Bitches be crazy, yo! I applaud ALL parents for the things they do -- there's no need to tell the world.. everyone knows!

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  2. The guy posted the pic to prove he could do it because his wife was convinced he could not. Apparently, some women need to have more faith in their men!

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    1. Yeah, that would be a majority of Black women. Especially the ones whose fathers abandoned them as children.

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  3. I go away every year, and EVERY YEAR multiple people ask me who is going to take care of the kids over the weekend while I'm away.
    Ummm...their dad? Who lives with us? And does a damn good job of caring for his kids?
    Maybe that guy?
    He can't stand when someone praises his willingness to "babysit" his own kids while I do my thing - it is embarrassing. It's insulting to him that they think he should be praised for parenting the small people he is the parent of.
    So, yeah. Amen, sister.

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    1. See, I agree with you, which is why I disagree with the original post. I am your husband (Figuratively, of course) I do just as much parenting as my wife and am also annoyed when someone comments on it, which is why Jen is wrong. GUys aren't looking for medals, or awards or recognition. I'm not, the guy with the pic wasn't, and it sounds like your husband isnt. Thats why Jen is off-base here.

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    2. Oh my gosh, whenever I go away for a weekend people ask me who is watching the kids, too! Then when I tell them that dad is with them they will say, "and he's okay with that?".
      WHAT? THE? F***?
      Why would he NOT be okay with that? He also took his children to visit his family without me. They live 8 hours away and they broke it up into a 2 day trip and stayed in a hotel. People were FLOORED that he did that by himself. I'm not sure if they understand how insulting that is to him- he is a wonderful, CAPABLE father. I don't leave him instructions when I'm out because you know why? HE KNOWS HIS KIDS. Why wouldn't he? He's their dad. Geeesh.

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    3. @arrogant-sob.com I don't think Jen's off base. I think there are a smaller percentage of married fathers that actually are 'maternal' as in, helping out around the house, helping with the kids, their homework, getting them ready for school, kissing boo-boos, soothing them when they are sick, the list goes on. Why is it that most mothers can tell you exactly what their 1 & 2 & 3 year olds are saying, but dad needs a translator for the most part, or why they are crying. It's because they don't "INCLUDE" themselves in the raising of the child, but yet if the kid does something he doesn't like, it's the MOTHER's fault. I'm not saying that all fathers are deadbeats or lazy or non interactive with their families and children, I'm saying that Jen does have a point that there are many men out there that considers it babysitting when watching their own children, that they can't handle waking the little Oscar the Grouches and getting them clothed, fed, and prepared for the day in a set time.
      And no, I'm not baby daddy bashing, my daughter's father is very much in our lives and gives me the luxury of staying at home, but he gets mad if I ask him to watch his own child most times, or if I ask him to help fold laundry which is NEVER ENDING. When I was working and he was too, I still pulled most of the weight when it came to housework, and I'm the one that mows the grass and does yard work. But with a toddler running around, a lot of things get neglected, and mostly because I need about 5 of me cloned to pull the day off, or maybe I need him to step up to the plate a little more. Just because the father works and helps support the family doesn't mean they don't have to help around the house. I wish I could come home and just sit in front of the tube zoning out for about 6 hours, wait for dinner, and have clean clothes for the next day without worry. My dad is awesome! He definitely helped my mom out with us growing up, including housework, yardwork, homework, sports, and even now he still helps us out a lot, and it bothers him that we have spouses that are too lazy to do it, but he still knows things have to be done and he helps!

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    4. Jen isn't off base, she is saying the same as you. It's other people handing out the 'medal' not the dad himself.

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  4. Jen--check out his blog . . . he agrees with you.

    http://daddydoinwork.com/dreamin/

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    1. I read that post earlier and was going to post it here as well... he's a daddy blogger who himself doesn't understand why this concept is so novel...

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    2. Exactly, that the entire point of his blog. Sadly people don't take the time to read beyond the headlines. This dad should not be generating hate or headlines, in his own words!

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  5. A FUCKING MEN JEN. Seriously. Could not agree more!!!!

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  6. I agree with you. However, I actually heard that part of the reason this picture got so much attention was that people were actually posting NEGATIVE comments TO him. I don't even want to repeat what I read, but it wasn't the type of thing that you are talking about in your article. Quite the opposite.

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    1. Oh yes - he talks about it in his blog that Queendivakat posted.

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  7. Amen! I say I'm a stay at home mom, and get a lot of, "oh, what do you do all day? I'd get so bored!" Um... I do what this guy did and a million other things (not that I don't appreciate being able to stay home with my son).

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  8. And before anyone gets butt-hurt and says "mom bloggers post pictures of themselves doing mom things all the time and THAT's okay"...there is a distinct difference. I post pictures of shit I fail at...ridiculous crap my kids or I do. Or fun outings. To make people smile or laugh. Knowing DAMN well it will not go viral. You see I've built friendships with people who follow my page. I know what they think is funny and what isn't funny. I'm not using those people as a stairstep to celebrity. I DON'T setup a tripod in my living room to prove to everyone I can do what moms and dads do every damn day. I can say the same damn thing for most of the bloggers I'm friends with...dudes and chicks. I have a feeling that the daddy in question sadly knew that there are women out there who lose their shit and salivate at that crap. And they DO.

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    1. Your feeling is wrong.

      Read his blog: http://daddydoinwork.com/dreamin

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    2. I have. I've read several posts. And stopped following awhile ago. Do I believe he says that guys shouldn't get accolades for doing what they're supposed to do? Yes. Do I believe he means it? No. If he didn't want accolades he would have simply taken the picture and sent it to his wife. Sadly there are a distinct group of women out there who follow this type of thing and literally piss themselves over any guy who displays or appears to possess an aptitude for understanding women's needs or raising children. He's not the only male blogger out there who thrives on this. He just happens to be the name of the day. And I'm simply voicing my opinion. It isn't a knee-jerk reaction to a news story I just read yesterday. I saw the picture when it was originally posted on his page. Some time ago. Some people believe he is genuine and that's okay...you're perfectly welcome to your opinion. I simply do not.

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    3. But its not a problem for the 9 gazillion mommy bloggers to do the exact same things?

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    4. And yet my Facebook feed is full of moms belittling others with tag lines like "you think that business trip/experience at work/marathon you ran was hard, try having 2 kids home sick with the flu and then you'll know what work really is". I'm always thinking WTF your a mom/dad/parent whatever it's your job to take care of the kids- stop using your normal routine tasks as medal moments. No one (mom, dad, single woman, man, etc) needs a medal for combing hair or fixing a dinner (unless you're doing it in space). I guess I would find the dad post more annoying if half of my friends weren't doing the same shit as moms. I think we somehow get pissed when men try to get credit but when a woman does it we're like oh that's right Patty, being a mom is the hardest job in the universe. I can't fault this guy or people giving him the big standing O when my mom friends expect the same.
      (I'm a mom btw so it's not coming from a people without kids just don't get it place)

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    5. So you are convinced that he'd know his post would go viral and that women following his page drool over his ability to parent? That's quite an assumption. If I'm not mistaken, he is a dad of two girls on maternity leave and blogs about his life (as you mentioned that you do), which often includes pictures of his daily life (which many men or women who blog do). But you think that he posted in with the intention to...what, exactly? Although I agree that this is daily life, there is a need for more fatherly involvement in a girls life. And if he takes a picture of him being a father, and it happens to make headlines news...well, who the f cares? If it were a picture of a woman with two girls who made the news, I could care less about that either. I think you completely missed the entire point of WHY this went viral.

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  9. I think someone already posted the link, but yeah, the guy in the pic actually agrees with you. Daddy Doin Work. Good stuff.

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  10. Posted too soon...meant to say that this guy didn't make his photo viral, the world did. He's not the one you want to punch in the throat. It's the people who think a dad taking care of his kids is a fucking novelty. Punch them ALL in the throat.

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  11. Jen, I have been reading your stuff for awhile now and you and I are usually in lock-step, but I gotta say this time your premise is absurd. You're on Facebook. Take a look around. We are BOMBARDED on an hourly basis with smug, self congratulatory moms who are always so fucking tired from their days of working and/or parenting. Constantly bitching about how hard their lives are. I NEVER see guys doing this. We work hard and raise our children just as passionately as our spouses and guys are almost NEVER looking for sympathy or empathy or whatever. In fat, this guy wasnt looking for any kudos either. He posted the pic to break his wifes balls for not thinking he could handle both kids, then it went viral cause of the overwhelmingly racist responses he got. There may be some guys looking for attention, but it is nothing in comparison to the facebook moms who are overwhelmingly pleased with themselves because they changed a diaper and made a PB&J the same day. We are all parents, generally. We are all working hard. We are all exhausted. YEt its typically a defensive mother that has to tell everyone about it.

    ArrogantSOB
    Arrogant-sob.com

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  12. Agreed. The only reason I even read the comments in this post are to see if anyone else realizes how ridiculous this is. He did not post it for attention. It's not his fault it went viral and people started posting hateful comments. Isn't this how this page got its claim to fame? A post going viral that you did not expect to do so? So, way to create something that isn't even there. Again.

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  13. In this particular dad's defense, as noted by an earlier poster, he agrees with you and posted about it on his blog.

    I am in total agreement with you that apart from pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding, there is NOTHING about being a parent that a mother can do that a father cannot. Nothing. My husband and I discussed this explicitly and at length before having children together so that there would be no confusion about it after the fact.

    One parent may do certain things BETTER than the other, because of his/her individual personality or because of greater experience/expertise--and this may or may not be gender-related--but that does not mean that it cannot be done.

    My husband has done everything I have done, and as much as I have done, for our nearly-2-year-old twin sons from day one, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

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  14. I love that you wrote this, in part because you are going to get SO MUCH SHIT for it. I've had this complaint before. Mention that there's a mess to clean up after a dad's day home with the kids, and you'll get a ton of people saying, "You're a shrew. You should be grateful that your husband is such a great dad!" WTF? Why should I be so grateful that he does half the job I do? Is he half the adult? Does he have half the wits? No.

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  15. I am slow clapping for YOU! What a big girl you are for taking out the garbage! When I saw the picture, I thought it looked familiar. Oh, yeah. That is my day- everyday! Award, please. My husband brushes hair, loads the dishwasher, shops for groceries because- wait for it- he is a part of this family.

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  16. My husband, who spent a few years as a SAHD, is offended by the many commercials that portray fathers as idiots.

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    1. I totally agree. What is with the commercials? Like a woman has to teach a man everything b/c he's like a child? WTF?

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  17. Thirty years ago, my Uncle was out shopping with my infant cousin. He spent the entire evening pissed because a sales clerk had the nerve to compliment him for "babysitting" his daughter.

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  18. I agree. They don't need a medal. I don't think he expected the reaction he got. I read the blog he wrote about it and his only intention was to show his wife because she doubted he could do her job. It went viral without his influence. It's people's messed up opinions about fatherhood that caused the reaction. He only did what he was supposed to.

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    1. If his only intention was to show his wife, he would have texted her the pic. He put it on his blog to get hits. He may not have expected it to go viral, but he was definitely looking for a response from the public.

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    2. Sure, he has a blog. Isn't that the purpose of blogging? And it went viral for the racist comments that were received, not because of him performing daddy duties.

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  19. May I just say as a single mom, I miss my husband/wife. He washed dishes and folded laundry like no other. That's what NONE of my friends understood that we were having marital issues. Oh yes, he put every other daddy to shame with how well he took care of the kiddos but that was NO F'ing reason to stay with a serial cheater. Ooh, I might still have some unresolved resentment. Regardless, it was/is his job to be the dad and be as good a parent as me with no expectation of reward.

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  20. This. THIS THIS THIS. My husband used to joke about having to babysit the kids until his mother pointed out that it's not babysitting when they are your own kids. :-)
    He's a rockstar, but he's their dad, and definitely doesn't need to have medals handed out every time he does something parental. However, we do thank each other and make a point to say something when EITHER of us does something great, or we kick ass at parenting for the day. So those are the only medals that really count :-)

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    1. Totally agree! It feels good to know you are appreciated!

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  21. On this particular picture of this particular dad, I think you really have the wrong impression. This isn't just a man, he's a father in the African American community, who as soon as this picture went viral, began getting awful, racists comments that he should "go get back on the crack that he took a break from to comb his kid's hair, " or "I am so glad you did these girls hair, are they both even yours?" It was heartbreaking. He is being a really good example of a father in a community that doesn't have many examples. I for one, thinks that he deserves a medal for that. And yes, women do very much try to receive accolades for all of the "multitasking" they do. I just read a BabyCenter article on a woman who took pictures of herself pumping breastmilk while mowing the lawn, raking leaves, shopping, and other random things, just to what, prove all of the stuff she CAN do? Why is it necessary to pump breastmilk and mow a lawn? Is the grass growing so fast that if you don't mow RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND it will overcome your house and take over? And who is taking pictures of those moms? Like, the mom who was breastfeeding while planking? I mean, how long does a plank last, like 60 seconds? Your child can't wait for 60 seconds to eat, we just have to move him under her right now so why? So someone can take a picture of her so it will go viral so we women can "see what we can do if we JUST put our minds to it!" It's a huge doublestandard, but we women also do it to ourselves and each other. For this guy, I think it's a good thing. Not that I think men should get medals for being dads, but I think this picture in particular is just an exception.

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    1. Wtf , planking while breast feeding??? I've read it all now

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  22. I agree with you every step of the way about Dads not deserving medals, but this is an example of African-American fatherhood that is terrific to see. We so rarely see images of black men actively parenting their children - doing the work that women do. I know tons of black men who are just like this, but the ones who tend to get the most attention are the parenting disasters. I wish I could see this photo in a more colorblind way - as in just a Dad doing what he's supposed to. Sadly, for me a white Dad in this photo would receive a massive eye roll, but this photo sends a positive message.

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  23. Hmmmm. Today I removed and replaced the training wheels on my 3-year-old's bike--using a WRENCH. Later, I found myself wiping my 5-year-old's butt with my 7-month-old strapped to my chest. I don't want a parade--I want a freakin' glass of wine!!

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    1. LOL! You use tools?!?! I'm with you sista! Bring on the vino!

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  24. I think every parent that does their job deserves a medal.

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    1. Yes, exactly! I kind of feel like this whole blog is on the point of jealousy. Ok, sorry you don't get some pats on the back for all the hard work you do. Why are you (not you, personally, but the people who have their panties in a bunch that this guy got all this attention) so upset he did? Parenthood is HARD. If he's trying his best, let's give him a hand. I know I like it when it's given to me.

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  25. I completely agree Jen! I didn't read all of the comments, so someone might have already said this but the dad was uncomfortable with how much attention the pic got too. The worst part was how many racist comments he got!

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  26. Thank you for this post! I fight with my husband all the time over his gold star mentality.

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  27. I too have a Hubby/Daddy who is an active participant in our family. He insists that I go away with girlfriends and take time for myself. I will often get women who will say "He lets you do that?" or "He actually helps with that?" I guess my question is, "If you would like your partner to do these things, why the hell doesn't he?" I think many women just take the "I'll just do it myself" martyr approach to avoid the conversation. I bet lots of guys would jump right in if asked. And I disagree with the idea that that a husband should not expect to feel appreciated because it's his f%&$in job. We both appreciate each other and tell each other often. Who would want to do anything if your partner was chasing you around bitching about it?

    And yes, my husband also gets offended when people praise him for doing his job, which he loves to do.

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  28. Wow. I have never read a more misguided, bitter, sexist rag of an article. Dad's don't Deserve medals. Neither do Mom's. I would bet the author immediately before trashing Dad's that try was preaching how being a Mom is the hardest job in the world.

    No. It isn't. Your bitter resentment proves it.

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    1. You missed the point of the article. She is talking about society and women who are quick to knock each other down for their parenting skills or lack there of, but congratulate a father for doing less than or exactly what they should do as a parent. She didn't say that mothers deserve metals and dads don't.

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  29. Wow, a dad doing his job. That's awesome and clearly deserving of a medal. Wait a minute, where's MY medal or Nobel Peace Prize or Pulitzer, or whatever... Where's my key to the city? I did what ANY father who cares for the well-being of his kids would do. In Dec of 2012, I received a call from my oldest daughter saying my ex called her in order to reach me, and her (my ex) exact words were, "You need to come get your damn kids, I can't take them anymore. They're lying and stealing and I'm sick of it." So, I took out a title loan on my truck to head to OK so I could get my two youngest kids, which I was never allowed to see or speak to at the behest of their mother. Upon arriving in town on Dec 23, I learned they were at a babysitter's house for the passed four days, no calls or texts from "mom", no idea where she was. So they were brought to me that night. The next day, she shows up with cops with claims of kidnapping and forces the kids to leave with her as they were hiding under a bed in my friend's daughter's room. And said I can't have them. So I took the next step, I stayed and fought for my kids. They were living in deplorable conditions as the trailer they were in was a shambles inside and out. Trash and clutter everywhere as well as dog feces and my kids were sleeping on a floor behind the sofa while their mom and her bf had a room and a bed. For 8 months, I stayed and fought and went to every court hearing she was involved in, from custody hearing from 2 other fathers to child neglect hearings from the state. She knew I meant business and wasn't backing down like she thought I would. One day, I decided to pay a visit without her knowing, I found my daughter playing with other kids, we talked for about an hour, found out she tried running away to find me, MY 10 yr old girl was prepared to walk 40 miles to get me! ME!!! The father they were told hated them and wanted nothing to with them. Toward the end of our talk, a storm brewed up and I told her she needs to get home, the clouds look especially mean... We had a Tornado 30 minutes later. The next day, I spoke to the manager at this place and got all kinds of info I could use against her in court, told her my lawyer will want to talk. She gave signed affidavits and 3 days later, I had full temporary emergency custody. And that became full uncontested custody when she gave up. Now, I'm back in Sacramento, WITH my kids, who are both in school, and love it. And I am just a dad that wasn't used to having to get them up for school, do their laundry, cook for them. Me. A regular guy, who lost my job so I could go to Ok, get my kids, even thought it longer than planned, lost my truck in the process and never ever cared that much about everything, because I got my babies from a mother who cared about herself and what she had before the kids. Where's MY fucking medal? Where's MY recognition as a father who did what it takes to get them from a bad situation and into a better one with ppl who give a shit? I say, Screw that guy! Anyone can do that shit.

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    1. I'm so, so, sorry to hear about all the troubles your kids went through. You DO deserve a medal, as well as recognition for being there for your kids. Although you may never get recognition from the internet, I'm SURE that you will get it from the love of your precious kids, who probably view you as the hero who rescued them from a shitty life. Let's stop hating on others, and support each parent who steps up to the plate. It's HARD. Sometimes others have it harder. Kudos to you for doing the right thing.

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  30. If anyone looked at thise guys blog- they'd see he wrote the SAME ish Jen just did. He's just as appalled.

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  31. I think even before PIWTPITT posted a clarification, it was very clear she was commenting on society's viral reaction to this picture. A thousand mom bloggers could post a similar photo and they would just make their readers smile. A dad blogger does it and it goes viral. This post is about prevailing gender stereotypes, not about bashing THAT dad. Ellen

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    1. The problem is that Jen further extended the stereotype by saying women do this every day....ignoring that not all women do AND men do it every day as well. She rails against the stereotype while simultaneously perpetuating it.

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    2. She's missing WHY it went viral. He posts pics all the time, as he is a fellow blogger. This went viral due to the racial comments it initially received, not because he's a man.

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  32. I get what you are saying. I think the part of the large scale reaction to this was the racial undertones, though. His original photo got some terrible comments about how a black man must be setting up this photo because in reality he is a welfare-grubbing loser. There were also a lot of shitty comments about how his kids were mixed race. Should that make a difference? In a perfect world, no. But our society makes a whole lot of awful assumptions about black men as fathers. He was just doing his job, but he got some outrageous flack for even doing that. What does THAT say about our culture?

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  33. My husband and I had a similar argument early in our marriage regarding housework. I came home to a vacuumed house and he wanted a medal. I said, "you want applause for something I DO every single week?!"
    He's now the primary vaccumer. The point had been made.
    I agree that dads, in general, don't need the attention and awards of doing what they're supposed to do (A-to-the-men on the babysitting comment). However, I did appreciate that he's making active fatherhood so much more visable and "mainstream" if you will. At our preschool there are several dads who are the primary caregivers. No one asks for medals, but I do think they should be applauded for doing something that culture tends to buck against. Way to stand up for what is right, fellas. (And, many women deserve the same kudos, but it's become much more socially acceptable for us to receive them).

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  34. Well said PIWTPITT. We do live in a society where we celebrate mediocrity, worship drunk and scantily clad celebrities who get away with things the everyday Joe/Josette would have to pay heavily for and where it has become acceptable to call a father a "baby daddy" what can you expect?

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  35. They are saying the same thing. Everyone calm the fuck down.

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  36. The update you posted, Jen, was like saying "With all due respect you are stupid" or "No offense but....".

    To say you aren't upset but then trash him is ridiculous.

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  37. *(eye roll)* on the comments... Geezh! Chill people!

    Anyways, I mow the grass and lay mulch in the spring, but my Hubs cooks dinner most nights... Can we have a medal for some kind of gender role swapping? HA! (It's a joke...) but, yeh. LOVE the article. Well said!

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  38. You jumped before you were pushed on this one m'dear. The father mentioned was subjected to one of the most disgusting racist attacks I've ever had the misfortune to happen upon. Re read, you may modify your view.

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  39. Jen,
    He said the same thing. He did post the picture to prove to his wife that he could do his daughter's hair. My Hubby did the same thing when I travelled, because while he is a great dad, his hair skills are lacking.
    My Husband also gets pissed when people say that he babysits, he always corrects and says No, I am parenting. It pisses me off too, he is supposed to care for his kids, that's why we had them, so we could parent together.

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  40. Equal isn't fifty fifty, parenting shouldn't be a battle. If a woman chooses( yes ladies, that's our ace in the hole) pun most definitely intended, to have a child sired by a useless twat and then acts shocked and surprised that he doesn't know his arse from his elbow,so be it. However, if in this day and age a female can't sort out an oil change and a guy can't empty a dishwasher then you deserve each other.

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  41. Sounds like foot stomping, pouting, what about me?!?! I'm super duper Mom and you're "liking" this guy?!?! Aww there there sweety...now go make me a turkey pot pie! :0

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    1. Agreed. It all sounds so jealousy driven. This guy went viral. So what?

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    2. You are both missing the point. She isn't mad at the guy. She is mad that he went viral for doing normal parenting things. Damn.

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  42. I think it's just so like the world today to start a war of words over a picture, that really wasn't worth a 1000 of them.

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  43. love love love this. I don't have kids yet, but I totally agree with you, AND my husband's biggest pet peeve is when his coworkers say they are "babysitting" their own kids. I wish all those TV ads were "be a PARENT today", because both are so so so important.

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  44. I'm not going to bother reading the butthurt and asscrying comments. I agree with you and loved your update/p.s. just as much as your post. When DID being a parent to your own kids ENTITLE you to anything? O, wait...must have missed that class in ParentingLittleShits' School... No,no,wait. I didn't go there. I grew up at School of GrowtheFup and graduated from ImNotAJackass Academy. :) The parents raising entitled little jerks who grow up to become entitled big jerks who never lived in the real world need a reality check cashed on their arses.

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  45. i. love. this. PERIOD. my husband - one of those very good award winning dads - and I talk about this all of the time. how when he shows up to the playground with our two kids everyone is all "Wow, what a great dad." They even take our infant son from him to - get this - GIVE HIM A BREAK. Obviously he let's them. I would too. But I'm all, "What?! Seriously?!" I totally agree that fathers get hyped up for doing what they should be doing. What I think you missed writing about is how moms are made to feel like we're doing less of a job when we have "good father partners." They say to me, "Gosh you're lucky you've got such a helpful partner." THese are the people I want to punch in the throat. Because my response is the same. He's not awesome. He's the kid's dad. Of course he's gonna fucking make some lunch and change a diaper.

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  46. P.S. This was my favorite part: "I've seen a mother breastfeed her infant while making dinner for her family. She never stopped for a minute and said, 'Hey Jen, could you grab the camera please? I want to put this on Facebook.'"

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  47. My husband takes our SON to BOY scouts and the mothers think "he is amazing and I am incredibly lucky". He is and I am, but since when is a man taking his son to boy scouts award worthy?!

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  48. Ya know... I have to say I agree with you on this. As a working mom, I have received a TON of flack through the years for things Dads get kudos for. I've been late for my kids games because of working late and endured the other moms "I'm surprised she even showed up" stares. Yet, a dad has a meeting that pushes him well into his daughters recital time, he walks in and is the End All Be All Dad for coming to his daughters dance recital. My own mother used to praise my ex-husband for feeding the kids dinner when I needed to work late. ARE YOU F-ING KIDDING ME? I think the dad whose photo went viral deserves a kudos for taking up for himself with some of the negative comments that haters posted on his site. Aside from that, he was just doing his job as a daddy. I praise my husband often for being a great dad, but it isn't because he brushes his daughters hair, makes her lunches, or coaches her soccer teams. It's because he's patient and kind while the rest of the household is waiting for her head to spin around.
    BTW, the trashcan pic made me LOL at my desk! I'm so going to start Instagramming some sh*t and call it "Look what I did".

    Kristen
    www.bloodsweatcheers13.blogspot.com

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  49. Great post. I wonder how many people who have expressed negativity about this article actually have children. Next time I lift a heavy box or plunge the toilet, I'm posting it on Instagram.

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  50. My grandmother use to ask me all the time who was going to watch the kids while I went to work. When I would reply that their father would be home, she would ask if he minded. So, I think this is just carried on from older generations when dads worked all day and moms stayed home and took care of the kids and house. We as a society want to come into the 21 century, by having equal rights, (gays, African Americans). But, somehow, equal rights toward mothers and fathers get sweept under the rug.

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  51. Good post; I agree with every word. If it was a photo of a mom doing the same thing, people would look at it and say, "So...?" I work night shift and invariably I am asked, "Who's watching your kids when you're working?" Oh, I don't know, the dog, I think. Of course it's my husband watching OUR kids. He'd better be, seeing how they're his- legally, genetically, ethically & morally. (Also, no one took a photo of me using a breast pump while simultaneously driving to class and praying fervently that I don't get pulled over--- but I'm not complaining about that.)

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  52. My ex would literally start fights with "I folded the clothes AND cooked dinner. What did you do for "us" (us being family of 4 kids) today on days I came home late due to after work activities (ie having a life outside house, ie derby practice) and didn't care to clean. ergo...ex husband.

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  53. Exactly! WE are the problem. Not the fathers who do what they should. I read the blog of the man in the picture and he pretty much says the same things that you do Jen. I said something similar to this in the comments section of your Douchy Dads blog. It is ridiculous, and I agree with every word!!

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  54. This sort of thing pisses me off so bad because our relatives tell me how "lucky" i am because he gets up with our baby in the middle of the night. I just want to say "Seriously? Hes up til four am playing Call of Duty anyways why the fuck should i have to get up?" And another thing he does is he takes the cute things that I took the time to teach him (like blowing kisses and throwing his diaper away) and has him do it when we are around family and they all say "aweeee thats so cute" as he stands there feeling like father of the year. I'm like" how dare you do that! If only they knew that the ONLY thing you do at home is plop him in front of the TV and play DVR'ed yo gabba gabba while you fuckin nod off on the damn couch! We dont get any credit but we dont need it cause we are doing it for our kids not the glory.

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  55. #1: I totally agree with Jen, the problem is ENTIRELY the "falling over each other to be first" reaction.. but what do you expect? Just look at "pop-culture".. Can you name ANY sit-com where the Dad isn't type-cast as a well meaning, but totally clueless, lovable idiot? Home Improvement, The World According to Jim, King of Queens.. hell, all the way back to the Grand-daddy of them all.. Archie Bunker.. For the last 60 YEARS our society has been being PROGRAMMED to view men as INCAPABLE of performing even the most basic of household tasks.. Let alone something so daunting as brushing hair AND doing...well... ANYTHING.. at the same time..

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