We're Not in Kansas Anymore!

NYC I am here! Last night we finally arrived at our final destination: NYC!

As you know, the Hubs grew up here and I lived here for several years, but we've never brought Gomer and Adolpha here before. We decided to come and visit so they could celebrate their grandmother's birthday.

Yesterday we were stranded in the Chicago airport (so close to Moms Who Drink and Swear and yet so far!!) for about five hours. Seriously, I was thisclose to calling Nikki to come and rescue us. We got on our plane and settled in for take off and I promptly fell asleep. I woke up about an hour later when the captain made an announcement. "What? What did he say?" I mumbled sleepily. "Are we there?"

"Not even close," the Hubs replied, irritated with me. "We still haven't left. Some sort of mechanical problem. Did you enjoy your sleep?"

Hmm ... well, yes, I did, actually. "I dreamed about pizza," I said. Like good (former) New Yorkers, the Hubs and I have a real appreciation for New York style pizza. Believe it or not, Kansas pizza is not at all similar. We've been extolling the virtues of NY style pizza for years and we had promised our kids we would have pizza for dinner as soon as we arrived at our scheduled 5 P.M. arrival time.

I looked at my watch. It was already 4:30. Uh oh.

Long story short, they made us leave the plane because they said they weren't sure they could fix it and they were looking for a new one. (Thanks, United, that would be great, because I wasn't thrilled about flying in a plane that was "broken" an hour ago.) The Hubs and I got a little grumpy thinking about our delicious pizza and because our cell phone batteries were starting to die. (It's amazing how much juice Candy Crush can suck from your phone when you're stranded in an airport!) The Hubs wandered off to find an empty outlet and recharge our batteries - literally and figuratively.

Finally, the plane was fixed, but now there was a crazy weather thing going on and they didn't want us to fly through that. (Again, thank you for that. I am not a fan of turbulence. Or sheer winds.) We continued to wait.

My kids burned through all of their activities to do and resorted to playing catch with THIS little miracle toy. They scarfed their snacks I had packed for both going to New York and coming home, but only before they asked, "We can still have pizza when we get to New York even if we eat all of these snacks, right??" We met some nice Canadian ladies who said, "Your kids are well behaved, eh?" (The kindest compliment I could ever receive. My job as a mother is done.)

Finally, finally, the plane was fixed, the weather had passed and we were the only flight of the night getting out. Things were going our way!

They announced it was time to board and we should line up according to our "grouping." There were four or five groups and thanks to my dad and his mileage plus points we were in group one - the shortest line. We grabbed the kids and took our place at the end of the line. As Adolpha and I took up the rear, a drunk guy (our gate was conveniently located next to the bar and more than one of our fellow passengers spent the layover in there) joined the line behind me and looked me up and down. He took in my half pants (adorable capris, thank you very much!) and the Hubs' cargo shorts (new for this trip!) and our two kids and asked me, "Are you sure you're in the right line? Are you Group One? This line is for Global Services."

I turned around and recognized him as the douche who had been up at the desk earlier in the evening complaining very loudly that weather was not a reason to detain him. He had berated the customer service rep (whose job must suck, btw on a night like that) up one side and down the other about how he was extremely important and had to get out of Chicago right away and get back to New York, because did he mention yet that he's extremely important, and the world was going to end if he didn't get back tonight or something like that.

I have no idea what Global Services is. I can read though and my ticket status was on the list for Group One. I looked his very important drunk ass up and down with such a look of haughty disdain that only I can achieve after sitting in a airport for five hours trying to entertain two kids (and a fidgety husband).

"Of course I belong here. Where else would I belong?" I said, glaring at him.

He had the decency to take a step back and get out of my personal space.

The even drunker guy behind him said, "Well, you never can tell."

I turned around and eyed him up and down with a withering look too, "No. You guys sure can't."

We got on the plane and just about everyone had boarded when Adolpha had a horrible realization. She grabbed my arm and the look on her face was pure panic. If Adolpha knew the phrase, "Holy shit" she would have yelled it.

"What's the matter, Adolpha?" I asked.

She started wheezing and could barely form the words, "Blankie! Gone!"

When we were killing time back at the gate, she emptied her backpack of things to do and she took out her favorite blanket. You know. The one she can't sleep without, the one she can't be comforted without, the one that she's had since birth that will probably join her on her wedding night in some exotic locale. "It's not here!" Her wails practically echoed back from her empty bag.

"Son of a bitch!" I whispered. (Hopefully under my breath. Otherwise, now Adolpha knows what to say the next time Blankie is missing.)

I tore through her bag throwing stuff everywhere. She was right. I accused the Hubs of losing it. "I was asleep on the last plane. You packed them up. Did you leave it?"

"We never got it out," he said. "Don't yell at me."

"I left it by the windows!" Adolpha cried. "I wanted to show Blankie the airplanes."

Fuck!! (That one was in my head.)

Have you ever tried to squeeze past a group of weary travelers getting onto a plane with all of their carry on luggage so you could get off a plane?

Well, let me tell you folks. It is not easy. Not at all. It was a miracle I made it. I would like to apologize now to every single person who got my ass in their face, my elbow in their ribs, and their toes stepped on by me as I FLEW to the front of the plane shouting, "I'm sorry, we left a very important item in the gate area!" or "Excuse me, mother with an emergency coming through!"

"What's wrong?" the most adorable flight attendant asked me when I broke through to the front of the plane.

"We left a very important blanket out there in the boarding area. I need it."

"Of course you do, honey," he said. "Go. We will wait for you!"

Bless you, adorable flight attendant!

I ran up the hallway and burst through the door like a madwoman. I looked around wildly and there was Blankie. He was all bundled up in a heap next to the windows where he almost watched our plane take off and lose him forever.

I turned around and got back on line and I was the last person to board that plane. "You found it!" adorable flight attendant said.

"Yes! Thank you!"
That brown thing entwined around her body? Yeah, that's Blankie. It would have been a very long night if we realized he was missing a few minutes later!
We arrived in New York City without anymore drama and after a few calls, found our car and made it to the hotel.

"We're not going to have pizza now, are we?" asked Gomer, sadly. "The pizza place is closed."

"Gomer, have you ever heard the phrase 'the city that never sleeps'?"

"No."

"Well, now you have."

The Hubs left us to settle into the hotel while he went and fought the crowd (Truly. A midnight crowd at the pizzeria as busy as a noon crowd) and wait for half an hour for a pizza. God bless you, 24 hour pizza joints!

My kids have done a lot of cool things in their short lives, but I think eating hot New York style pizza at midnight is at the top of their list now.

39 comments:

Jenna Moore said...

What an event! I have only flown once with my kids and I am in awe. I'd love to know what airline you flew that had such nice customer service! So glad Adolpha got her Blankie back-I know what that kind of missing thing emergency can cause! Now have fun!

Big City Mom said...

Here's to NYC pizza, makes every alright!

Michelle said...

I'm hyperventilating at the thought of the forgotten Blankie. My kids are 17 and 12 but if either "Snowman" or "Meow" was ever lost or left, it would be like a death. Seeing that photo of Adolpha is like watching the ending to "Sleepless in Seattle" 100 times. Enjoy your trip! :) xo

Julie Workman said...

I'm so glad the flight attendant was sweet and you were able to find Blankie! My 8-year old still sleeps with his 'duckie' blanket. Of course, he's too cool to clutch it in his hot, sweaty hands, so he stuffs it in his pillowcase.

Stacey @Nurse Mommy Laughs said...

We lost Froggie at the San Diego zoo. We had the entire staff on headsets looking for that damn blanket. I remember the panic and feel your pain. When we heard on a walkie talkie that froggie had been found and was being driven to the front gate, it was mother's heaven. So happy for you and your girl!! Have fun and rock that MN pizza.

Laura J said...

....Living vicariously through your events! I could so relate to most of your experience and smiled throughout the read. Thank you so much for entertaining us!!! Now I want pizza :/

Recovering Church Lady said...

Loved this adventure story so much! Yay for happy blankies and pizza at midnight!

RachRiot said...

I totally feel you- my daughter (The Kraken) has her "Lamby" and if we ever forget Lamby anywhere, all Hell breaks loose until the two are reunited. I'm thinking about putting a microchip in or Lo-jacking that damn thing.

Amy FunnyIsFamily said...

I thought my pulse was racing from the comment of the drunk jagoff, but the Blankie situation really freaked my shit out. Yikes! Now I need to check and make sure Brownie and Stripey are where they need to be. Just to calm my nerves.

Momma O said...

How do you do it? How - after all these years of blogging - do you crank em out, each as good as the last? Lately I can not find the time and/or creativity to write out a grocery list let alone my blog. Awesome job--- as usual! Love it! We lost White Doggie in Honolulu's airport. We lost it 3 years ago and my 9 year old has never let me live it down. I am the world's worst for letting it happen. Love the nice flight attendant!

Robin H. said...

We lost Angel Bear once at a science fair. Same thing...he was looking out the windows. It's always the windows.

Red Haired Chick said...

My 3 year old has a pink stuffed dog ("Pinky") and if we ever lose that thing, I'm NEVER hearing the end of it.

Anonymous said...

The d-bag who berated the customer service rep for the weather should have been strapped to the wing for the duration of the flight. The "lovely flight attendant" had probably had just as many a-holes blaming her for things not her fault, yet found the compassion to understand where you were coming from. Great piece. Thanks.

Cheryl said...

All of you should be thankful that your items are fairly small. MY daughter? A KING-sized fucking quilt!!!!! Goes with us EVERYwhere! Planes, trains and automobiles!!!!! I even suggested cutting it in 4ths so she could leave part at home, take part with us, etc. You'd have thought I'd suggested murdering her best friend!!!!

Renee Naylor said...

I myself am a frequent traveler being, platinum, gold, etc on various airlines. When traveling with my children in First Class and waiting in line to board with the first class line, many times men have stomped past me like they are far superior to me and my child - only to realize that - YES, I too am seated in first class. I always give them the "You are not so awesome, now are you?" look. Unfortunately the world has many a#$hats.

HypocriticalOath said...

If I had been there and witnessed drunk guy say that to you I would have stepped in and said to that guy, "I think you are on the wrong line. The Douche line starts back there." I don't dress all fancy on planes b/c I want to be comfortable but often I'm flying business class/get priority boarding for whatever reason. And the suit douches always give me the 'do you belong here' eyeball. Sorry, we can't all be investment banking asshats. But we still deserve first class! Fuckers.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I know the feeling. Last time I flew from warm Little Rock to chilly Seattle to visit number one daughter, I left my only nice leather jacket in the transfer airport. I ran off the plane, through the upstream crowd, and found a child in the airport using my jacket for a comfy pillow. I eased it out from under him (hoping not to be arrested) and ran back onto the plane clutching my jacket much like little Adolpha probably held her blankie. I, too, had very nice and patient airline reps that day! Thank you for the funny story.

Notso supermom said...

Don't think I've ever seen whatever blankie is before, but that other beige lump lying next to her looks suspiciously like my Slim's "pup-pup." I'm sure pup-pup is as dear to Slim as blankie is to Adolpha. He goes everywhere with Slim and will likely be joining him on his eventual wedding night as well. I am, however, relatively certain that pup-pup is safe in South Jersey with Slim, Moo, and my in-laws.

Have a great trip!

Jersey McDermids said...

welcome to NY!! (actually I'm in Jersey, but headed to the city this weekend for a girls weekend!) We too almost lost a lovie, headed home from the city one time, we had the two kids and a stroller getting on the train and Grrr Bear (that was his name!), fell out of the stroller and onto the tracks below. I started to hyperventilate... hubby asked what the problem was, and said "oh, thought it was something important". (Guess who's putting him to bed tonight, I thought!) Thankfully a wonderful conductor was able to lift the stair gate and climb down to the tracks and Grr was safe... but hate those close calls!!!

Darcy Perdu said...

Love NY -- so glad your kids loved the midnight pizza!

carly said...

What a sweet flight attendant! Kudos for the compliment on your kids' behavior, that is the crown jewel of compliments when you are a mom. I recently spent some time with some not-so-well-behaved nieces and nephews and my 10-year-old was a saint compared to them; it made me so proud :)

Anonymous said...

I love this story and love that you scathingly out those douches in their place and love that you braved getting off the plane to get bankie. And I love that the kids got NY Style Pizza at midnight. Well played, Mom.

Lynn said...

I want to be your child. You can adopt 42 year old women, right? I would even let you change my name to something really precious, like Ahmahryllys.

Jen Piwtpitt said...

You're right. That lump is Puppy. Blankie is important, but Puppy is irreplaceable. We might have had a security situation on that plane if Puppy was the one left at the gate.

Alyson H. said...

My daughter sleeps with her crib bumper - blue (she's 8). It's not blue, but it would be a freaking disaster if he was left anywhere. I am glad you found blankie. Also, I'm from Jersey and order the pizza when we are 20 mins from my parents - nothing like it.

kery bailey said...

You're such a good mom! The closest thing to blanket my son ever had was a stick, just a random stick from our yard. thousands of toys and that was his attachment. Well, he left it in his dads car and dear old dad threw it out. Rumor has it he thought my son had been seriously injured he howled so loud, and unfortunately stick didn't survive the fall. That was 9 years ago and G has never fully recovered. He'll, I lost my Roger Rabbit and I still never fully recovered

Tova Hooper said...

Just in New York with my 15 year old daughter last month (she won an award! Yay!) and all five days, PIZZA! Every night for dinner, 24 hour pizza joint! It is so true, if you live somewhere else? No matter HOW many times they write "New York" in the title of their pizzeria ... Lies!!
I actually Googled this phenomenon and, apparently, it has something to do with the water ... Part of it, anyway ... I live in Florida in a very metro area and am always on the lookout for good pizza ... Nope. I am from New York so, I know what I am looking for and can't find it. Try the pizza at Rock Center in the GE building -- we had pepperoni and I just about peed my pants it was so amazing! If you get the chance, check it out ... Oh, I also brought home and ENTIRE cheese pizza wrapped in foils from Uncle Paul's at 70 Vanderbilt ... Carry on was stuffed with pizza for my fam back home

Jenna Moore said...

I'm reminded of my youngest son's Winnie the Pooh lovey. It's one of those "head on a blanket" bits that babies get. He took it everywhere! It was a disaster the day we lost it at the museum and could not get it back. He did finally get over it. Two years later he saw a picture of himself with it and totally fell apart! We had to get him a new one.

Mosaicwench said...

My son is 21 now, but when he was 4 he left his "Kermie" (large stuffed Kermit the Frog) at a friends house in Virginia while we were on vacation. We had to convince him that Kermie rode with the FedEx pilots in the cockpit when they sent him back to us in Wisconsin. After that ordeal I actually heard him carrying on conversations with Kermie about what the FedEx flight was like . . .

a said...

Blankie! We had "Pointy" my aspergers sons' favorite red hot wheels car...If Pointy wasn't with us, we were NOT GOING ANYWHERE. This post had me remembering the trips and mayhem. SO GLAD you found Blankie.....

Kim at Let Me Start By Saying said...

Nothing - NOTHING! - is more of an FAA emergency than locating a misplaced blankie. Airports should be shut down for that.

Karey said...

Dude!!!! I grew up in Syracuse, NY and now live in Lawrence, KS - your neck of the woods! I wanted to be sure you knew that D'Bronx in Overland Park serves fairly decent NY style pizza. They also have potato latkes AND a respectable cheesecake. And, if for some reason you are forced at gunpoint to come over to Lawrence, Tad's pizza at Bob Billings and Kasold has very good NY style pizza. I've gained a few pounds since they opened. But now I no longer have to dream of a decent pizza 365 days a year.

Mandy Rider said...

A hotel maid once threw away "minkie" the blanket and the owner made someone go through the trash, find it, wash it and return it. (Very small resort hotel and we were sort of VIPish.) I know how you. She still has that blanket and she's 25-no, she doesn't sleep with it (I think her hubs would object)but I'll bet she could lay her hands on it in a minute

Funnyface said...

You got lucky with the flight attendant there...but I have laughed SO hard! If you wouldn't get through the crowd back out of the plane I would have said "Attention, are you tired? do you want to go home? then I need to get this blankie if not HELL will arise and I won't be responsible" Of course nowadays we can't say those funny things. But I love to travel and I get my under 2 year old kiddo when we can. He is not attached to things (for now) so we have left a shoe and toys time to time. Oh well!

mom keck said...

with five children traveling alone because hubby was military in war zone smart mouths making all kinds of negative remarks when nice airline rep. decided to seat us first. I turned to the line of drunk business types and stated that they were welcome to join us boarding first if they wanted to be responsible for a child during the 10 hour flight, Didn't have a single "gentlemen" took the offer. One of my better mommie moments.

TheJerseyShoreMom said...

You need to bring them to Point Pleasant or Seaside Heights so they can experience boardwalk pizza!

Cathy said...

My daughter is 21, a senior in college, and living on her own...and she still sleeps with her "blankie". I am pretty sure it WILL go on her honeymoon with her...

Anonymous said...

Please tell me you punched those drunk guys in the throat.

TNMom said...

Yeah, my littles poor bun-bun has seen better days. I have my video camera on the ready for when one of the ears comes off...it will not be pretty! <3 Devan

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