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Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Edition

Today the Hubs and I went to the library to get some work done. The Hubs doesn't really enjoy reading, but he does like to peruse the newspaper and magazine section at the library. At one point, he came back with the latest edition of Sports Illustrated. You know this edition, the one without any sports in it - unless painting bathing suits on naked girls is considered a sport now.

Of course I've heard about this magazine, but I've actually never looked at it before. Holy shit. That magazine is a rag. Have you seen this so-called swim suit edition? Half of the swim suits are painted on (really) and a few times girls are wearing a wool scarf that cover their nether regions or a mesh half shirt thingy. I'm always looking for new ways to wear my scarves and somehow I'd missed this on Pinterest!

Who knew a scarf was so versatile? It keeps your neck warm and you keeps you modestly covered at the beach!
I spend a lot of time at the pool in the summer and I have to say I (thankfully) have never seen the scarf-suit before. I can't imagine it would offer much support.

Looking at page after glossy page of nearly naked women really got me angry.

Where's our swim suit edition? It's so unfair. You go to any R-rated movie and you see boobs and bush, but you're lucky to glimpse the male star's tush. I went to Magic Mike and I had to endure a bunch of "I love you mans" and sweaty bro hugs just so I could barely glimpse a prosthetic penis and watch Channing Tatum gyrate in a baggy pair of sweats. So not cool!

"What gives?" I asked the Hubs.

"You get underwear ads," he said. Then he explained to me that the naked female form is more attractive than the naked male form. 

I don't doubt that, but still, it's not fair! If the girls have to show theirs, then the men should too!

I'm ready to find a magazine at the library that is a swim suit edition where the men shave their balls and have them painted to look like bananas laying limply across their leg. Or see the men lounging on a beach wearing nothing but a mesh marble sack.


Photo source

19 comments:

  1. Yes, yes, YES! More naked men all around please. Speaking of which, have you seen "Troy". I will just say I do NOT watch it for the acting.

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    1. I watch "Troy" almost every chance I get. And I do not watch it for the acting either!

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  2. I think there is no sports ilustrated for women because big execs at the magazine are men, because I am sure sales would be really awesome if they did it.

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  3. I will sign a petition in support of this.

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  4. Stop reading that YA drivel and pick up an romance novel! Paul Marron, look him up............yum.

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  5. I'm pretty sure you should have used "scan, skim, glance through" rather than peruse (unless he's reading them carefully, word by word).

    Also, there's this
    http://espn.go.com/espn/bodyissue

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    1. That espn gallery is stunning. The men just as much as the women. Maybe I am just fooling myself, but I love the "artistic" side to it. The body is a marvelous thing!

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  6. This is so true! And these guys think it's ok. It's like, Ok, Man. Strip for us, and we will take pictures and post them all over the world! Anyway, love this post!

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  7. Hubs has a point. I have always sworn that the scrotum is absolute proof of evolution. I just can't bring myself to believe in a God that would create that ugly sack and say "Perfect!"

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  8. OMG Karen!! I almost peed myself snort-laughing!

    I never watch Troy for the acting. Magic Mike was a big fat FAIL.

    We totally need a monthly swimsuit magazine for women. One along the lines of those half-naked firefigther calendars. or men in toolbelts and raggedy-ass jeans falling off their hips (because we all know that lower abdominal muscle is just, mmmmmmmmmmmm.

    Wait, what were we talking about?

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  9. Surely a double standard, but equal male exposure is NOT the answer. Even a super hot dude in a thong makes me flinch. Yuck. Yes, Magic Mike was a disappointment. I didn't need to know that male strippers had feelings. But, on the bright side, Channing Tatum has a killer bod and is an amazing dancer. If he'd danced with fuzzy nuts and his dong flapping, I don't think I would have been as entertained.

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  10. I am sick of unnecessary boobs! I admit, I love those college humor, toilet bowl comedies. I don't love how there are tits all over them for no reason other than to have nudity. Also, did anyone see the Academy Award nominated film Flight? There were boobs within the first 2 mins and they were on screen forever! It was horrible. The actresses need to stop agreeing to showing their tits for no reason. If it has a purpose, absolutely. Otherwise, just say no!!

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  11. You don't see naked men because they simply aren't as aesthetically pleasing as women. I like to think I'm heterosexual and I still think women's bodies are infinitely more beautiful than men's. Men's bodies are hard and angular. Women are (generally speaking, in terms of models and women portrayed in media) softer with curves and smooth lines.

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  12. Oh, please! Go get yourself a fireman calendar and STHU! That's just Sports Illustrated's way of telling everybody that they are, in fact, a MEN'S magazine. But I would like to see some of those odels actually swim in those swimsuits. (By the way, I'm a fifty year old married man that loves your blog. Wouldn't miss it for the world. Keep up the good work!)

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  13. Honestly, the only reason I searched for photos from the SI issue online this year was that we had dinner with another couple and he was talking about the cover model being heavier than usual. (I know this guy he means it.) Was watching the Super Bowl with him and he commented on Beyonce being heavy. That just shows how screwed up this is. I know, I know -- I should have probably punched him in the throat. Twice.

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  14. I think I could live without ever seeing a marble ball sack again. On our honeymoon in the Bahamas some dirty old man wore only that every time he would go to the pool at the resort. It was so gross and nasty and now when I think of that, I think of him. Enough said, lol!!

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  15. I agree with every single thing you say here!!! This sort of thing really unnerves me!

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  16. I'm laughing so hard tears are streaming down my face...and I'm in my cubicle at work. That's funny! Hubs got his copy in the mail. It's the one TREAT I allow. I'm glad I finally had time to catch up on your blog!

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