Elva the Elf

Last year I told you about how we received our Elf on the Shelf from our friends when Gomer was a baby. Over the summer, I received another elf. This time from a reader. When I got him I decided that I'd put him in the cupboard with Choppy Elfie, but that by Christmas he would become a she.

You might remember from my rant that I was experiencing a great deal of pressure to make sure that both of my children would someday have their own elf to take with them into their new home with their spouse and use to torment their own children. Since Choppy was given to us before Adolpha was born, I just sort of assumed that Choppy would be Gomer's and we'd need another for Adolpha. When I got the second elf I knew he'd be Adolpha's elf, but I also knew that Adolpha would not stand for a boy elf when girl elves are so readily available. Lucky for me, skirts are readily available too (and as far as I can tell, the skirt is all the stands between a boy elf and a girl elf).

In early November, I forked over seven bucks for a festive holiday skirt for the second elf. (You're welcome, Elf on the Shelf empire.) Now Adolpha's elf transformation was complete.

I brought the new elf out on Thanksgiving night too when I brought out Choppy. I sat them together on our designated "Elf Shelf" and waited for the kids to notice.

Our new addition was immediately welcomed into the family and then we began the arduous process of finding the right name for her. Choppy Elfie's name had been a compromise between Gomer's suggestion of  "Choppy" and Adolpha's "Elfie." This time no common ground could be found.  Gomer was pushing hard for "Slasher" since that name goes along with Choppy and Adolpha really liked "Abby."  Abby Slasher?  Slasher Abby? I was holding out for a better name. It was one thing to name Choppy Elfie such a stupid name when they were preschoolers. They didn't know any better, but this year there is no excuse. Suddenly, Adolpha came up with the perfect name: "Elva the Elf!"

For those of you who know me and my family in real life, you'll know what a special name Elva is to our family. You see, Elva is an old family name, but we think it might be exclusive to our family. We've yet to meet an Elva outside of the Punch clan and we're not surprised. It's not like Elva is an old lady name ripe for revival like Stella or Ruby. It's not weird enough for Hollywood moms nor can it be butchered into Ellvah or Ehlva for the Dolce Mom set. No one (outside of our family) ever looks at their precious baby and says, "Hello, Elva." But an elf? Yes, Elva is a perfect name for an elf.

We formally introduced Choppy Elfie to Elva Abby Slasher and to be honest he wasn't thrilled to share his shelf with this newcomer. Ever since his lucky break last year, he's become a bit of a diva and he's been making a lot of demands. He's always been a bit lazy, but this year he spent so much time checking his Google Alerts he would only move between the laptop and the shelf. The other day I caught him signing a stack of my books.  He hasn't been very welcoming to Elva. There have been a few times I've found Elva on the floor because apparently there wasn't enough room for her on the shelf.

It's a good thing they go back in their boxes tonight, because look what I found this morning.


17 comments:

Unknown said...

My best friend's mom's name (nice english, sorry) is Elva! :)

There is at least ONE more!

Laura said...

Poor little transgendered elf. :) Merry Christmas!

Unknown said...

Humm, sounds like a post about weird names that actually have not been butchered by hollywood... I worked with a woman, her hubs REAL name is Asa.... she could always tell when the telemarketers called, they pronounced it Ass-a Ha!!!! My mom's name is Alta, not many of those around either!

BMC0229 said...

I grew up with a girl named Elva! I think that makes 3 now.... Merry Christmas!

Janine Huldie said...

h man this was seriously too much for me. I have to hand it to, I think you outdid yourself what Choppy was doing to Elva in that picture. Great job, but I am with you and happy that we are done with them until next year. I literally was running out of options and had the damn thing play hide and seek this morning, lol!! Merry Christmas!!

Unknown said...

Oooo, Now I am REALLY hoping that Choppy helped signed my book. The book that I better be getting for Christmas since I only mentioned 2 things by name!

Jeff said...

Girl elves also come with earrings and rosy cheeks. Make sure they don't see one in the box at the store.

Jessica said...

I *love* the name Elva, it used to be part of an old screen name of mine. It's the name of an elf in one of the short stories in the book "Tales Before Tolkien". Dorky confession but there you have it. I'd definitely pick it for a girl, if I have one next time.

CJ said...

My husband's family has an Elva, too. I actually believe that no matter what combination of syllables you can put together, someone has already named someone else that.

Marena said...

Punch clan ... yeah, I like that name for your family.

Jaclyn Hartley said...

Jen! All I can say is THANK YOU FOR THE LATE NIGHT FACEBOOK POST!!! I was just settling in for my not so long winter's nap, perusing a little reading on facebook, when what to my wandering eyes should appear, but a giant reminder to get that Elf out of here!! Thank you for helping my kids not think they were aiding and abetting a criminal elf! =)

Susan Thatcher said...

I work with a real live Elva. She's advancing her career through marriage, not terribly bright and a bitch (because she's married to a low-level manager and thinks she has "power").
If I were you, I'd dump yours before she tries to take YOUR job.

The Waters Family said...

So glad the Punch clan is enjoying Elva! Now the pressure is on times two to move them around. And you'll be happy to know that one of my kids received Doggy Doo this year.

jsimper said...

My sister is an Elva, so are we up to five??? Thanks for the great blog. Spent the holiday with a effed up family and a hospitalized Aunt Alta, so reading your book was like the aloe vera on a sunburn.

LRose said...

This will make it six: My mother (here in JoCo) is named Elva.

Trish said...

My mother in law is named Elva. She is Australian. Before her I had never heard the name before. 7!!!

Anonymous said...

My Nana, my Mum's Mum was called Elva. She is Australian too and she is the only Elva I ever met. She was amazing and I miss her alot.

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