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The Most Epic Bridezilla Ever

Many of us have been bridesmaids in our lives for friends and family members.  Every bride thinks a bridesmaid should feel really special because she is one of the "chosen few."  There can only be one . . . or four . . . or 15. . . of your closest friends to stand up with you in poufy taffeta ensembles and dyed to match shoes on the most important day of your life.

Sure most of the brides we stood up with were really cool to be around, but we've all had that one bridezilla friend.  Y'know, that one who ran her wedding like a corporate board meeting where she handed out agendas and time tables for everyone that included times for them to "be on deck" for the photographer or gave each bridesmaid a bag of "must have" items like bendy straws (can't wreck the bride's lipstick when you're trying to keep her hydrated) or Shout Wipes (for when the bride is a moron and can't control her bendy straw and gets lipstick on her dress when the bendy straw falls out of her mouth and onto her dress).

Oh wait, that was me.  I was that bride.

Yup, I was a bit of a psycho.  In those days my job was to organize and plan board meetings for a large multi-national company in NYC and I pretty much ran my wedding like a board meeting.  It might have been a little crazy for the people participating in the wedding, but I tell you what, my wedding ran like fucking clockwork.  (Except for the damn cleaning crew that was supposed to clean the church.  Instead my wedding party stayed behind and cleaned the church while the rest of us went to the reception!  It still gets me mad when I think about that.)

Anyway, what I mean to say is that I was a bridezilla and my guess is I'm not the only one.  I'm betting that many of you were too.  However, when I read this email that was sent out by a bride to her first round picks for bridesmaids it made me realize that I've got nothing to be ashamed of.  This chick is nuts and ballsy.  And nuts.  Go check it out on Gawker.  I don't want to cut and paste the whole email, because that's uncool and Gawker won't appreciate that.  It's fine.  I'll wait.  It's all the way at the bottom of Gawker's article.

Source:  Zazzle

What a twat.  I can't even imagine the poor sap who is marrying this bitch.  I don't blame her friends for sharing this email with Gawker.  It had to be done.  Can you imagine how ape shit she must have gone when she realized her email had been leaked?  I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when her sister called her up and said, "Uhhh. . . sweetie?  Are you sitting down?  One of your precious sorority sisters leaked your email to Gawker.  Daddy should totally get his money back from that rush week consultant - those are not the kind of people we expected!"

"Why?  Which email are you talking about?"

"You know, the one where you look . . . kind of bad."

"I sent three emails to those bitches.  I'm not sure which one you mean."

"It was that one where you told them they had to cc me on everything, but never each other, because we would decide if it was worthy of passing along to the group."

"Well, that's not so bad.  Those girls are idiots and they do 'reply all' to every thing.  No one gives a shit that Ashley is thinking of getting her hair cut before the wedding.  We're the only ones who need to know that.  You did say 'No' to her, right?  Everyone must have the figure 8 bun for the wedding, the sleek pony tail for the Vegas party and the low side chignon for the New York party.  You told her to see my 'Approved Wedding Party Hairstyles' board on Pinterest, right?"

"Yes, I told her."

"Good."

"You also said everyone had to give you their vacation schedules in advance."

"They do.  How else can I plan all the parties and get togethers I need to plan without knowing their agendas?  It's only common sense, sissy!"

"What about when you said that if they couldn't come to everything you'd feel bad, but you'd cut them out of your bridal party, because you want everyone at everything?"

"I don't think I said anything wrong.  My wedding would be ruined if everyone couldn't be in New York, Vegas, and Aspen.  It's the biggest fucking day of my life.  I want everyone there and I don't want any of the guests saying, 'Poor girl, her bridal party didn't care enough to come to New York or Vegas or Aspen.'  That just brings unwanted attention to me.  I want to be the center of attention, but not because I look like a loser without any friends!  That's why I warned them that I'd cut them if they couldn't come to everything.  I cut Shauna because she had that trip to Italy or whatever planned."

"Shauna's been saving for two years to go on that trip.  She was just going to miss one bridal shower."

"It doesn't matter!  If she can't be at all, then she can't be at any!  Maybe she leaked the email!  Cut her from the attendees list.  She's no longer invited to my wedding."

"And then you told them that you couldn't have them if they were too poor to pay for all the presents, trips, dresses, etc."

"Sissy!  I am not a bank.  Daddy is not a bank.  Daddy is already paying a lot for my wedding.  I am not paying for that shit and I do not have time to listen to them whine about lack of money!  It is an honor and a privilege to be my bridesmaid and it is also an expensive endeavor.  They can't say I didn't warn them."

"I know, but it just seemed a little harsh to me.  You know that Kelsey works in retail, so it's kind of hard for her to come up with enough money to pay for everything."

"Ohh, I bet it was Kelsey who leaked the email.  She complained last week when I pinned those $400 shoes on my 'Bridesmaids' board.  She said they were only going to wear them once and they were so expensive.  Uh, excuse me?  If I want my bridesmaids to wear teal and hot pink shoes, they will.  And of course they can wear them again - with their fucking dresses I picked out for them!  Stupid, Kelsey.  She works at Forever 21 and you know she was thinking she could just use her discount and buy a dress there.  Cut her too."

"She's already agreed to be a bridesmaid.  She even got a loan to pay for everything."

"Yeah, but she's killing my bridal buzz.  I shouldn't have to deal with her complaints.  I just know she's the one who leaked that email.  Cut.  Her.  And put out a new email to the rest of them and let them know that Kelsey is out.  Tell them why.  Make them shake a bit.  Make them think they could be cut from the most epic wedding EVER.  Tell them that if I find out who leaked my email to Gawker I will tell every secret I know about them to Gawker.  Tell them too that I'm having my lawyer write up a non disclosure for them to sign.  If anyone leaks anything more about this wedding, I'm going to sue their asses.  Don't be too harsh, though - put a happy face emoticon thingy on the bottom."

"OK.  I'm on it!"

"Shit.  I just realized!"

"What?"

"Now I know exactly which email you're talking about.  I think I had a lot of misspelled words in it.  I'm going to look like a moron."

"Too late, sissy."

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60 comments:

  1. Hahaha, what lucky gals to be friends with this woman.

    I let a family member plan my wedding. I only asked that we have Chinese food at the reception. And that beer be available to everyone during the ceremony. Otherwise, I didn't care. To me, the wedding is the least important day of the marriage.

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  2. Vanessa B11:03

    What I want to know is did anyone actually agree to be a bridesmaid? ANd has that girl never heard of an apostrophe? It was painful to read on all levels...... But at least she was honest about it all.

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  3. I *almost* understand the bit about making them commit to every event- almost. I had four bridesmaids. Two of them flaked on the bachelorette last minute (I mean they called me an hour into the party). One had to clean her room, and one couldn't come because another guest at the party was prettier than her. Seriously. Guess which ones I'm still in contact with 7 years later...

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  4. She could have at least used proper spelling and grammar. Now she just looks like a stupid bridezilla.

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  5. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
    ...HAHAHAHAHA!
    I will never, ever, EVER feel guilty that I could be anything approaching a Bridezilla again! Never mind that the girl can't spell, has ridiculous run-on sentences and doesn't know the different between "you're" and "your"... she serious sounds like a maniac completely off her meds. I'm sending this to my bridesmaids NOW so that they can appreciate what they have :) LOL

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  6. Women like this give us all a bad name. What a Cunt! I call her that because, honestly, she deserves it. I reserve that nasty description for only the Cunt of all Cunts.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous10:52

      Honestly, I don't think anyone deserves to be referred to a cunt, ever. No matter the situation. In my opinion, calling someone a cunt reflects more poorly on the person using the term, than the person being referred to as one.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous16:05

      LOL ^What a cunt!^

      Delete
  7. That was insane! Wow. Just...wow. And fingers crossed she is actually ON that show so i can share in the joy of her special day whilst folding laundry.

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  8. I think I'm finally done with being a bridesmaid...my last close girlfriend is married. And thank GOD. This girl is an EPIC bridezilla, but it seems like everyone now has the engagement party, the shower, the other shower for other people but the bridal party attends both, the destination bachelorette WEEKEND, the rehearsal, the bridesmaids lunch, the wedding and the farewell brunch. All requiring outfits, mani pedi, gifts, chipping in, etc. Seriously? I had a shower, a bar night and the wedding. And that was PLENTY. DONE.

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  9. I like to think I was a nice bride. I didn't have a shower (nor pester anyone into throwing one for me) because we'd already stocked our house. We kind of did a bachelorette, but really I just asked everyone to come to my house (which is 15 min from the beach) for the weekend and we did some wedding crafts and laid out by the water. Torture, I tell you. Plus I had them all just wear an LBD from their closets with any kind of boots. This is Texas, everyone owns boots or knows someone who does. Oh, and I gave them all free lodging at our house after, so no one had to pay for hotel rooms. Just gas to get there.

    I have to give this chick props for putting her crazy out there all at the beginning. At least she didn't lure them all in and THEN pull this crap! It's a lot worse to back out as a bridesmaid later than not agree in the first place. I would stay far, FAR away from that nonsense!

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  10. What. A. Bitch. I had 5 maids, three of whom were named Jennifer. My mom paid for half of the dresses, they picked their own shoes. We got married in 7 months, and I could have cared less if all of them came to anything but the wedding & rehearsal. My bachelorette party was at home with my besties.

    Who has the dough to fly all over hell and creation on the whim of a madwoman? Did ANYONE actually agree to that shit? If so, they are dumber than that bitch appears to be (seriously, if you can't spell or properly construct a sentence, don't send the e-mail without running spell & grammar check!)

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  11. I would kindly decline the honor of being a bridesmaid in that Overacheiving Bride's wedding. Oh, and I'd give her a swift kick in her ovaries.

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  12. I got married in my living room with only immediate family and the two people who introduced us in attendance. All I wanted was to be married and start our life together. It was perfect. Months later, we had a huge pot luck bar-b-que at our house. We invited everyone we had ever known and the party lasted about 15 hours. It was great. I have no idea if someone we know didn't show because there were too many others who did show and we all had a great time celebrating our life together. Isn't that what it's supposed to be about?

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  13. I still can't get over the way a US wedding completely takes over your life - even when it's not yours. I've only been a bridesmaid once in the US but I couldn't believe what was expected of me, both financially and time wise. The damn thing went on for days.

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    Replies
    1. We're not all like that. I got married at the courthouse. Weddings mean absolutely nothing to me and I think most of them are a huge waste of money. When I have friends getting married I tell them to please don't bother inviting me.

      Delete
  14. Cheryl11:46

    Jen, I think you made her sound far more intelligent than she is. Sigh. I thought Paris Hilton's sister was named Nicky? Not L-? Hmmm.

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  15. I am thinking that if any of this woman's "friends" actually agreed to be in the wedding after this e-mail then they deserve what they got. I would have simply replied to it with a "Count me out. Thanks." I had to deal with a bridezilla and it was not one of my friends! It was my father in-law's third wife, who insisted on a princess wedding. It was her 2nd marriage, she had grown children, and insisted on the white tulle dress and tiara. She was a NIGHTMARE, had one of her grown daughters crying and one of the guests refusing to go to the rehearsal dinner, etc. She bitched at anyone within hearing distance over every little thing. I finally got tired of being glared at. She made me go down to the harpist minutes before the ceremony b/c she wanted to change the order of the music, the poor harpist stared at me like I was nuts. We all flew across the country for this fiasco and all of the guests were given their "jobs" for the wedding. Ours was to pick up the sandwich trays for the house party after the reception. Yes, in a town we knew nothing about or where anything was, oh and did I mention we also had to pay for them? People get so crazy about their weddings, but I think someone's true colors really come out in times like that.

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  16. As much of a bitch as that little twat of a bride was in her email, the thing that drove me the very most batshit was her horrid spelling and grammar. People who write "your" when they mean "you're" make me completely fucking crazy.

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    Replies
    1. Exactly!!!!! What an asshole!!! "Know youre roll" in this fucking wedding!!!!

      Delete
  17. Wow. That girl is crazy. I know I wanted my day to be great and all, but I also knew that we were doing everything on a budget. My bridesmaids dresses were made. If one couldn't find the pattern, I got it for them. I also let them choose the dress that they liked the best. I got the fabric for them and they could choose whatever shoes they wanted to wear.

    The only thing that pissed me off before the wedding was my MIL being inflexible regarding the rehearsal dinner, which I was super disappointed in, wasn't consulted regarding food selection (hardly ate anything since I hate seafood and am not a big fan of steaks. Those were the only options) and found out she spent $2,000 on a multi-purpose room at a "country club." Oh, let's not forget that despite the fact that my family has always split wedding costs 50/50, she refused to pay for anything other than the tuxes, flowers and rehearsal dinner. And the flowers? Yeah, done by an old partner of hers who used to own a flower shop. Not only did the florist insult me, mentioned to the MIL that my hubby and I shouldn't be getting married (the MIL passed that along to us), she also gave me a bouquet that was NOT what I ordered (which I was pretty specific about and gave her picture examples) and I didn't see it until my wedding day.

    So, there are a few things that 2.5 years later I'm still pissed about, but at least I didn't stomp around and yell at everybody about it. Quite frankly, the hubs and I were ready to elope by the time it was wedding week.

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  18. Well at least she told them all the craziness that was expected in advance, props to all the friends that accept the "challenge"

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  19. Anonymous12:07

    I was married 30 years ago last week. There were no such things as bridezillas then (not that I knew of, anyway).

    This type of behavior comes from an inflated sense of self importance. This marriage will last Kardashian style and all that money will be wasted.

    The wedding is the least important day in a marriage. Grow up.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous08:25

      Yes, but to these women, the wedding isn't about the marriage. It's about them being envied by every woman ever. It's like you said earlier in your comment-inflated sense of self worth. These women just want to be the center of the world for one night (well, the bachelorette weekend, and the shower, and the dinner, etc). All they should be aspiring to is to be the center of their future husband's world.

      Delete
    2. Perfectly said.

      Delete
  20. Anyone who commits to that bag of crazy deserves a medal after the wedding. Or some Xanax...or Xanax shaped like a medal.
    On second thought,maybe the bride needs it more than the bridesmaids.You can't cure crazy, but you can sure as hell medicate it.
    I feel for the sister who has to put up with her crazy ass all the time.I bet she's the one who leaked the email,lol.

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  21. This is exactly why I went to Jamaica to get married. Saved my friends, family and us a whole lot of headaches, heartaches, and money!! =)

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  22. What did the letter to the groomsmen say???

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    Replies
    1. No one but the bride knows, they deleted their emails as soon as they saw that their friend's bitchy fiancee was the sender. If they did read their emails, I am guessing the response was something along the lines of:

      "Fuck you."

      Delete
  23. that was totally not me...my dads girlfriend at the time (who sadly enough was not much older than me) showed up to my wedding in a white prom dress...she walked in the whole room about shit their pants and i just laughed it off. seriously if you want to get married that bad stop dating your friends dads :)

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  24. While I think this email/bride is extreme to say the least, I don't see why she's suddenly a sorority girl (like that is a bad thing to be) just because she's crazy. As a member of a sorority who has been married over 10 years, I've never seen one of my sisters act anywhere near this way when planning their weddings. Plenty of women are control freaks to the extreme, but being in a sorority is hardly a prerequisite for this behavior.

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    Replies
    1. I also assumed she was probably a sorority girl while reading it on Gawker, not for snark reasons. It was simply due to the size of the wedding party. I only tend to see women have that many close, lasting relationships with other women when they're sorority sisters.

      Delete
  25. This wedding is a sh*t show...with that loon as the star! I kind of want to go.

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  26. OMG what a MONSTER!!! I don't know if it's an age thing, but I'm in my 30's now and cannot fathom acting that way. In fact, I almost feel bad asking my friends to be bridesmaids b/c I know how annoying it truly is! The karma bus just hit that bride full force. LMAO.

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  27. All I could think about when I read this and saw her atrocious spelling and grammar, was this Friends episode. Ross: "Y-o-u-'-r-e means you are. Y-o-u-r means your!"

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  28. kelly14:37

    I am so glad I got married at the court house, So easy! I kind of hope my kids do the same thing. Is that bad?

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  29. Shelley in So. Illinois15:24

    I had the big fancy dress and white wedding bullshit. It cost a ton but we did cut some corners here and there, when we could. I had some control issues, but some major flubs too. I guess it isn't a wedding unless some of that stuff happens. If I had to do it all over again? I would fly to Vegas with my husband and send everyone a notice. My dad offered us $$$ to do that. Should have said yes!

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  30. Anonymous15:32

    To all the other bridesmaids in the wedding: please send your availability dates so we can plan a party to celebrate the bride's divorce in 6 months-- and be sure not to CC the bride.

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  31. I wanted to avoid the whole wedding fiasco. My hubs and I got married at Treasure Island in Vegas. We paid for the whole thing ourselves. I had my 2 little sisters (10 & 12 years younger than me) as a MOH and flower girl. I told them the color I wanted their dresses to be and had them get whatever looked good on them. There was only 30 people there - family and few close friends.

    My thought - if I didn't like you enough to buy you a meal, you weren't coming to my wedding. LOL. It was perfect.

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  32. I think I know this girl! I was going to be in her wedding, since we were friends for 12 years, but long story short, I said I couldn't commit to spending $200 on a bridesmaids dress in two years and she asked me to figure it out ASAP so she could replace me if she was going to need to.
    If you want to read the whole story, (and it's pretty entertaining if I do say so myself) I blogged the whole thing. http://onascaleofonetocrazy.blogspot.com/search/label/Bridezilla

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  33. Anonymous19:07

    My number one concern was her horrendous grammar.

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  34. What were her demands upon accepting the marriage proposal? My guess it wasn't a simple yes.

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  35. kelly22:02

    I can't wait to read the email "organizing" te birth of her first child!

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  36. When my wife and I got married (in our 40s - her 3rd, my first) we paid for everything. We had a small wedding in our local church with a reception in the basement afterwards. Her sister decorated the church. We had a Christmas wedding so the colors were red and white, the decorations were poinsettias which we left for the church celebrations. Some close friends served sandwiches and helped with the rest of the wedding. We had a wedding party of one bridesmaid (her daughter) the best man (my best friend) a ring bearer and a flower girl (my sister's kids). We paid for it all ourselves and got to stay behind and clean the church ourselves. It was the best day of our lives and everybody had a great time. Our only mistake was hiring the wrong photographer - I got better pictures from my sister-in-law. And we did it all for less than $2000 (the photographer was over half of that).
    People need to remember that it is the friends and family that make the day great, not the pageantry. Keep it simple and easy and it will be a day to cherish forever. I can't help but believe that the bridezillas of the world are miserable before during and after the wedding and I wouldn't want to spend any time with them at all.

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  37. What's the date of this blessed event? It just so happens I'm free! I'm going to totally crash this clusterfuck b/c there's nothing I enjoy more than getting dressed up, eating jumbo shrimp and smacking a bitch who needs it. Who's with me? I'll RSVP. 'Cause I'm classy.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous01:06

      I really want to crash it too. If I lived closer, I most definitely would. Sadly, unlike the bridesmaids, I cannot afford to fly myself across the country to see some poor bloke ruin his life.

      Delete
  38. Anonymous09:37

    Well your comment about her having sorority sisters is the best - after reading that email, if that bitch even went to college, I'd pass out from shock... What a grammatical mess.

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  39. Anonymous15:26

    So what exactly is the 'honor' here? Besides being a 'brideslave' (love the word!), buying a dress I'll never wear again, and forking out at a minimum $5000, what again is this so called 'honor?' If the wedding is going to be "Epic" then I'll just come as a guest, thanks.

    I think all the BSs should get to together and commit, and then all get sick before every event. Or send replacements "Sorry I couldn't make Vail, but my 3rd cousin once removed lives there and she wanted to attend. Hope that's ok, you're still a man up.

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  40. 12 years after my wedding, I still apologize to my bridesmaids for the killer shoes, (as in they killed their feet, while I made sure I wore flats for comfort) and a backless dress that required a paste-on bra. This letter made me feel like the nicest bride in the entire world. Thank you psycho beast bride. It appears I may actually be normal after all!

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  41. its the crazy ass weddings that are memorable. my daughter had a destination wedding planned a year in advance....and the resort blew-up a week before the wedding. Yea, that one in Mexico. And our rooms were the ones that blew up. So many things went crazy the week before, that this one wedding will be talked about F O R E V E R. Someday she will win the big prize for craziest wedding ever. No one will believe all the things that went wrong. The blowing up of the resort was the least of it.

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  42. Anonymous23:33

    The comments on the Gawker page are fairly interesting, and present some well thought out arguments for and against certain feminist theory. I enjoyed that more than the actual email!

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  43. I'm proud to say that I was NOT a Bridezilla. I kept the price on the dresses reasonable, let them pick out their shoes, and hair, etc.

    This chick is something else. Not only was I annoyed by what a self righteous twat she was, but I was appalled by her horrific spelling. If you're going to be a bitch, at least use spell check while doing it.

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  44. Someone please find out who this is! I want to know how many bridesmaids actually said yes!

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  45. How does this woman have 10 real friends? I think the bride sent this email to 10 random people. Maybe they live in her dorm, or belong to her health club. Or, she sent the email to whichever addresses automatically populated.

    She probably is thinking that if these ingrates don't get what an honor she's bestowing upon them, then she'll move on to the crossing guard and the mail carrier.

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  46. This cracks me up! I've been a bridesmaid twice, and once was almost this bad (not as much interstate travel, but almost as much expense and a nasty email from the MOTHER the next day about how all of us bridesmaids ruined the brides wedding). My other friend (guess which one I still talk to) told us to wear a black cocktail dress and black shoes, and expected us just to keep her company before the wedding.

    When I got married, it never even occurred to me to have bridesmaids. I mean, it really didn't cross my mind. The same friend hung out with me while I got ready, and then went downstairs to the room where the wedding was held. No costs, no dresses, no need to attend a shower/bachelorette party or any other event. Of course, I also bought my dress on ebay and bought my flowers at the grocery store the morning of the wedding. If only my husband would have let us elope...

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    Replies
    1. Ugh. Sorry about the lack of apostrophe. It must be contagious.

      Delete
  47. Dear God!!!
    Women like this idiot kill me- I have always believed that if you want X, Y, and Z on your wedding day, then you pay for it. If that blows your budget, oh fucking well- cut back, change your plans/decisions, or minimize...
    When my first husband's sister was getting married, my husband and our son were both in the wedding- their tux rentals cost close to $200.00 EACH. I told that bitch, "There's your wedding present!!!! $400.00 in tux rentals, bitch!!!" Plus the fact that they had been living together for close to 7 years, already had a 5-year-old together (she was their flower girl) and they were having this over-the-top nice wedding courtesy of my husband's parents- except for springing for my husband and son's tuxes.... UGH!!!!

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