1. Adults who post they going to accompany their spouse and/or partner to doctors' appointments.
Busy day! Took the day off today so I could take Brennan to lunch and then the dentist!
WTF? You are grown adults. Unless you are required to have anesthesia you do not need a designated driver for the dentist. Grow a pair, Brennan, and drive yourself.
2. Anyone who posts their Pinterest pins. When you pin something and it asks if you want to notify all your friends on Facebook, just say NO. None of us care about most of that crap. Plus, if I want to see what your dream kitchen looks like, I'll check out your Pinterest account.
And for the love of all things holy, stop with the Keep Calm and Carry On/Pet a Puppy/Watch Out for Zombies/whatever new fucking thing is we're saying now.
|I hate these things.|
4. People who post scripture. Truly, this is the most ironic thing for me when you look at my friends' list. The majority of my "friends" who continually post scripture and religious pictures are the ones who were the biggest assholes to me back in the day and still never comment on anything I say on FB or, God forbid, interact with me in any way in the flesh. All of a sudden NOW they're all spiritual? Have they repented or something and now they think they can save me? The really ironic part is the ones who I know go to church every Sunday, pray regularly, talk to me in public, (even read this blog) - you know, walk the walk and talk the talk - are the ones who NEVER inundate my FB feed with scripture. Really makes me wonder.
5. People who post quotes that are supposed to be inspirational. Ugh. I left the corporate world long ago so I wouldn't have to look at another poster that said shit like "What Would You Attempt to do if You Knew You Could Not Fail?" (Buy lottery tickets.) That's what Pinterest is for. Put that shit on Pinterest so I never have to see it.
6. People who kiss ass. I don't know how to explain this one very easily. I have a friend on FB who posts the most annoying shit like, Taking in another gorgeous sunset on my patio with my even more gorgeous wife. She is my all. And then his friends will comment on his bullshit musings with stuff like:
- Well said, partner.
- You have an amazing woman there, lucky guy.
- Cherish this time together.
- You have such a gift with words, Horace.
7. People who photograph their dinners. I am scrolling through my Facebook as I write this and I've seen no fewer than 7 photographs of my friends' dinners. Only one looks good enough to eat. What is this all about? Is this a new form of overachieving??
8. People who "check in." Why do I care that you're at Costco or Starbucks or Disneyland? This is when I totally need a WTFC? button.
9. Stop making your baby bump and/or sonogram pics your profile picture.
I know, I know, we're all guilty of this stuff just about every day, but the bottom line is if I like you a lot then you can post just about anything on Facebook and I'll read it and comment and "like" it. If I think you're kind of a douche then no matter what you write on Facebook irritates me. It's probably time to clean house and get rid of some of my "friends," but then who would I have left to make fun of?
Just so you know I'm not perfect, here is a random sampling of my boring and/or annoying comments on FB lately:
- BLAH. B-L-A-H. This weather makes me feel blah. Blah.
- A friend posted a picture of a pen with my real estate logo on it and I totally whored myself out.
- Got my heart-shaped pizza!
- Pimped out links to about a bazillion times to HuffPost pages I wrote.
See? I need help just as much as the next guy.
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