Weekly Wrap Up

The weekend is here and I wanted to take this time to reply to some of the hundreds (if not thousands) of comments I've been receiving (thank you, everyone - even the silly little haters).  So, I'm going to do a weekly wrap up of the top posts and respond to some of my favorite comments.

First, here were the top read posts this week:

Overachieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies  (Still going strong! Amazing.)  This post hit over 1.2 million page views this week.  Thank you so much for those of you who are continuing to share this little gem!

People Who Get Me and My Family Sick  This one was a new post for this week.  It's spreading like the plague!

Doggie Doo  This was a new post this week too.  I'm just mad I didn't think of this ridiculously funny game first.

Saying Goodbye to the Elf on the Shelf  This one has been hanging on since last week.  Anything about the Elf seems to be popular.  

Parents Who Let Their Children Dress Sexy  This was an oldie, but goodie.  I wrote this one a few months ago, but I still think it's relevant and it appears a lot of readers agreed with me.

Thanks for reading and sharing!  

Here are my favorite comments of the week (and my responses).

"Megalomaniac. What a great word." on Donald Trump

Thank you, it's one of my favorites.  I also like to use douche canoe, jackhole, bed wetter and buck toothed as often as I can.  

"Wait are those the names of your kids or just a joke?" on My Super Hot Sex Dream?

As long as I write about them in the blog, I think I will always refer to them as Gomer and Adolpha since I've been receiving backlash on calling them "the boy" and "the girl."  These names are made up completely. Their birth certificates say something else entirely.  I swear.

"I thought you were funny after the "Elf on the Shelf" blog, but lately you've become annoying, whiney and you're trying way too hard." on My Super Hot Sex Dream?

I appreciate the honesty and the fact you didn't post this anonymously like some others (I don't why it makes me feel better to have a name to attach to the negative comments, but it just does).  Now, I hope you won't mind when I'm honest with you:  Thank you for your critique.  I applaud you for having the balls to challenge me.  You've put it out there and I'm happy to respond.  I'll try not to be whiny and annoying.  It's hard, but I think I can do it.  


What am I supposed to do with this information?  Am I supposed to change just for you?  Did I charge you fifty bucks to read this blog?  Did you want your money back, is that it?  Or the four minutes it took you to sit there and read it?  Are you funny, witty and hilarious every day of your life?  Because I'm sure not and I know that.  Can you sit down every day and put this kind of shit out there for everyone to judge?  Not every post is going to relate to you personally.  Not every post is going to make you wet your pants or snort coffee out of your nose.  Sometimes, the best I can do is to talk about my life and if only one person relates to it, I don't care, it was still a great day for me.  If it is such a pain in your ass to sit there and read this blog because you think I whine or bitch or try too hard, then feel free to go elsewhere.  This goes for anyone who chimed in with this person and/or who now wants to comment on this post that I need anger management, to relax, to seek counseling, etc.  You may go too.  The blog is not called "Rainbows & Unicorns."  Read the title.  I'm angry - not bitter.  I'm prone to rants - not whiny.  And I'm not always fucking hilarious - so bite me.

"If you dont like it dont read it. Jen I also enjoy your blog and can relate to what you are saying. Thanks!!!!" on My Super Hot Sex Dream?

Thank you to this person and all of the others who always jump to my defense whenever someone says I suck.  I love all of you and it makes my day when you say I don't suck.

"I have a Facebook "friend" who created a Facebook page for her 3 year old daughter... Repeat: 3 YEARS OLD! Seriously Wtf is wrong with people?" on Got a Punch?

That is bizarre.  I would unfriend this person immediately.  Is she a pageant mom?  It sounds like something a pageant mom would do.

"Have to agree... ALMOST in total. However, I read The Help soon after it was published and ADORED that book. I recently rented the movie when it went to DVD and am SO happy to say they stuck to the book completely!! While (as always), the book was better and had much more detail (movie time limitations are to be blamed for that...), this was one of the best adaptations ever done, I think." on Hollywood Casting Directors Who Cast the Movies of Books They Don't Read

I agree.  "The Help" was done really well.  I just hope they don't screw up "The Hunger Games" or there will be hell to pay.

"OMG, I'm happily married and love my man, but I have to admit, I think I love you! I can't stand it! I keep freaking laughing out loud waking people up! I'm adding you to my prayer list, cause girl, you freaking keep me going! :) much love for ya!" on People Who Get Me and My Family Sick

Thank you.  I could use all the prayers I can get.

"I absolutely love reading your blog. It is spit my coffee out funny! I love your view of the world around you. Your family are lucky to have you every minute of every day! Keep up the good work!" on Don't Make Me Punch You


Thank you for the kind words and the coffee spit.  I always love a good coffee spit comment.  I'm lucky to have my family - they are the wind beneath my wings.  (Retch.)  OK, seriously, they're pretty cool.

"People who use the office microwave to heat up fish or burn popcorn. Mmm...smells great! Thanks for sharing your stench with the rest of us. People who say "See you next year!" on December 31st. Shut the fuck up! What are you, six? Get a life. People who discuss the results of their pap smear on their work phone for the whole office to hear. Sexy. People who act like they are music Gods. They know what is cool and if you've ever heard of that band, they are now lame." on Got a Punch?


I love all of these - especially the music god people - aren't they the MOST annoying jackholes?  This is a great list and I will definitely be pilfering it. 

"Okay, so now I am "officially" following you. Although I did "like" you a few weeks ago on FB and have been reading your blog daily since. The Elf on the Shelf blog seriously almost made me pee my pants! I had just overheard a conversation at my daughter's dance class the day before and thought the same thing you did about the crazy moms!! Thanks for the laughs and keep them coming! :-)" on People Who Read My Blog But Don't Comment and Don't "Follow" Me

That little Elf has brought me so much love and I am truly grateful for all of you new Followers.  What I don't get is the blog has 29,000 "Likes" on Facebook, why aren't all those Likers now Followers?  I need more Followers. Spread the word, would ya?

"How about people who buy miniature pigs to keep as pets in their house and put diapers on them? That may just be a southern thing though but I think it's stupid as hell and deserves a good punch." on Got a Punch?

I am going to have to do some research on this one!  I have never heard of such a thing, but it sounds like something right up my alley.  I'll warn you though, I do have a soft spot for pigs (I wanted a pot belly pig when they were hot back in the 90s) and if I find out they're adorable in their little diapers, I might just get one and put pictures of it on the blog.



43 comments:

primo said...

I love the blog and have been reading it for about a week. Tried to post a comment but it was too hard to figure out. I'm trying again.

lorihokie said...

OMG if you get a pig I would be SO jealous! I was just thinking the same thing as I was reading about the person thinking it was worthy of a punch! It's SO much better than people carrying their dogs around in designer bags and putting real jewelry on them!

Holly7777 said...

I think its easier to like stuff on FB. You have to create a google account to follow, right? Some people I guess don't want to do that... it's freakin easy though.. who knows.

erineyes said...

I love that you call them 'the boy' and 'the girl'. No fake names needed. I have called my boy 'the boy' for as long as I can remember. Probably when he went from infant to mobile, as in 'where the hell is the boy?'.

Love your blog.

EB said...

So I am one of the likers not followers. I get the benefit of the FB notices to come take a look (and thoroughly enjoy) what you've posted, whereas I assume that if I officially followed the blog that I would get a redundant email in my already overloaded email account... true? Am I depriving you of some benefit by not following? I can be convinced...

Heather Leigh said...

I'm way to lazy to figure out how to follow your blog. But since it sounds like you really need that validation, I'll get off my butt and figure it out....loves ya:)

ConnieK said...

You are hysterical. I found your blog through a friend on Facebook who posted the "Elf on a Shelf" link. I have been going through your old posts. Keep it up! I don't have Twitter otherwise I'd follow you on there too.

crystal said...

I too am guilty of not being a follower but am a liker and this is my first time commenting. I love you! I think you should somehow be able to like others commentson here like you can on fb! I found the "elf" from a friend and have been hooked ever since. Sure every day is not laugh your ass off funny and we all bitch and whine, some just don't have the time or energy or desire To share it with others. I just love knowing I'm not alone when I have these crazy fucking throat punching honest thoughts. Real life is not rainbows and unicorns like the day my 3yo boy shit is pants in jcp while christmas shopping and we had to walk 50 miles to the fucking car at turtle speed because he didn't like how it felt. Yeah. That was a bad day. Funny now, not funny then.

christine said...

Luv UR blog, keep us posted ! Hope the New Year is filled with many more story,s from U !

Erin Levine said...

Watch the Hamburger Helper Hunger Games movie trailer. It has a few funny gems in there for you. I am also set to punch a few throats if the movie sucks.

Anonymous said...

Okay, okay, okay, I will try to figure out the follower thing! I tried to follow another blog and I just don't think I did it correctly.

Love the blog!

Anonymous said...

Okay, okay... you had me at hello... ;) I just gave my right boob and my first born to follow. To be honest.. this has been a really shitty 2 years for me and you have made me laugh for the first time in a LONG time. Thanks.. Hoping you get your 5 bucks from google soon.. It is well deserved.
P.S. I can't figure out how to post without going anonymous.. My name is Amy.. Might have to have my 7 year old figure it out for me.. lol

bel said...

w00t! i figured out how to be a 'follower' (the 'liker' thing was easy) but this wasn't hard. btw, EB, i have received no extra gmails since i started following. you make me laugh - and want to my own blog but not sure i'm ready to share. thanks for sharing!

Morgan said...

Your blog is a breath of fresh air! You say all the things us gutless people want to say! My blog is cute pictures of my kid and funny stories about my life, but there's always something I would LOVE to go off about. For instance Walmart... I hate it. But I live in a small town and the Walmart manager would probably read it and ban me forever for bad publicity. I can't bite the hand that feeds me. Anyway, for now, I'll let you do the talking and I'll do the laughing. Thanks for making so many people happy each day!

Ashers said...

Ok, I finally gave in and became a follower! Thanks for all the laughs, I have read through every post. I really need to thank my friend for sharing the elf on the shelf post on facebook!

nancy said...

Well holy crap it was easy to become a follower! Keep em coming, I love your attitude.

Amy said...

LOVED your comment about getting back the four minutes of their day... Here's the deal. The real reason I read your blog is all the times I shake my head and say "fuck, that JUST happened to me". However, I don't have a boy who wants me to sleep with him because of scary noises. Does that mean suddenly you and I aren't soulmates?? No. It means "ok, that one didnt speak to me, what's next?". I say to anyone who is calling you less than funny.. Get a grip folks, not everything is about you. This is about JEN's punches - and hopefully you relate. Who the hell ever said it was about YOUR punches.

Happy New Year!!

Amy Lynch said...

Don't change one damn thing about YOUR blog! "The Boy" and "The Girl" belong just as that. Period. Screw the PC douche nozzles. There's a plenty of other places on the web for the asshats to run amuck and whine. Unless they want that punch in the throat.

Lora said...

I found your blog after someone posted on FB. I LOVE YOU!!! Love your reponse to the crit on your Super Hot Sexy Dream. Seriously? Go somewhere else before I stab you in the face. (that's my saying, btw. And why I love you so much. I'm sure you'd like to say that instead of Punch in the Throat, but it might make more people "upset") ;-)

Kristen said...

I'm a liked and a follower. I laugh so hard when reading your posts. I don't know what I will do when I have ro go back to work and can only read it at night! I love that toy say what we are all thinking. Sometimes we can't say it, but boy do we think it. Keep it up!

Cmiller said...

Keep up the excellent blogging. You have me as a follower! Oh and Happy New Years Eve!!!!

Leia said...

I absolutely LOVE your blog. Found it thru a FB post of your Elf on the Shelf. I "liked" you at first, and just now figured out how to "follow". But I don't think I will be a good commenter because you always take the words right out of my mouth! Anything I would say on the subject you've already said! I'm glad to find someone who thinks like me AND cracks me up! Don't let people tell you you are anything but awesome :)

Angela Tracy said...

The first time I read your blog I thought "that woman is reading my mind!". Great job! Keep it up!

tamw said...

I normally only follow blogs on writing (I'm another aspiring writer) or things from family/friends. You are the first blog I added to my Google reader just so I have something amusing to screw off with everyday. Of course, now I have to read your blog before I can go work on my book--so-- if I don't get published and become a rich and famous writer this year, I can totally blame it on you taking up my free time, right? ;)

Anonymous said...

Ok, cll me qn ignorant jackhole, but the only way i can post a comment is anonymously. Can't figure out how to do otherwise. Oh yeah, screw those people looking for hilarity in everyday life. We know what kind of mom they had :)

Mloch53 said...

TryinG again

CL said...

Aww Jen, thank you so much for answering my question. I figured it had to be a joke since I read your other blogs about the children's names! Apple? Yeah, take a bite out of that one? I read an article in high school how a South American country was making a law banning people from giving their animals human names. Personally, I would like to see a law banning people from giving their kids pet names. Wouldn't you like that Coco? Just saying... You've inspired me to start my own blog, and for that I thank you!

Milena said...

Keep at it- I look forward to reading.

Timothy Elizabeth Xavier said...

I'm pretty sure if I ever get off my lazy butt to vent via blog, not everyone would find me funny every day, just most of the time. Keep writing!

mosaicmaddness said...

I usually read from my email, and if I have time come over to comment...but honestly that hasn't been much... but I LOVE your blog!!! I look forward to it.

Mags said...

Crystal!!!! I was crying at that comment!
Jen, love your blog, now a follower and I'm wondering if this is going to make the top 5 blogs because of all of the new "follower" responses you're getting! Keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

I want to become a stalker I mean a follower but I have forgotten my google password so until they prove it is me I will just have to like u alot lol Happy new year carrie

Anonymous said...

How about the worst, worldwide stupid trend EVER?? DUCKFACE Girls!!! wtf? Why has this trend taken over the internet? And why aren't there more rational people punching? Whatever happened to SMILING in pictures?!! Listen up girls...NO! you DON'T look like Angelina Jolie doing that stupid ass face. For the love of God...DON'T PUT IT UP AS YOUR PROFILE PICTURE! You look f***ing stupid!
This is how antiduckface.com describes it "...You know that face you make when you're about to take that perfect picture of yourself for the internet? you know, the pose where you push your mouth out in that sort of weird half-kissy-face to make it look like you've got big pouty lips, a super-defined jawline, and model-quality cheekbones?
it's called "duckface."

because, you know, it makes you look like a duck

STOP DOING IT.

IT ISN'T SEXY.

YOU LOOK STUPID.

REALLY, REALLY STUPID.
For the love of all things Holy...Please stop!! "

- P.S. If nothing else...punch them for the future children, who will be subject to the horrifying reality of seeing their moms with that idiotic duck face in 15+years. ..And we thought pictures of us with big bangs and perms were bad??

Tazi-Kat said...

It IS hard to write an interesting blog every day! As an advice columnist (www.asktazi.blogspot.com), I get to see everyone's dirty laundry - and some days, the "stains" are more interesting than others. It is like I am criticized because other people's problems aren't "funny enough".

Just Me said...

As an ER worker and mother, you had me hooked at:
"He's called The Elf on the Shelf, not the Elf who Skydives, Takes Bubble Baths and Shaves the Dog! Leave him on the shelf so the rest of us slackers don't look so bad. I think I'm just going to lay my Elf on his shelf, tape wires and hoses to him and tell my kids he's in a coma and hopefully he'll recover before Christmas. That should give me some flexibility."
I could completely picture myself DOING that. ;)
I'm a follower, but not on your list of followers ... I have your blog on my igoogle feed so when I open Firefox, it's one of the first things that show up. If other people are like me, you have more followers than you think ...

Robyn said...

Dude, if I hadn't already loved you for the Elf on the Shelf moms, you would have gotten me at the people who spread germs. As a teacher, i freaking hate those people. True story.

No one can be funny every day, and no one can have the same opinions. So I thought I'd share what my mother is ALWAYS saying to me. "Be yourself. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

(and, really, having haters means you're successful. true story.)

fsmith77 said...

I love your blog! It makes m feel like I am not a terrible person to feel the way I do most if not all of the time! And sadly we have a Elf as well.., (my idea)thought it would be fun for the last child of 4 who still believes to have her own little Christmas thing. Cannot wait to read your new stuff!!

B Mad said...

I really like your blog. But I did use it in my latest post to illustrate a point. I hope you don't mind. Keep up the good work and here is a link to my latest post.

http://bmadisms.blogspot.com/2012/01/new-year-new-things-to-b-mad-at.html

Lydia said...

I love your blog! I found it by a post on a mommy forum about the **** Elf. I have your site bookmarked & visit daily. Keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

Don't change anything, Jen. This is YOUR blog, and it's about your life, who YOU wanna punch in the throat, and from your POV!

p.s. How 'bout a mini punch for those that have their FB names as more than one...like husband and wife names, or even worse, the whole fam. I understand, I guess, why they do this...everyone's sharing. But how are we supposed to know who's writing the post, and exactly who we're responding to, if we wanna comment. That's asking for trouble, sometimes, IMO.

Kayla said...

i love your blog! i am interviewing with an actual newspaper to start a blog, and i love what you do but i DO NOT want to steal your unique lead in. so i thought of my own! my hubby says he "gets it." once they hire me (who wouldn't, seriously?) i'll send you the link. you are the wind beneath my wings! (insert your fave, "retch!")

Anonymous said...

I read your "Elf on the shelf" after one of my friends shared it on fb. I have been reading your blogs since then. I am almost in tears 99% of the time by the time I'm done reading it. I have also went back and read some of you other ones.
I love to way you say things and how you refer to people and your children. I feel like you are a long lost relative of mine. we all have the same sense of humor and I love it. keep doing what you are doing no one really cares what the "haters" are going to say. their lives are boring and lame so they have to try to make everyone's the same way. my motto that I live by is "doesn't matter what you do someone is always going to be there to try and bring you down"

Christine said...

But I don't follow ANY blogs. I actually come to your site and read it...and I'm working my way through the archives. I DID "Like" it, and I'm taking credit for a whole bunch of new readers (if not followers), as I saw an awful lot of FB friends do the same shortly after.

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