Yes Day

I was browsing my Facebook feed and a post from my sister in law caught my eye.  She announced that today would be Yes Day in her house.  She's has a boy and a girl close in age to Gomer and Adolpha and she agreed to say "Yes" (within reason) to her kids all day.


It got me thinking:  Oh.  Hell.  No.  and  This is one brave momma!

Adolpha's Jacked Up Summer Wish List

Today I found Adolpha's Summer To-Do List on my bedside table. We're in Kansas, so school has been out for about three weeks now and she's feeling like we need to get cracking if we're going to get this stuff done! The list never gets done completely, though, because there are always a few random things on there that either can't happen or won't happen (like "buy a dog" or "visit Paris" both of which have been on past lists and have never happened).

Gomer has a playdate today and so I thought I'd take a look at the list and see if there was anything I could do with her so she wouldn't feel left out. There were some easy ones like: "Eat hot dogs" or "Go to Dicks" or "Wear nothing" (What can I say? No one in our family is a fan of pants).

That's when I noticed:

"Burn mattress."

BURN MATTRESS? Whut? I mean, I love to burn shit down, but a mattress is expensive, Adolpha. Let's burn pictures of old boyfriends who dumped me or let's burn Dad's really gross t-shirts that he won't part with or let's burn effigies of our enemies, but not the mattress, kid. I like her enthusiasm to tear shit up, but I'd prefer it if she'd keep the costs a tad bit lower. Once she's purchased her first mattress she'll understand why I hid the matches today.

I'm still not sure what we'll do today, but I'm leaning toward "Take naps."

What's on your Summer To-Do List? Hopefully read MY LAME LIFE or BUT DID YOU DIE?is on there! 

World's Worst Teacher

Photo: Jason Miles

It's the end of the school year and teachers across the country are handing out awards to their students. I actually always hated awards day, because I was a nervous wreck. I was afraid I wouldn't get one. I really wanted "Most Likely to Succeed" but I knew that only the cool kids would get those types of awards. But on the flip side I was also afraid I'd get one of the crap awards like "Most Improved" which we all knew was code for "You're Doing Better, But You're Still a Loser." Either way it was an awful day. Once or twice I had a teacher who tried to give everyone an award and that's how I ended up with certificates for "Kindest Eyes" and "Bookworm." And then there was the joker teacher. The one who tried to make the awards funny. And many times the teachers who thought they were being funny with their awards were just dicks.

NSFW! I Need an Education

If you're at work, stop right now. This is NSFW. Come back tonight when you're at home and no one is spying on you.

Earlier this week, my friend Suzanne from Toulouse and Tonic made some wine bottle memes. She asked me and some friends if we thought they were funny. Several of them were funny, but there was one in particular that I didn't get. I just figured it must be some kind of inside secret between Suzanne and her readers. But then. ALL of the other women she'd asked for opinions from started commenting: "OMG, the FUPA one is hilarious." "Love the FUPA one."

FUPA, FUPA, FUPA.

Gomer's Happy Mother's Day Post

Back in 2011, Gomer decided he'd like to guest post today.  Here is an (unedited) "vertical poem" he wrote for me for Mother's Day:

That's NOT a Bad Word?

My son, Gomer was looking up words in the dictionary. Every week for school he has to look up new words and write down the definitions. When he's done with his homework, he peruses the dictionary to find the definitions of new words he'd like to learn.

Now, we just had our parent teacher conference where his teacher told us what a bright and inquisitive child he is, so you would think that he would use that extra time with his dictionary to look up words like: 

People Who Post Annoying Things on Facebook

There are a lot of annoying posts on Facebook. I know we've all done these, but somehow they're not annoying when WE do them, right? Ha. Let's see if I can cover the basics:

1.  Anything to do with vomit and/or diarrhea.  WTH?  Who shares this stuff?  Why did you think we needed to know this?  At least it's usually it's kid-centered - I can handle that a lot better than I can hearing about YOUR diarrhea!  "Guess who woke up early from his nap and spread his poo poo all over the wall?  Uh oh.  Silly, King!  I'll post pictures later! ;)"