My Mom's Christmas Explosion: A Video

OK, so if you've read Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat, then you know that my mom has a teeny tiny problem with Christmas. She LOOOOOOVES it too much. I've written a lot about her 12 trees, hundreds of Santas, and countless snowmen, but I was getting the impression that a few of you didn't believe me. So, last night I was over at her house (baking Christmas cookies, of course) and I asked her if I could film some of her house for a video. At first she said, "No, it's a mess!" And then she said, "OK, but be sure to apologize for the mess." Fine. Whatever. I apologize.

I give to you, the video of my mom's Christmas Explosion:

If the video doesn't work here, try this link.

2016 Holiday Gift Guide

This week the holiday shopping season begins. May the odds be ever in your favor! If you're like me, you hate to wear pants or see people so don't worry. Everything I've chosen for my 2016 gift guide is available online. You can get everything you need without leaving the house. You're welcome.

Usually I start with the kids, but this year I'm starting with ME! What do I want for Christmas? I really don't have a list of many things I want, so instead, I made a list of all of my favorite things. Yeah, I'm like Oprah, but poorer and less famous and I won't give any of this stuff to you.

Yummie Leggings. If you follow my personal account on Facebook, then you know that leggings were a hot topic for me this fall. Now that I'm writing more and speaking in public more, I actually need some clothes to wear outside of my office. I still want something casual and comfy, though, and that's where leggings come in. I finally found some wide-calf boots that I love and I bought a bazillion pairs and decided to live in nothing but leggings and boots this fall and winter. I wanted a pair of leggings that were thicker than tights, that sucked everything in and held it tight while still allowing me to breathe and move about. This brand does all of that. 

My Faith in Humanity is Restored!

I don't know about you, but the last month or so has been rough. Like, really rough. Like, so rough that I'm not sleeping well, I'm worried all the time, and I can't seem to get happy. Every time I turn on the TV or open my laptop or phone there is more bad news. It can be soul-crushing.

I know I'm not the only one feeling this way and that's why I wanted to write this and share with you the most amazing stories from the last week or so that have restored my faith in humanity.

OK, so I'll start at the beginning.

Adolpha went away for the weekend with my mom and dad and she took a bunch of stuffed animals with her. I don't normally let so many of her furry friends go out the door, but frankly, I was exhausted (see the first paragraph re: stressed out) and I didn't feel like arguing with her. So, off they went. When she returned on Sunday she was frantic because one of her animals was missing. A very small turtle named Shelly. We looked through all her bags and couldn't find Shelly. We called my parents hoping that Shelly had stowed away in their suitcase, but no luck. I called the hotel and Shelly had not been turned in. We had a long talk about how this is what happens when you don't keep track of your important things, blah blah blah. Sure, there were some tears, but nothing major and I thought we were all done.

Gabrielle What's Her Name

I know Gabrielle's real name, but on the advice of legal counsel I'll go ahead and leave out her last name on this post.

I don't know Gabrielle personally, but I sure feel like I do.  Gabrielle used to own the house I currently live in.

Seven years ago, the Hubs and I bought this house when it was a foreclosure.  This was before the big foreclosure boom that's been going on for years now and it was sort of rare to find a foreclosure in those days.

When we bought the house I didn't know anyone who lived in a foreclosure and I felt a little bad capitalizing on someone else's downturn.

I felt like maybe the house was "sad."  (No, actually I was worried the house might be possessed a la Amityville Horror.)  I had nightmares for the first couple of weeks we lived here.  Most of the time I had nightmares about Gabrielle and her family.

The Things MY Kids Think We Do While They're at School

My kids have been in school for a little over two weeks.  They love school.  They can't wait to see their friends, they thrive when they have a routine and they adore their teachers.  I love that they love school, because it makes my job so much easier that I don't have to fight them out the door every morning and they're happy when they get home every afternoon.

HOWEVER, my kids are certain - absolutely certain - that as much as they loooove school, they are missing some good stuff at home.  They are positive that the Hubs and I are having a ton of fun without them.

Here is what they think we're doing all day while they're at school:

The D-Bags Lunching at Taco Bell

I was out running errands with my mom and she told me she needed some lunch. She asked if we could stop at Taco Bell and get something to eat. We stopped at a restaurant with a wonky layout. See if you can follow along: so, you have the main floor where you order your food and there is lots of seating there and then there's this elevated part that holds 15 or so people and they overlook the lower dining area. My mom and I sat in the lower dining area right next to the elevated part where people could look down on us, over the edge.

We're sitting there eating, minding our own business when suddenly a wadded up straw wrapper goes flying onto my mom's food.

"What the hell?" I exclaimed.

With Neighbors Like This, Who Needs Enemies

I was scrolling through my Facebook feed this weekend and I saw a very upsetting status update from my friend Molly at A Day in Mollywood.

Molly came home last week to find this note on her door:

Source: Instagram

It says:

YOUR HOUSE IS THE FIRST HOUSE THAT EVERYONE SEES WHEN THEY ENTER THE NEIGHBORHOOD, COULD YOU PLEASE SHOW A LITTLE PRIDE OF OWNERSHIP AND TAKE BETTER CARE OF YOUR YARD! THANKS. [Smiley face]

First of all, I have no idea what Molly's lawn looks like, but in my lifetime of having neighbors, I have listened to enough of them bitch about lawns, to guess that Molly's grass is probably a bit shaggy with a few weeds and/or dandelions sticking up in the bushes. I guarantee you that's as "bad" as her lawn is.

I am positive that her lawn is NOT three feet high with a broken dishwasher thrown in there.

I can only imagine how much time this person had on his or her hands to sit down and craft this fine note. Maybe enough time to knock on Molly's door and say something like, "Hi. How are you? I know you've got three little kids and you and your husband have busy jobs, but I noticed that your yard needed some attention. I'm not doing anything right now and I was wondering if I could help you out? Where do you keep your mower?"