Goody Bags that are Nicer than the Gift My Kid Gave

We all know that birthday parties have become outrageous and ultra-competitive - that's yesterday's news.  The new frontier is the dreaded goody bag.

The goody bag has always been the bastard of the birthday party.  It's a throw away.  An afterthought.  Because it's the bastard it's always been full of cheap junk or teeth rotting candy.  It's a small token that says, I just paid about twelve to fifteen bucks for your kid to come celebrate my kid's birthday and we appreciate your $12-25 gift so here is your bag of shit.  Thanks for coming and see you next month at your kids' party!