People I Want to Punch in the Throat: World's Worst Teacher

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World's Worst Teacher

Photo: Jason Miles
It's the end of the school year and teachers across the country are handing out awards to their students. I actually always hated awards day, because I was a nervous wreck. I was afraid I wouldn't get one. I really wanted "Most Likely to Succeed" but I knew that only the cool kids would get those types of awards. But on the flip side I was also afraid I'd get one of the crap awards like "Most Improved" which we all knew was code for "You're Doing Better, But You're Still a Loser." Either way it was an awful day. Once or twice I had a teacher who tried to give everyone an award and that's how I ended up with certificates for "Kindest Eyes" and "Bookworm." And then there was the joker teacher. The one who tried to make the awards funny. And many times the teachers who thought they were being funny with their awards were just dicks.



It looks like nothing has changed in 30+ years. This morning I woke up to the story of Lizeth Villanueva. Lizeth is a seventh grader in Texas who received an award from her teacher. The award was "Most Likely to Become a Terrorist." 

Umm, what the fuck, lady??

The teacher said it was supposed to be a joke at a "mock awards ceremony," except no one finds that shit funny. The teacher also handed out awards for "Most Likely to Cry For Every Little Thing" and "Most Likely to Become Homeless." High-larious. I get that humor is tough, but this isn't humor, this is bullshit.

The district says the teacher has been "disciplined" but who the fuck knows what that means. Unless it means she's been fired and the district has erected a billboard with her picture by the highway stating: THIS WOMAN IS A HORRIBLE EDUCATOR. NAY, SHE'S A HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING. IF YOU HIRE HER YOU ARE MAKING A GRAVE MISTAKE it's not enough.

We are broken, you guys. The assholes are working so hard to take over and we're letting them. We are growing weary. I am running out of outrage, but we must buck up! We can't run out of outrage. We must constantly push back. We have the energy and outrage to push back on the big things like body-slamming congressmen and racist tirades, but we have to push back on the little things too. Like teachers who give out "hilarious" awards to "crybabies." Fuck that noise. These are kids! Kids in a situation where they can't really speak up, because they're being bullied and abused by someone in power over them.

What would you do if your snowflake came home from school with an award for "Adorable Snowflake"? I know I'd probably light the teacher's car on fire. I can call my kid a snowflake but YOU can't call my kid a snowflake. It's time for an end to ALL of these dumb awards. They weren't helpful in the 80s and they still suck. Just give the kid his or her grade card and tell them to have a a nice summer. That's all you have to do! It's not that hard, teacher!

No. I'm sorry, but discipline for this teacher isn't enough. She needs to be fired. Let her earn that coveted most likely to be homeless award.

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1 comment:

P Thomas said...

"Awards" ceremonies are no better than being picked last for the sports team, as it was in my day. Or rather, not being picked at all, which is what I had.

There is no reason for every single child in the class to have an "award". Can that crap already, please?