People I Want to Punch in the Throat: NSFW! I Need an Education

FB

NSFW! I Need an Education


If you're at work, stop right now. This is NSFW. Come back tonight when you're at home and no one is spying on you.

Earlier this week, my friend Suzanne from Toulouse and Tonic made some wine bottle memes. She asked me and some friends if we thought they were funny. Several of them were funny, but there was one in particular that I didn't get. I just figured it must be some kind of inside secret between Suzanne and her readers. But then. ALL of the other women she'd asked for opinions from started commenting: "OMG, the FUPA one is hilarious." "Love the FUPA one."

FUPA, FUPA, FUPA.


Of course that was the one I didn't get. I quickly realized that I was the only one who had no idea what FUPA meant. Because these women are close friends of mine and I considered it a safe space, I went ahead and asked: "Hey guys, I don't get it. What's a FUPA?"

My friends are kind and gentle souls who would never try to make me feel stupid ever and so they sweetly educated me.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DON'T KNOW, JEN!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

"LOL. You really don't know?"

"How can you write about vaginas and c-strings and not know?"

"Didn't you ever go to camp? Everyone learns this shit at camp, Jen."

"Jen, I would never guess you were so sheltered."

And then someone took pity on me and tried to explain it to me in terms she thought I'd understand. "Jen, it's the same as a 'gunt.'"

Ummm ... yeah that didn't help me. At. All.

I immediately broke out into a cold sweat. I'm still with-it aren't I? I still know what kids are rapping about, don't I? I'm not old, right???

How was this possible? How could I have gone 43 years and not had these words in my arsenal? It made me shudder to think of how many words I don't know.

So, I'm going to need all of you to educate me. Teach me something I don't know.

Here are the rules though: DON'T POST PICTURES of ANYTHING. 

I don't want to see Blue Waffles or nut sacks or whatever. You post that shit and you'll be banned, because it's gross and no one wants to see that shit. And obviously I know what Blue Waffles are, so let's never speak of it again and if you haven't already Googled that one, DON'T DO IT. There isn't enough bleach in the world for your eyes.

If you like what you read, please follow me on Facebook or Twitter, or Subscribe via e-mail.  Check out my BOOKS!

12 comments:

ilikebeerandbabies.com said...

Rusty trombone = favorite (and most descriptive) name for a sexual act.

Andi-Roo TheWorldForRealz said...

I don't know what a FUPA is, either. Nor Blue Waffles. And I am leery of looking shit up that might break my iPad or my eyeballs. So I'm going to be checking back here religiously in order to be in the know.

Lindsey Updegraff said...

I see FUPA is already defined...gunt=gut c u next Tuesday....

Urban dictionary is a great reference, without the pictures :)

a.rungee said...

Fat upper pubic area

Danelle Schwertner said...

Omg. I wasn't in the know either. Hahahahahaha! I should NOT have googled that.

Katy Peterson said...

a.rungee gave it the nice way. I've always known it as Fat Upper Pussy Area. So, there ya are... :-) Isn't edjamacation great?

The Flake said...

Vagomach = basically the same thing as a FUBA or GUNT just larger

Katherine Pietras said...

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&ei=TXxBVd7pKsOnggTLnoKQCw&url=http://www.snopes.com/medical/myths/bluewaffle.asp&ved=0CDYQFjAF&usg=AFQjCNGAg2Gf031QJki-JFoJuNwx38H8yg&sig2=swr11WHd1j_h2nRNPVRs9Q

Heather said...

I used "Netlix and chill" talking about a pie crust recipe in my last blog post, knowing full well I'm an old lady who's using that wrong (and giving zero f*cks about it).

Caitiebear said...

Oh gawd, I feel like I HAVE a FUPA after looking at the pictures. Yet another side effect of having kids. 😫

Terry Dade said...

Okay, at least I know now that Blue Waffles is fake. But I definitely have had a FUPA for several years. That's why stretch Mom jeans are my friend.

Ruth Landon said...

http://www.urbandictionary.com
Trust me.