Who Is Attractive According to Gomer

And once again, one of my children has given me a complex with their unsolicited advice.

Tonight we took my in-laws to dinner and we were on our way home when Gomer started asking us 150 questions about absolutely NOTHING.  He is in a phase right now where he asks questions about everything and it is driving me absolutely bonkers.  I was sort of answering his random questions with random answers:

Gomer:  What do you think that green building is over there?

Me:  (Vaguely looking in the direction he's pointing.)  Hmm...maybe they make salads there.  (I'll say anything to stop the questions.)  

Finally, he asked me a normal question:

My Super Hot Sex Dream?

Ugh, last night totally sucked.  My kids are bigger now and so we usually get to sleep through the night.

Last night both of my children decided to remind me what I was missing.

I actually got to bed at a decent hour last night (thank goodness, or I'd be napping right now instead of writing) and I'd been asleep about 2 hours when I realized I was having a conversation with the boy.  (FYI, there's been a question about whether or not I actually named them.  Of course, I've named my children, just would rather not tell you their names.  I make fun of children's names, imagine how many readers I'd lose if I told you I'd named my son Gomer and my daughter Adolpha?)

Back to my half coherent conversation with Gomer.


42-Year-Old Women are HOT (No, That's Not a Typo)

A lovely man named Tom Junod wrote an article for Esquire magazine where he sang the praises of 42-year-old women. I'm not sure how young Tom is, but I'm imagining him as a strapping 19-year-old with a full head of hair, tight abs, and sparkly green eyes. Because according to him 42 is the most alluring and sexy age. That's right. He thinks 42-year-old ladies are MILFs. A lot of his reasoning has to do with feminism and life experience and a good sense of humor. I think. I had a hard time following the article, because all I could focus on was the fact that for once in my life I'm HAWT.

That's right, people. I am the hottest age evah. Suck it, forty-year-olds.

The Most Epic Bridezilla Ever

Many of us have been bridesmaids in our lives for friends and family members.  Every bride thinks a bridesmaid should feel really special because she is one of the "chosen few."  There can only be one . . . or four . . . or 15. . . of your closest friends to stand up with you in poufy taffeta ensembles and dyed to match shoes on the most important day of your life.

Sure most of the brides we stood up with were really cool to be around, but we've all had that one bridezilla friend.  Y'know, that one who ran her wedding like a corporate board meeting where she handed out agendas and time tables for everyone that included times for them to "be on deck" for the photographer or gave each bridesmaid a bag of "must have" items like bendy straws (can't wreck the bride's lipstick when you're trying to keep her hydrated) or Shout Wipes (for when the bride is a moron and can't control her bendy straw and gets lipstick on her dress when the bendy straw falls out of her mouth and onto her dress).

Oh wait, that was me.  I was that bride.

Yup, I was a bit of a psycho.  In those days my job was to organize and plan board meetings for a large multi-national company in NYC and I pretty much ran my wedding like a board meeting.  It might have been a little crazy for the people participating in the wedding, but I tell you what, my wedding ran like fucking clockwork.  (Except for the damn cleaning crew that was supposed to clean the church.  Instead my wedding party stayed behind and cleaned the church while the rest of us went to the reception!  It still gets me mad when I think about that.)

Got Too Much Money? Kickstart This.

People have way too much money and no clue how to spend it.

Today I found out about the Potato Salad Kickstarter. I know it's been in the news for a while, but somehow I missed it. In case you did too I'll bring you up to date: this guy, Zack, really likes potato salad around the holidays, but he's never made it before. He decided to try and raise $10 on Kickstarter to buy the supplies to make potato salad. He wrote a funny little bit about how if you give him a buck he'll say your name while he makes his potato salad. It struck a nerve and went viral out of control. As of right this minute (10:55 am central time) he's raised $69,802.

Holy shit, right?

The Makers of the iPad Toilet

OK, just when I thought I'd seen it all, I find out there is an iPad Potty. It was actually just introduced at a trade show recently, but I'm sure it won't be long before it's available at a retailer near you.

It's been a while since I potty trained kids. I remember it took a long time and it wasn't fun. I remember there were plenty of boring moments watching my kids sit on the pot. I had two kids who required deep concentration to do their business and so books or even light conversation was discouraged.

The Hubs Tints Our Windows

What did you do over the weekend, Jen?

Oh, thanks for asking. It was a clusterfuck.

A few years ago we paid professionals to tint several windows in our house. We didn't have enough money to tint all of them at that time. Over the years we kept saying that we were going to have the tinting company come back out and tint the rest of the windows, but we've always found other ways to spend that money.

On Saturday the Hubs woke up and decided he needed to tint our windows. That day.

Why My Children Have No Right to Privacy

My friend Kim at Let Me Start By Saying wrote an essay that was featured on the Huffington Post . It was about reading her five-year-old...