Oil Pulling. I just threw up writing that. Do you know what oil pulling is? No? Brace yourself. So, you scoop a spoonful of coconut oil in your mouth and then you "swish" for 20 minutes if you can make it that long. Only the hardiest of the pullers can make it that long, because you're basically pulling a solid oil that starts to liquefy in the warmth of your mouth and mix with saliva through your teeth while you do things like check your email or watch the news.
|Swish me. All the cool kids are doing it.|
Now is when you ask me, but Jen, why in the world would I EVER do that? And my reply is, Fuck if I know.
Supposedly, it makes your teeth whiter, clears out your sinuses, lessens your aches and pains from arthritis, makes your skin look better, turns gray hair blonde and erases wrinkles (OK, I made up those last two, but the way the believers talk about it, you would think it could).
Oil pulling has taken the blogging world by storm. So many of my blogging friends are subjecting themselves to this gagging ritual all in the name of better overall health.
I could probably stand to have better overall health, but the thought of oil pulling gives me heart palpitations, so I think it might have the reverse effect on me.
Here are my TOP FIVE REASONS WHY I'LL NEVER PULL OIL
5. I vomit thinking about anyone else doing it, so I'm pretty sure I'd throw up as soon as I opened the jar of coconut oil.
4. I am a mouth breather. I would suffocate. It's a vicious circle. Supposedly the oil pulling will cure my congestion and then I don't have to be a mouth breather, but how do I stay alive long enough to get to the point where my congestion is cleared?
3. I hate the taste of coconut. This is where an oil puller lover would suggest vegetable oil or olive oil instead. And my reply is, from what I've read, coconut is the best for first timers, because the taste is more pleasing than other oils, so the hell I'm going to swish with vegetable oil. Blech.
2. Oily lips. My Twitter friend, Kristen, who blogs at Dine and Dish tried to be trendy today and pulled her first mouthful of oil. She quickly announced the greasy lips were more than she could handle and she'll just eat KFC the next time she wants a slippery mouth.
And the number one reason why I'll never pull oil:
1. It's like swishing jizz. Think about it, once you get that warm oil and copious amounts of saliva coursing through your teeth and over your gums all you'll be able to think about will be "Spit or swallow? Spit or swallow?"
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