People I Want to Punch in the Throat: Oil Pulling

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Oil Pulling


Oil Pulling. I just threw up writing that. Do you know what oil pulling is? No? Brace yourself. So, you scoop a spoonful of coconut oil in your mouth and then you "swish" for 20 minutes if you can make it that long. Only the hardiest of the pullers can make it that long, because you're basically pulling a solid oil that starts to liquefy in the warmth of your mouth and mix with saliva through your teeth while you do things like check your email or watch the news.


Swish me. All the cool kids are doing it.

Now is when you ask me, but Jen, why in the world would I EVER do that? And my reply is, Fuck if I know.

Supposedly, it makes your teeth whiter, clears out your sinuses, lessens your aches and pains from arthritis, makes your skin look better, turns gray hair blonde and erases wrinkles (OK, I made up those last two, but the way the believers talk about it, you would think it could).

Oil pulling has taken the blogging world by storm. So many of my blogging friends are subjecting themselves to this gagging ritual all in the name of better overall health.

I could probably stand to have better overall health, but the thought of oil pulling gives me heart palpitations, so I think it might have the reverse effect on me.

Here are my TOP FIVE REASONS WHY I'LL NEVER PULL OIL

5. I vomit thinking about anyone else doing it, so I'm pretty sure I'd throw up as soon as I opened the jar of coconut oil.

4. I am a mouth breather. I would suffocate. It's a vicious circle. Supposedly the oil pulling will cure my congestion and then I don't have to be a mouth breather, but how do I stay alive long enough to get to the point where my congestion is cleared?

3. I hate the taste of coconut. This is where an oil puller lover would suggest vegetable oil or olive oil instead. And my reply is, from what I've read, coconut is the best for first timers, because the taste is more pleasing than other oils, so the hell I'm going to swish with vegetable oil. Blech.

2. Oily lips. My Twitter friend, Kristen, who blogs at Dine and Dish tried to be trendy today and pulled her first mouthful of oil. She quickly announced the greasy lips were more than she could handle and she'll just eat KFC the next time she wants a slippery mouth.

And the number one reason why I'll never pull oil:

1. It's like swishing jizz. Think about it, once you get that warm oil and copious amounts of saliva coursing through your teeth and over your gums all you'll be able to think about will be "Spit or swallow? Spit or swallow?"

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99 comments:

The Macons said...

VOM. I am tired of reading about it. For fucks sake I don't care if you DO swish jizz but stop trying to make it a trend. STOP ALL OF THE TRENDS.

Frugalista Blog said...

You stinker!! I just oil pulled yesterday. And now I'm going to watch Louis CK talk about Cinnabon.

Domestic Diva said...

I've thought about it and made it as far as opening a jar, but just couldn't do it. Teeth and sinuses be damned!

CuriousT said...

Is there any science behind this at all? And if so, whoever tried this first and came up with the hypothesis it would be a good thing? My guess is someone will now study it and we will find out it kills brain cells or causes cancer.

Moira Incendia said...

It's part of Ayurvedic medicine, and has been around for a loooong time. BUT! It's supposed to be done as part of a whole system of care, not as a fad with absolutely no research into the rest of the system of medicine that it's part of. Which is why people may see some results, but it's highly unlikely that it'll do as much as they want. Personally, I can't stand the taste of oil (of any kind), so it's not for me. I just hate to see medical information yanked out of context and twisted into a one size fits all internet trend.

Tracie Nall said...

My husband has been talking about this for days. He thinks we should do it together - like some sort of healthy bonding ritual. There is no way it is going to happen.

Sharon Greenthal said...

Oh I hate coconut so much. This is vile.

Joy Christi said...

You are making this shit up. You have to be. I'm struggling with laughing and NOT searching Google for videos of this. But now I definitely want to punch oil pullers in the throat, too, WHILE they are doing this.

The Mrs./The Mom said...

Well, there kind of is...

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18408265

Jen Piwtpitt said...

"Healthy healthy bonding ritual." Haha.

Jen Piwtpitt said...

Oh it's real. I assure you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mL3NUJYycEw

Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms said...

One word: Listerine. Ellen

aussalorens.com said...

Nooo.... really? I've never heard of this. I put coconut oil in my hair, I can't imagine putting it in my mouth. No, just no. I was reading about bentonite clay last night (because I use this on my face) and apparently a lot of people will put it in water and drink it, for the sake of detox. Let's think about that for a second. People are drinking CLAY. What is happening.

Meg McCormick said...

It's like putting a wad of coconut Crisco in your mouth. I tried it, twice: Minutes till gag: First time, 7. Second time, 5. I'll just obsessively brush and floss and rinse with Listerine. GAH.

April said...

I tried it. I have a lot of health issues and medications so I thought it would be good for me. I felt so gaggy hours later and haven't tried it again.

Kie310 said...

I can barely make it through (mint flavored) listerine daily, without gagging. I could never ever try this.

Charlotte said...

HAHaHaHaHa!!! Spit or swallow had me cracking up. That's some funny shit right there Jen. I have missed that!

NotesFromAbroad said...

I might do it if I were drunk first :)

I just bought my first jar off coconut oil and slathered my poor dry body in it .. I expect wonderful things ... what ? I dunno, but it had better be wonderful.

Elizabeth Catalano said...

1. Wtf?
2. Make it stop.

Kristi Phillips said...

I didn't think it sounded that terrible until you got to your #1 reason and then I almost threw up in my mouth. No thanks..

Kristi Phillips said...

The first time I read it I thought it said 20 seconds.. 20 minutes sounds fucking terrible.

Meredith said...

I'll admit...I do it. I hated coconut, so I use sesame (which auto correct just tried to change to semen - awesome). I have terrible terrible awful teeth and I will try ANYTHING to avoid more root canals, crowns, whatever. I had receding gums at 25. And I have good hygeine. Ugh. Anyway, I do it for about 10 minutes, then brush and use Listerine and for me, it makes a difference. My gums are in better shape and my pain in less. HOWEVER, I don't love the actual act. It is as gross as you imagine. So I treat it like any other unpleasant task...I don't think about it and get it over with.

r/b said...

^ What she said. I am frightened. Hold me.

Cheesehead Forever said...

To me coconut belongs in only one place. Girl Scout cookies, Caramel Delights (or Samoas depending on your council). That's it.

Cat Powers said...

Coconut oil is awesome! When you rub in on those dry spots on your elbows and ankles. But for the love of all things shiny, keep it out of your mouth!

Julie Workman said...

What. The. F#$! I've never heard of such a revolting practice. And given that the ad widget on the page was showcasing some kind of miracle fruit that resembled a moldy vagina...I need to go vomit somewhere. BLECH!

abbyhasissues.com said...

And it's endorsed by Dr. Oz, which is the biggest WTF.

I'm a hippie dippy vegan who is all about natural cures, but the only thing I want in my mouth for 20 minutes is a piece of gum or a constant stream of hummus. The end.

Mimisan said...

You can use seasame oil too! It was a little gag inducing when the coconut oil was melting in my mouth but it was so bad after that. ;)

thirtystickyfingers said...

I just tried this with organic coconut oil yesterday and was pleasantly surprised. Not at all jizz-like (yay) and the whole 20 mins thing wasn't as bad as you'd expect. I'm totes on the fad wagon with this one.

Kate @ Another Clean Slate said...

I'm cracking up right now because I ordered the oil earlier today to do this!! Now all I am going to think about is jizz. Thanks ;)

carly said...

"...swishing jizz." LMAO best.line.ever.

Sandy Leveque said...

ha!!! I was considering oil pulling too ...but you have well n' truly made me reconsider!!!!!

Awesamsauce said...

#5- Guaranteed.
#4- Highly likely you'd suffocate.
#3- Coconut oil is manna from the heavens and cures everything. Duh.
#2 Wipe the oil from your lips, rub it onto your face for oil cleansing and then into your hair. Justifies the expense.
#1- I'm sure there is someone who'd donate to make this reality.....*hurls*.

Sassy said...

I've done it a couple times, but mostly I can't commit to 20 minutes of anything like that. I can barely get through coloring my hair for 30 minutes and I'm free to do just about anything else I feel like then. But I don't mind the oil. Just not as gross as people seem to think it is.

Minnie Burger said...

I hate these fads! Last one was taking a shot of apple cider vinegar... It can destroy your teeth and tastes terrible, but it will cure any health problems! Yea right.

LT Zam said...

swishing jizz...lmao!! i tried it once, about a month, it does become jizz-ish (can't believe i just said that). haven't tried it again. the coconut oil is just sitting on my counter. trying to get up the nerve to do it again but am mentally gagging. and after that...well......

Lillian Carilo said...

What a finish! Laughing my head off. Never change, Jen. Never change.

NotesFromAbroad said...

Or Almond Joys ... mmmmm :)

NotesFromAbroad said...

I had a hard time using my coconut oil this morning, for the first time, after reading this .. I stayed way away from my mouth and teeth and just rubbed it into my arms and legs .. and that dry spot on the bridge of my nose .. I wish it smelled like coconut, I could pretend I had sun lotion on .. like I am not buried alive in snow but at the beach.

Autumn Cabral said...

There is absolutely no quantifiable evidence that this is good for anything. Snopes to the rescue!

Cristina T said...

I was gonna try it. Then I read this. Thank goodness my husband is forgetful. It was on my list of wants from the grocery store. Thanks for the heads up??!

Blech! Now I wanna vomit!

AnnCluck said...

BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA, SNORRRRTTT!!! This is about the fuckin' funniest thing I have read in ages. Hell, I swallow jizz, but I am not about to fuckin' Pull Oil!!!

The Rockin Robyn's Nest said...

Yuck. Just when you think you'd try anything once...I have a friend that was oil pulling and I'm guessing with a little more force than needed, and she busted a blood vessel in her eye. good times.

Adrienn Hunt said...

I've been hearing about this. Thought about trying it. Not gonna happen now. Because all I will be able to think about is swishing jizz around in my mouth. Blech.

CuriousT said...

Thanks for the information. I used to live in India and have been treated with ayurvedic and homeopathic medicine before, but I'd never heard of oil pulling!

RachRiot said...

I'm going to start my own bogus health trend.. I'm going to put lemon slices on my boobs and say it helps with sagging, b.o. and depression. I'll call it Lemonipple. LEMONIPPLE WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

Astrea said...

But why is it called oil PULLING? If the goal was to name it something that didn't reference "swishing" or something else similarly gag-inducing, I guess "pulling" works but it doesn't make it sound in any way appealing. Ugh...

Astrea said...

It's all about marketing! Gear it towards breastfeeding moms, say you sing the lemons upbeat songs to make sure they stay "perky," and you'll be a millionaire in no time!

brookegranger said...

I think I would tolerate water boarding better.

Kelly said...

Rotf. I say we start a fake trend called "jizz swishing" and make informational info graphics about the benefits and all post it like zealots and see how many people go all all in and start swishing jizz and we will piss our collective pants should drinking margaritas and smoking. Yes? Yes.

Tracy Decker said...

It's called "pulling" because it pulls all the bacteria and toxins out of your teeth, gums and tissue out of your mouth and into the oil, which you then spit out. Moral of the story, spit...don't swallow.

p_becki said...

Lmao yes!!!

Joy Christi said...

Too funny. Literally TODAY my weirdest bandwagon friend posted that she does this. People are crazy¡!
Blog fodder.

Tania said...

Yes! What you said!

Yo Yo Mama said...

you know... just fyi, it would actually do more good.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2190863/Semen-good-womens-health-helps-fight-depression.html

Unknown said...

I wonder if this shit will help my tmj!!!!!

Tania said...

Hahahahaha! Yes!

Maria J. Skiffington said...

Same! I only do it about 4-5 times a week, and I've noticed a big difference in sensitivity, whiteness, and my gums. I don't love it, or even talk about it really. It's one of those hygiene things I just keep to myself...usually. ;)

Heather Dewitt said...

I work for a GYN office and we we recommend it for women with vaginal dryness.

Virginia Llorca said...

Comparing anything to swishing jizz for twenty minutes makes me wonder about your love life.

Dimitria Vincenty said...

I read an article by someone who swore by it. They said they had tmj and it helped greatly..

Virginia Llorca said...

He was referring to the coconut oil?

Rebecca Quinones said...

trolling for the government.

Mrs. Leslie Funk said...

Cannot stop laughing! Your blog post and th comments by your witty readers have me doubled over in laughter! It is typically "American" to pick one little practice out of an entire system of health/wellness practice from another country. Don't even get start on Dr. OZ, HE is pretty much willing to put his name on anything these days.

Cari said...

Lemonipple! Ha Ha love it!!

Navada Blue said...

im trying it right now Ive had virgin coconut oil in my mouth for about 10 minutes so far and I honestly don't think I'm going to make it. Keeping my mouth closed with anything in it like water or oil of food is harder then you think. Now its been 12 minutes and its getting harder and harder.

Amy Lee said...

Life is too fucking short to worry about how white my teeth may or may not be. If my husband hasn't looked at my mouth and replied with a "ew gross, your teeth are green" then they're fine...and trust me, he's totally the type who would say something about me if it was grossing him out.

For the record, my teeth are far from green....

Amy Lee said...

Are they swishing it with their vaj?? How does that work?

FooFKittlen said...

It's called oil pulling because it is SUPPOSED to pull the toxins from your entire body (not just your mouth Tracy). What it ACTUALLY does is...well nothing that swishing any substance in your mouth for twenty fucking minutes wouldn't do. So you might as well swish jizz or any safe liquid because this whole thing is bullshit.
I want to punch the Internet in the throat because there's so many stupid dicks who come up with this shit on it.

FooFKittlen said...

Holy fuck I'm tired of this shit too. Not just this dumb shit but all the dumb shit woo. People are so gullible all the Snake Oil salesman from the 19th and 20th centuries would make a fucking fortune now.

FooFKittlen said...

Holy fuck I'm tired of this shit too. Not just this dumb shit but all the dumb shit woo. People are so gullible all the Snake Oil salesman from the 19th and 20th centuries would make a fucking fortune now.

Katie Benes said...

YES! Do it. make the info graphics and submit it to the depth of the internet (aka 4chan)

Stephanie Clinton said...

I almost spewed coffee through my nose when I read #1. I was about to try this stupid thing just to see what all the fuss is about. But now I'll be able to think about is jizz in my mouth. My spit reflex may be too strong.

David Buchner said...

"Now its been 12 minutes and its getting harder and harder."

Heh-heh. Heh-heh-heh.

thirtystickyfingers said...

Giggidy giggidy, David.

stevenhb13 said...

As guy, I think that I'm legally obligated to support Kelly's suggestion. Who cares if it's effective as long as I get to participate?

Kristen Hudson said...

Your nipples will burn like an SOB if they are cracked and dry try apple slices for the fake fad

Whitney @ EHFAR said...

THANK YOU!! I'm glad someone says it. I hate seeing people jump on this "fad" and "bandwagon." I just can't with this "DIY instead of going to the doctor" crap.

Jennifer said...

Then you can put coconut oil on them after so they get better.. DUH!! :)

Jennifer said...

My guess is no, I mean if you're swishing jizz, that probably means you have had your mouth open for a while to get the jizz.... I say stay away.

Julienne said...

THANK_YOU.

Amanda Dearest said...

Im so lmfao @this^^

Amanda Dearest said...

LEMONIPPLE!!!! I just peed!

Amanda Dearest said...

Is that crazy, I only just heard og this on a blog pist this morning- now its at every coner of the internet. Ugh. People are so ridiculous.

alexa zoe said...

Well first of all, it melts literally the second you put it in your mouth, and its like swishing with water. 20 minutes is not as hard as it seems, I wake up, grab a spoonful and hop in the shower/start getting ready for work. You can BARELY taste the coconut flavor at all, seriously its more like water. It has definitely helped whiten teeth, stop tooth/gum pain so I definitely am a believer. To each his own, but to those of you worrried because it "sounds gross" dont knock it before you try it! =)

Meredith said...

"Oil Pulling. I just threw up writing that." You know I drank the Kool-Aid, but this makes me love you more. And your #1? Yeah...that.

Emelie said...

Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. EWWWW!!

Shivangi S Chatterjii said...

It is a part of Ayurvedic medicine and the Sanskrit name is Kavala Dharna. However, Ayurveda uses sesame oil for medicinal purposes but coconut oil seems to be the shiny new toy in the West. People of southern India not amused :)

OP is perfectly safe and you don't need to delve into the branch of medicine for it. It's more of a lifestyle thing like brushing your teeth every morning.

The funny thing is that the author thinks oil (food) has a disgusting taste. I simply switch to olive or grapeseed on days of smell sensitivity. Otherwise it's sesame all the way!

Shivangi S Chatterjii said...

Oh! Also for people who wish to try it and are being discouraged by such comments, start small. Try just a teaspoon at first. If you have oil on your lips that's just trying to swish too much (of a good thing). BTW I dab some olive oil instead of a lip balm.

Instead of 15-20 minutes at first, just do 5 and increase the time gradually.

CaperGrrl said...

To respond to the, ahem, "spit or swallow" conundrum, never swallow it... it contains all the bacteria and crap you are trying to get rid of. I don't have a huge problem with it, I've done it once with deodorized coconut oil. It's not so bad. I got to 20 mins with a tbsp but a tsp for 10 mins is fine. Mostly as a mouth rinse and then you brush and floss/waterpik. I'm bad for not flossing, hence why my teeth are starting to erode... which is why my dentist says he may have to put me on an antibacterial mouthwash. No thanks... coconut oil naturally has antibacterial properties.

That all said, it's not a cure all for everything, but studies are showing it can help with gum health.

Sarah Brentyn said...

I love coconut oil (for my skin and hair...it really is awesome) but I hadn't heard of this, either. It sounds vile. All I can picture is the bits of undissolved solidified oil mixed with spit and liquid oil. GROSS.

Sarah Morrissey said...

I swallow 1-2 teaspoons a day since it kills yeast and I keep giving my baby thrush but I gag every time. I don't think I would be able to actually hold it in my mouth for any length of time.

McKay said...

Focusing on bodily functions to obtain some sort of humor, is a low bar to reach. You can do better than that.
Go back to your roots ... family and friends. It is much funnier. This is just potty humor.

Sam Stiles said...

I do it and it works. And there is some science behind it. But I loved this post :)

carmel Arc said...

Try it. I recommend. I been pulling going on 9 weeks. Tremendous results. Clear skin, less inflammation (had terrible inflammation due to lupus(, healthier teeth, more energy, nails grow faster, sleep better. The only side effect was Naseau. I eventually got use to the taste.

Bonny Hobby said...

I would like to say that it does prevent gray hair and ease wrinkles. It does a lot of good for your body. I have eve been able to get off fever blister medication because it has increased my immune system so much that I no longer get them. I love it!

randomrovr said...

As my gma used to say....."you people just ain't wrapped tight"

kitschiekoo said...

Oil pulling is awesome! I was told I had some cavities and needed a deep periodontal cleaning which I never got done, did oil pulling instead. Now, went to the dentist two weeks ago and yep, no cavities, hardly any tartar build up, my gum number measurements (with that painful metal poky thing) are low and xrays of under the gumline/jawbone look good so don't need a periodontal cleaning. And all this without flossing! I am absolutely grossed out by flossing, just can't do it.
My daughter wants to use whitening strips which are very bad for your teeth. I'm hoping she'll soon oil pull. It tastes better if you add a touch of citrus essential oil.
I recommend a holistic dentist - so much better than the conventional guys.

samara speaks said...

I tried oil pulling EXACTLY because all my blogging buddies were doing it. They talked about it on FACEBOOK, which makes it authentic!

It is SO vile. I could only pull for 5 minutes before I almost threw up.