Top 10 Ways Members of Congress are Like Toddlers

Top 10 Ways Members of Congress are Like Toddlers

1. They love the sound of their own voice, and they think everyone else does too.

2. They try to manipulate us with tears.

Turn off the waterworks, no one's buying it.
3. They whine when they can't have their own way.

4. They love to read Dr. Seuss.


5. They don't know what irony means, so it's adorable when they tell you that Green Eggs and Ham is one of their favorite books even though it's a story about a guy who refuses to try anything new and strange because he's afraid he'll hate it and then finally he relents and realizes it's amazing.  

6. They don't understand where babies come from.



7. They like expensive toys and hate school.



8. They are selfish and always looking out for themselves and their own best interests.

9. They are think they are precious snowflakes living in a bubble and have no idea that there are consequences to their actions. 

10. When they get angry, they take their toys and go home to pout in a corner.



Get your shit together, Congress! ALL of you! Don't forget - you have jobs now, but elections are coming and this kind of behavior gives me an itchy voting finger ...



Your mothers need to put you in time out. I'd say you need a good spanking, but I think too many of you would enjoy it!

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34 comments:

AL said...

Love this! Spot on!

PediNP said...

535 punches in the throat! Yay!

StefK said...

Exactly!

Laura said...

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! Haha!

Heather, aka: Big Auntie said...

AMEN SISTA! I think that every single person that is affected by this should camp out in their Congressperson's home driveway. They need to SEE these PEOPLE - they are REAL HUMAN BEINGS and not numbers on a report. They are acting like spoiled, petulant, pouting brats. Ahem. (steps off soapbox)

Rachel Walsh said...

Perfectly said!!

April Holman said...

I loved this! As a woman and an anatomy teacher, I particularly liked the female reproductive system according to Todd Akin. How did I miss piece of awesome last year? Don't we feel bad for all of those conservatives that had to come from such a horrid place!

fishducky said...

AMEN!! The "reproductive system" was too good not to steal--so I did!!

RachRiot said...

Remember that time Todd Akin said my magical vagina found a "way to shut that whole thing down" too? STOP ACTING LIKE VAGINAS, CONGRESS.

Sara B said...

That is the best comment ever. You win.

Domestic Diva said...

Nailed it.

Tiffany said...

Except, when they get voted out, they still get "retirement" benefits worth like 9 years pay for me EACH year FOREVER.

glider222 said...

Notice you did not include that loon pelosi or that whiny ass clown reid.

Anonymous said...

Perfect. Now if we could only figure out a way to get them to listen to the adults.

Happy Jack said...

Great post! And you have quite possibly the best blog name ever!! I thought I was the only one that ever used that phrase!

Lena said...

Pretty sure they are included in the "532 layoffs". Don't get your panties into too tight of a wad... I'm fed up with all of them although Ted Cruz, his tea bagger buddies, and John Boehner are particularly punch worthy in my book. I'd add on some nut punches for good measure.

Lori Schmid said...

AMEN!! Nuff said.

Lori
Thrifty Decor Mom

LindaDiane said...

Gah, I love this website!
It constantly amazes me that this country has millions of voters but we can't get rid of 500 people.

Elizabeth Catalano said...

Preach it! I'd add: pointing fingers of blame and not being willing to clean up their own messes. At least my 3-yr-old is cute.

Anonymous said...

This is perfectly stated. Love it.

wibber said...

Uh, don't forget that the current senate has rejected every plan, including full funding if the unaffordable lack of care act because they want special treatment. The ego in the white house negotiates w/ Iran, but not Americans.

wibber said...

Uh, don't forget that the current senate has rejected every plan, including full funding if the unaffordable lack of care act because they want special treatment. The ego in the white house negotiates w/ Iran, but not Americans.

Amy Flory said...

Congresswoman RachRiot sounds AMAZING.

Amy Flory said...

Congresswoman RachRiot sounds AMAZING.

Helene Bludman said...

You nailed this one! LOL!

Lois Alter Mark said...

OMG I love this! Perfect!

Jennifer Wagner said...

I love this article as much as I hate Congress, especially the Republicans in Congress, right now. Thanks!

Michael Colleary said...

When I hear the word "congress" my rape detector goes to DefCon 5.

Mommy Shorts said...

Ha! My favorite is "they don't understand where babies come from." Spot on.

Wayward Wiccan said...

I found your blog about 2 weeks ago and I've been reading from beginning to end just to catch up on everything. Though I'm not a mother yet I can see myself being just like you. Through out your blogs I laughed with you, I cried with you, I was disgusted at "celebs" with you, etc. etc. You've got yourself a new member of the "Punch Club" right here. Oh and as for this post? Spot on!

Krysti said...

I LOVE THIS. I have shared with everyone I possibly can, especially since my town is supposedly the most affected in the country (yay us?) and 99% of who I know is involved in some way with the military. My friend can't get a social security card for her newborn son and therefore can't put him on her health insurance. It's amazing what is affected once things trickle down

Lisa Newlin said...

The drawing of the reproductive system according to Todd Akin is brilliant. My favorite? "Ew!"

Jen @ Drinking the Whole Bottle said...

this was so fucking incredible. the whole darn thing. I LOVE the green eggs and ham comparison.

PhilaGem said...

This would be funny if it weren't so true. Makes me want to cry.

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