Well, I'm here to help. Remember a couple of weeks ago when I told the pregnant ladies how to make a little more dough on the side? This time I have a tip for the rest of you. In fact, the pregnant ladies can't even apply for this job. Sorry, preggos, just go pee on some more sticks and sell them to jokesters around the world. You'll feel better.
The money making opportunity that I've found for you is a part time gig. Your new employer would need you for 70 days and in return you would earn $10,000. Also, you can add NASA to your resume when you're done with this one. Hello, Smarty Pants!
Sounds good, right?
|The only thing that would make this job better would be if NASA needed to know how full body massages affect microgravity too.|
Yup. NASA is looking for a few good men and women to test the effects of microgravity. Don't worry. I know it sounds all science-y, but you leave that part to the actual NASA scientists. You just need to stay in bed for the entire 70 days.
Now, when the Hubs told me about this job last night, I was all, "Wait. I get to stay in bed for 70 days AND they pay me? Sign. Me. Up."
He thought I was nuts. "That sounds terrible," he said. "That's why they're paying so much."
"Being paid would be a bonus. I would do that job for free," I replied.
That is my kind of job! I am easily one of the laziest people on the planet. Staying in bed for 70 days wouldn't even be that hard for me. I welcome the challenge. I would be happy to just try.
Sure, there might be some drawbacks:
Eating while in a prone position. Eh, I manage to do that most nights on my couch and it hasn't been a problem yet and bendy straws were made for sipping in a bed.
Reading on my back. Uhhh, OK, that's why several months ago I bought a Kindle in the first place - 'cause books are heavy, yo and that Kindle is so much easier to hold over my head when I'm too lazy to prop up on one arm to read. Just load up my Kindle and I'll see you in 70 days!
Not much privacy. Sooo no conjugal visits? You know what? This is for my country. People make sacrifices every day for America. If this will help astronauts and space stuff, then I will take that hit. I am a proud abstaining patriot. (Do you think the Hubs bought that proud patriot thing at all?)
A fat face. NASA warns that not being able to stand for any length of time can cause the person to retain water and get a little puffy - most noticeably in the face. What else is new? I'm always a little puffy and I can retain water like a pro, so that won't be anything new.
Bedsores. I'm assuming there is someone on staff who flips me on a regular basis. These people are rocket scientists, after all.
Going number one and number two in bed. When they say you can't get out of bed, they mean for ANYTHING. So, I would probably have to pee and poop in a bag. While this doesn't sound terrifically pleasant, I still figure, so what? I'm not the one who has to clean that up!
If these are the worst side effects, then sign me up, because you want to know the effects of staying in bed for 70 days, NASA? One well-rested mama. I guarantee I would emerge from that test looking younger, happier, more refreshed - and let's face it, a little hornier - than I've looked in years. You're welcome, America.
Who would join me in bed for 70 days?
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