Open Letter to Catherine and William

Dear Catherine and William,

Well, it sounds like the royal uterus is vacant once again. Congratulations you two. You've done it. You've got the heir, and you've got some time to work on a spare. Welcome to the toughest job you'll ever love (no, it's not the Peace Corps).

Source: Lego
I don't have much advice for royal parents, except maybe don't let the other royals get too close to him - especially the Queen. (What is her deal? Can she never just be happy? She's the Queen of England for goodness sake - smile!) Look, you guys seem FAIRLY normal (as normal as royalty can be on yachts in exotic places and greeting millions of adoring fans all while looking smashing) and the others just seem completely off their rocker. Oh! I've got another word of advice: Maybe don't let him know he's going to be King until like the day before? That's a lot of pressure to put on a kid and can you imagine a toddler who knows that someday he'll be a real king? Toddlers are already little dictators, trust me, you can't give them that kind of power! Make him think that he's going to have to grow up and work in a fast food restaurant to earn money for a state college (or the British equivalent) instead.

Now, let's get to the real issue at hand: What are you going to name him? I know you've been thinking about this for awhile and so have I. I'm a big fan of names like Henry and James, but don't do Hennree or Jaymes or else I'll never buy the commemorative plate. I'm trusting you guys not to screw this up. All I have left is the royal family to keep the sanctity of proper name spelling going.

No pressure, but no one is going to take King Jax very seriously.

Well, I should let you two get some sleep. If you find yourself up for a midnight feeding and you can't get back to sleep, try reading my new book I Just Want to Pee Alone (the title will make sense to you very soon) or follow me on Facebook and Twitter.

Love,

Jen

And now the immortal words of Jen Lancaster: "You know what Kate Middleton isn't going to name her baby? North."

So what do YOU think Kate and Will WON'T name their baby?

30 comments:

Tima said...

They probably won't go for Blue either, although, aren't royals considered Blue Bloods? So that would just be naming him the obvious! And Prince is out. Otherwise he'd be known as Prince Prince and will think everyone around him has a stutter.

Anonymous said...

Well, I hope that DO name him Spencer as an om age to the late Princess Diana. As far as what they Won't name him, Harry. That one is taken. Although that would be the only way King Harry would be heard in this lifetime. LOL. Tough break Prince Harry.

Jessica said...

Hopefully they won't go for Charming either. Sounds a bit conceited for his title to be Prince Charming.

Liz Adams said...

My friend suggested Joffrey Baratheon would be a good name :-)

Sue said...

I predict either Edward or George.

Truly most names sound silly when you put King in front of them, even the normal ones. Who would take King Brandon seriously?

The Iz said...

I was thinking Spencer as well, I do think they will honor Diana in some way. If not in the first name then in one of the middle names (don't royal kids get like 5 names?)Maybe Frances (Francis), that was apart of Diana's name too. It's also Kate's father's middle name.

Teri Biebel said...

Some of my friends are hoping they throw the name Spencer in there somewhere. Me, I'm hoping they call him DaQuan LeSmasher Lamont.

Rob said...

At 8lbs 6ozs, they could name him Vag the Destroyer.
I like the idea of calling him Little Lord Poopie Pants myself, but that's more of a nick name.
How about a tribute to John Goodman. Name him Ralph.

Sue said...

I'm rooting for Gouveneur. It's a great old name, and he'll be the only one in his school class with it. (And yes, it's a legitimate spelling -- Google "Gouveneur Warren" to find a Civil War hero.)

~Jen~ said...

You beat me to it!

Susan Thatcher said...

I think it's time for Elvis Windsor.

eastendmum said...

LaQueefa. Though if #2 is a girl, maybe they'll use it then.

lorrie said...

Likely George.

Jenn In Real Life said...

Fhenix or Lyon.

RachRiot said...

Shut down the voting: Prince Limited Edition Signed And Numbered.

PediNP said...

Mailliw. It is the new trend in baby names....

Jennifer Zimmerman said...

I snorted Diet Pepsi out my nose when I read that Jen Lancaster quote. I'm hoping for James, though I think Spencer would be very cool. Though probably not to the Queen or Camilla.

I'm so into the royal family that I refuse to use Camilla's title.

Marlene Dunn said...

Spencer would be nice....I was helping an elderly friend clean today and I said that it seems George is in the lead for the kids name, wherein she stated that the world has enough Georges, but we could use another Elvis. Made me laugh all day thinking that it would sure rock the palace if they named him Elvis. Still laughing.

Anonymous said...

I love your blog. Royal or not, Kate doesn't know what she's in for does she? She'll find out. Just wait until she gets to the teenage years. And you thought the toddler years were hard! To borrow your title, I'd really to punch my teenagers in the throat every day!

Alyson H. said...

I don't see fruit in their future either.

cassandra said...

The Prince Formerly Known As Artist.

Anonymous said...

I am guessing that they had a list of respectable options, so I am comforted by the fact that this baby will have a disguished name spelled correctly. We can only hope that the royal couple will sound intelligent in naming the royal baby. However, I do wonder maybe The Royal Baby is his actual name????

Janine Huldie said...

I see it being George or James, because they never seem to be real original on stuff like this. So, I am betting we won't hear and Apple or North West anytime soon for this one, lol!!

Rebecca Williamson said...

I agree, it will something regal sounding. Just because there are rules when naming a royal. Like Kate had to become Catherine. So that will also take care of spelling liberties. It will be James not Jaymz, etc. Although I do hope he gets his own name, rather than being named after someone else. I'd rather see a Prince Lawrence I than Henry X or whatever.

Cassie said...

I'm rather fond of Philip George Alexander Spencer for the whole thing -- and Pippin for a nickname. :)

Pam said...

Had a friend who wanted Spencer Phillip Andrew Michael - so he could be Prince SPAM.

Actual has been posted though - George Arthur Louis. They can save Spencer for the next one, and use it for either a boy or a girl, I 'spect.

Pam said...

My bad - George Alexander Louis!

Sounds like an old man already with that name, poor kid. Hope he has a good nickname!

Jenna Moore said...

LOL!

mom keck said...

name is already assigned by royal tradition. The parents only get to decide in which order the various name with appear and which one they personally call the kinglet. The royal nannie and nursemaids will have the care and raising of the child. The parents will be available for afternoon visits, holidays, and official photos. Theirs is not the power.

Lisa Newlin said...

I'm not sure what I wanted the baby to be named. I'm just sure I want them to begin preventative treatment on that baby's head to ensure he doesn't lose hair at the same rate his father does.

Perhaps they should have named him Hans Weimann?

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