Anyone Who Would Try and Give Me a Birth Wreath


It was recently brought to my attention that there is yet another event that needs to be memorialized and decorated to the nth degree: giving birth.

I know what you're thinking. But Jen, when I gave birth I got flowers and cards and balloons and some meals. What more could I need? 

Well, girl, you missed out. Your birth experience wasn't perfect enough, because your ugly, drab hospital room door was completely and totally unadorned without a Birth Wreath. (I would have put a picture of a birth wreath in here, but shocker, no one would give me permission to use their pic. It was like they thought I might make fun of them or something. Click the link above and you'll see a picture there.) Yup. You needed some bling on that brown, (probably faux) wood thing that just stood there sneering at your guests when they arrived to see your little miracle. How embarrassing for you! Is that how you want your friends, family, and hospital staff to remember your birth experience? What about you? Do you want to remember your friends and family turning up their noses at your horrible hospital-issue (probably handwritten - the horror!!) signage? Baby Boy Jones. Ugh. You should be ashamed!



Now, I'm done having kids. My baby factory has shuttered the doors and locked all of the windows, but there is still some hope for those of you who are still in the baby making business. Lucky for you, birth wreaths have been invented.

You won't have to suffer through hours of seeing that dreary door opening and closing. Now you can order your own handmade birth wreath to announce the blessed event.

Here's how the birth wreath works: you order one in your favorite traditional gender color, or match the baby's nursery palette so that everyone around you can see the horrific color scheme you chose (peach and lime green), or go that extra douchebag step and get your favorite college team colors (Go Big Yellow!). Blech. There is a plaque on the wreath where you fill in all of the vitals once your bundle of joy is dropped off by the stork. The best part of this wreath though, is the personalization with your future child's name.

Names like:

Tensli - I'm so glad they went with the traditional spelling, instead of the weird ones: Tenzlee, Tensly, Tenzlie.

Rhealynn - Alternate spellings? No clue, because I don't even know how to pronounce this name.

Eden Alivia - I see what you did there to a perfectly good name like Olivia. You're so original!

Brantley - This would be the best if that was his middle name and his first name was "Lord."

Britten - Britten? As in the place? I bet her sister's name is Londyn.

Bodey - Surely this is a dog name?

Emersyn Bailee - Pat, I'd like to buy a proper vowel.

Carsyn Adelle - The "y" clearly feminizes the name Carson.

Maverick - Goose and Ice Man called. They think your parents are douches.

Slayde - This kid should hang out with Maverick.

Gracen Alene - We can never be friends again if you name your daughter Gracen.

Izabelle - I feel like this is the text message version of this name. It should have just been Izabl.

Full disclosure - I found these ACTUAL names on a birth wreath site on Etsy. It's days like these that I am thankful I am not a substitute teacher five years in the future trying to call roll. WTF? Apparently birth wreaths are only purchased by people who think it's OK to spend $75 on tulle and ribbon and think vowels in names are interchangeable and/or they can't spell. 

Tell me, did you have one of these on your hospital room door?

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146 comments:

Sarah said...

I don't want to be a bad person, but I can't help it. I judge you by the stupid name you gave your kids/your parents gave you. My Husband taught school for awhile, and not only can you substitute vowels, but apparently it's OK to just add in silent letters WTF? Also I'm from the South and I resent being included in the phrase "“They are often made of geo mesh (a type of fabric), which we southerners like these days.”"(taken from your link, yech).

Unknown said...

I cannot stop laughing. I was thinking the EXACT same thing with Rhealynn. My brother's dog is named Bodie (the proper spelling for Bodey) so of course I guffawed out loud in my cubicle. WTH is up with Y?? A E I O U and now always Y? I haven't even clicked the link to the birthwreath yet, but Sarah's comment has already informed this Southerner that I will be offended. BTH...Bless Their Hearts and thanks for the laughs!
Laurie
Lulu and Daisy

Debbie said...

Actually, I think with a few tweaks, these birth wreaths are a great idea. Like maybe adorned with lots of little "candies" named fun, quirky things like "Zoloft" and "Paxil."

Starr said...

I have a relative giving birth soon, and my husband and I have decided she's probably going to pick a weird made-up name like the ones you've listed. If I were made of money, I'd buy one of these wreaths for her to commemorate the dumb name.

Instead, I'll just make fun of her on the internet. Damn, I'm such a nice person!

Unknown said...

Thank you, for having the balls (so to speak) to say what the rest of us are thinking!

Susan said...

I laughed out loud b/c I thought the same thing about how stupid this is when I had my 3rd child and the person in the room next door had some UGLY wreath. These were also the people that were so upset b/c I left my crying newborn w/ the nurse while I slept! Hello, that is what they are there for and trained for!!!

Danielle said...

I'm due with my second baby this week. Thank God you showed me this in time! How embarrassed I would have been if I showed up at the hospital without mine!

melissa said...

So I am a southerner and when I first clicked the link I only thought "oh, that's what those are called?". They have been around forever down here (my niece is 30 and she had one). I think they are cute. A lady from work made me one out of diapers, torn that sucker apart one morning when I ran out- handy!

tatooine84 said...

My dad got me a creepy looking baby doll thing that hung on my hospital room door after I had my first. He was so proud of it, lol. I think it was the same idea, we were in SC at the time too so maybe.

Frugalista Blog said...

I agree with Debbie above, I'd like a wreath made of Zoloft and Xanax.

Julie said...

Izabl - ha ha ha!

J A said...

People who try to shame new moms out of leaving their babies with the nurse can suck it. Yes, it probably IS better for the baby to have a mom exhausted to the point of tears 24/7, right? God. Shut up.

Lucky Mama (Little Rock Mamas) said...

Another Southerner here and I'm pretty happy to say that there was no wreath or hanging stuffed animal (they also do that down here) on the door when my daughter was born.
My poor deprived child -- her mama just doesn't do crafty. :)

RachRiot said...

I think we could take this a step further and make the birth wreaths out of a donut cushion, artfully arranged episiotomy gauze and those mesh Underoos they make you wear b/c of all the blood. FUNCTIONAL AND FESTIVE.

Sammy said...

I think those are all names from "The Bachelor." Ahahaha, brilliant.

S said...

Love this post. It highlights two pet peeves of mine: kreatyv naming and name-spelling and glorification of the process of having a baby.

kimmons said...

I'm not a fan of alternate names, either. I remember having a client who's name was "Kymbereylee" and all I mentally said her name, "Kimberleeeeee" whenever I saw it.
BTW, the parents are always SO irritated when their child's name is mispronounced and/or misspelled.
Geesh.

Anonymous said...

Wait a minute Debbie. I think you're onto something here. A wreath adorned with candies (real or pharmaceutical) that guests can tear off and help themselves to as they walk in. Well if this trends starts I might actually go to the hospital to visit a friend who just delivered.

Unknown said...

I like the wreaths; I think they are cute! If a friend/family member wants to drop a gift off and brings a wreath for the hospital door I would totes keep it and hang it on the nursery door.

Old Loripalooza Site said...

I am dying. I have ceased to live. I had a birth wreath almost five years ago, but wasn't smart enough to realize it was for the hospital door. I hung it on my front door once we came home. Damn it!! Why do I screw up everything?!?

My Latte Brings All the Boys to the Yard said...

Are the names intentionally douche-y, or are they spelled this way because..... nobody knows how to spell anymore?

Thank you text messaging.

I checked out when I saw the news article about the kid whose parents named her Hashtag.

See ya on the flipside. I'm out.

Unknown said...

Um, never heard of a birth wreath and I'm not sorry! Sounds like a freaky kind of thing to me...
It drives me crazy that all these spelling-impaired people have caused normal people to CONSTANTLY misspell my sons' names.
It's A-I-D-A-N, not Aydin or Aydn or Eydan or even Aiden. The CORRECT SPELLING IS AIDAN! And no, it doesn't mean what your douchey book told you. It means FIRE. We chose it for a REASON. And it's pronounced Ay-DIN, not ahDEN or E-Den or EH-DAN.
And we have L-O-G-A-N. You'd think hard to mess up right? Strangely, folks are wont to omit the A. Logn? Really? WTH? At least they still say it right.
And then there's poor G-A-V-I-N. They leave out the I. They call him 'given' not GAV-IN. Jackholes.

Amy said...

Hahahaha! I can't see spending a fortune on that birth wreath thing, but if you have nothing better to do (maybe you are on hospital bed rest?) have at it. I do think it is better than hanging a baby doll from the door like some kind of mob warning signal.

As for names, I belong to a mothers of multiples facebook group. There is a woman on there who had triplets and actually named them Boston, London and Madison. I'm pretty sure Boston is a boy and Madison is a girl, not sure what sex London is. I cringe whenever she pops up and tells us something about her trio of unfortunately named cities. Uh, children. I do think she spelled them all correctly though, so at least there's that.

I don't understand--there are baby books with thousands of names, nothing in there works for these people? I get that they don't want to name their children the same as the other children---every other woman in my generation is Jennifer or Amy, because there was an epidemic of unoriginal in the late 70s. But surely, it is not difficult to avoid the top 10 or even top 50 and still find something normal and spelled correctly. Half of the ones you mentioned sound like stripper names.

Amy said...

Ha! I have a Gavin, and no one misspells or mispronounces his name. But, he is an identical twin, and he and his brother tell me some of their friends (4 and 5yr olds) can't tell them apart, so they get called by the wrong name. But that's not the fault of my husband and I...their names are normal (other one is Nathan), they are just freaks of nature and we had no control over that whole splitting embryo thing.

SanH said...

I gave birth 7 years ago in the south and yes I had one, my father in law gave it to me and I didn't know better so hang it up from the door at the hospital and then at home.
I didn't know they were so expensive,I throw it away already.

Sarah Harm said...

Someone gave me a birth mum when my daughter was born in 2004. It was cute at the time but then its like "WTF do you do with it afterwards..."

Unknown said...

I had no idea that this was a thing. And, yes, everyone should know that people judge you not only by the name you give your child but also how you spell it! I was a teacher for 12 years. Please know that educators are not amused by weird spellings.

Diary of an Angry Pregnant Lady said...

If I had an extra $75 when I gave birth to my son, you can bet your last dollar that I wouldn't spend it on a wreath!

Don't even get me started on stupid names and terrible spellings. People have lived for years with normal names like Mary and Elizabeth. No need to change it up now. We named our son Theodore. People had problems with it and asked if we wanted to name him something more original. No. Theodore is a normal name. I want a normal child with a normal name.

diaryofanangrypregnantlady.blogspot.com

Nicole Leigh Shaw said...

I dub you, Lady Punkh in the Throwt. Good day to you.

And expect your "I'm done giving birth" wreath in the mail, in the color scheme of pea green and gunmetal gray.

Jenna said...

I can so relate! I have two sons- Ian and Connor. I thought this was simple when they were born. But I have a few people who cannot figure out either one! Connor is frequently misspelled Conner. This doesn't bother me so much-both spellings are common these days. But Ian-who in their right mind thinks that should be spelled Ean?!? *forehead smack*

Cathy said...

NEVER heard of this, but way up here in the northwoods, maybe they are made out of camouflage material and I just can't see them on the wooden doors?

Nicole Marie said...

I died laughing reading those names. My husband and I are searching for names that we would like to use in the future. Honestly I gave up within one search for "Baby Names". If you think those are bad... check these out http://www.babynames.com/girl-names/. And these are just the girls names. Aafje? Did the parents just smack their hands against the keyboard and thought yes, that should be original enough. God forbid we have a child with a name used by others. I too would fail miserably as a teacher calling roll 5 years from now.

lentilbrain said...

Coffee just went all over the computer and desk! Love it - especially the mesh underoos!

Meredith said...

I have no doubt that this trend originated in the south. Because southerners are notorious for taking shit over the top. I'm from Texas, and proudly claim my roots, but it's probably a good thing I got the hell out when I did because the birthday parties I throw my kids would be an embarrassment to the state.

Also? Those names don't make me bat an eye. I've lived in Utah.

Jennifer said...

I worked with teen moms for a few years and they thought up come bat shit crazy names. I am not lying, one tried to start her kid's name with an apostrophe. I would be pissed with an apostrophe in the middle somewhere, because I think it is a sin against God to use punctuation in a freaking name. Dee'Ann for example. But 'Deanne? Are you freaking serious. I can't remember the rest of the name, that sits just a lame example. The real name was a hell of a lot crazier.

Anonymous said...

Jen, you should have a contest for weird kid names. They can be either normal names spelled weirdly or just plain weird names. They have to belong to a real person. My entrances will be Renaye, Alicesun, and Brandyn. Are you Freaking kidding me?

Modern Mom Mayhem said...

I give a second nomination for the name contest...winner gets a fifth of jack and a Prozac wreath plus the honorable distinction of being able to spot d-bag parents who obviously think their child needs 13 years of bullying and therapy. My entries are: Psymon and Nathanyull (Simon and Nathaniel)

SDJaye said...

Birth Wreaths?!! Well I'll gladly make them for anyone who wants, but I am so glad they weren't around 5 years ago when I had my last. It would just be one more thing that I would feel a tad of guilt tossing... but I would toss.

Meg said...

I was just relieved it wasn't made from umbilical cord and placenta...

DeanDean2430 said...

My kids are Kolton (actually my stepson... I didn't name him), Kord (boy, 3 years) and Kacyn (girl, 11 weeks). Go ahead, JUDGE!! ;o)

DeanDean2430 said...

Me too!!

Cynthia said...

Am I the only one who read "Emersyn" and thought that someone had named her kid Immersion? And then had to sound it out and realized that it was Emerson?

Brenna said...

"The text version of this name." That is brilliant.

MouthyBarberMom said...

Rhealynn = Ray-lynn. The classy version of the trailer-park beauty queen name.
First the "Push gift" (which I didn't get) and now the "birth wreath". Throw in the "Gender Reveal" party and I just see a bunch of bitches with nothing else to do with their time...

Unknown said...

Oh, I had a birth wreath---I had to sit on it for a week until my poop-chute decompressed.. Ain't childbirth sexy?

This Is Fifty With Lil said...

"Eden Alivia" Ha ha... sounded like eaten alive-ia in my head.

Dawn Grobe said...

Not a thing here in small town Vermont. There was a simple yarn wrapped one with elephants on the Baby Center forum that I might hang in my child's room, but not on my hospital door.

I, too, am an elementary school teacher, but rarely have "misspelled" names at my school. I named my boys Jackson (yes, trendy, but I had my reasons for choosing it) and Henry. It kills me when someone tells me their niece is named Jaxyn or Jacksen. Some names are not gender neutral.

Unknown said...

WTF. And to go along with your birth wreath, how about a matching cloth bag to hold your rotting placenta?

http://moms.popsugar.com/Lotus-Birth-Trend-Keeps-Cord-Placenta-Attached-Baby-29257352?utm_campaign=com_digest_v4&utm_source=com_digest&utm_medium=email&utm_content=featured_article

Erin said...

OMG.. So I literally just laughed so loudly everyone in my house stopped to stare at me. thank you I needed that!

Lucky Mama (Little Rock Mamas) said...

I have had this confirmed from multiple sources -- someone named their child La-a. It is supposed to be LaDasha. Seriously?!?!

Erin said...

Oh my god isn't that the truth!

Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms said...

I can't help but think, "Why am I blogging when I could make $75 a pop making those tulle piles of vomit?" Ellen

NorthHike said...

Don't you mean "manatee grey" ?

Trashy Blog said...

"Maverick - Goose and Ice Man called. They think your parents are douches."

Holy shit, I just spat my wine. You owe me, like, $2.00. (The bottle cost a whopping $8; I'm only charging you for the glass that I spit out while laughing.)

Anonymous said...

The Maverick description was the best. And for sure, Slayde is his wing man.

Keep on keepin' it real.

Anonymous said...

Hysterical. :)
Who needs a bag when you can just cook it up though? http://placentarecipes.net

Moon said...

Lol, that made my night.

mom keck said...

amy,ami,aime,amee,and amye all attend our ladies church group under the same name.

Anonymous said...

YES! Thank you!!!

Anonymous said...

Wow. I totally missed out on a birth wreath :(
I also never cooked and ate my own placenta. I'm going to have to go back for a second just so I can right this great wrong.

Jennelle said...

When my sister-in-law had her first baby, my husband and I went to see her at the hospital. After we "ooohed" and "aaahhed" over the baby, my husband asked if there was anything we could get for her (as in dinner) when we came back later that evening. She said no one had bought her a door decoration, so could we please stop by the gift shop in the hospital (where they are marked up 25%...) and pick up something for the door that said "It's a Girl!" That made me want to punch HER in the throat...

Jo Schaffer said...

This has got to be a Utah thing... and those names. Ew.

Amanda said...

I think the answer is: yes.

Unknown said...

I am 34. My name is Rebecca. Most common spelling. Most people generally write "Rebbeca." What on earth does that spell? I would understand getting Rebekah, but oddly that's never come up-I have gotten Rebeccah a couple of times, though. ??

Unknown said...

I worked with a woman once (well, she was early 20's at the time, so I'm guessing she was a teen when she gave birth) and her daughter's name was Shy-Anne. My best guess was she liked the name "Cheyenne' but had no idea had to spell it, so she just sounded it out.

Katherine said...

I did not have a birth wreath, but I did have a birth hat on my door! When my son was born my mom was given by the hospital gift shop lady (yes given because my mom is a doctor) a faux cowboy hat with blue ribbon saying It's a Boy. We proudly stuck that sucker on my hospital door and then it hung in my son's room until last year. I have no problem with decorating your door as long as you do it because you want to and not because its the "in" thing to do.

Stupid as names are a different story! I have already met more Neveahs than I ever needed to.

spymay said...

Heck,I want a wreath made of that.I'd rename it the "I Brought You Into This World and This Wreath is Keeping Me From Taking You Out of It".It would also have a wineglass and bottle attached.Now that sounds like a million dollar idea!

Sanstrousers said...

I saw a car with the name sticker thingies on the back. Three names all horribly spelled, but the worst was Denvir. It was all I could do not to rear end her.

Nat said...

LOL!!

alanaransley said...

I had a birth wreath made out of a paper plate and ribbon here in Texas when my daughter was born almost 6 years ago. They are sold in the hospital gift shop, and are available in pink and blue, and college colors. There are hooks on all the doors to the patient rooms, and mine was one of the few empty ones on the hall, so my sister decided that I needed the decoration. The one that she bought me is LSU-themed (Geaux Tigers!), and is hanging in my daughter's room.

Meredith said...

I used to teach music and had 450 students a year. As I was getting my record book and seating charts ready at the beginning of the year, I used to play "boy or girl" or "how in the world do you pronounce this one?" with my husband.

As for a birth wreath? Never seen one around here, I don't even think our doors had hooks, but I know a girl who I will not be sharing this post with, because she will make SURE she brings the trend to CT.

Lisa Y said...

I currently teach a Maverick. Sadly, that isn't even close to the worst name I've had.

i said...

I'm a teacher- i would gladly take a Maverick or Slayde over some of the ones i have and have had in my classesw! I once had a Queenie and two Princess' in the same class! A Tequila and an Alizea one year always made me want to go home and drink, and Porsha just made me feel bad for driving a Honda!

Amy said...

So they are all between 35 and 45, and some of their parents thought they were bucking the trend? An E at the end! Yeah, that'll make it cool! To me, that is Am-Ye.

Unknown said...

Weirdest idea ever. A birth wreath? I don't even know what on Earth to say about that one... honestly this is the first I've heard of such nonsense!
Naomi
neuroticnaomi.com

Tiffany McGuffin said...

Just had a patient named "Jazmyne." Couldn't help but think of you and giggle. It looks like prescription name for a vaginal cream.

Oh and my mom made me a cutesy bow for my hospital door, but, take heed, my hospital deemed them a safety violation. You are not allowed to publish any name on the door for fear of baby snatchers. It looked cute hanging from his bassinet though and my Martha Stewart mommy is a Martha on a dollar store budget. It probably cost her 75 cents, not 75 bucks. And I threw it in the trash when I left...I lack emotional connection to scrap-booky stuff.

Tiffany McGuffin said...

Just had a patient named "Jazmyne." Couldn't help but think of you and giggle. It looks like prescription name for a vaginal cream.

Oh and my mom made me a cutesy bow for my hospital door, but, take heed, my hospital deemed them a safety violation. You are not allowed to publish any name on the door for fear of baby snatchers. It looked cute hanging from his bassinet though and my Martha Stewart mommy is a Martha on a dollar store budget. It probably cost her 75 cents, not 75 bucks. And I threw it in the trash when I left...I lack emotional connection to scrap-booky stuff.

Laurie McNeil said...

Just some more crap to trash later on. Forget the crafts people. Food and sleep is what we all want!

Wendy said...

These comments are cracking me up! I kind of think the birth wreath is kind of cute - kind of like I thought a 6 foot plastic stork on my front lawn was kind of cute too. What the hell was I thinking?

jj sta romana said...

They can keep their wreath. If they really want to make a mom happy, feed her and let her sleep. The pain and the CS scar were enough reminders for me that I gave birth

Lynn said...

I have had more than one person not know that Sean is pronounced /sh-awn/. That dang reporter on ABC fucked that one up for me. It isn't uncommon at all, yet I had someone correct me. Um. I am the mom. I birthed him. I NAMED him. I know how to pronounce it.

Lynn said...

Jacquisha. Dad's name was Jacque.

Crazy Mama said...

I kept my 1st kid in the room with me the first night. Silly! I just had my 4th kid, and this hospital stay was viewed as a vacation. lol.

Crazy Mama said...

Is Psymon real? My son's name is Simon. Who the fark would spell it that way? The name that started it all for me and pisses me off the most is Kennadee. No, dumbass, it is Kennedy. I want to bitch slap that girl, and the names just got worse from there.

Anonymous said...

Dang all the comments about names. I hope you all can enjoy this then... I will never hold it against my niece, but she was named Ilisabeath. I do not have contact with her father so other family members informed me and we were getting ready to all be together but nobody knew how to pronounce it. My sister said, "I'm guessing it's Illizabeth, you know like illiterate, and illegitimate", of course I just came out and asked when I saw her. The response, "I just wanted to be different so I did the I and s, but I just kind of messed up on the other part" YES True story. She also told my mom about her roommate at the hospital who named her baby Secret, 'teehee, she had a secret'. UGH!!
I said right off my niece already had enough strikes against her with her parents...

Anonymous said...

OH, I should have said her first response was actually, "Well if you pronounce it the way..." Seriously she started saying that and I zoned because I asked her how to pronounce the name... YOU freakin' named her and YOU are her mother, tell me how YOU want her name pronounced. REALLY wanted to punch her in the throat at that moment... and several other times!!!

Jen said...

Trebor. Dad's name was Robert.

Tazi Kat said...

Devastatingly horrid spellings aside, I think the idea is kind of cute. I mean, it is better than a Lotus bag!

Modern Mom Mayhem said...

I kid you not, someone actually named their kid Psymon.

Wendy at Taking the Long Way Home said...

I have yet to see a birth wreath adorning any doors on my hospital rounds. Obviously a trend that is in its infancy...

On another note, there is a trend to name a baby a parent's name spelled backwards. For example, dad is James, baby is Semaj (sem-ah-jay)

Tazi Kat said...

Oh, wow....and both parents are clinical morons?

Cyndy Bush said...

I gave my girls slightly creative spellings, but I blame pregnancy hormones. But NOTHING like those you named. Sweet Jesus.
My daughter had a friend in elementary school named Jodie.
Her brother's name is Bodie. NO LIE.
The wreaths...I have no words.

Cyndy Bush said...

I know someone named Amiee. I like to misspell it just to annoy her. Like "Am-aeiou and sometimes Y"

TNMom said...

Well, being a 38 year old woman named Devan (as opposed to a 15 year old boy), has been a little rough. Some people act like it's the most foreign name in the world...if I had said EVAN, they would have no trouble, add a D at the beginning - head spinning!
My late sisters name (RIP) was Sunday. That was well liked...to our faces anyways.
The nurse that wrote my daughters stats on our hospital issue door sign wrote REALLY NEAT, so that's as fancy as I got.
Great job, Jen, the Maverick like was hysterical!!
Devan

Unknown said...

I used to be a school photographer. The most, ahem, unusual name I ever ran across? La-Ah. Know how it's pronounced?? Ladashah. Yep. You actually pronounce the hyphen!!

kady said...

Perfect! Don't forget the giant Maxis to go with the Underoos!

kady said...

Alicynne, pronounced like Allison. No shit, I work with this girl! She says her mom is a hippie.

Nicci @ Changing the Universe said...

If I'm not mistaken, the line from Top Gun goes: "Maverick? Did your parents not like you?" Good luck with that one, kid!

Keri and Crew said...

I have an Aidan too. Can anyone freaking spell it right? Hell no! He's surrounded by so many Aydn /Aedyn/Eydens that no one can get the real thing right. I also have an Emily and before she was born, EVERY person aged 20-35 asked how I was spelling it. Um, the REGULAR effing way, morons.

Keri and Crew said...

Bah ha ha! I live in Utah AND I've lived in the South! Agreed on both accounts!

Keri and Crew said...

^Re: Kennedy/Kennedee. My neighbor (grown woman) is named Kenndie. It always trips me up, thinking it's a typo. For hell's sakes.

Anonymous said...

There is a kid in my school named KCAJ (Caj). As in Jack spelled backwards. And do you know what he wants to be called? Backwards Jack. No freaking lie.

Nat said...

I just saw "Fallyn" on FB. Seriously. WTF?!

QueenSuchandSuch said...

Off to start an Etsy business with your ideas ladies...early byrd and all that!

Shirley said...

Actually, the real spelling is Bodhi.

Shirley said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

My Husband always dreamed of naming our kids Melaina (yack!), or for a boy...wait for it... XENORN! Pronounced Zee Norn. I literally had to put my foot all the way down on those. I can't just make fun of his choices though, when I was pregnant with my son, the name Loren really called to me. Thank goodness my Husband yanked me out of the grips of hormonal hell on that one. We settled on Alexia Brooke, and Lucas William. I think my kids will be ok. :)

Shirley said...

Actually, the real spelling is Bodhi.

Unknown said...

Hahahaha!!! I'm choking on the water I just spit all over my keyboard.

Unknown said...

Birth Wreaths kind of remind me of those ridiculous paper plate bouquets that Brides carry around at rehearsal... what is the point?!

Sue said...

Having worked with many, many people who were born in Ireland (and still live there), I get a special little twinge when I see what people do to screw up perfectly nice names. They either spell the name properly and mispronounce it, or botch it totally. I totally get that you spell "Niamh" differently to make sure they call your little girl "Neve," but "Ciara" is said "kee-ra," folks. If you want to call your kid "Sierra," then spell it like the club.

Sue said...

It was probably the cat walking across the keyboard.

Sue said...

Denvir? Sounds like some sort of baldness medication.

Unknown said...

The nurses were so nice with my first, they offered to take her all the time so I could sleep. I always said no though because I was a new mom and new moms are nuts about not standing next to their baby 24-7. However when the second baby came around, I was already sleep deprived because his sister was just barely(8 days) one that I was looking forward to the nurse taking him. This did not happen! She picked him up to give him a bath and shots and woke me up 15 minutes later for a feeding that I had already gave him. My daughter didn't eat for two days(that's another story) and nobody even cared and said that was normal..

Unknown said...

I got a beautiful bracelet as a push gift...rate stones, it'll probably pit a kid through college some day.
I didn't ask for it...but I didn't turn it down, either!

Monica said...

Denvir? Sounds like a herpes medication.

Jennifer said...

My sister is due in a month, and I have a feeling whatever name she is currently keeping secret is gonna be a doozy, and not fit in with our Jacob, Rebecca, Bailey (boy), Lillian, Evan, and Martha.

cakeburnette said...

My kids went to school with TWO children with double names and the first name was "Sir"--as in "Sir Donovan" and "Sir Quentin." Two different schools in two different states. So bizarre.

cakeburnette said...

My husband wanted to name our daughter "Surita." I'm Asian. I said "NO." My daughter thanks me regularly.

Vicki Lesage said...

Maybe a wreath of Twinkies with airplane-sized bottles of Bailey's hanging from it. Other than that, forget about it.

tessie said...

Me, too!

lea said...

Yes! i did have one! But it was made back in 2009 when they were still in mum style.

lea said...

Wow, so those folks were probably loud too as well as judging you for needing sleep. i guess they just didn't understand some people consider a hospital stay a private time of recovery and rest. It's nice to be remembered but seriously what new mom wants a bunch of flowers and expensive tulley crap to take care of when she's already busy figuring out how to be a mommy... how about a massage certificate and an offer to babysit later?

RaeRae said...

Please don't hate me because my name is Raelin - (pronounced Ray-lynn) ... can I redeem myself by hating the wreath?

Unknown said...

Two words: Ice Diaper. They would make a fantastic wreath. For my @$$.

Mandi said...

La-a.... WTF! Is the - supposed to have a sound now!
I know a woman who named her son D'End because it was her fifth and D'end of her having kids. I just wanted to punch her in the throat!

selden said...

Don't feel bad. My name is Selden and we named our son Stoller. All made up. I think wreath hating gets us off the hook at least a little bit. At least you didn't pass in on to the next generation.

Beeswax said...

I had to see the wreaths so I googled them and then stumbled on the linked article...guess someone doesn't like this blogpost (I think it's hilarious)
http://thestir.cafemom.com/baby/154207/birth_wreath_trend_lets_you

Rach said...

I too have been blessed with a weird spelling...Rachal (no E) and I yell at my mother everytime it gets mispronounced. (it is pronounced just like Rachel). I know...it's irritating!

Also, I've been a teacher for 10 years and the weird name spelling is OUT OF CONTROL! I currently have an IBN (all caps and pronounced Eye-been). I also have 3 girls named Alayna (each one pronounced differently: A-lay-nah, Auh-la-yah, and Ah-lan-yah). I gave up months ago and now just call them by their last names.

Unknown said...

My sister wanted to name her baby, if it was a boy, Adonis and if a girl..Katalina :( Lucky my niece's name is Ava..it is actually Ava Lynne but that is much better than Katalina!

Unknown said...

How about when they pronounce the punctuation: Le-a pronounced LeDASHa

RaeRae said...

Lol! I was a good girl. Just simple, spelled properly, names for my two kids.

Unknown said...

I have a Gabriel (frequently mispronounced Gabrielle - a girl's name, which I can sort of understand as that's how it's pronounced in Europe) and a Raphael and his preschool teacher kept missing the second 'a' and pronouncing it RAY-fel (not to mention she was confusing the heck out of him when learning to pronounce his name). Grrr..I realize not everyone reads the bible daily, but these aren't made up names, people!

Unknown said...

I met a Lovely, and a Loveleen in my son's preschool.

Unknown said...

Don't forget all the backwards Heaven kids: Nevaeh

f said...

I know this is old but I know an Aimee' who just had a daughter and named it 'Eemia...

Jodie said...

We had a student at our school one year whose name was Love Cox. Now what is a girl supposed to do with a name like that!!

Dana said...

I know a very nice young woman who named her children Gracelynn, Kynadi, and Paisley. She started out so nicely!

Dastany5 said...

I know someone who named her son Osirus. I tried to tell her he was the God of the dead, but she wasn't hearing it. Then she named the second one Orion. I give up.

Jen said...

I teach school. It's awful. Lil' Germaline. I'm not kidding. On her birth certificate. If I can't read it, I'll probably just give you a nickname. Deal with it.

Cheesehead Forever said...

Loren for a boy or girl? I live in a very German Catholic area and I know four adult men named Loren.

Unknown said...

THIS.

ercatalano said...

Every child's name should be Uneeque. Wait, what? I'm not really a Pinterest person but I had to join just to see the pictures of Quinoa and her friends. If I have another child I'll have to name him or her Ennui.

Veya said...

Aafje is a Dutch name. So there.

Anonymous said...

My kids hated me for spelling their names Jaye and Aimee, because no one ever spells them correctly, even their grandmother. Can't imagine how much these kids with the "interestingly" spelled names are gonna hate their parents someday. My granddaughter has a friend named Nevaeh. Lord have mercy. I'll have to tell Aimee that she should have named Kaitlyn Eemia.

LMAO!

Unknown said...

I just followed that link to see the photo and ended up reading the article as well One Gem :"Christie Ison’s mother “went just a tiny bit crazy” when her now 11-year-old daughter was born. The proud grandmother decorated a wreath with silk flowers from Ison’s wedding, as well as tiny plastic naked babies. “I think they may have been on the cake from her own shower for me!” says Ison. “As weird as it sounds, it was actually pretty cute.” And these birth wreaths have staying power. Ison’s hung on her daughter's door for years and still holds a place of honor on the bookshelf."

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