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The Mayans

Oh shit, the world is still here??!

Sure, I went to bed last night seeing all those memes about it being December 21 in Australia and Asia already, blah, blah, blah, but we all know the Mayans were totally talking about the world ending in Central Time, which is the time zone I live in.  Silly world.  You need to get the time zone right.  The Mayans are precise.

So, last night I kissed my kids goodnight and tucked them in.  I climbed into bed and ignored the repeated phone calls from my mortgage company, American Express, Visa, Discover and Target begging me to pay the debt I'd run up in the last year.  (I had to live large during our last year on this planet - you can't take it with you, might as well spend it.)  I kissed the Hubs good bye and I finished the last good book I'd ever read.

Imagine my surprise when I awoke this morning to a bright morning (the light was from the sun, not asteroids like I had originally presumed) and birds were singing (not squawking by the millions outside my house as they dropped from the sky in death spirals) and the power was still on (I did continue to pay that bill this year, because those guys mean business!) and my kids were standing there demanding breakfast.

What happened? I wondered as I fed my children breakfast - mostly pumpkin pie and Oreos (don't judge, I thought if we survived the night we'd eat the neighbors) and started paying bills again.  I thought the world was going to end.



There have been lots of crackpots over the years who have predicted the end of days, but this one was on the news and stuff.  This was like Y2K.  This one was supposed to be the real deal.  I feel a bit duped.

Oh wait, I just found another news story that says it wasn't midnight the Mayans predicted, it was 11:11 am.  I've got two hours!  Just enough time to gorge myself on chocolate until the earthquakes start and swallow me whole.


16 comments:

  1. :) That cracked me up from beginning to end! If the Mayans were right... There'd still be Mayans... Just in case it happens at 11:11 AM Central time - Bye Jen :) It's been a pleasure. Have a great day & Merry Christmas!

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    1. Goodbye Jen! It's been fun!

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  2. IKR? Now I have to go to Costco to return my coffee maker that exploded, because WE HAVE TO HAVE A COFFEE MAKER IF THE APOCALYPSE ISN'T COMING. I was hoping to avoid the fresh hell Costco this week before Christmas, but alas, no.

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  3. Too funny and see you on the other side at 11:11 am, lol!!

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  4. Ha! I was thinking the official end would be at 12:21pm. I will watch the end of earth while eating Godiva chocolates. You?

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    1. I mean - what is your chocolate of choice?

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    2. Hershey's. Always.

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  5. You just made my day :).

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  6. Oh, My God!!! I have less than an hour to live! I guess this means I don't have to buy my wife an anniversary gift this year, so there is an upside to all the death and destruction.

    On second thought, maybe I better go get one just in case you're wrong. Better safe than sleeping outdoors, I always say.

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  7. Ha mountain time rocks, I've still got an hour and a half! What's the apocalypse like? How many zombies are we talking about? I need to know how many dressers to put in front of my front door until I get my supply of Ramen and weapons (chainsaws, sledgehammers, the usual) secure.

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  8. By my calculations, you have 16 minutes left. What in hell are you doing wasting them reading my comment? Go do something useful. Eat more Oreos.

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  9. Well, it's 11:14. The only excitement I've had today is hiding from the Jehovah's Witnesses that were knocking on my door. I suppose life must go on and now I have to wrap those presents.

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  10. I heard another news story that said it actually might be 12/23 not 12/21 as originally thought. Looks like I have another two days on my $100,000 island resort (I sold my house to pay for the week's rent.) Wooohoo!

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  11. I don't know nothin 'bout no Mayans, but my world ended last month when they closed down the Krispy Kreme by my house. So this thing is no biggie. *sigh*

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  12. OMG, that totally cracked me up. I was kinda bummed the world didn't end. I was looking forward to not going to work.

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  13. I kind of feel like I should have spent more time getting into the Apocalypse spirit. Tis the season the battle for survival in a demon ravaged wasteland, and all that jazz. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to make up for it at the next one.

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