Halloween is fast approaching and everyone is working on their costumes. Adolpha will be a dead bride this year and Gomer wants to be a banana. Uhh ... OK, kids, challenge accepted. I've designed a gray, tattered wedding dress and veil for Adolpha and you should see the bouquet of black flowers I made her! I'm only an overachiever at Halloween. The banana costume was a lot easier. I went to the store and bought it. I have no idea how to make a banana costume! My glue gun skills are limited.
We attend a few Halloween events every year and the kids really enjoy it when the Hubs and I dress up in a costume. The Hubs has a shirt that says "This is my costume" (did you really expect more?) and I always try to come up with something last minute.
This year I thought I might get a jump on the holiday and actually find a costume before the day of. I started looking online last night and I was so annoyed by what I found for women's Halloween costumes. It wasn't just the usual sexy nurse or frisky pirate or naughty witch. The costumes I found were ridiculous.
Sure, there has been a trend for a while now where girls' and women's costumes are getting sluttier and sluttier, but come on! You should see the shit I found.
Check out these doozies I found on Yandy.com:
The sexy slice of watermelon. WTF? This looks like a girl in a towel who had a run in with a very big dog. Who knew fruit was sexy? Apparently Yandy did, because they have sexy bananas and orange slices too. You could have a whole hot fruit salad.
What about this "Red Bird" costume, which is obviously a sexy Angry Bird? She looks like sexy Mrs. Santa Claus got attacked by a rabid cardinal. You would have to be unbelievably gorgeous to wear this costume. Can you imagine what a normal woman would look like with that fucking bird on her head?
Who the fuck wears a sexy Pooh bear costume? Who goes shopping for a Halloween party and thinks, "Ooh, I always loved Pooh when I was a little girl. I'll be smokin' as a sexy Pooh! Plus, my kids would love it!"??? I can only imagine the attention a girl gets in this costume. "Hey baby, I'd like to get in your honey pot!"
The crazy sexy mental patient is about the only costume that actually sort of made sense to me (what mother doesn't feel like she should be institutionalized some days?), but how would I go to the bathroom in this thing? At least I wouldn't be able to cut the food on my kids' plates that night.
And what about this? WTF?? Is this hot or horrifying? Yup, a sexy unicorn.
Who buys this crap?
Looks like it's time to get out a peasant skirt and a head scarf and be a fortune teller again this year. Not the sexy kind - the old crone kind.
Don't miss my BOOK!
Find me on Facebook, Twitter and Subscribe via E-mail.
All photos are courtesy of www.yandy.com.