People I Want to Punch in the Throat: Me - For Eavesdropping on a 13 Year Old's Date

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Me - For Eavesdropping on a 13 Year Old's Date

I am so glad I am not 13 anymore.  I would hate to be 13 again.  I hated 13 so much that I am not looking forward to my kids being 13.


Today I was working in a public place when I was suddenly surrounded by a gaggle of giggy 13 year old girls.  Pretty soon, a couple of surly 13 year old boys joined the gaggle and they became a full on group.



I was instantly transported back 27 years to when I was 13.  Listening to the girls whisper to one another and the boys sort of grunt, I got a pit in my stomach remembering how embarrassing and miserable it was to be 13.  I absolutely hated being 13.  (I really hated being most ages between 12 and 22, but 13 was especially horrible.)

The personalities haven't changed much with the Alpha Girl taking charge.  She wasn't necessarily the prettiest of the girls, but she was the loudest and the most confident.  There was her Number Two close by her side, ready to give the oft-needed, "I know!" and "Totally!"  A couple quiet, mousy girls rounded out the gang (that would have been me).

The boys were fairly normal, but the Ring Leader seemed to be the smallest - albeit cutest - boy in the pack.

The mating rituals haven't changed much over the years, except now they use technology instead of the paper notes we used to pass back and forth.  (Do you like me?  Do you like like me?  Do you want to go out with me? Check any and all boxes that apply.)

Honestly, the Alpha Girl said, "Siri, does Brendan like me?"

A boy I assume was Brendan said, "Uhh, I'm sitting right here."  Number Two Girl is Instagram-ing the entire display and uploading it to her Facebook page.  She even took a quick video.

Finally, the Ring Leader's friend said, "This conversation is really awkward."

Alpha Girl screeched, "It is not!"

Yes, sweetie, it is.  Oh God, I feel sick to my stomach remembering painful conversations like these.  I was always a wall flower unless I found the nerve to have a conversation, then I was quickly promoted to the Queen of Awkward Conversations.  I remember saying the dumbest things when a boy entered the group.  I was completely at a loss what to talk to boys about and how to behave so that they wouldn't think I was a total idiot.  I failed miserably.  Needless to say, nobody checked any of the boxes on my notes.  I always got the write in:  "You're a good friend."

I knew I should stop listening to these kids and give them their privacy, but I thought that maybe now as a grown adult, I could analyze what the Alphas do and say and that way I could help Gomer and Adolpha transition through this time better than their mother did.

After listening for a few more minutes, I realized it was hopeless.  Thirteen is just an incredibly tough age and no matter how cool you are, you still sound hysterical.  My children have no hope.  They'll have to slog through like the rest of us.

So instead, I just wrote down their conversation for a giggle.

Alpha Girl:  Oh my gosh, Brendan, I met your ex girlfriend yesterday.  She's sooo cute.  I can't believe you broke up with her.  Who are you going to go out with now?

Brendan:  She was too needy.

Alpha Girl:  Eww.  I hate needy people.

Brendan:  Yup.

Alpha Girl:  So, who are you going to out with next?

Brendan:  I don't know.

His friend (laughing):  Yes you do!

Brendan:  Shut up, Mike.

Alpha Girl (to the friend):  You're immature.  I know it's me.

Brendan is silent.

Alpha Girl (to her wall flowers):  You guys could talk you know.  You guys are so quiet.

Wall Flower 1:  Shh...I know I can talk.  I just don't want to.  This conversation is sooo awkward.

Mike:  Whoa.  This just got real.  We need to make this more interesting.

He starts texting.  I think to Brendan, because Brendan's phone chimes instantly.

Brendan reads his text and smiles slyly.  (I wish I could see the texts!!)

Alpha Girl:  This is so awkward.  You invited me here.  What do you want to talk about?  (Is "awkward" a bonus vocabulary word this week at school or something??)

Brendan:  I don't know.  I just thought I could see what you're like.

Alpha Girl:  You know what I'm like.  I'm like this.  Right, guys?  (she says to her friends - they all nod in sync)

Brendan:  I'm going to text you.

Brendan texts for a long time while Alpha Girl fills the silence.

Alpha Girl:  I love my puppy.  Do you love my puppy?  Do you know Kylie?  Do you know Grace?  Do you know Emily?  (Mike mimics her.)  You're being mean, Mike.  (When she doesn't get an answer from Mike, she turns on Wall Flower 1)  You're being awkward, Adrienne.

Her phone chimes.  She reads the text.  She's not happy.  

Alpha Girl:  If this is what you think, you should go away, Brendan.

She shows the phone to Number Two who also looks irritated.  Brendan stands up to go.

Alphan Girl:  No wait, don't go!  I'm sorry I'm bad at this.  I'll talk!  I'll talk!  Do you guys remember my friend, Kelsey?  (silence from the group while everyone checks their phones)  Oh my God, answer me!

Mike:  Yes!  I've heard of her before.

Alpha Girl:  OK, OMG, don't yell at me.

Mike:  How about I whisper?  What about her?

Alpha Girl:  She wants to go out with Sean.

Mike:  Not gonna happen.

Alpha Girl: Why not?

Mike:  Because that's not what we're here for.  Sean can handle his own business.  We're here about you and Brendan.  You guys...talk.

Alpha Girl:  I've never heard you talk out loud before at school.

Brendan:  I don't have much to say.

Alpha Girl:  I scream all day when I'm with my friends.

Brendan:  I don't believe that, because you're like so quiet today.  You're not talking at all.

Alpha Girl:  Should I scream?

Brendan:  No, not in the middle of right here.  No that would be awkward.  Haha.

Mike:  OMG.  You guys are pathetic!  This is so awkward for all of us to hear.

Wall Flower 2:  Let's go across the street and play grocery store tag.

Brendan:  Yeah.  That's a lot of fun.  Girls against guys.

Alpha Girl:  You're not going to be on my team?

Brendan:  No.  I want to be with Mike.

Alpha Girl:  Since you're being awkward, I'm going to call Jared and tell him to come.  I'll be on his team.

Half an hour later, I had nothing done, except I'd transcribed their conversation.  It was like a fascinating soap opera that I couldn't stop watching.

Now I want to find these kids again, because I have some questions that have been keeping me up at night:

  • Who is Brendan going out with now?
  • Alpha Girl, you should ask Siri about Mike, because he's giving some serious signals that he'd like to be your partner for grocery store tag and he can carry on a conversation without being awkward.
  • Did Jared show up for grocery store tag?
  • Did he know he was being used to (hopefully) make Brendan jealous?  Did he care?

I was so relieved to hear that they talked about the same boring (awkward) things we did when we were kids.  I HOPE my kids are this awkward (and funny) when they're 13.  I've heard so many news stories about how 13 year olds are partying and having sex and going wild.  Not these kids...unless "grocery store tag" is code for "group sex party."

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122 comments:

Sherra Scott said...

Loved the last line!

Not these kids...unless "grocery store tag" is code for "group sex party."

Katie said...

I have a 13 year old girl, so I can relate. And let me tell you, "awkward" isn't just a word of the week, it's the word of the year. Sigh. 13 really does suck, as does middle school in general. It's really a miracle that most of us make it out alive.

Cabin77 said...

Holy cow, I see my future. Princess just turned 12. I'm getting my Xanax prescription renewed TODAY!

Anonymous said...

I believe I was always the number 2 gal -who sometimes stood in for alpha girl when she was out sick for the day. Thank you so much for transcribing their conversation, it was nice to be back in 1983 and have that "ackward feeling" all over again!! Thanks for the laugh :0)

RooWho said...

I'm still freaking out that a 13 year old has an iPhone 4GS!!!

coleenp said...

I really got a kick out of this. I have a 13 yr. old (as well as 19, 18 and 11 - all boys) and he is just like this. He goes to as many junior high dances as he can. He hangs with his buddies and dances a couple times with girls who get up the nerve to ask him (or their friends do it for them!) It really does take me back to my own "awkward" times. Nothing intelligent came out of my mouth at that age. However, I don't think the boys really cared. I don't think they were concentrating on our words that much! I'm glad my boys were all pretty clueless at this age. It kept them more tame and out of trouble. Thanks for the laugh.

Meg said...

Damn you... Now I want to know if Jared showed up and made Brenden jealous! It is a fascinating soap opera. :)

Anonymous said...

My son is 12 and he is a "Brendan" but not interested in "awkward" girls...hopefully we breeze thru this stage!!

Very funny!! :)

Sarah said...

The boy whose heart I broke at 13(which by the way I didn't do on purpose! He asked me out and I already had a boyfriend so I had to say no) totally just got me back at 31 by breaking my heart back! Watch out cause some of those 13 year olds might hold a grudge! haha

Kayla Arnolts said...

my husband is a middle school teacher - 7th and 8th grade. if THIS is his whole day, he deserves more pampering, more chocolate, more carbohydrates, more EVERYTHING that will contribute to relaxation. how does he survive? why does he go back day after day? why does he volunteer for after school activities? i have a headache.

Lauren said...

If it was a 'group sex' party, It's fairly telling that Brenden wanted to be paired up with Mike. Now that is 'awkward'!

Kailuamom said...

As a former wall flower, with a beautiful, intelligent, hilarious wall flower 13 year old daughter, this post made me laugh and sad at the same time. You have no idea how hard it is to go through 13 again with your daughter (my son isn't there yet, but I can't imagine it will be as bad.) I actually think the pain is worse to see your daughter feel socially awkward and cry for a boy to like her. And because she is cute...she left her dorky friends since elementary and hangs on the periphery of the "kewl" group...feeling isolated and alone. I want to shake her...but understand and probably would have done the same at 13. Good luck Jen...

Anonymous said...

I love how you summed up everything with all the questions we all want to know.

Anonymous said...

Maybe the secret getting through "13" is to just make them do lots and lots and lots of sports in their free time, so they just are too tired to be awkward or have group sex at the grocery store. I recall that being my one of my parents' solutions. Or maybe it was the size 11 AAAA feet, shag haircut, braces and qiana shirt I wore on school picture day that year. Worst. Picture. Ever. Eighth grade was not kind to this mommy. I have boys, so I don't have to relive the girl awkwardness, just the boy stuff (and if you've seen Bridesmaids, I'm NOT looking forward to that).

Anonymous said...

This was fascinating to read! I have a 9 year old (who has an iPhone 4Gs and an iPad for the guy who couldn't believe a 13 year old had one...they get younger and older with the technology which for all the people who are about to punch me in the throat, is completely supervised) and a 6 year old who uses the words "weird and awkward" every other word! I dread this age remembering it being one of the hardest stages I ever went through...thanks for transporting us all back in time!

Anonymous said...

I also agree that completely wearing them out with sports (both my girls do competitive cheer which is 4 days a week of tumble, private stunt classes and actual practice) allows for there not to be time for grocery store group sex! We also have made our house so fun that it is the hang out spot (at least for now) which allows us to supervise and eavesdrop on all activity and conversation! Not looking forward to this age at all! AWKWARD!!!!!!!!!!

Jen Piwtpitt said...

I know, right? I'm going to keep stopping in occasionally and see if I can find them again.

Jen Piwtpitt said...

Your husband is a saint!

Tara said...

What the heck is grocery store tag?

Being 13 is one of the best and worst experiences in life. Annoying as it may be, "awkward" is the perfect catch phrase for these kids.

Is anyone else coming up with guesses as to where these four kids will be in 5 years?

Anonymous said...

Seriously, WTF is grocery store tag! Do they just run around a grocery store playing tag? If I saw a kid doing that, I'd end up "accidentally" tripping them so that they do a face plant in front of all their friends

Anonymous said...

I hope they read this blog post and -as long as they have matured as they're supposed to- it makes them want to vomit. :-)

thecubicleviews.com said...

As the father of a 13 y/o girl this is spot on. My girl thankfully is not the Alpha Girl, but I can tell you that girl is going to be (heck IS) trouble. One of the best pieces of advice I received, I have now passed on to both my son (older) and daughter:

To son: Boy, the one girl you want to avoid at all costs is the aggressive girl. She will break your heart many times over and will NOT be "the girl" come college...trust me.

To daughter: Girl, the one girl you don't want to be at all costs is the aggressive girl. Ultimately, you will piss off everyone. Also, if you find that one of your friends becomes the aggressive girl...find a new friend.

Now, where'd I leave my shot gun?

Julie said...

Hah! This made me laugh out loud!

Julie said...

Eavesdropped conversations are the BEST!

Another fun group to overhear is first semester college students. They have left home, had their first taste of college-level courses and so their minds are SOOOO much more expanded than the rest of us unknowing folks.

Bridie said...

Oh man, this one brings back so many (awekward) memories! Hubs and I were just trying to remember the catch phrases of our youth. I honestly can't remember them, other than the word "like" was injected every several words.

Awkward seems to be the new "it" word with the kids....even my 7 yr old over uses it. Also, the one that drives me crazy is "I know, right?"

Where do these things even start anyway? And how do they end? What point did kids give up using the word "like" all the time?

Anonymous said...

Ugh. I hated 13 so much I'm still paying for therapy. My best friend was Alpha girl (or so I thought). I wish I would have spent more time with real friends instead of trying to be part of the in crowd. Alpha girl got knocked up at 20 then later married a gay guy. Take that Alpha girl, karma is a bitch!

Anonymous said...

My 14 and 17 year old have short words for everyting... im assuming it's because they dont want to txt out the word awkward (or they dont know how to spell it) so they just say "awk" and they abbreviate everything in their conversations now too... like "mom, that would be tot awks!" it's hilarious!

Lisa said...

I am curious about this advice. I'd rather have an aggressive daughter than a passive daughter, I think. (I don't mean sexually agressive, of course.)

Lindsay said...

Thanks for sharing. 12-18 are tough awkward ages for most. Please let us all know if/when you find out what "grocery store tag" is. I too wonder if it is something bad.

suemrsue said...

Most commonly shortened - around here anyway - to "AWKS!"

Kp said...

Oh man, these kind of convos are my bread and butter. One of our favorite games when Fiance and I are out and about is to eavesdrop on awkward conversations and make up back stories for them. And oh wow, I can remember interactions just like these when I was 13. I felt like such a dork for not being the alpha girl at the time, but I'm pretty sure I saved myself some sincere embarrassment.

Amy said...

My girl is 11. "Awkward" is the word du jour. It makes it's way into every conversation. Even those about church. "So, it's the body of Christ we're eating? AWKWARD!"
http://amysreallife.wordpress.com

Siobhan said...

So true! I live near a college and overhear so many "deep" and "profound" discussions, mixed in with the "man I drank so much I threw up - and then I was able to drink so much more!" bragging. It's very funny.

Burnt out, Worn out Parents of Three said...

Awkward is also the word for 2nd through 5th graders that has been going around for about a year now. My kids used it so much that we had to tell them they weren't even using the word correctly and we made them look up the meaning. Awkward is slowly leaving their vocabulary. (Thank goodness!) Every time I hear a word overused and used incorrectly I make them look those words up. Slowly they're talking like normal people. I think they don't like to get out a dictionary.....wait.....look it up on dictionary.com!

Jessica Marie said...

I. am going. to die. I'm so ashamed for them. I'm so ashamed for 13-year-old me. I... I can't stop shuddering.

Graceful Disaster...life, parenting and humor said...

Having a 13 year old daughter is about as much fun as wiping my ass with sandpaper. Awkward has now been abbreviated to just AWK at our house and totally is simply TOTES. Watching them all interact together makes me just about break out in hives (hence the sandpaper).

Luckymom said...

Wow! I just realized that my 13 year old daughter must truly be a nerd. All her friends do is talk about Star Wars, Hunger Games and Minecraft. They all play in the Orchestra and post obscure classical music videos on each others Facebook pages.

Michele said...

Okay SERIOUSLY . . . I never laugh out loud and I just did at your comment!

imbogus1 said...

I am ashamed to say I read the entire post and my IQ dropped > 40 points. Please hurry and post something new to correct the imbalance I am feeling.

Michele said...

I thought it was just in MY house. I'm so glad to know that others are experience the overuse and/or misuse of this word. And I make a point to tell Darling Daughter, "Now THIS is awkward" right after 'awks' situations.

Krysti said...

Good Lord this brings back awful flashbacks. I absolutely DETESTED middle school and have very little patience now for children ages 11-17. When I was thirteen, I was the girl who was best friends with boys and was completely shocked when one of them "like" liked me...and then laughed. Oops. Can't we just skip thirteen and move straight to fourteen?

Michele said...

Holy Moses! I've LOL at two responses to this post of Jen's! Hilarious! And you're right . . that would be "telling" and VERY awkward.

Michele said...

If by Alpha Girl or aggressive girl Jen means "Queen Bee/Mean Girl", then I hope you would not want your daughter to be a mean girl rather than be a quiet or passive girl?!?

Marie said...

Around my house what isn't awkward is "creepy"...maybe I should make them look that up...

Mandi said...

If "grocery store tag" is code for "group sex party" and Brendan wants to be on Mikes Team then Alpha girl best find Jared because it won't just be awkward! (Sorry could not help myself!)

Anonymous said...

ahahah laughed out loud at work--now they know im not working!

colleen said...

Ug, thirteen sucked so bad! And these kids are hilarious--she really needed to bring 3 friends to her "going out" negotiation?

Anonymous said...

hahaha, I've seen the word "totes" in facebook conversations between teens and now I "totally" know what it means! thanks,

Mrs. Edwards said...

I teach middle school. I'm pretty sure that's all I need to say.

Becky said...

Haha, my co worker and I were JUST discussing this, that the word of 'our' day was Like. Now, it is Awkward, a word my 7 year old says constantly.

Who has it harder at age 13 - girls or boys? Being a girl, I would have to say girls definitely have it harder...

Confessions of a PTO Mom said...

I have four girls aged 9,7,5 and 1. I am scared! I hated high school, and dread it for them. We are moving to Montana. We'll live off the land.

BTW, Brendan should not want to go out with Alpha girl. She is too high maintenance! I wanted to slap her.

Anonymous said...

Lol"awkward" doesn't even look like a word anymore!

Tara said...

I remember things my friends and I did at 13, the things we thought were cool, the way we tried so hard to impress one another and the boys we liked, and how fundamentally urgent and important it all seemed. It's just incredible what a universal experience that is: this period of being kind of an idiot surrounded by a bunch of other people being idiots, all trying not to look like idiots.

Anonymous said...

Actually, I kind of liked 13 and middle school.....what's up with that?

Nepsi said...

My husband laments that we were born 5 years too late to take advantage of making money during the tech bubble and 5 years too late to be in with the loose sex crowd so he basically got screwed over both ways :) Seriously though the last line is funny it scares the crap out of me since I have two girls.

mod mom beyond indiedom said...

Painful. I would not want to go back. My son is going to be 13 soon and I dread it. For him and me.

Lisa said...

Definitely not mean. Never mean. My preference would be for her to be the leader who can teach everyone else to be nice. 2 popular girls in her school recently got into a fistfight since one was mean to the other!!

But I know what I would like to happen can never really happen in reality. :-)

Anonymous said...

I am not sure which is worse, being the passive or the aggressive. I am an Assertive Woman now (I think I blanked all of years 12-15), but I wouldn't want it any other way. I say what I need to say to defend my family and stick up for what's right, in home and work. Otherwise, you are constantly bemoaning the fact that you 'should have said something'. No, I never regret being the Assertive Woman that I am.

Jenn said...

"Awkward" is the new "random."

Anonymous said...

I recommend Queen Bees And Wanna Bees. I have twin 13 year old girls and I was also the wall flower! Lol want to help them thru better than it was for me.

Anonymous said...

I was wondering where this came from - my six year old has been using it (incorrectly). I think he means odd but he is this close from bein grounded. From a word. God I'm old.

lovetoread600 said...

My mom told me that a tired teenager is a good teenager so my daughter plays every sport imaginable. Between sports and homework, she doesn't hang out at the mall with her ridiculous friends having idiotic conversations. She has those via text in the privacy of her own home. :)

Anonymous said...

lol I think we all know how Jen feels about over scheduling kids... She might have to eat her words to get her kids out of these situations by over-scheduling them...

Preppy Pink Crocodile said...

OMG everything about ages 12-20 are awkward! You think you are so grown up and it turns out you are just a tall toddler.

I hope Alpha and Brandon work out! :)

KK
http://preppypinkcrocodile.blogspot.com

i am a princess, yes i am said...

Its gotta be from a T.V. show on Disney, Nick or something. Any one have an idea? It's just so awkward ;)

Anonymous said...

I HATED those years so much. SO MUCH. I was the Outcast (I wouldn't have been invited to Alpha's dating negotiations at all). I was so much more interested in geek stuff (which is almost always considered "juvenile"), while everyone else was trying to act so old. I'd be like "Did anyone watch cartoons this weekend?" or "Did you know Xena is from New Zealand?" and then suddenly no one was talking to me.

The weirdest thing in that whole conversation was the "I'm texting you" exchange. We passed notes when we *couldn't* talk to each other, and they are, face-to-face and texting. Weird. By the time I'm forty, social dynamics are going to be in a complete upheaval.

~*~MizTink~*~ said...

I remember 13....It wasn't horrible but it wasn't great :) Awkward is definitely the best word to describe that age. I agree though with the over-use of that word these days, I hear it way too often being used in the wrong context...Not looking forward to my boyfriend's little boy to hit that age.

http://rantingsofamouthybitch.blogspot.com/

Tara said...

okay, seriously dying of laughter right now. You couldn't pay me enough $$$ to relive being 13. I already cringe for my kiddos and they are only 3 and 1...

JennaJennJenn said...

Believe me, it's horrible to watch your 13 year old boy go through it too. Not so much for them wanting girls to like them but because other 13 year old boys are huge mean assholes. I hate the middle school years a thousand times worse for my kids than I did for myself.

JennaJennJenn said...

Ours was "bad". Used the same way as "cool".

JennaJennJenn said...

Love the idea of teens posting classical music videos on facebook. One day your daughter and her friends will rule the world!

JennaJennJenn said...

So we can assume you also drink heavily?

kwoods said...

I have a 13 yr old boy in the house right now...how awkward, lol!

Kevin said...

13? Hell I was still playing with G.I.Joes and Transformers....

whowouldathought-kevin.blogspot.com

Mrs. Tate said...

I teach middle school. This is the world I live in. Today a girl had to get her paper back because her friend doodled about a boy likes. She took a picture of it to upload to his Facebook page. Same awkward. Different tools from when I was 13.

Cynthia said...

I taught middle school for many years before moving downstairs to elementary - they don't generally have these "awkward" conversations in class, so it's not that bad. You do overhear them in the lunchroom sometimes. Mostly, it's just incredibly amusing to watch the mating dance start.

girlymurley said...

My first grader says it too...but at random times that make no sense. Making it awkward. :D Like during his visit to the Peds after his Dr. asks how he is doing in school. LOL

Anonymous said...

Not really. I teach 7th grade, and the kids are so much fun. You have to have the mindset to be entertained by their "awkward"ness in middle school. I wouldn't teach any other age.

jjj said...

I would like to add the word "creeper" to the interesting vocabulary list. Defined in teen terms
creeper - n. a pedophile, old man, or weird-o person. Ohh.. Jenn, did you see that creeper looking at us in the mall? How awkward!

c5f6ddbc-6e1b-11e1-a1d4-000bcdcb2996 said...

Accidental face plant FTW! hahahaha!

Anonymous said...

Oh my poor boy. I have a 13 yr old son that looks like Justin beiber. We just moved to a new state and he is the new hot ticket. I feel so bad for him awkward is so the right word. He is the shy nice boy who has no clue what to do with all this attention. Back home he hung w the nerdy croud but here he's mysterious. These girls are nuts. Super aggressive. It's hard to watch. He picked a girlfriend I believe just to calm the swarm. But now he is always in trouble because he doesn't want to be told to hug her and hold her hand by all her bossy ass friends. Ugh I'm thinking home school. And as soon As I calm this fire I have his little sister( the alpha big time) to deal with. Good luck Jen its fun!

Alipet813 said...

My daughter is 16 now but middle school was def the worst time of her life. She wasn't wildly popular or unpopular,but she was very emotional. Enter counseling. Now she is such a good kid. I don't ever want to see the 12-14 year old side of her again. Shudder!!!!

Also starting at around 11 girls treat each other absolutely horrible! It was hard not to kick some middle school ass. My son is only 7 and I pray his 13 yr old days are nothing like my daughters!

I texted my dtr to ask her what grocery score tag is...I will let u all know.

Peeke said...

Those are the kids that grow up to be really interesting adults. Nerds rule! :)

Becky said...

What I remember about being 13: the onset of acne, standing awkwardly against the wall during dances, and hoping nobody would notice my mustache.

Anonymous said...

Great post Jen! Loved reading it.

Anonymous said...

Watch out, that may become awkward!

Hallie Sawyer said...

O.M.G.! Was it, like, awkward to sit there and listen to all that awkwardness? Like I would've totally either laughed out loud or stared with, like, my mouth hanging open not believing the absurdity of that entire awkward conversation. However, it seemed more like grunting than conversing.

Thirteen was bad for me but my kids seem way cooler than I ever was. I hope they don't reenact a scene similar to the one you witnessed today. Gag me with a spoon! :)

Deb said...

I tried to ask a guy out once-- or insinuate that he should ask me out (I was painfully shy, and he was nice to me in class, so I was hoping....)

He said "you're kidding right?" "Um, people like me don't go out with people like you." by which he mean he was rich and I wasn't. 13 is a hard age and kids are brutal to each other. My oldest will be 13 in 4 years. Ugh

Anonymous said...

I'm a middle school assistant principal....try to discipline this age without bursting out laughing is a daily challenge....:)

Mary said...

Another super overused word right now is YOLO. Listen for it and you will hear it so much it will make you want to vomit! Try saying the word to your child and see what the reaction is since most parents assume that YOLO is your kid mumbling or gurgling...the definition Of YOLO is YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE! Again text speak but the experiment will be hilarious since they think we are as fossil like I we thought our parents were at that age! Worth the fun since YOLO right? HA!

thecoffeeclubandme said...

That was my favorite line too - I literally laughed out loud!!

thecoffeeclubandme said...

Thirteen is just the worst age - I agree. I have three girls and I have no great advice for them at that age. I just sure hope they play "grocery store tag" and not "group sex party" - geesh!! Very scary.

mandiessugarbowl said...

My niece will be 13 soon and my sister damn near had a heart attack when she asked if she could go to a movie with a boy. When it came time for the "date" my niece informed my sister that the boy was to awkward and weird and that she didn't want to go anymore! I hated my pre. and post pubescent years. I was so freaking happy to turn 18 and get the hell out of high school!!

Anonymous said...

I am assuming you were popular and pretty. :-) Which is what we all hoped for.

Anonymous said...

Have you heard of a rainbow party? I did not know what that was - my husband said "why couldn't they have that when I was younger!" Your post just reminded me of his goofy comment!! :-)

thecoffeeclubandme said...

GREAT ADVICE - I agree 100%

Lisa Walters said...

Last part really made me laugh!!! Thanks, needed that this morning!!! I have 3 boys, 9, 12, and 15. Love to read text from the middle one. Scared to read text of the older one!!!! Haaaa

runnerwannabe said...

Hilarious! I can totally relate to this one. I have 3 teenage girls. Other common, annoying things they say-"I know right?", Awkward,Random, Creepy, Sexy (Really, Sexy?)- All things I wish they would not say repeatedly. That is almost their entire vocabulary! I think there is an end in sight, the oldest is almost 15, and the youngest teen is 13. I thought I was pretty awesome as a teen, and I still think I'm pretty great! ;)

Anonymous said...

I have an 11 yr old boy that thinks everything is Boss or Beast. His 8 yr old brother thinks the girls dig him. Not looking forward to pain and drama as they get older, but at least they're not girls. That drama has already begun...

Penelope Lolohea said...

Wow, I'm STILL laughing about this, and I read it last night on my phone right before going to sleep.

I'd like to know the answers to your questions, too. a group of 13 year-olds would make the best reality TV show...and I'm super nosey, so I'd watch that shiz like crazy. ;)

Kelly B said...

My 13 yr old volunteered at a middle school Anime Convention last weekend. Talk about awkward. Even the adults dressed up.

Anonymous said...

Amy, I teach 7th and 8th graders at a Catholic school. The boys, in particular, fall off the pews laughing every time the priest says, "Come, Lord Jesus!" Sometimes it's so hard to be the adult ~

Anonymous said...

Again, from the teacher: not only a minimum of 3 friends are needed, but clothes & hair accessories must first be EXACTLY matched, and Starbucks items purchased. iPhone in hand, green straw in mouth = total nonchalance. Or, at least the appearance of such. AND TO THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT GROCERY STORE TAG IS - It is Tag. In a grocery store. Where at any moment, a member of the opposite sex might jump out of the Dairy aisle and put his/her hands on you. Very titillating stuff. Or, "tote tit," we could say. Let's start our own slang.

Anonymous said...

Oh Lord, I just realized who the Siri was. I am so damn old. Thanks RooWho. :D

Miss Takes said...

This is exactly the reason I won't teach anyone under the age 15.

cakes said...

*sigh* I somewhat wish the 'awkward' 7th grade thing was all I dealt with daily. I teach high school in a pretty 'rough' area, and today some kids (three boys and a girl) were using some strange phone application to ask questions like "How many condoms do you use a day?" "Would you have sex with the person to your right or left?" "Do you like being spanked?" "Trade t-shirts with the person across from you."

REALLY? REALLY? This is what I have to deal with?

Melda said...

This is the script for the movie "13 Going on 30" which was only a good movie because I survived it....but completely my generation / music / etc.
Although, as you point out - apparently the scene doesn't change - just the clothing styles and the texting. UGH!

Donna said...

Does anyone remember when the word du jour was "basically"? Not just for kids but for adults too. My (now ex) husband used it nearly every other word and it drove me out of my freakin' mind..."So basically, what I'm saying is they basically asked me to work late tonight and I basically told them I would."

Sue said...

Its from the Suite Life ...Zack and Cody . And I'm not telling you how I know this
; )

Anonymous said...

As the mother of a 21 year old, I can tell you there is a word for every year they talk . . . Awkward sounds about right for 13, then there's "like" . . "I'm like this and he's like that, and it's like, like, like" I specifically asked EVERYTIME I heard my son and friends slip in to that "Is is LIKE something or IS it something?" He had friends that could barely string a sentence together in front of me after knowing I'd do it. They learned fast.

Yeah, basically, awesome, groovy (oops, that's MY era). Enjoy this time - it goes MUCH too fast.

Lisa said...

This conversation is why I loved teaching middle school. They are hilarious.

Elizabeth Catalano said...

Hilarious and oddly compelling. Still, glad I'm not 13 anymore. I always had the friend who'd tell me her boyfriend might like me more if only I was more insert word. I'd always think, maybe I'd like you more if you weren't such an insert word.

Meg said...

I honestly, just had a conversation with another mom about how that age sucks! (Our girls are 13 and 12). Remember in the movie Big with Tom Hanks when he asks her to come back to the age of 13 with him? And she says something along the lines of, "No way in hell I want to relive that sucky age!" Okay, it wasn't those words exactly, but that was the gist of it!

Kristi Phillips said...

Hahaha! I thought that Siri was the #2 girl's name!

Jenn Marie said...

Suite Life has been gone for a while, save re-runs. Maybe because of the MTV show "Awkward".

From Mary's Pen said...

It works differently for every family. My kids got their dumb phones last year (lol) because they tend to be hard on their tech. They've each had their own laptop for a few years though.

Hey, if you're supervising, you're doing it right. I learned the hard way when my son was 9 and I got a charge on my debit card for a membership to, I kid you not, "Boobies.com". O.o Needless to say, I've got some serious nanny precautions set up now. lol

Jennifer Garner said...

I don't get the whole use of the word awkward either. My kids, the female one especially, get so mad at me when I tell them they are using the word all wrong. "You don't know what you're talking about, mom!" Ha!

Andrea Herbert said...

Hahahaha...those kids said awkward almost as many times as your hubs said douche in his douchey dad response :)

Unknown said...

I know 7-year-olds with iPhones!

Rory Bore said...

I honestly do not remember 13 being this tough.
I must have blocked a lot out.

Kim Bongiorno at Let Me Start By Saying said...

I studied psychology and sociology in college and this is SO up my alley. I need to know more. I would watch this show. I'm so glad dating now is just as awful as it was when we were 13.

myspecialkindofcrazy said...

this was like tuning into a soap opera that you don't normally watch and try to figure out what is going on and then wonder why in the world you care to figure it out because you are never going to watch it again. Except then when you are in the grocery store 2 months later you look it up in the Soap Opera Digest when you are waiting in line and you are just as confused as you were the first time...so I am thinking if you found them again, they'd just be moved on to completely different people by now. Don't get invested!!! 13 year olds have more crushes than susan lucci did soap opera husbands!