People I Want to Punch in the Throat: Just Another Night With the Hubs

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Just Another Night With the Hubs

I'm grumpy tonight.  It's been a very long week. I think all that fun made me anti-social tonight. Tonight everything the Hubs says pisses me off.  I'm irritable and I'm definitely letting him know. Here's the latest conversation/squabble we just had:

Me:  Be quiet.  You're really getting on my nerves.
Hubs:  Well you're getting on my nerves.
Me:  Shut up.  You're annoying me.
Hubs:  You're annoying me.
Me:  Shut it!  You annoyed me first.  End of discussion.
Hubs:  You're funny.
Me:  (laughing now too) Stop it.  I'm pissy.  Don't make me laugh.
Hubs:  OK, let's just cuddle.
Me:  You bitch.  You never just want to cuddle.
Hubs:  It will relax you...
Me:  Go away.



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59 comments:

Alicia said...

Are you sure you aren't in my house!? Too funny!

Miranda said...

Been there! Most days, I want to duct tape him to the wall just for breathing the wrong way!!

Go breathe someplace else!!

Cy said...

He's hilarious. It WILL relax you! He's sure of it! Mine just left to go to a birthday party with his brother. So I am annoyance free for awhile. Until he comes home and tries to get me to relax!

Jen-Jen said...

When I'm pissy, mine asks me over and over, "Are you pissy?" So endearing.

Cyndi said...

Men. Seriously. Mine's the same. I'll be in the pissiest (is that even a word?) mood and he'll be like "come here, lets snuggle".

[email protected] said...

Seriously girls, do you really think "snuggling" means anything but getting boinked?

Jamie said...

Sounds like a conversation I had with my hubs the other night, only it was him whining (under his breath) about me snoring. I wasn't snoring I was AWAKE, I was sniffling (I do snore and admit it freely..) and heard his comment. Somehow, after losing my cool and telling him off, I ended up sleeping on the couch. Still haven't figured out how that happened.

kristy said...

Ugh, im glad mine is smart enough(most of the time) to stay the hell away from me when im like that. Especially after he's been warned. Poke him in the eye.

Jaguwar said...

Snuggle = boink. Definitely, and every time.

Jamie... ummmm... talk about roll reversal! LOL

DMA said...

I love that you just used the word "boinked".

A Caring Heart said...

sounds EXACTLY me and my hubby. Except he is on shift tonight :)

Anonymous said...

I am jumping on the snuggle=boinking bandwagon. I never snuggle unless I am in the mood to boink. I don't do either when I am pissy.

Faithe said...

You totally took mine!

Domestic Goddess said...

Boinked!! I am dying..thank you for the laugh!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

my husband has PMS right now, so he's the pissy one in my house! Ugh. Isn't there a male version of PMS? I swear. It's not like he's had to lift a finger in the whole putting-kids-to-bed process. WTF?

Anonymous said...

Hand him a sandwich and the remote. Then go take a bubble bath. :D

Anonymous said...

Don't mean to be obnoxious but that's ur fault. If he can play 2 days of golf and take a nap while u are 8 mths pregnant and have a 23 mth old he should know better than to assume that would be ok. Crack the whip!!

Xayton said...

I'm very grumpy tonight as well. It may have something to do with fidgety children in church ( yes my own spawn). And a plumbing problem that involved flushing a few hundred bucks down the drain via roto rooter, and about 8 loads of laundry that need to be done. All at the worst " portion" of the month :( Also the hubby has currently given up beer, it's his new " thing"....... ( though my new thing is church...... Though that's to get my son into kindergarten :) but yeah so all this results in me hiding from him since the boys have been put down to bed with a corona and your blog! Happy Saturday night!

megan said...

I spent the whole day boothing for Girl Scouts and my husband is like "we have a ton of errands to run" Um, we? No "we" do not. You do. And take the kids with you.

Susannah said...

I just had a very similar convo but it ended in a weird wrestling match in the living room. On a side note, how in hell did you post this one hour ago and your up to umpteen hundred comments already? I'm shit faced giddy if I get 20 comments a month. You are some kind of amazing.

Ali said...

The other night I was trying to sleep and hubs was on the computer in bed next to me. He has a little cold and every 5 seconds he was sniffing. I finally threw a box of tissues at him and in my best exorcist voice said, BLOW YOUR GODDAMN NOSE!! The next night ever time he sniffed (though it was much less often) he said sorry!!

NotSoNice said...

Just cuddle my ass! They should really just say get naked because that is what they really mean.

Lori said...

freaking hysterical!! typical night in our house!

Anonymous said...

haha. Mine just keeps saying "are you done being grumpy yet?" like that'll just fix my bad mood.

Over-the-Road Photos said...

This sounds so much like me and my wife!

MJ said...

I kid you not, this is the exact argument I had with my hubby, almost verbatim. WOW. :)

Anonymous said...

really.... i feel you here... my husband just told me to take down my "Dudes I wanna bang" pinterest board cause its "offensive" to him. seriously... what am i supposed to be an asexual, dinner making, laundry lady. Im so annoyed right now.

Melissa L Genius or Junk??? said...

So dudes being annoying, PMSsy and just generally getting on our last nerve is a nationwide epidemic tonight? Because even the children with dumbsticks were driving me and my BFF tonight. Naturally once the mayhem calmed down hubs is ready to "snuggle" oh heck, he doesn't bother with nice words... Can we shag now or what? Is supposed to be enticing... No dear, I have have a you made me want to kill you today headache... Try again tomorrow :-)

RachRiot said...

Don't you dare take down your "Dudes I wanna bang" Pinterest board b/c I wanna follow that shit and add it to MY Pinterest board, which is entitled "Mama Likey Eye Candy."

Lillian Carilo said...

Right, with the breathing... What the heck, guys!

Jaclyn said...

There is definitely a male version of PMS and my husband suffers it regularly! BUT I just want to say how lucky you all are that your husbands attempt to get a little something-something by asking if you wanna snuggle. My hubby just says "Hey you wanna get lucky?" Or my personal un-favorite "Hey, you hungry? I've gotta sausage for ya" (UGH!) I just want to scream "The simple act of you breathing is enough to make me homicidal right now, yet you somehow think I want you on top of me, sweaty and BREATHING HEAVY?!?" I think not, mister! I THINK NOT!

Anonymous said...

That is hilarious....why are they ALL the same????

Anonymous said...

Nearly pee'd myself laughing at this one.....especially the breathing/homicidal part! Hilarious!!!

JessN said...

There are moments when I am thankful that I am single. haha

Anonymous said...

Yep! It's called pissy male syndrome. :-)

Virginia Mom of Three said...

My husband sounds just like yours...I don't even ask what he wants for dinner anymore because I almost always hear "You" or "Tube Steak"....seriously!!! Total turn off, guys, get a clue.

Katie (Mom, Mommy, Mama) said...

@Virginia Mom of Three: holy smokes, that is EXACTLY what mine says. After 14 yrs of marriage, he uses the same line on me almost every day. I really should stop asking, just like you. It's obnoxious. I can't stop laughing b/c all along I thought I was the only one that got that reply from their hubby.

angieh said...

Haha in my house its, "do you want me to give you a back rub?". Back rub my ass! It always somehow turns into him trying to get lucky.

Jaclyn said...

Yep, get that one too! But sometimes, the back rub is worth takin one for the team!!!!

Ejpsmom said...

I think every woman I spoke to yesterday was pissy!! We went to dinner and my daughter asked if I was 'PMSing' when my response was no my hubs looks and says ... 'yeah, you're not friendly' WTF?! Why do I have to be 'friendly' ALL the time!?

Randee said...

My similarily themed board is I want a bite of that :)

Anonymous said...

omg... i had to change it to dude i think are yummy...
men are such idiots.

Anonymous said...

I was starting to read this as my hubs crawled in to cuddle! I was laughing so hard and made him read it. He started giggling like a little girl! He couldn't believe other hubs did this. After reading Jaclyn's comment he hopped right out of the bed to sleep elsewhere. Thank you for such a great laugh and knowing that so many others share my "cuddle" pain!

Anonymous said...

OMG the back rub thing is so my hubby! I'll be good and relaxed and actually sleeping finally and then he wants to start something. I think not!!!

TNMom said...

Another way to say it is "dudes I'm glad are not my dad" LOL.

TNMom said...

jaclyn - HISTERICAL!!

TNMom said...

This is so f'n funny! I love it, and Jaclyn's comment MUST make the weekly wrap up this week...OMG, crying!
Devan

Becky said...

Mine asks if I want "Relations" or if I need "Dick Therapy". Nice. So romantic. Not.

Tracie L said...

Are you my long lost twin???

That happens here too...lol

Anonymous said...

I WISH mine would say that. He just takes the The-Best-Defense-is-a-Good-Offense approach and gets hatefully pissy, just to prove that I don't have the market cornered on pissiness.

Anonymous said...

When I am pissed off at my boyfriend, I'll look at hims and say "Why are you acting like that?" He then looks at me and says, "Why are you breating?"

I always reply with "Belive me, I'm trying not to. Every morning I wake up and say 'not another day!'"

KELLY said...

We call it the man period at our house. The other day my 18 year old daughter asked her boyfriend if he had his and he looked at her like she had 3 heads. We just burst out laughing.

Tasha said...

School carnival says it all. I hate those things, and I'm a teacher!

Mandy said...

I absolutely LOVE this! Made me laugh out loud, repeatedly! PMS = Permanent Male Syndrome. There is no rhyme or reason. They're just afflicted with it. Always and indefinitely.

Snarky said...

Irritation must be in the air as this is the exact email I sent to my friend last night entitled "Facebook breakup"
I think I may have to break up with Facebook. I've been feeling very irritated lately. People so in love, so "blessed", so drunk, stoned and high...people living in France for a film project their husband is working on with their beautiful children joining them with perfectly appropriate European style and all...ex-pats soaking up the culture in London, cruises to go on, "Aloha" from Hawaii, thanking "Him" for their good fortune... Where are the "real" people? You know...grumpy that their husband didn't unload the dishwasher, socks left all over including out in the backyard, dogs taking a shit in the house, flooding basements that make you want to say F***...snoring so G** damn loud it could wake the dead, putting your only pair of pants that fit in the dryer by accident, kids doing naughty things...sigh...I think it is time... (I like this so much I may have to use it as my status update...with minor modifications.)
*****
Don't get me wrong, I love that Facebook has allowed me to connect with people that seem so far away, watch friends kids grow (even on their European adventures...seriously), be a part of helping someone through a hard time and vice versa...I just want some "real" posts from time to time, but not the ones from a certain relative that screams for attention (see drunk, high, etc.)...I have hidden that person from my news feed.

Katie said...

Bah ha ha! Poor you! Yes, because snuggling with the source of my fury will most definitely help.

Tell him what would really help is cheesecake. Or cupcakes. Whatevs. Just make him get you some.

Molly Pina said...

Oh, I thought my husband was the only idiot that said the sausage thing!!! Mine is a little bit worse, at least I feel that way. My husband is Portuguese so I am always getting "You want a little Portuguese sausage to go with your dinner?" I literally want to rip his nuts off when he says that..

Terry Dade said...

When I first read this, I thought it meant that you put the kids to bed with a Corona, which would totally work to get them to sleep. haha