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The Craziest Conversation I've Had With My Children in a While

As I've mentioned before, riding in the car seems to be the time when my kids really want to talk and I learn a lot about how their little brains work and what they think.  This is the craziest conversation I've had with my children...recently.

The other night we had a 30 minute drive and Gomer and Adolpha started talking to each other.  I'm not sure how the conversation got started, but by the time I figured out what they were talking about, I realized that somehow I have raised a femi-Nazi and Ward Cleaver.

Gomer:  Adolpha, are you ever going to be a mommy?

Adolpha:  No way.

Gomer:  But why not?  If you were a mommy I could be your kids' uncle.


Adolpha:  So?

Gomer:  So, it would be fun and we could live together with our kids.

Adolpha:  No.  I don't want to be a mommy.  Kids are too much work.  I'm going to have a job and I won't have time for kids...I will live with you though.  (I've been hearing Adolpha say kids are too much work since she was 3.  I have never said that to her and I'm not sure where she gets that - other than my haggard expression at the end of each day.)



Gomer:  Hmm...I'm not sure my wife will want you to live with us.

Adolpha:  Pleeeeease?

Gomer:  You know what?  It's OK.  I'll just tell my wife you're going to live with us.

Me:  Gomer, don't you think you should ask your wife if your sister can live with you?  You can't just tell her what to do.

Gomer:  Sure I can, Mom.  I'm the daddy.  The daddy makes the rules.
Me:  Says who?

Gomer:  I don't know.  I just know he does.

Me:  Does your daddy make all the rules in our house?

Gomer:  No.  But....he should.

Me:  Gomer!  That's not a healthy marriage....(I then went on a big speech about how marriage is a partnership, we work together, we make decisions together, we make "rules" together, blah, blah, blah.)

(I thought I'd change the subject and get Gomer off the topic of telling his wife the "rules of the house" and I was curious to know how many grandchildren I could expect someday.)

Me:  Gomer, how many kids would you like?

Gomer:  We'll have five.  Their names will be Jennifer, June, Joshua, Jack and John.

Me:  Wow, five is a lot.  I hope you're ready to help your wife take care of all those children.

Gomer:  No, my wife will take care of them all.  She will stay home with them and be their mommy all the time.  I will work two jobs if I have to just so my wife doesn't have to work.

(This is not the example Gomer has been raised with and I'm not sure where he came up with this, but I held my tongue and waited for him to explain his rationale.  I didn't need to ask, Adolpha was on it.)

Adolpha:  Your wife can have a job if she wants, Gomer!

Gomer:  No.  I want her home.

Adolpha:  But what if she doesn't want to be home?  Mommy, can't a mommy work at an office and be a mommy?

Me:  Yes.  But there are lots of mommies who choose to stay home with their kids and they make that their job - and they need the daddies to help, Gomer!  It's actually a very hard job, Adolpha!

Adolpha:  Yes, I know.  That's why I don't want that job.

Gomer:  Adolpha, that will be your job if your husband says so.

(Seriously, Gomer??  What the hell?)

Adolpha:  Then I won't have a husband.  I'll just have boys who want to marry me, but I won't want to marry them.

(Crap.  Divert.  Dirvert.)

Me:  Hey now, that's a long way off.  We don't need to decide all of this right now.  Who wants to listen to Adele?

(And we drove the rest of the way in silence listening to "Rolling in the Deep" on a loop with me over-analyzing my conversation with a 5 year old femi-Nazi and a 7 year old Ward Cleaver.  As Adele sang her little broken heart out all I could think was, Shit, shit, shit.  How did this happen?  We've been so focused on making Adolpha strong and independent, we've made her to no longer want children!  And Gomer!  Who the hell knows?  Good thing this is all the Hubs' department.  I blame him - after all, he should be ruling our house.)

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104 comments:

  1. It so sounds like the things that come out of my girls mouths...i dont know where they come up with this stuff either.

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  2. Omg this is hilarious! My mom raised us to be strong and independent women also, and when me and my older sister were in high school and still didn't have boyfriends she thought she raised a couple of lesbians! Which she said would have been fine, but she really wanted grand-kids!! She now has 2 awesome son in laws, 3 grandsons and a granddaughter on the way...be careful what you wish for!

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  3. 5 and 7?? Wow! I can't wait to have such conversations in a few years.

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  4. Carol09:14

    That is a priceless conversation! I love when the kids plan their adult life. We asked my youngest about 4 at the time, what he was going to do when he grew up for a job, he said he didn't need one, he was going to live with us. I said what about if you can't live with us anymore, he said he would live with his brother, he has money. LOL

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  5. Megan09:15

    My daughter and son are the same. My son asked me when you should have a child and I said "When you have an education, a career, a nice house, 6-9 months of savings and a great marriage" and my daughter blurted out "So a kid can come and ruin all that!" Touche, Mary, Touche.

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    Replies
    1. Best comment ever! About lost my coffee laughing so hard.

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    2. That comment made me laugh harder than the blog (sorry, Jen) :-)

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    3. Omg, that is epic and so true! Lol

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    4. Best. reply. ever!

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    5. Anonymous17:02

      LOL

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  6. Anonymous09:16

    The crap kids say have to love them! I was very much like Adolpha as a child I didn't want kids or marriage, swearing them off into my teens. My cousins laugh now because all that swearing off marriage and children did me no good, I was the first to have children and get married.

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  7. Anonymous09:16

    All I can say is .... Baaahahaahaahahaa! Priceless :-)

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  8. Anonymous09:17

    Sounds like my daughter- she doesn't want to be a mom (she's 6). She won't even play with dolls, they scare her. She thinks they are going to come alive and kill her.

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  9. Dhani09:18

    Isn't it ok if she doesn't want kids? I came out of my mother stating that I never wanted kids and it stands true today at 36. I have never seen children in my life and luckily, my mother was always ok with it. She understood I knew what I wanted from the start. I realize that some people do change their minds as they grow older, but some of us do not.

    I LOVE reading your blog every day... but it does enforce my decision to be childless. HAHA.

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    1. I think it's fine, as long as it's her choice and I haven't made that choice for her by making her think being a mother sucks.

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    2. Anonymous10:27

      Yup! The most important thing is to be true to yourself. I realised in my mid-20s that I SHOULDN'T have kids, but I unfortunately married someone later on who, though he always said he wanted to marry me kids or no kids, decided 2 mos before our wedding that he DEFINITELY wanted them. We now have a 3 yo daughter whom I adore and wouldn't trade for all the world,... but I still know I'm not the best mom. I don't have good instincts for how to remain calm despite all the crap kids throw at you.... I LOOOOVE my daughter, but I know deep down that my initial instinct was right. People should do what's right for them, and not everyone is destined to be a parent. Simple.

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    3. I can relate to what you're saying. I never got that "I have to be a mom" thing that a lot of women with kids get. We'd been married a year, hubs said he was ready to try, and I said ok. It was the next logical step. I love my kids to death, but like you, I feel like I'm missing those "good mom instincts." The way I see it, I love them, and I do the best I can. I take pride in the fact that despite my doubts and whatever shortcomings I think I have, they really are turning out ok.

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  10. This is GREAT!

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  11. My kids have similar convo's in the car. My son is 9 and daughter is 5. Basically my daughter wants to adopt because "sometimes pooping hurts" and my son will be a "very successful ice cream man."

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  12. Anonymous09:25

    My 5 year old has had it drilled into her.

    1. college
    2. career
    3. marriage
    4. babies.

    WE DO NOT DEVIATE FROM THE ORDER!

    Of course, right now the career choice is: teacher, cheerleader and actress (stage not tv).

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    1. Really? And what if she doesn't? Life is what happens while we're making plans. It's ok to have dreams for your kids but seriously- what if she doesn't go to college and joins the Army instead? What if she doesn't want to have a husband or babies? How about if she has an unplanned pregnancy? How is she going to feel comfortable telling you about it if she knows that THIS IS THE ONLY ACCEPTABLE PATH?

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  13. My daughter told me from the age of three that she didn't want kids. Now, at the age of 8, she's reconsidering (although she hasn't made up her mind yet). We should be raising girls who can make up their own minds when the time comes! :) Then they can tell their husbands what the rule will be!! ;)

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  14. LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! Hahahahah Kids are such amazing little people. Just goes to show they are individuals who CAN and DO think for themselves...NOT little people we can fulfill OUR dreams through. :) I would LOVE to be a fly on the wall of your house, car whatever sometime. lol

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  15. My 6yr old wants to be a Marine sniper while his 10 year old brother lives with him and cooks him food. And have lots of dogs. I can't wait.

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    1. Anonymous10:02

      He's got his priorities straight. Love it. That's hilarious.

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  16. Anonymous09:29

    I have two teen girls that don't want kids because they fear karmic payback for their own behavior. I have a hard time arguing against their position. If there is a God, my girls may as well change their names to Rosemary right now.

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  17. Anonymous09:33

    My son wants to be a fashion designer and a tomb-raider (thank you, Lara Croft.)

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  18. Anonymous09:39

    My 19 year old has been saying that her husband will take HER name when they get married since she was 3 yrs old and has never waivered. I sure hope she doesn't fall in love with a Ward Cleaver...

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  19. well on the bright side it does sound like they plan on moving out one day mine cry if you tell them when they are 18 they get to go to college lol

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  20. What's with Gomer and all the J names? Is he going to run away and become a Duggar?

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    1. He has a mom named Jen, an Aunt June, an Uncle Josh, a Grandpa John and a bunch of friends named Jack. I just don't think he has much imagination when it comes to baby names.

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    2. Samantha10:52

      At least he's not planning for Apple, Blue Ivy, Harlo, or Surrie.

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  21. My kids had a similar conversation a couple of weeks ago. My 7 yr old daughter stated she wants a big job like mommy and no kids until she's old like mommy was when she had her. (Gee thanks - 30, the new old) My 12 yr old son stated that he's going to school to be an Engineer although he wasn't sure what type of Engineer yet. He then stated that when he finds the right girl around the age of 30 he'll move out of our house and they'll have a bunch of kids.
    What is up with my kids thinking 30 is the magical number?

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  22. This is priceless. Kids say the damnedest things. At age three, daughter came home asking what sex was because someone at her daycare said he wanted to have it with her(are you freaking kidding me...they're three). I told her it was not for children and changed the subject. A short whole later, while watching a movie, a scene comes on where a good looking girl (but actually an alien in disguise) comes up to a man fishing on a pond and asks if he wants to have sex. Daughter instantly began playing close attention. The guy says, "Sure", camera turns away from them, then the guy starts screaming violently as clothes start flying everywhere. My daughter turns to me, with a very serious wide-eyed look and says, "Wow...sex must be really bad!" Yeah, parenting is awesome at times like that.

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  23. Anonymous10:10

    My 5 yr old says she's having 5 kids, but they are way too much work, so she's going to let me take care of them and live with us forever. It's the stuff nightmares are made of..

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    1. Hahahahahahaha! Thats sooooo funny!

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  24. My 5 year old daughter is going to have a daycare because "she is REALLY good with kids". SHe was veru upset to find out her brother, who is going to be an artist and a museum curator, would not be sending his kids to her day care. "WHY NOT??" she screamed. He replied, very calmly, " Because my wife will be like Mommy and stay home with us cause she will be awesome and pretty like her too". He got ice cream that day :)

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  25. Anonymous10:15

    Oh man that was funny, but in a horrifying way. I cringed at your son more than your daughter though. I hope he grows out of that mentality and fast! lol.

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  26. Sista Soulja Adolpha! I knew really early on that I didn't want kids either. About 8 years old or so. My reasoning was that I wanted to be able to do whatever I want at any time I want to do it. I still have that reasoning today at 36. And for my entire life, people have been telling me I'll change my mind when I meet the right person. No, I won't. I have never wanted kids. But ha! Last laugh is on them! I had a hysterectomy over the summer. Nyah!

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  27. I will let the child psychologist out for a moment.

    Your kids are at the age where they are very aware of gender roles and are still grappling with what they mean. Your son recognizes our male-centric society and is mentally rationalizing how it is all supposed to work. At 7, he is observant but does not yet have understanding. His thought process will continue to evolve.

    Either that or some kid at school has been feeding him a bunch of crap that he is buying into.

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  28. Don't worry. With a sister like Adolpha, Gomer will get slapped into reality.
    My 5 year old son keeps saying he wants to marry his best friend (a boy). He just wants to be able to hang out with his best friend all the time an he thinks that would happen if they were married. But if he turns 20 and is gay, I'm cool with that too.

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  29. My daughter has been saying for years that she never wants to get a baby in her belly! My 8 yr old boy still thinks girls are gross and plans to marry his mommy one day. .. These convos are the ones you save in your memory so that when they bring their bf or gf around you can tell them all about it, lol

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  30. My 13-year-old stepdaughter swears she's never having kids (a pretty good attitude to take into adolescence, really), and my 11yo son says he and his rock bandmates are going to all live in a huge mansion together which he is designing, although he admits he hasn't quite thought out the wives and kids part. I think he assumes that as 11yo boys, none of them will ever want wives and kids.

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  31. Are you kidding??

    1. college
    2. career
    3. marriage
    4. babies.

    I'm really hoping this is tongue in cheek! My kids have it drilled into them that college is first, and then the choices are up to them. Marriage and babies??? Gimme a break!

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  32. Sweet Moses, this is hilarious! Let us know if you get to the root cause of this craziness - we can all learn from this!

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  33. Jessa11:22

    I was visiting a friend's family one time, when her 5 year old (female) cousin told me that she was going to have 3 kids when she grew up, but she didn't want a husband.

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  34. Anonymous11:29

    Oh..my..goodness. This is me speaking between the laughing. So funny. Hey don't over analyze and just enjoy that they have strong opinions and are not afraid to share them. You have some awesome kids and They will grow up taking different things from all their life experiences. Love it.

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  35. Anonymous12:09

    My youngest son informed me one day when he was four that he was not going to get married. He was just going to live with a girl. I asked him why not get married. He said because if you go to the "marrying place" you have to kiss them and he wasn't going to do that! Today he is married and they are trying to have a baby. So he got over it!

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  36. Hilarious!!! They can come up with some stuff, huh?!

    PS...I was thinking how I love your blog and how I would love to implement your thinking onto mine. But, of course, being the sweet preacher's wife that I am, I certainly would never want to punch anyone in the throat ;). How does "People I Want To Roll My Eyes At" sound? Has a nice ring, huh?!

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  37. Just think of this....now you have the entire conversation recorded on your blog! You can recall it later...say when Adolpha and Gomer get married, Gomer's girlfriend/wife-to-be, will probably love it!!!!

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  38. Anonymous13:00

    I am stay at home Dad and love it every day is a adventure! My 5 year old son told me he was going to work and his wife could deal with the kids,cooking ,cleaning!l

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  39. My son used to have his most interesting thoughts on the toilet. Had a very interesting conversation about the size of his penis and his father's penis (refused to lie to the boy) and got is substantial trouble with the ex. Of course it was appropriate payback for telling our son I made his hair fall out...good times.

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  40. Julie13:07

    I've wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. Everyone- including my mother- insisted that I was wrong and I should put my career first. When adults would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I'd say "a mom." And then they'd say, "Besides that"... as if being a mother was nothing, or unimportant. It really drives me crazy when people act as if being a mother- especially a stay at home mother- is somehow beneath me or demeaning. I'm sorry, but I don't buy into the lie that says that a man's definition of success (i.e. his career) is the only definition of success. To me, there's nothing more OPPRESSIVE towards women than to only allow for such a narrow definition of success that a woman is considered inferior or unintelligent if she doesn't have a career. Just because that's a MAN'S definition of success, doesn't mean it's MY definition of success. For the record, I have multiple college degrees, have always been an A student... and no career or level of education has ever made me feel as fulfilled as I do right now... as I celebrate a pregnancy that's miraculously come after 6 1/2 years of infertility struggles. (sidenote: where's the outrage for "women's reproductive rights" when it comes to getting IVF and adoption covered by insurance?)

    So, even though I know you don't place motherhood as high up on the list of priorities as I do, I am SO GLAD that you are at least trying to make sure that your daughter doesn't grow up thinking that the only way she'll have any worth as a human being is if she has a career. If she chooses not to have children, that's her choice; but it should be HER choice and not a choice that society has made for her by brainwashing her into thinking that motherhood is stupid or unimportant. Yay for you!

    And what's with Gomer? Haha. You better believe if I ever have a son and he talks like that, I'm smacking him upside his head! LoL!! (Disclaimer: I am not seriously condoning violence against children in any way ;) )<~~ You know, for people who can't read sarcasm

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    1. I love this and congrats On the baby news good luck hope it all works out for ya.

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  41. My 6 yr old son wants a boy room mate and definitely no wife "What for, I know how to cook and clean for myself?" And he does. But he doesn't know about sex yet.
    My 6 yr old daughter wants 5 kids, and will really be a great Mom but I really really want her to have a career-- or at least the option of one.
    My 9 year old daughter thinks kids are a pain (she's right) and she'll be lucky if she can find a man to put up with her shit. There's a reason she thinks kids are a pain!
    But alas, they were all raised in the same house by the same parents-- two career parents who both pitch in with the kids. Nonetheless their ideas are all theirs!

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  42. I have conversations like this in the car with my boys (6 & 9yo) all the time too! What's with driving in the car? My 9yo just wants to be a tow truck driver while my 6yo wants to hire his brother to do all outside work, and have the right to put all his toys in the attic except his DS, when he goes to college! Thank you Toy Story 3! Lol...

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  43. Oh this was fantastic! Its amazing what kids say! However, in this house there is no kidding anyone that Mommy makes the rules and every one goes along with them if they want to be happy. (And, don't worry for years I swore I didn't want any kids...now I am a SAHM of 2 with one on the way...perhaps I drank too much in my 20's)

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  44. I LOVE reading your blog! you make me laugh so hard. Can't wait till I have these conversations with my kids. :) Thanks for the laugh!

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  45. Michelle14:31

    Am I the only one who never gave one iota of thought as to what my children would do when they grew up re: children/career? I mean at 5 my biggest concern was making sure my kids didn't pick their nose in public. Maybe I failed in the parenting dept but I never consciously thought "oh I need to raise my daughter (insert preference) way so that she'll be (insert trait of choice)." I figured I'd simply feed her, love her and keep her away from Barbie and Barney (and later MTV) and we'd be ok.

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    1. Anonymous22:12

      Glad to see this. I was raised being told that having a career wasn't important, that I'd find a husband at college and be supported. I did the opposite, waited until I was 38 to get married and at 50 have grade school kids. I'm all for strong girls, but that means making the right choice for YOURSELF at the right time. I feel like it is just as unfair to say you need to have a masters degree and have traveled the world before you settle down; as it was for my Mom to tell me I wouldn't. We also can't forget our boys in all this. Recently my son asked why on every show he watches the girls always win and are mean, and the boys seem dumb. Maybe we have gone overboard, and need to let kids use more of their own good instincts and smarts.

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  46. Anonymous14:54

    I have a 16 year old BOY and an 18 year old Girl...the 16 year old wants to live on his sisters couch when he's older! Were did I go wrong there!

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  47. My 7 year old stepson wants to be like daddy when he grows up so that he can "sit and watch TV all the time." Best car conversation ever -- even better to rub in my husband's face!

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  48. My 10 year old stepson wants to work at Subway because it smells good. Ha ha ha.

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  49. This made me laugh. My son thinks the opposite that Mommy makes all the rules. So if I have done nothing right in my parenting at least he knows the Wife/Mommy is the boss ;)

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  50. Terra20:18

    My eight year old daughter has said she does not want to get married and have children since as long as I can recall. She absolutely detests babies...always has. I take solace in the fact that her auntie was the same way until well into her 20s. The same Auntie that is in an amazing marriage and has two wonderful kids.

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  51. Kelly M20:19

    Your son sounds like he's well on his way to being a Duggar with the gaggle of kids whose names all start with "J" ;)

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  52. Anonymous20:25

    Love it! My 3 1/2 year old son today said he will make a list of who his possible wives will be and then he will pick when he's a grown up. Guess I should make sure the kids are really sleeping before watching "sister wives"?

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  53. LOL! They have lots of time to change their minds (or not)! Growing up, I swore that I was never going to get married or have kids until I met my guy in college and caved on the marriage front. Took him a while to convince me to cave on the kid front...now I am happily married (18 years) with a 7 year old boy who thinks daddy rules and a 9 year old girl who believes in Prince Charming! Egads! Go figure!

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  54. Classic! I had a funny conversation along the same vein with my 8 year old a few weeks ago in the car on the way home from school where she informed me that she was in love with 2 boys and they both wanted to marry her. So I asked who she wanted to marry and her reply? "Well maybe I will marry Christopher first and then ditch him and marry Sam because he makes me laugh. " I jumped in with the same line about how she didnt need to decide now and she says "Oh phew - that's good!" So you may be raising a femi-nazi but I apparently am raising a heartbreaker! Oh kids...how you keep us on our toes!

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  55. Reminds me of the conversation I had with my 5 year old twins today in the car. Girl said that when she grows up and gets married, she wants to keep her last name the same. I told her that it was an option, and she could decide then. Boy says he wants to change his name to Mega Mind when he grows up! He was very disappointed when told that this was probably not an option.

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  56. I love conversations like that with my kids. My son (now 6, almost 7) has been responsible for roughly 75% of my FB posts. He's a real hoot. One morning when he was in kindergarten, he was watching me "make" breakfast (probably buttered toast or something equally nutritious), and pack school lunch for his older sister. He's studying me very intently and then says, "Did you always want to be a mom, like even when you were little?" I responded, "I don't know. I think so." To which he said, "That's weird. It looks like a lot of work to me." At the very least, I'm raising an observant child.

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  57. time heals all...

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  58. Anonymous21:55

    My 5.5 and 7.5 year old sons and I don't get THAT philosophical just yet. Occasionally the older one will talk about "when he has a wife" after he becomes an engineer or a palentologist (they're studying dinosaurs in school), but usually our conversations revolve around all things Jedi. You should see all of the Death Star plans at my house!

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  59. O wow the things our kids say haha I had to laugh when you called your daughter a femi-nazi lol o funny My daughter as well says crazy stuff all the time ok She's 5 and blows my mind one night we were sitting down to dinner and I realize she is not eating I say sis Hows come your not eating your dinner and Her reply was Quote"I can't mama I just cant stop thinking about him" Me who honey (fake name) Cole My husband and I looked at each other like Omg are you serious so I told her I cant stop thinking about daddy when he's at work to but I still eat my dinner lol it was cute and crazy all at once so when I took her to school the next day I asked Cole's mom a very good family friend what her son had done to my daughter to make her so distracted and her reply was he is a gentlemen and pulls her chair out for her and helps her clean up at play time amazed I laughed and told her the story about dinner she giggled and said yeah Cole said he was gonna Marry her someday just so he cold help her around the house and open doors and pull her chair out wow i guess if it does happen she is gonna have a great man these moments are priceless

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  60. Jaclyn Hartley22:14

    One of my favorites!!! I love when my kids get into these philosophical discussions! Always an intriguing conversation!!!!!

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  61. when i was little (we're talking like 5) i wanted 5 kids. when i was 15 i didn't want to have any.
    when i was 25 i found out that alcohol is NOT a reliable form of birth control.
    we have 3 kids now...
    i'm a slow learner :)

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  62. My ten yr old wants to either be a secret service spy or go to college to become a super ninja. Good thing reality is quite a ways away for him yet! He's also told us he's never moving out of our house. Yikes!

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  63. My three have always said no kids and that they were always going to live with me... until last year, when my now 13yo daughter decided I was too difficult to live with. Her plans are to be an artist, live and travel in an Rv, and if she decides she wants kids, she said she will adopt 1, only 1... changes from day to day if that kid will be a boy or a girl (I think this is related to which sibling she is irritated with). My 9yo twins have their future careers planned, but no marriage or babies. My son plans on working at Gamestop (they have already offered him a job application) and creating video games. My daughter plans on being a chef, she created her own soup recipe today and it was tasty :)
    We homeschool and they each have the opportunity to fulfilled their dreams, I just want them to be happy and healthy whatever they decide is right for them...

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  64. First of all - FUNNY!
    Second, my 5 y/o daughter wants to be a teacher or a box...??? WTF?
    (2 y/o don't talk yet - but I am certain she is destin for mommyhood - she mommies every baby and animal in existance!)
    Third, I have a career and kids and LOVE it! Mommy with money! Yeah!
    Last, Only thing my mom drilled into me is "Don't ever put yourself in a situation where you HAVE to depend on a man to live, make your own options!" Great advice which has played a big part in many of my big life decisions - who knew I was even listening??? I didn't!
    You're a great mom, Jenn!
    Devan

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  65. Karenista06:08

    Interesting...your kids blog names In my mind match your kids conversation. When I hear gomer I think of the Andy Griffith show. When I hear Adolpha I think of a super cool independent chick in NYC. I absolutely love your blog and can't wait for a few minutes alone from my three kids to read it and laugh my ass off!

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  66. This conversation is hilarious! I just love the personality it shows. My son likes to comment on my lack of a husband ALL the time. He's always asking me when I'm going to get married again and be a SAHM, so he can have a sister.

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  67. Where do they get this stuff from?! I tell my girls, who are 6 and 4, they have to go to college, get a job, live on their own, travel and then, AND ONLY then, can they start looking for a husband and do the family thing. It's like a mantra I have them repeat.

    The 4 year old, who has already said she doesn't want any kids, likes singing the mantra like Yankee Doodle or something, but the 6 year old rattles it off like it's Swing Low Sweet Chariot and she's off to fight in the corporate jungle when she'd really rather be having 6 kids (her words, not mine).

    Like you, I told her, 6 kids is a lot of work and without missing a beat, she said, "Well, you're going to live with us and take care of them." Uh, I'm going to be living in the south of France with no forwarding address. Au revoir et bonne chance, ma petite choux!

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    1. Michelle18:38

      good grief, what IF your child really does want to be a SAHM..she's going to thinking that her life was a failure. What if she doesn't want to go to college, live on her own, or travel? What if she really is fulfilled by staying home with 6 kids???

      sheesh.

      Where do they get it from? From you!

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    2. Anonymous13:39

      You need money and experience in life to be able to deal with any kids, let alone six. Travel gives you a well rounded perspective on the world and a career gives you money to take care of the kids. What would a SATM do if her husband left her? Live off of WIC or the government? Everyone should be able to support themselves. You are pathetic.

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  68. melwen21:42

    OMG. Crying. You are hysterical.

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  69. It is always the Dad's fault it is from the moment of conception!

    Trust me - we've all had these with pre-teen kids... then they grow into ... them other creatures!

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  70. Rachel09:17

    My kids were going to play house the other day and my 5 year old daughter said she wanted to be the dad. My 11 year old asked "why do you want to be the dad, you are a girl?" My 5 year old replies with, "because all the dad has to do is sit in the chair!"

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  71. Holy crap...my 3 girls always say that they don't want kids either...that they are too much work. I too think it's my haggard beaten down expression at the end of the day that does it! I guess I should probably work on that!

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  72. this was priceless. I have only raised one (proudly feminist) woman I can say that no matter what we do they seem to develope thier own ideas... Love your blog!

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  73. OMFG! I'm laughing so hard I'm crying! That's the BEST kid's conversation EVER! children... smh!

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  74. I would NOT say Adolpha is a feminazi. She is strong-willed and independent. It's Gomer's opinions that worry me.

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  75. My niece told me when she was littler (she's 9 now) that shes going to go to school, get a car, then a job and then a boy. I tease her about it to this day and she says thats still the same. She wants to be a vet something fierce but her 5 year old little sister, once told me (i think she was like 3) "I'm gonna get a baby daddy!" I. almost. died. I blame their mother & her side of the family that has a lot of baby daddies. lol

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  76. Somehow I missed the post. One of the funniest things I've read in a long time.

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  77. Were your kids watching The Cosby Show? Rudy and Bud had some conversations like that. Maybe that's where Gomer got his chauvinistic plans.

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    1. OMG! Right! I remember that too. Rudy's expression at Bud's chauvinistic goofiness. LOL!

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  78. Bahahaha! My 8 year old daughter has been saying she doesn't want to have children for many years. She knows how much I love being a mom so I don't think I'm making the option unattractive for her. She just has too many amazing things she wants to do when she grows up. :)

    I'm sure your son will find a wonderful SAHM for his 5 kids! ;)

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  79. That is freakin' funny! They are still pretty young, so I am sure their thoughts on the matter will change by the time they need to make such decisions in life. LOL

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  80. that's so funny! I always want to record my kids when they have conversations like this so I can play it back at the rehearsal dinner and frighten their soon-to-be-spouses!

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  81. I have two grandsons who are 6 weeks apart. When they were 4, they were in the back seat of my van and they were discussing marriage. "Are you going to marry a girl?" 'Yeeuch, no!! Girls are dee-scusting. I'm going to marry you." "Oh, good, I'll marry you too. Girls! p-tootie!" I almost ran off the road I was trying so hard not to laugh out loud.

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  82. This was both hysterical and eerily familiar. I blame my husband, too. It's always their fault somehow... and Ethel Veeblefester... if that's your real name, kudos to your parents and/or husband for having a hand in creating that level of awesomness. I'm seriously kind of jealous.

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  83. My daughter already has plans on marrying her best friend, Ava. They have it all mapped out and I'm pissed off at myself for not marrying her mother!

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  84. The comments are almost as good as the story, thanks everyone for sharing! My boys are sure they either want to live with me forever or until they have kids when they plan to buy the house out from the older lady across the street from us who gives them cookies. My daughter says she wants to be a mommy when she grows up (I give her until about 6 until she turns into Adolpha, though!

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