People I Want to Punch in the Throat: Sh*t Kids Say

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Sh*t Kids Say

I was reading the comments on my minivan confession and someone had the wonderful idea to keep track of shit kids say.  I believe the quote was "Between kids and old people, they say the funniest stuff."  I couldn't agree more!!  I bleeped the title so you can share easily with your Facebook and Twitter friends and not offend them too much.



So today I started making a list of things my own kids (Gomer and Adolpha) say.  Of course, they weren't their normal hilarious selves once I started keeping track.  Luckily, my friend's kids (Clarence, Boris, Malachai, Eugenie and Olympia) came to the rescue.

As always, this is a work in progress so be sure to add the sh*t you've heard kids say to the comments.

1.  Mommy, I can't walk any further.  My legs are out of power.
2.  What is a chicken nugget?  Is it chicken or cow?
3.  Mommy, your hair looks like fur.
4.  Mom, could you even see me?  'Cause I was running like a firebolt!
5.  Mommy, can't we please have another baby?  I promise I'll be nice to this one!
6.  Who wants to play puppy tag?  What's puppy tag?  Y'know, it's like tag only we're puppies.
7.  Gomer, what did you learn at school today?  Nothin'.
8.  I'm too dizzy to clean up my room.
9.  Dagnabbit is for kids to say.  Goddammit, is just for you, Mom.  That's right, Boris.
10.  Do any of your parents use the bank drive thru to get money?  No, but that's how we get our fries!
11.  Mommy, can you sing the ABCs for me and I'm going to write them while you sing?  A, B, C, D, E, F, G - Wait, wait a minute, too fast.  Did you say A?
12.  MOM! Yes, Malachai?  My friend Adolpha's grandma was our mystery reader and she gave us Chinese New Year candy.  It was so good and mom did you ever talk to Adolpha's mom about the chicken and rice she gave us?  It was so good.  I want you to cook that.  Oh mom, I told her it was my favorite.  Oh mom, can you go find that?  Oh mom, can I go play with Adolpha one day and John can play with Gomer?  He's Adolpha's little brother oh I mean maybe he is her big brother.  OK, goodnight.
13.  Adolpha and I were thinking.  You should get some Pajama Jeans and a Forever Lazy - you would like both of those things.  Or the Wonder File, it would really clean up your desk if you had one of those.
14.  Daddy, is Nationwide on our side?  Nooo.  Oh, so we must have a good neighbor like State Farm.  Time to turn off the TV, Gomer.
15.  We're rich, because we're a little nerdy and Daddy says nerds have all the money.
16.  I like to fart in the car and gross everyone out because it is funny.
17.  Dad, I'm not playing games with you...now send mom up to tuck me into bed.
18.  Mom, did God make us in China?
19.  Mom, the laundry basket looks like a volcano.  I think it's time to do some laundry.
20.  Hey Mom, you know the word "duck?"  Yes.  If you take the "d" and make it an "f" you get "fuck." OKayyy.  Where did you learn that, Gomer?  The kid across the street told me.  He said it's bad though and I shouldn't say it.  Whoops.  Is he right?
21.  Mom, I have a new rule for the house:  I will help you.  I will undress Eugenie every day and you will pay me for it.
22.  You don't have to worry about how you look, Mom.  Everybody is a little fat.
23.  When I'm five I can have beer.  Five means beer.  Says who, Clarence?
24.  Mommy, your china has a mustache.
25.  Mommy, is that what you're going to wear to my school when you pick me up?
26.  Daddy, you're HUGE!  (5 year old boy to his naked father.  Needless to say, Dad felt pretty good for the rest of the day.)
27.  Daddy, why is his so much bigger than yours?  (Same 5 year old boy in the locker room at the pool.)
28.  Umm....don't you think you should wear something else?  You always wear that hat!
29.  Hey Mom, you know Reginald, that kid in my class who's always bugging me?  Yes.  Well, today he said Your mom thinks I'm a jerk. What did you say?  I just said, Ummm...kinda.
30.  But Mommy, why can't I wear this to school?

The real Gomer in an outfit inspired by Vikings, Ninjas, & Pirates topped off with a fishing hat.

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278 comments:

1 – 200 of 278   Newer›   Newest»
Smocked Tots said...

"mom, hear this"

MyRealHomz said...

"So they dumped Osama bin Laden in the ocean, right? They did that to Megatron too. And Megatron summoned all the Decepticons. The way I see it, we better watch our backs!" My 12 year old...

AmBer said...

OMG my son comes up with some great stuff too... and I could totally see my 9 year old saying half of these.. You are my new hero!!!

Jamie said...

Hilarious!! I have a million of these but just to share a couple -
my 8 year old daughter helping me fold the laundry, picks up a pair of my jeans and says "Mom, these are HUGE" and of course the same child after being told that she wouldn't be able to date as a teenager because dad is going to scare all the boys away "Stop ruining my life" (complete with hands slamming on the table and real tears) I'm so looking forward to age 9...lol

nessaboo said...

LMAO!! Your china has a mustache! Once my niece walked in on her naked Dad in the bathroom and she said, "Daddy, I like your tail." Referring to his penis, of course. We laughed about that forever. It was so innocent!

Kate said...

Driving my daughter to preschool recently she's singing to herself when she stops, looks at me with a really serious look "Mom, did you know your butt is REALLY big? But not as big as God or the world so its okay"
Um, gee thanks sweetie

Momof 4 said...

LOVE this. Today my 5 yo daughter was looking at pictures with my hubby. The pictures were of my older 2 as babies and my husband asked the 5 yo, do you think we should have another baby? 5yo turns to him straight faced and says.."is that why your belly is so big, maybe you are going to have a baby soon!" BEST MORNING FOR ME EVER!!!

Mrs. Tate said...

My oldest daughter is on the school dance team. They were practicing their kick routine and end the dance with the splits. She's a very honest child and sometimes falls under the TMI category. She says..."I think I heard my crotch break, so when I have a baby they won't have to cut me"
OMG.

Lisa (DanielsMommy) said...

Those are funny!!! Needed a good laugh this morning. My daughter has come out with some good ones about her teachers. She said about this one teacher she doesn't really like "Mommy, she has no bright side". She also came home one day and tried to tell me what happened in class. She said the teacher was up in front of the class helping some students. I had a question too so I went up front. I stood right next to the teacher but she never saw me, she must not have a corner eye. The cutest thing my son ever said was late one night. He must have watched Toy Story earlier in the night. He was stomping his foot down in his room so I went in to see what was going on. He was flapping his arms, stomping his foot down and reaching up high....but he was MAD. He said "Mommy, can't fly...trying hard, can't fly". He was truly heartbroken when he came to realize that humans do not fly.

Jen Giroux said...

"I am going to live with you forever, Mom"

"Mom, when can I get a tattoo / ears pierced / driver's license?"

"Yes, you have money! Just use your card."

And my favorite...
Mom: "Why didn't you clean up the milk you spilled?"
Kid: "I left it for you because you love to clean up."
Oh, yeah, I forgot how much I love to clean up after all of you... it's my life's calling.

Jen Giroux said...

We were in the car playing ISpy with the kids. My husband says, "ISpy something gray." Within a second, my 4 year old says, "Mom's hair!" I thought my husband was going to crash the car, he was laughing so hard.

Steph said...

Oh I've been told, "You're not fat Mamma, your boobs are just realllly long." thanks kid.

Sonogal72 said...

"I just farted out of my mouth!". ..my 3 year old after she burped.

Blondie McBaffled said...

My personal favorate: Mom, why are you on a diet? You're not fat... you're just jiggly.

Tara said...

My 7 year old daughter (now 12) spouted off to me that "You can't change a man" while discussing a little boy that misbehaved frequently in her class. Oh, what I would have given to be that smart at 7.

This is also the same little darling that asked me if her "thighs were going to be as big as mine when she grew up" at age 5.

RachRiot said...

Just yesterday my daughter came running in the room and said, "Momma, this is cool-did you know that 'dog' spelled backwards is 'Jesus?'"

Heather said...

Keegan said (at age 3, before reading) at the Chinese restaurant, his fortune cookie read "Dry clean only". How do they come up with these things?!

MamaVeronika said...

Ian (4 years old): Mom, what's my peepee's name?
Me: I don't know buddy, what do you want to call it?
Ian: Mr. Sour Cream

nonsomnus said...

My three year old rolled down her window at the McDonald's drive through yesterday morning and yelled at the teenagers in front of us... "Hurry up you morons! My mom needs her coffee! She's REALLY crabby this morning!" :/

JMac Equitherapy said...

omg....i was going to post something but when I read Steph"s comment about her boobs being long...I laughed so hard I forgot what I was going to post....omg.....that is CLASSIC!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry Steph....for the record...my boobs are long too!

Tresh

nonsomnus said...

Best ever...

suzzsuki said...

My 4 yr old last night..."Mom, here's the deal. We can watch Christmas movies whenever we want. And Thanksgiving movies and Halloween too. Whenever we want. Ok Mom?" Me: " ya, we'll see about that." ( I really need to pack those movies away)

JMac Equitherapy said...

this is freaking classic! I am STILL giggling

VRhodes said...

So my 8-yr-old (we'll call him D) learned what feliz navidad means last month and thinks he has been let in on a huge, adult secret. We were at the park one night looking at the Christmas lights and we encounter a little boy on a scooter who walks with us for a while. When we go to leave, my son says *Feliz navidad!* then with a smug shrug of the shoulders *though you probably dont know what that means.* Uh-huh except the boy was Hispanic, and we could hear his family speaking Spanish. So we explain that to D expecting him to be humbled...but no, he was empowered. To top off the encounter, as we get in the car, D yells out of the window at him *Adios, amigo!*

unplannedAdulthood said...

I'm a nanny, so these kids aren't even mine:

Why is your belly so jiggly?

Your butt cheeks are really wide!

I love your big soft tummy.

*begins fake chomping at my crotch* I'm going to eat your peanuts!

Can I touch your hair/ sniff you/ rub your butt?

*pillow fighting* Hit me in the peanuts with a pillow! Me: what? Why? Him: because I like it!

Of course, they also tell me I'm beautiful, they love my clothes, I smell like peaches, I'm so nice, etc, so I guess it's okay.

Jess said...

When I first started dating my husband, his 6yo daughter told me her dad was built "like a rock" and I was "squishy...like a pig's belly." Got to love kids- they are so damn honest.

Alicia said...

Mom, hiccups just came out of my butt.

Jamie said...

Yesterday - out of the mouth of a 16 year old girl (I realize not what most think of when the "what kids say" topic comes up) while speaking to her gymnastics coach - "You don't fart in front of your friends?!?! Shoot, I fart ON my friends."

hodgepodge8 said...

When my 3 yr old daughter asked my 8 yr old daughter for a cup of juice, my 8 yr old said "what is the magic word?", my 3 yr old matter-of-factly replied "bippity boppity boo!"

Jamie said...

Better yet, a few years ago while standing in a dressing room with my then 7 year old daughter. I was trying on a skirt and the lovely child says, "Oh mom, you can't buy that. You're WAY too fat for that."

kate said...

While driving last night we heard (the artist formerly known as) Prince's song "Kiss" on the radio. The daughter and her friend were certain it was new and by Miss Piggy.

davis.kelley2 said...

My stepson to me after seeing one of my bras while I was folding laundry, "That's my mom's!" I said, I hope not.

In response to my son losing stickers at school, I said to him, "I'm really sorry you won't get a treasure box toy this week." He said, "Mom, sometimes I'm just too tired for the treasure box."

My son comes flying into the kitchen to his chair, plops down and promptly says, "How many bites until I can be done?"

"Cody said the 'S' word!!!!"
"What's the s word"
"Dumb"

"Are there bad words in that movie? Is that why I can't watch it?"
"Yes"
"Do they say shut up, dumb, and blood? 'Cause those are REALLY bad words"

Andrea said...

My 4 yr old son- Mom, your belly is really big, are you going to poop another baby?
The same son was in Sunday School and one of the teachers said there were really big animals on the ark. She asked the kids to name some of the big animals. My son raised his hand and said, Mrs Judy, because she is huge! Mrs Judy was the other teacher in the class. Not sure how to get back on her good side.

ArenK said...

First day of Kindergarten for boy. The teacher, starts to read us all a book called the kissing hand, which is about a raccoon that is going off to school for the first time and is scared. She is showing us the front cover where it shows a mother raccoon and the child raccoon and a moon. She say do you know why there is a moon? It is because raccoon’s are nocturnal creatures. That means that they stay awake all night and sleep during the day. If they go to school at night what time do you think they would get up to go to school. At which point Boy puts up his hand. Yes Boy? Boy: Did you know that my dad shoots the raccoons out of the tree in our back yard? (at which point I could have easily crawled into a corner).

Robyn said...

I have a whole book I keep, but here are a few gems from my oldest:

at 3: "I'm 190 pounds beautiful. And you are, too, and Little D [her baby sister], and Daddy. Well, he's 60 pounds handsome."

at 3: "N and F [friends] and I are all lucky because we have dogs. C isn't lucky because she has an alarm clock."

at 2: Daddy: "I mean business."
S: "Well, I'm sorry, but you can't do business with me."

Unknown said...

My a lot younger than me brother said to me on Christmas Day, "Wow sister, I can see your gray hair shining all the way over here." Also on Christmas day, he said "Your face ain't as messed up this morning as I thought it was going to be." Thanks a lot little brother, thanks a lot.

Seyalo said...

My 4 year old came to me irritated and whining "my foot WONT stop sprinkling"
it took me a minute but then couldn't help laughing when I realizes his foot was asleep. He did not find the humor but it was too cute lol

Elizabeth. said...

lol, All of these are great! When my daughter was in Kindergarten, her teacher said something about being happy that Velentines day was coming up, because she LOVES chocolate. My then 5 year old looked at her and replied, "Yeah, we can tell you love chocolate. Maybe you should not eat so much, you are getting kindof chunky." The teacher decided then was a good time to announce to the class that she is expecting a baby.....story over, right? Then my child yells out "You know that baby's gonna come out of your vagina, right?!" Call home.

Andrea said...

Carson, after waking up at 11:30 and coming into our bedroom. "Mom, have you ever heard of the Alphabet? It starts with ABC and ends with a Z and it's awesome!" lololol No telling what that kid was dreaming!

wineymom said...

My 6 yr old was running around naked when my 8 yr old looked me and said with a straight face "omg, did you drink wine when you had her?" lol and no I didn't.

Courtney_81 said...

I just had a baby 8w ago so I still have baby weight (on top of everything that.was there before). well, the other day my 5yr old asked me to "move your blob" while trying to do something.

Jessica said...

5 year old boy, "My brain made me do it."

Elizabeth. said...

hahaha! thats hilarious!

Alicia said...

(As I'm checking her diaper): "There's no poop in there...just my butt!"

(Walks in on Daddy peeing): "What's that?" He replies, "My penis." She says, "I like penis!" Ummmm, no you don't!!

"I have to cover my ears so the thunder won't hear me."

"The bitty pider (itsy bitsy spider) is in my butt!"

crazymommy... said...

Omg...these are so funny! I write a blog and my kids say some crazy s#@! Please feel free to read! crazymommy4ever@blogspot.com I have some good ones as well. :)

Furtheron said...

pure genius

Teacher Amee said...

My 4 year old son was swinging, and every time he went up, he spread his legs out really wide. Grandma asked why he was doing this. He replied, "Because I like my penis flapping in the wind." Grandma was horrified.

Katherine said...

My 10 yr old girl was telling her friend about Henry the 8th. She said "back then you could kill your wife if she cheated on you. Today it's just a nasty break up and trash talk on twitter."

shepee75 said...

My son came home from school with a free kids meal ticket at Chili's. When he asked if we could go tonight and I said no he held it up and said "but I can get us in for free".

TracyLynn said...

"is spaghetti seafood?" me: "no...why would you think that?" "Cuz it's slippery and eveything slippery is from the sea!"

sad but true...this came from my 14 year old!!! Said his teacher told him that....I'm homeschooling now! haha

Xayton said...

Here's 3 from just church with the 5 & 2 year old this week ( it's a new thing I'm trying, they are baptized but don't go other than occasions and I'm trying to rectify that) we are in week 3 of a six week program in which I plan to have them church broken. 2 year old as congregation is quiet, n father is saying the homily " NO mama it's MY turn to talk" after he was shushed. 5 year old "Hey mama .... How old do I have to be to get the free samples?". And finally after the choir finishes there song 2 year old loudly proclaims " Mama I don't like that song! Can they do 'Sexy and I know ' it next??? ...... And I wonder why my hubby refuses to go with us :)

aprilpin said...

My friend and her 2 yo were laying in bed talking before starting their day when he said"mama it looks like you have a hot dog right there" as he grabs her double chin.

kaptnkarl said...

I knew it was time to lose weight when my best friend's six year old walked up to me and patted me on the stomach and said, "you're gonna have a baby!"...

I'm a guy.

Time to lose weight.

Debbie said...

Last year the week after Easter (bc it was unusually late in April) news broke that osama bin laden had been killed and buried at sea, my then kindergarten son looks at me and says "so is Salami (how he pronounced Osama) going to rise from the dead in 3 days too?"

rdaann said...

Daughter: my underwear are small... And I know why boys underwear is big... Cuz they have to tuck that fat up I'm there". (While acting out the tucking of the boy parts)

rbc said...

Me, turning around to put my bra on.

My breast-obsessed 3-year-old: "Mom! Are you about to pop 'em in?"

Oh geez...

Beth H said...

While waiting on a convertible to drive by one afternoon, my boys asked where the lid was for that car.

Wendy said...

A four year old gazing at my german shepherd who was lying on his side. The dog's back leg was bent up a bit.

"That dog's got some good chicken in him."

Huh?

But when I looked again, yes, I could see it - the position of the hind leg looked just like a chicken leg laid out on a plate!

Tracey said...

Can't.stop.laughing.

Carey said...

My 4 year old said "And God isnt even magical! He just makes Jesus do all his work!"

KelleyB said...

Preschool son:"I want to marry Mommy when I get big!"
Preschool daughter: "I want to marry a clown." (so they're on the same wavelength???)

Missy Smith said...

hahaha. My son asked me, "Mom...why do your boobs just hang there?" Ugggg.

KelleyB said...

hahaha! my daughter would hand me an apple and ask me to take off "the paper". (peel)

Tracey said...

I just had breast reduction surgery on Friday and my six year old son has had quite a few questions about it. When I came home from the hospital the next morning he whispered, "Mama, can we see your new boobs now? We'll be gentle."

Hollybgriff said...

My son, who is 6, told me that he didnt think that the Elf on the Shelf was real. When I ask him why he thought this, he replied: "Cause I stuck a needle straight through his eyeball, and he didnt make a sound." What is one to say to that??

Vito said...

I have 4 kids so I can go on for days, but my favorites are the words they make up:

"oners" = eleven (two ones is oners)
"oopsily" = accidendly (I oopsily spilled my milk)
"jew-car" = police car.... can't explain that one
"Ba-how" = grandma (makes no sense)
"the ohter Ba-how" - grandpa (again.... why.... even if he is the only one there, he is the other ba-how)

ckrasowski311 said...

We were driving home the other night and saw some deer walking along side the road, and my 3-year old son says, "Mommy, they must be looking for Santa."

Emily said...

From the 5 yr old boy after he drank a half gallon of Apple cider and promptly got diarrhea, "mom I just peed out of my butt!", the 4 year old girl on slow drivers, "move it douche bag"....honey that's a bad word...."but that's what daddy calls them". The boy also refers to his scrotum as his "sack of juice." "Mom what are these hard things in my sack of juice? Will they come out?" The girl who is consumed with my gigantic, milk filled breasts..."mom why are these fings (things) so big?" The boy after getting caught peeing in the bathtub, "but mom my peepee told me to do it!" The boy after coloring on himself with marker "well mom I was running with the marker and I fell down and the marker Accidently wrote all over me...." The girl while I was pregnant "mom when baby comes out do you want me to kick him back for you?" My nephew after the birth of his brother "we don't put the baby in the dryer"...and this is just a sampling....this is everyday in our house:)

lizziep said...

Can't stop laughing

MommaVino said...

In the middle of the doctor's office waiting room: *points at hubs* "IS THAT MY REAL DAD???" Yes, dear. Yes it is.

JLynn said...

"Mom, can you please stop dancing in the car while we are driving? It's embarrassing me. Because you know I'm kinda famous & don't want anyone to recognise me when we drive by as you do that" said my awesome 7 year old son last week.

perkiwindy said...

"Mommy...your outfit is soooooo understated...are you going to the store in that?" said the 9 year old... "OH FOR THE LOAF OF BREAD!!" yelled the 7 year old...

allthegrains said...

Mom to child "let's try not to say any bad words today, ok?". Replies child "you mean like Jackwagon????"

Jen Giroux said...

When I told my son, "money can't keep you warm at night," he replied, "well, if you sewed a bunch of dollar bills together and made a blanket it could."

Smart a**.

JLynn said...

Boy: So Mom, you never answered my question about how I came out of your belly if I didn't get cut out
Me: Well Bud, you weren't exactly in my belly, you were in my uterus & the uterus has a hole at the bottom it where babies come out when they are ready
Boy: So you kinda laid me like a bird lays eggs?
Me: Well, yeah, I guess its something like that
Boy: Hmm, well ok, thanks mom!

Quite literally the birds & the bees according to my 7 year old!

lizziep said...

My 6 yr old and I are butting heads about respect I told her rolling her eyes is not respectful she told me it feels good really? My other daughter at 3 wanted to know when she was going to grow a penis so she could stand up to pee, stepson ran and brought me a bra before going out and said here is your leash

Kerrye said...

"I call my weeny 'Rock Star'."
and
me: Are your pants unzipped?
boy: "So? We ain't fancy."

JT1222 said...

13 and 14 are great. My 7 year old references way too many commercials and infomercials. He even knows a lawyers phone number by heart (1-800-call sam) for the last few years.

Momof 4 said...

LOVE THIS!!!!

Beth said...

hysterical!

Savanna said...

Hahahahahahahahaha! That's hilarious!

The Hadfield Family said...

My 6 year old son told me that he is saving his money for a "hobo stick" Me: What's a hobo stick? Boy: You know, that thing that you stand on and bounce up and down?... I still haven't corrected him. I like hobo stick better than pogo stick.

And that chicken nugget question is a valid point. Who knows what's in those?

NHGirl said...

Patting my not-so-slim belly, my three year old says, "You're REALLY full, Mommy! Are you full because you ate a lot?"

Watching a car spin out of control on tv, my two year old says, "Oh no! He fall down, Mommy! He fall down! He needs Mater!"

brookelmt said...

"Hey! Do you want to play that game where I'm your pet chicken?" said my 5 year old to our 9 year old friend. The friend replied "yes", of course.

Ananamoose said...

Omg...I'm in tears. That's hilarious! Thanks for making my morning! :)

Heather said...

I got all worked up while driving this weeekend and my 7 year old said "Relax Mommy! Relax!"

Ananamoose said...

me either. Omg..I'm in tears!

Momof 4 said...

I just laughed so hard my tea came shooting out my nose. Great story!

MamaQuick said...

My 5-year old daughter (Kat) talking to my husband and I before going to the sonogram to find out if her new sibling would be a boy or girl:
Kat: They're both bald right?
Me: Who?
Kat: Boy and girl babies
Me: Yep
Kat: Then how can we tell if its a boy or a girl?
Me: Well, they have different private parts
Kat: Do you mean like balls?
Me (trying not to laugh): Yes Kat, like balls.

Momof 4 said...

Oh Emily, I am laughing so hard, I am having an asthma attack. These are fantastic.

Lanae Brown said...

In a public bathroom with 5yo son and 3yo daughter. Daughter going potty first. With extreme concern, son says, "Mommy, her penis looks like a butt."

5yo son says, "Let's have a date night at home, with popcorn, a movie, orange julius and sitting naked by the fire."

Heather said...

From my 6 year old "I don't want to watch finding bigfoot, they can never find him!"

Momof 4 said...

My oldest daughter 13 now, about a year ago we are in a very busy supermarket and I asked her to grab some green peppers. She comes back with green peppers but with a confused look on her face. Me: What's the matter? Her: What's a shit take? Me: WHAT???? Her: What is a shit take? (even louder)She pointed I walk around the corner and there are shiitake mushrooms. I yelled, they aren't shit takes, they are SHIITAKE. Then laughed so hard that I had to leave the store. I will never eat another shiitake mushroom again!!

Kindell Barnes said...

It was Halloween night & we had been trick or treating for a good while.. the kids had a huge amount of candy & were getting tired of carrying the bags.. So my son (4 at the time) laid in the middle of the road & said "Im beat.. Mom you carry my bag its heavy & I'm sure you know how that feels being fat and everything!! Talk about time to diet..

Ananamoose said...

I am totally calling pogo sticks hobo sticks from now on.

teachermom said...

5yr old daughter when I asked her to clean up a mess "Mom, all the nice mommies clean while their kids play." delusional child.

Confessions of a PTO Mom said...

Mommy. You want me to move faster, but I can't. I only have 2 hands. If I had 100 hands, I could move faster, but I don't, so you'll just have to be patient and wait because I am going as fast as I can.

-my middle child, aged 5.

Colleen said...

OMG! Too funny!!!

Lillian Carilo said...

OMG...I'm watching that exact scene in the movie with my son.... he is 19 yrs old. Love our mother/son movie time.

Laura said...

Crying...that sounds like something my son would say! LOL

Porcelina4me said...

My daughter saw her Daddy naked and screamed, "Daddy has a tail!!"
Another day we were eating at a new little cheeseburger place in town. One of the workers made one too many rootbeer floats, so she gave it to us. I didn't realize I had never given my daughter a rootbeer float before. After she tasted it she said, "This is SOOOO good...it's totally changed my life!"
As a 3-year old she saw me bend over to pick something up and Daddy walked by and spanked my butt. She yelled, "DON'T HIT MOMMY! IT'S NOT NICE!" Then told her daycare that "Daddy hits Mommy." Needless to say, they sat me down for the "You're not alone, we can get help for you" talk. Good times. :)

Laura said...

OMG, this one made me cry & snort. So funny!

MommyOntheEdge said...

"Mom! Cole's belly button has a BEARD!"(my 14 yr old son, towel around his waste after a shower) -my 8 yr old daughter.

Unknown said...

As I'm getting out of the shower I see my then 6 year old daughter looking at my breasts with a look of disgust and she says, "I do not want to grow up if I have to get big hanging boobies like you." Thanks...

Laura said...

My son, aged 6.5: Mommy, when I grow up, I'm going to have a wife with boobies like yours.

MommyOntheEdge said...

O.M.G I'm at work reading this and people are wondering why I'm crying and laughing so hard. Thanks!

MommyOntheEdge said...

I'm not sure, still trying not to pee myself at work over this.

MommyOntheEdge said...

Forgot, just Saturday my 8 yr old daughter was whining about something stupid, so I told her to toughen up and quite crying. My 10 yr old son looks up from his computer game and says, "Mom..that's not crying, it's whining..with style."

Danielle Smith said...

My brother and I were teaching the 4 year olds in Sunday school and we were talking about good and bad choices. We had asked them what some good choices were, so then we asked them what might be some bad choices. One little boy had some interesting answers: "Throwing bombs at people. Beating someone in the head until their brains come out. Stabbing someone in the heart." My response, "Yes, those ARE bad choices. Thanks for sharing."

Jami said...

A few of my favorites from my daughter:

When she was 2 years old, she was having a tea party by holding a chap stick lid and pretending to sip out of it. I asked her if she was drinking tea. In the sweetest little voice, she replied "I'm drinking beer."

At 3 years old, I was tucking her into bed and asked her for the routine hug and kiss. She quickly replied "Hmmmmm....how about a nice handshake?" Seriously??

Kids are too funny.

Kim said...

When I taught Sunday School to the 6 year olds, I was telling them the story of Noah and the Ark. This one boy was telling us about all the animals in the Ark, but then stopped himself, and started to freak out! He then asked me (in a panicked voice), "What about all the sharks??? What did they do with the sharks???"

Unknown said...

Me to my 5 yr old girl: "I think actually might be your favorite word"
Her: "Actually, it's not"

Peytyn's Mommy said...

I was driving downtown with my 4 yrs old Niece and she saw a building that had a smoke stack and said "Look Aunt Beth, that's the building that makes clouds." It was the cutest thing ever, that I had to agree with her.

Split3ways said...

Ha, my son says that too. Always cracks us up!

Split3ways said...

bahahaha

Split3ways said...

My 9 YO
Mom, since you're wearing a bra today will you walk me in to school.

At the time 6 YO
Man, this is harder than trying to put on underwear when you're wet.

Cou said...

This is one of my all time favorites from my son. Mom, you look really cute in that outfit. Kinda like a chubby teenager.
Um,thanks?

Julie said...

Oh, I'm going to start using the phrase "shit take" as a verb now. "When I saw how much the repair bill was I did a shit take."

W.C. Brann said...

My little guy isn't old enough yet to say anything funny except parroting me from the other room when I drop a curse word without realizing he's in the house with my wife.

I did launch a zinger at my mom when I was 4 years old, following behind her in the grocery store: momma, your legs are... are... (moves my hands back and forth, side to side)... sloshin'.

unplannedAdulthood said...

Omy! How embarrassing.

ev said...

Ha! These are HILARIOUS!!! My then 3-yr-old and I were walking down the street once when he yelled "look, dad. I see a mommy-man and a baby-man", pointing to a midget and his friend. Sorry, I meant to say a little person and his average sized friend. True story...

Ejpsmom said...

in trying to remember something hilarious my son has said to me (because trust me there have been many things) he just came up to me and whispered in my ear...
Him-'mom, you have cooties'
Me-'cooties? why do you say I have cooties?'
him-'because you are a girl, all girls have cooties!'
... from the mouth of a 6 year old !!! hahahha he NEVER ceases to amaze me at the things he comes up with!!

crossfire said...

I took out the trash one morning and I had commented, to myself, on how it smelled like something died in there. Apparently my child had heard me and she went to school and told everyone that her mom and dad had killed a man and stuffed him in the trash.
The following month we went to TX for spring break and my husband had bought her some hermit crabs (against my will.) Well the following week she returned to school and proceeded to tell everyone that her dad gave her crabs on vacation but I didn't get them because I refused to go down town with her dad.
Needless to say her teacher and I were quickly on a first name basis. Got to love 6 year olds.

Pam said...

thank you ALL for sharing your funny stories! I've really enjoyed some seriously good laughs. When my now 18 y.o. daughter was almost 2, my parents were visiting. I put supper on the table and she said, with her adorable sailor dress, complete with big red bow in hair and the sweetest little lisp - "what's this fucking shit?" I thought I would die. My husband still loves to tell that one.

Blissfully Discontented said...

Yesterday after getting my 5yr old dressed for school...with all of the fury of a determined kindergartener, he stormed out of his room proclaiming:
"Let's DO this butt cheek!!!" Although I was left wondering if a comma was intended and if so was i said "butt cheek". Either way he's full of the one-liners...

Tammy said...

My then 3 y.o. daughter, in a stall w/me in a very crowded restroom: mommy, you have HAIR on your PEE PEE! Me, through clenched teeth: you will to when you're a mommy. Her very serious, solemn and big eyed response? "I don't wanna be a mommy"

My then 5 y.o. son to his friends: there's my mom's fuckin' truck. And in front of everyone the same day: mom? Where's my fuckin' shoe? All I could think was - at least he used the word correctly.

Oh and the funniest one (you probably had to be there) that we STILL tease him about now (he'll be 20 in March): super excited and breathless: "that was faster than...than a ah ah... SMOKED SAUSAGE!"

Sometimes we just say smoked sausage to him and then roll on the floor laughing.

Darn kids are so funny.

Krysti said...

I'm not a parent, but as an elementary teacher I've heard some good ones.

My all-time favorite came from a highly intelligent first grade boy (I'll call him "D") when I was student teaching. He gave me quite a few gems, but this one was by far the best.

It was the day before Thanksgiving break and my cooperating teacher was gone, so the kids had a sub in the room and an easy day. They were doing an addition worksheet with coloring, and the turkey they were coloring had a red and green sweater. One of the students goes, "Hey! He's wearing Christmas colors!" After a few comments on Christmas, "D" looks up and in an exasperated and dramatic voice, lays this one on the class:

"People, PLEASE! It's not even Thanksgiving yet! Can we get through ONE holiday at a time?!"

The substitute and I were nearly crying with laughter.

.nina. said...

as someone who doesn't have kids, one of the greatest joys in my life are stories about shit that my friends kids say. my top two fave are:

mom, while giving her 4 year old daughter a bath - "okay stand up so I can wash your hiney."
daughter stands up while mom looks away - "mom, don't forget to wash my balls."
mom looks at daughter to see her holding two bouncy ball toys.

mom is driving around the city looking for a parking spot for apparently too long.
6 year old daughter from the back seat - "mom. can you just park this fucking car already?"

I live for that shit. oh and p.s. your blog ROCKS!

C said...

Wow. Guess you have to kids to appreciate this one.

unplannedAdulthood said...

So funny!

talea216 said...

Love it! haha

Ki said...

I was at a middle school event for my oldest daughter with a friend who's oldest was also in the showcase. As these things do, it ran overly long and my friends then 8yo son put his head in my lap. After he ignored his mother telling him to sit up numerous times, my husband leaned over and told him told him to sit up. My friends son looked him in the eye and asks "What? Are you jealous?"

Kris K said...

my friend is driving down the freeway when a guy cuts her off and she starts yelling at him, her 3 year old in the backseat looks at her and says "Mom, him can't hear you."

talea216 said...

When my son was about 6 he got mad at his older sister and wanted to call her a bad name. The worst he knew were: wolverine, big hunk of metal, and toilet seat. Now he is 17. He recently got his first car. One day he got in, rolled his window down a little grinned at me and said, "don't let me out...I'll kill again." He's so ridiculous.lol

mosaicmaddness said...

A friend of mine is a teacher, and she told me today that a little boy asked her why she had named her chihuahua "Sugar Ray." She told him she had named him after a famous boxer. He said, "Cool, my cats name is Rocky!" and she asked, "Oh, after Rocky Balboa?" and he looked like she was nuts and said, "No... for ice cream."

Sarah said...

Last night with my 9 year old- he blew his nose and immediately after the heater kicked on with its loud roar. Son- "It's like a reaction to the sound of me blowing my nose!" me- "yup" son- "Maybe it's a gentleman Empire double-sided wall heater and it thinks I'm a lady Empire double-sided wall heater and it is responding to my unique rumble." me- bahahahahaha (I think it may be time to have 'the talk')

Sara said...

My favorite was my daughter.. she's rather precocious.. when she was 6, we were at dinner with my parents and i was complaining to my husband that i found a gray hair. She said to me, mama why do you have a gray hair? I said because of you and your brother. She sat there for a second and then said.. well then what did you do to Grandma? I about died, my mom and dad are cracking up laughing and my husband was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe.

Jamie said...

4 year old Daughter: mom, will this zumba help you lose weight?
Me: yes, baby I want to get my body healthy!
Daughter: It's working! You're looking unfat already!

Michelle S. said...

On a project at school...."my mom is like a cat, she likes to sleep all day."

sp said...

When driving with their father and someone cut him off, my kids told him to do what mom does. Tell them that they are number 1 (then promptly showed him their middle fingers!) "mom says they are number 1!"

Cmiller said...

Love it

Cmiller said...

I am crying laughing over here.

Chris W said...

My 4 year old, as I gave him a booster seat to sit at the table: Thanks for getting me high, Mom.
The same 4 year old: Thanks for the beer, Mom (when I gave him a root beer.

Tammy said...

Those were great and the comments too!

My 8 year old daughter tell me after school she shuts off her brain.

Said 8 yr old and I got our ears pierced together a few weeks ago and now my almost 3 year old wants earrings too so I told her she has to eat good food like broccoli so she can grow big like her sister first. Then she says "Ok mom, I grow big broccee."

Also the other day while watching a Wallace and Grommet film, Wallace's bare butt is shown and the toddler yells out "look ass!" I know she has heard the word before but not in that context!

Emily said...

When my son was about 2, I was stuck behind a jack bag driver and muttered "move your ass Dick hole" not thinking about the small listening child in the back seat, we get home and he kept saying "d hoe d hoe..." The officer (as I refer to my husband) asked what he was saying....I have NO idea honey he's been saying it all afternoon;) whoopsies!

AmberD said...

My three year old in the tub:
Granma, dere balls in dere, can I take them out and play with them?
At age 5:
Running down the stairs buck naked after bath time, lands at bottom with both hands pointing to crotch, singing "5 dollar foot long"
Age 7:
So mom (waitress) you put the money in the money machine(atm) and granma(direct deposit) takes it out??
Age 9:
the child still uses the word ' ament' a contraction for am not (that should totally be a word!)

You really cant fix stupid said...

Watching Maury with my 10 year old:
"Blah, blah, blah she is so fat!"
Me: you know theres nothing wrong with fat people!
"Yes there is...they are fat!"
Me: you know..i was fat when your dad and i met.....
"Well your skinny now so get over it!!"

Tina Hernandez said...

When the movie Despicable Me came out, my oldest son Mikael (5 at the time) was telling his younger brother Ezekiel (3 at the time) about the previews and how badly he wanted to see the movie. When I walked into the room (and in on the conversation), Ezekiel informed me: "MOM! DID YOU KNOW THEY'RE COMING OUT WITH A MOVIE CALLED 'DESPICABLE MIKAEL'!?"
me: "What?"
Ezekiel: "A movie... called 'Despicable MIKAEL'!"
me: "Ooooh. You mean, 'Despicable ME'?"
((Pause.))
((Gasp.)) Ezekiel: "MIKAEL! THEY'RE MAKING A MOVIE CALLED 'DESPICABLE MOM', TOO!"
me: "Noooo... 'Despicable ME'."
Ezekiel: "...Despicable ME!?"

Mistie said...

I have a 3yo son and a 20mo son... The 3yo was slapping his younger brother on the head... I yelled at him to stop hitting your brother... He said "but I da badguy!" Lol! He has such an imagination!

kori kay said...

While coloring one day my 2 1/2 yr old said, "Mom, the white crayon is out of batteries." I thought my 5 yr old was going to pee himself he laughed so hard!

Buterfly78 said...

Driving home from school today my 7 year old son suddenly sighs and says "ugh...I'm sweatin my balls off back here!" After laughing I told him that probably wasn't the best way to tell me he was too hot. His response was "but mom that is what you always say!". Then the discussion changed to the fact that I don't even have balls so it doesn't make sense for me to say it... Definitely not winning that battle!

Pigletalma said...

LOOOOOVE IT!!! :)

Pigletalma said...

Bwahaha!!!! :)

Kristen said...

The other day at work, I was a bit tense, so I moved my neck to try to crack it. It cracked, and the kid I was sitting by said, "oh my god...I think I just broke me neck!". Um, no, that was. My neck there sweetie. You are fine!

Rebecca said...

My 5 year old son told my husband " mom rules your life doesn't she". That's my boy!

Quanz Family said...

had to laugh at your friend's kids, my husband actually calls ours malakai and lucifer IN FRONT OF PEOPLE. last night I told him we had to come up with some new ones, we were starting to get gasps from the elderly. so we settled on apollonia and beavis.

you should start a list: Shit your husband says
:)

JG said...

One of my all time favorites from my boys:
When my son was 5 we were driving home from work/daycare and I had to hold my review mirror up so I could merge over 3 lanes (Texas heat in August did a number on the glue). Son: Mom what are you doing
Me: I have to hold the mirror up so I can see what's behind me so I can merge over.
Son: But mom, what about the eyes in the back of your head!!

Crystal said...

now that is a perfect response if you ask me!!

Unknown said...

My 3 year old daughter and i are traveling to grandmas house when we come to road construction. We are first in line next to the flagman and sitting there for awhile when my daughter rolls done the window and yells to the flagman "Ugh, Come on al-weddy" I thought the poor lady was going to fall over laughing.

Penelope Lolohea said...

I cracked up at your names...but then number 14 came around and I just lost it. Along with number 21. These are too funny! Thanks for the laughs. :D

TNMom said...

I lauged till I cried at MOST of these comments!! OMG!! And I LOVED your #22. Everyone is a little fat... almost spit water out of my nose on that one!
Great Jen!
Devan

Bethany Zell said...

Some of my all time favorites:

"Mommy, I don't want to do homeschool today, can we play rooky?"

Me: "What are you doing?" 8 YO: "Practicing poulets for ballet class" (plies)

"There is nothing to eat except greens in this refrigerator! Do I LOOK like a vegetable-arian to you, Mommy?"

Cassabear said...

When my son was born my daughter was 2 and a half, he started crying and she yells out "Mom, get out your stoobs the baby's hungry!" We always refer to them as stoobs ever since.

JennM said...

OMG. That is so funny...I can honestly say I never heard that one but its my new favorite!!!!!!

Kathy said...

My daughter can be quite the drama queen at times which I attribute to her older brother always pestering her. Last night we were having a discussion with her about her behavior when her brother, once again chimed in with his thoughts. I didn't even have a chance to correct him for getting involved when my 7 year old says, "That's not appropriate (insert his name), this does not pertain to you." Sometimes I think she's 7 going on 21.

Nicole said...

My daughter to her twin brother when they were 3. "Don't say holy crab. Holy crab is for grown ups. Say holy cow, moo!". (She really said crab not crap.) Same daughter at age 4. When I tell her daddy is stuck in traffic, she asks, "Was it an idiot Mommy?" Same daughter age 3, when we pull away from the McD's drive through. "Her job is making McDonald's food." Me: "What is my job?" Daughter: "Doing the dishes?" (I am a Stay-at-home mom.) Son, age 4. Daddy tells him, "You don't do a very good job of looking." Son: "I sure don't."

Cyndi said...

I'm a nanny looking after a 3 and 5 year old, and they crack me up!

Master 5, on his birthday, exclaimed to me "Cyndi, I'm 5 now. I think I can drive a grown-up car."

And the same Master 5, after learning about gravity at school, exclaimed in the car one day, "You know Cyndi, gravity holds everything down on the planet... (and I'm thinking, cool, he learnt something!) and then he says "And when I destroy gravity, the world will be mine, muahahaha." (Evil genius in the making... someone has obviously been watching too much Phineas & Ferb...)

Cyndi said...

BEST!!

Cyndi said...

I have no idea why, but I just chucked out loud, for a LONG time, at "I like penis!"

Cyndi said...

As I was reading through the comments I thought of a few more.

I was looking after a kid a year ago (4yo boy) and we were at Christmas Eve mass, and sitting up in the loft as we got there late. The Priest comes down swinging this thing with incense in it (sorry, I'm not a Catholic and was just helping the family out) and 4yo C yells out "NO FAIR, WHY DOES HE GET THE TROPHY" super loud. The whole congregation looked around, but nobody could see the culprit as we were upstairs with the organist!

Also, as I kid I apparently said some funny things. My mom's 2 favourite stories to tell (25 and 20 years later, respectively) are these:

When my sister was born, 2 1/2 year old me went to visit in the hospital, and quickly exclaimed "Mom, that baby's got no clothes on!" quickly followed by "Mum, that baby's got ears!" Wow, I was a smart one.

At age 7, I went to the gay and lesbian mardi gras with my mom and some of her friends in Sydney Australia (long story). I'm out there sitting high on someones shoulders watching the parade, and someone asks me what is coming next, and I yell out "It's the gay and Lebanese teachers association", quickly followed by "Look, theres Mr Herbert (my 2nd grade teacher)wearing a gstring (thong)!!" Somebody asks me "How do you know what a gstring is?" and I scream at the top of my lungs "COS MY MUM WEARS THEM!" Oh gosh.

aprilpin said...

While pregnant with my 3rd child I was on complete bedrest so the older 2, who were 4 and 2 would come and visit in my bedroom. One day we were talking about their new baby sister coming and the oldest said "so you just go to the hospital and pick out a baby?" Me not really wanting to get into a long discussion at that time agreed with her. She then looks at her 2 yo sister and looks back at me all serious and says while pointing "And you picked that! " they are now 12, 15 and 17 and we still get a great laugh.
This same 4 yo told our neighbors mother in law who was from Mexico and could not speak English, that she also could speak Spanish. While thinking no she doesn't, I hear my child say yo cheyo taco bell.

aprilpin said...

While pregnant with my 3rd child I was on complete bedrest so the older 2, who were 4 and 2 would come and visit in my bedroom. One day we were talking about their new baby sister coming and the oldest said "so you just go to the hospital and pick out a baby?" Me not really wanting to get into a long discussion at that time agreed with her. She then looks at her 2 yo sister and looks back at me all serious and says while pointing "And you picked that! " they are now 12, 15 and 17 and we still get a great laugh.
This same 4 yo told our neighbors mother in law who was from Mexico and could not speak English, that she also could speak Spanish. While thinking no she doesn't, I hear my child say yo cheyo taco bell.

@ndre@ said...

my 2.5 year old is too smart for her own age...

we were in the supermarket and some lady bumped into our shopping cart, and my daughter says "mommy, she's a 'Juice Bag' right?"

Shaefins said...

"Dad...is dick a bad word?" "Why do you ask, girl child of 9?" "Because I told the kids at school I watched Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve and they said I said a bad word."

durandkim said...

6 year old son: "Shhhh... If you are really quiet, you can hear my heart beeping."

8 year old son puts his head up to his brother's chest and says "Beep... Beep... Beep...", kinda like a truck backing up.

35 and holding said...

my son told my husband that he would look like a hippie if he was standing next a bunch of rich handsome men.

Kelly and Sne said...

On the topic of funny things kids say when they see you naked:
"They're nipples and Mommy has big FAT ones. He he he."
and
"Mommy, why do you have hair on your scrotum?"

dafellasmomma said...

"Mom go around them!" as we past the other car he looks out the window and says "Such an idiot, they can't seem to drive right." " RIGHT MOM!" I guess I need to stop saying such an idiot. lol

aunt cafrine said...

While doing spring cleaning... "Who's coming over, Jesus?"

Kateminder said...

Thats hilarious!

Kateminder said...

Thats awesome!

Kateminder said...

Omg! That's hilarious! I wouldn't be able to explain the situation without cracking up!

Kateminder said...

I was born on Easter Sunday. When my dad told my sister the easter bunny brought her a new sister, she asked ' what, no candy?!'

My six yo girl to three yo boy: 'You think you're cool, but you're not. You're silly, but thats not cool!' We were all in the car and my husband just looked at me!

My son in a crowded rest area bathroom, about my daughter: ' mommy does she have a vagina?!'

eliseandfam said...

My 7 yr old daughter is basically silent and my 6 yr old son will not stop talking! Tuesday I am telling him the next time he acts up on the bus he will be punished. He says "Mama, I love you so much all the time, but I have to tell you, you're breaking my heart with this!" Picture big puppy eyes with the hint of tears, glasses and a fauxhawk. Then a teacher walks by and SHE says "Awe, he's so cute, how can you have the heart to punish him?" I looked at her and I said "It's kinda like a hollywood marriage; the cute wears off and all you're left with is a crazy person trying to jump out the bus window." Sheesh lady! Today "Mama the baby is always dirty!" (I am 30 weeks along) I am confused but interested to see where he is taking this, "Okaaay?", "Look Mama." He points to my belly and sure enough I must have dropped/rubbed up against something, again!

eliseandfam said...

Hahahah! There needs to be a Like button for a lot of these comments!

cento2 said...

My then-8-year-old daughter to me, regarding her then-1-year-old-sister...."Mommy, you should've stopped at one."

oliviasmommy7 said...

My daughter did the same thing... walked in on Daddy when he was in the shower and said "Daddy! You have a tail!"

oliviasmommy7 said...

My 4 year old daughter told me this morning "dinosaurs have really sharp teeth so they can eat sushi." She also got obsessed with the movie Elf over the holidays, and whenever she gets frustrated or things don't go her way, she says "solid nutcracker!", trying to quote Buddy ("son of a nutcracker!".

kimmy2778 said...

My favorite line from my son so far has been - "hey mom, did you just hear my fanny burp"! lol

Kristy said...

My daughter is extremely outgoing and will speak to anyone. In an effort to protect her a little I said to her one day "_____ some strangers are not nice, so no talking to strangers when mommy is not with you."

Not even an hour later in Walmart she proceeded to announce to EVERY person we pass "Mommy said strangers aren't nice." and if they didn't acknowledge her - she would yell it even louder at them.

Jennifer said...

"Mom, why doesn't God talk out loud to us?"
(Long meaningful explanation from smug mom)
"Well, I can hear him. He said I love you, Do you like kindergarten?, and that I have good hair."

Jennifer said...

Child with his head stuck in the arm hole of his shirt - "UGH! I am going to look like a jackass if I go to school like this." Guess what Mommy's favorite word is...

Kristy said...

In my son's 3k class they asked the children what their mom cooks for Thanksgiving. My precious son responds: "Mommy puts macaroni-n-cheese in the microwave until it goes beep, beep, beep then it's done."

SweetPeaCakePops said...

My son quite often says ridiculously funny things, but this is a good one. While sitting outside at a restaurant patio, they had the heaters on and he said "Mom, that red thing is making me hot as a fresh pancake!"

Kristy said...

Same precious son, same 3K class..I had a breast augmentation. My son returned to school to announce that "Mommy, has 2 big boo-boos and can't drive the car." ALL the teachers were concerned that I had an auto accident.So much for keeping that on the downlow.

Kitty said...

6 y/o son came to tell me his 14 y/o brother was "being an a$$hole." I told him,"Well that's not an appropriate thing to say about your brother, you can just say he is making you angry." "Well he IS, because he's an a$$hole."
5 y/o daughter tells everyone that our dog has lots of nipples.
Daughter was also out on our driveway with a dolly stroller full of stuffed animals, whacking it with a stick and yelling, "Bring out you dead!" LOL, we have really eclectic taste in movies, our kids are obviously suffering for it!

Jennifer said...

My girls are playing video games in the room Im listening to my 6yr old chew out my 4yr old "press L" "Go over there" and on and on...10 minutes later she comes out "mom Ashley said the B word" Ok what B word just this once you can say it to me...."She said to quit my Bitching" LMAO HAHAHAHA I would have said the same thing!

ASmomwhoshouldknowbetter said...

My now 17 year old son was potty training and had just been moved to "big boy" pants. His favorite movie at the time was Toy Story. I suggested he tell his grandpa what he was wearing and he reponded by grabbing his waist band and saying, "Papa, you wanna see my Woody?"

Kelley said...

Me: "We're going to an Easter Egg Hunt!"
My 3-year-old-son-to-my-avid-hunter-husband: "Do I need to bring a gun?"

Unknown said...

9 y/o dtr: Mom if we breed our pomeranian to a shihtzu will the puppies be ShitPoms?

Mom I dont want you to lose too much weight cuz then if I smack your butt it wont jiggle all over the place. O.o

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