I Just Want to Be Alone

I have big news, everyone! Remember last year when I put out the anthology I Just Want to Pee Alone? Have you read it yet? Yes? Great. Thank you. Did you leave a review yet? Because those things are ridiculously helpful to me and the Kick Ass Bloggers. Have you never read it? Why not? What are you waiting for? Are you new here and you've never heard of it? Well, first of all, welcome and second of all, you're going to want that book, so here's where you can get it. Plus, it's on sale, because the powers that be at Amazon deemed it so and I have no idea how long this sale will last, so you might want to hurry.

Because IJWTPA was such a fun thing and a great success I decided to do another one! Last time we wrote about our kids and never being able to pee alone. This time it's the men in our lives who just won't leave us alone. I don't know about you, but I crave me some alone time. I need it like men need sex. I just want a good book, a hot cup of tea, and an hour to myself. Hell, even twenty minutes to wander aimlessly through the aisles of Target alone without the Hubs saying "We don't need curtains" or "Skip the shoe aisle, we're on a time table here" or "Haven't you spent enough already?" would be fantastic.

Linda, Linda, Linda

Am I the only one who doesn't think this kid is cute?

If the video does not work - CLICK HERE.

This video has been making the rounds lately. The three-year-old boy in the video is usually described as "precocious" and a "tough negotiator." I don't see it. I see a little boy who wants what a lot of little kids want: a cupcake for dinner, and instead of being told why he can't have a cupcake for dinner, his mom (Linda) video tapes him on a tear to explain to her why he should get one. He interrupts her, he calls her by her first name, he talks back, and he argues with her.

Interview with Nikki From Moms Who Drink and Swear

Today I'm interviewing Nikki from Moms Who Drink and Swear. Nikki is one of the funniest, craziest, silliest, and kindest people I know. She wrote an essay for the new anthology I Just Want to Be Alone. It's called "BJs, Ball Punches, and Mayonnaise." It's one you won't want to read with anything in your mouth, because you will spit it out.

I'm not a journalist by trade (shocking, I know), so I realized that interviewing someone is really hard. I decided to avoid all of the usual author interview questions like, “Nikki, tell us an amusing story about marketing your books. Anything chuckle-worthy you'd like to share?”

Instead, I had an IM chat with her and asked the questions I really want to know:

The Man Who Called 911 About His Cat

It is indeed a sad day for humanity when a grown man must call 911 in regards to his cat. No, his cat wasn't stuck in a tree. His cat - a 22 pound Himalayan - had trapped the man, his girlfriend, his baby, and his dog in the bedroom and was behaving in a threatening manner.

Let me start from the beginning. The man and woman have a baby together. The baby yanked the cat's tail. Now, I don't know much about cats, but I do know they have nine lives, they always land on their feet, they hate water, and you should never, ever, ever, ever pull their tails. I guess the baby didn't get that memo. He yanked the cat's tail and so the cat turned on the baby. The frightened father kicked the cat in the ass, which further enraged the 22 pound kitty. The cat chased the man, woman, baby, and dog into the bedroom and then stood guard outside the door hissing at them every time they opened the door.

Rachel Canning

Have you heard about Rachel Canning yet? She's the spoiled suburban honor roll cheerleader who is trying to sue her parents for refusing to pay for her college tuition. Waaaah. I can just hear her whining, "But daaaaddddddy, I neeeeeed you to pay."

But Daddy doesn't want to pay, because when Rachel turned eighteen, she moved out of her parent's house and into her best friend's house.

Her parents say she decided that she didn't like their rules. Especially the one about some boyfriend they deemed too skeevy for their precious pumpkin, so they told her to dump him or get out. Rachel chose to get out.

What Happened to the Olympics?

Are you watching the Olympics? When I was a kid I loved to watch the Olympics. I dreamed of being a gymnast or an ice skater (until I realized how early they have to get up in the morning to train - isn't there an Olympic sport that trains between 11 am and 2 pm?). Can you imagine if snowboarding had been an Olympic sport back in the day? Every burner in my high school would have thought they might be an Olympic hopeful. Actually, the Olympics have made a pretty convincing argument for any teen caught getting high. In the wise words of my uncle, "People who think that smoking weed impairs your abilities has never watched Olympic snowboarding."

I Believe Dylan Farrow

Dear Dylan Farrow,

I read your letter.

I believe you.

I've always believed you.

I'm sorry that more people don't believe you.