Excuse me? A bride should NEVER apologize for the dresses she chose. Because we all know a bride always chooses elegant, timeless gowns that are flattering on all body types and can easily be repurposed for other events. On her wedding day every bride thinks her bridesmaid dresses are ah-may-zing. She's always like, "You can totally wear that again, Suzie!" Meanwhile, Suzie's thinking, "Except it's lime green, strapless, and made of satin, lace, and tulle, but other than that, it's super versatile!"
What's there to apologize for, Tammi? At least you didn't pick lime green!
Now Tammi describes the dresses as resembling "Thanksgiving tablecloths," but burgundy brocade was HAWT in the 90s. Shit, I just realized, I got married in 2002 and my bridesmaids wore burgundy brocade then! Crap, either Tammi was a trendsetter or I was behind the times. Plus, because she couldn't find exactly what she was looking for, Tammi got herself some custom made, off the shoulder, brocade dresses--and I can't be sure, but are those dyed to match shoes, too? Fancy! Maybe none of the dresses in the store had just enough doily detailing around the shoulders for Tammi? Maybe the fabric choices just weren't tablecloth-y enough? So Tammi took matters into her own hands and had those suckers made. She bought a Simplicity pattern -- number 7817. A Jessica McClintock design. OF COURSE it was a Jessica McClintock! Side note: for you youngins', Jessica McClintock was the BOMB. I have no idea who the dress designer du jour is these days since I live mostly in pajama pants but whoever the kids are all wearing nowadays probably doesn't even come close to JM. She had her own stores at the mall (probably next to Sam Goody's) and everyone wanted to wear a Jessica McClintock dress just about anywhere that required white pantyhose. I should have spotted Jessica McClintock's work immediately. That neckline screams "Sexy Little House on the Prairie," which is pure JM.
I don't know what Tammi paid for that pattern, but she totally got her money's worth when she commissioned SHORT off the shoulder brocade dresses for the candlelighters, because Tammi does not play.
My sister-in-law, Heidi, who is the bridesmaid pictured above saw Tammi's Facebook post and was completely surprised by Tammi's apology. "What do you mean sorry about the dresses?" she asked. "I wear mine all the time."
And then she posted these pictures:
Heidi likes to feel pretty when she does the laundry.
I imagine planting the flowers in the dress was a bit of a challenge, but watering the flowers looks like a breeze!
Heidi is handy. She's always fixing something and a full length brocade dress won't stop her, that's why she's paired it with practical flip flops -- plus the black tool bags really makes the lace pop!
After a long hard day of laundry, gardening, and fixing stuff, Heidi likes nothing more than to curl up on the couch with a good book. Mmm....comfy brocade...
Because these pictures made me laugh so hard, I've decided to challenge you to make me laugh some more. Dig out those old photos and show me what you made your bridesmaids wear. Share them in the comments section on Facebook. I'm going to let Heidi and Tammi pick their favorite. If they pick you, I'll send you a signed copy of My Lame Life and a copy of Tammi's newest book Caring for Your Lion.
Contest ends July 27. US only.
All photos courtesy of Tammi Sauer and Heidi Mann.