I give to you, the video of my mom's Christmas Explosion:
If the video doesn't work here, try this link.
Now, I kept the messy parts of her house out of the video, but I do feel like I should apologize for my camera work. I'm an absolute technological idiot. If I ever do another video again I'll make sure I have the Hubs close by so it will actually look presentable.
I shared this video last night on my personal Facebook page and I had many questions. Lots of the answers to those questions can be found in Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat, so I encourage you to get a copy if you don't already have one. Here are a few questions that weren't covered in the book, though:
1. I can't believe your mom has Glenn Beck on the shelf and not you!!
I know, right? After I made the video, I brought this detail to my mom's attention and she directed me to the master bedroom. She keeps ALL of my books on her bedside table all year round so that they can be, "Close to my heart, Jen." OK, she gets a pass on Glenn Beck. I was glad to see that she took my advice and got rid of Sarah Palin's book, though. I'm working on her. Baby steps.
Also, some eagle-eye viewers noticed that the Bible was missing from her Christmas book shelf. She informed me via telephone last night that she has an ENTIRE shelf of nothing but Bibles that I obviously missed.
2. Where does your mom store all this stuff?
She has off-site storage as well as tubs in her basement storage room stacked to the ceiling. I counted the actual number of tubs for the book, but I can't remember now how many. It's A LOT.
3. Where does everything go that isn't Christmas?
Everything comes off walls and shelves and goes into the now-empty Christmas tubs and goes into the basement or storage unit.
4. Why no Christmas sheets? Whyyyyy?
I don't know. Those are "tacky."
5. But Christmas toilet paper isn't????
6. Where do I find Christmas toilet paper? I need some ... for my guests, of course.
There is "Mom Approved" TP (she's not a cusser).
There is "Jen Approved" TP (if you're going to have Christmas toilet paper, it should at least be funny.)
And there is "All Are Welcome" TP (it says "Seasons Greetings" because you might have some non-Christmas celebrating people using your toilet and you don't want to be disrespectful).
You're absolutely right. Mom needs to hang some tinsel from that thing or at least string it with lights. She says she can't because, "I actually use it, Jen!"
8. What does the outside look like??
Surprisingly tame. She does the usual lights around the house and a couple of wreaths on the front of the house, but no big blow ups or life-size nativities in the yard. She spends the bulk of her time, energy, and money on the interior where SHE can enjoy it, because she does this "for her, not for the neighbors."
9. You are adorable and your makeup looks perfect.
That wasn't actually a question, but I wanted to include this comment here for me to read on days when I'm sad. Thank you!
For more Christmas shenanigans, follow me EVERYWHERE! Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram.
I will be signing copies of Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat (and all of my other books, too) at the Local Author's Fair at Woodneath Public Library in Liberty, MO on Saturday, December 3, 2016. Come let me deface your book!
PS - Many of you commented that you liked hearing my voice. First of all, thank you. Second of all, I NARRATED the audio version of Spending the Holidays of People I Want to Punch in the Throat. You can have, like, four and a half hours or something of my voice in your ear.