People I Want to Punch in the Throat: 2016 Holiday Gift Guide

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2016 Holiday Gift Guide


This week the holiday shopping season begins. May the odds be ever in your favor! If you're like me, you hate to wear pants or see people so don't worry. Everything I've chosen for my 2016 gift guide is available online. You can get everything you need without leaving the house. You're welcome.

Usually I start with the kids, but this year I'm starting with ME! What do I want for Christmas? I really don't have a list of many things I want, so instead, I made a list of all of my favorite things. Yeah, I'm like Oprah, but poorer and less famous and I won't give any of this stuff to you.


Yummie Leggings. If you follow my personal account on Facebook, then you know that leggings were a hot topic for me this fall. Now that I'm writing more and speaking in public more, I actually need some clothes to wear outside of my office. I still want something casual and comfy, though, and that's where leggings come in. I finally found some wide-calf boots that I love and I bought a bazillion pairs and decided to live in nothing but leggings and boots this fall and winter. I wanted a pair of leggings that were thicker than tights, that sucked everything in and held it tight while still allowing me to breathe and move about. This brand does all of that. 

Poncho. The poncho is probably the greatest invention ever. It's like wrapping up in a blanket every time you leave the house, but people compliment you on your style. It's ridiculous. I can't have enough ponchos. I don't have a favorite brand, but I will say, beware of those that say One Size Fits Most. I am not most. I like my ponchos big and cozy, so I tend to go for the longer ones since they have more fabric to work with. I see the poncho I picked is sold out. Wah wah. Here's another one.

Cuddle Duds Tunic. If your ponchos need a rest, then try a tunic. When I'm wearing my Yummie leggings, I don't want my butt showing, so tunics are the best way to give some coverage, but still look nice and skim those hips and butt. 

Baggallini Helsinki and Integrity Tote. I am OBSESSED with this brand. I've been traveling a lot lately and I'm always trying to fit as much as possible into my carry on bags. I wanted a purse that was big, but organized so everything wasn't jumbled on the bottom of the bag. I also wanted a tote bag that could carry my laptop, charger, a note book, another note book, a book, pens, business cards, one more note book, water bottle, snacks, and more. You get the picture. These bags are designed by flight attendants and they're spectacular. They wear really well and clean up nicely, they have so many pockets and nooks and crannies that everything has a place (the purse even has a
special spot for my Kindle, so it doesn't haven't to go in the tote and then I can bring more pens), and they're super strong. They make tons of different styles and I have a bunch. I carry the Helsinki a lot, but I also carry this one quite often. I lurve them.

Bare Minerals. OK, so another thing I've been trying this year is makeup. I've been asking friends for tips and tricks to not look so damn tired. However, I think you all know that I require something easy, fast, and fool proof. I found out that all those ah-may-zing makeup techniques can take a ton of time. I don't have time for that nonsense. Luckily, I stumbled onto Bare Minerals. This stuff goes on super fast, is hard to mess up, and covers nicely without feeling like spackle. 

Makeup Remover Towel. The bad thing about wearing makeup is you must take it off. I was going
through those Neutrogena towelettes by the dozens and feeling really bad about how wasteful it was and how much I was spending. And then a friend told me about this magical towel. I don't know how it works (it's probably made from unicorn hair or something), but you get it wet and wipe off your face and you're done. It's nuts. Then you wash it out and reuse it again.

If you want more makeup ideas, click here and go read my 5-Minute Makeup Tips for Lazy 40-Year-Olds. 

Calm the F*ck Down Coloring Book. I can't afford therapy, so I color and swear instead. This book brings together my two loves.

Blue Q Socks. I like to wear sassy socks. They make me so happy. There are G-rated ones, but, of course, I like the R-rated ones--especially if I'm going through airport security and I have to take off my shoes.

What to get your Hubs this year? If he's anything like mine, he's like, "Whatever. I don't need anything" but if there isn't something under the tree for him he's like, "Hey! What about me?" So I always have to ask leading questions and look through his browsing history to get a good idea of what to buy the Hubs. If nothing else, he'll get another Rat Zapper because I will not be held hostage again this year by a family of rodents who decided to winter in my home!


Projector. The Hubs is a movie guy, but he doesn't like to go to the movies. He'd rather watch them at home with his own projector. As long as there's popcorn, I'm not complaining. 

Wireless Range Extender. The Hubs is a techie guy and he's hooked us up with WiFi so I can work on my laptop anywhere I want. It's great, except for when I go upstairs and get too far from I don't know what it's called ... the thing that makes the WiFi work (the Hubs is the techie, not me). When I get too far away, everything slows down and Jen get mad! Mad! Mad! So the Hubs needs one of these things to help boost our signal. I know, this should probably be on my list since I'm the one who will benefit the most, but too bad, the Hubs is getting it.

Laptop Stand. The Hubs spends all day sitting at a computer and it's been wreaking havoc on him. Last year I bought myself an adjustable desk that I can crank up and down to work at, but it's really big. The Hubs didn't want something so big, but he wanted to be able to stand and work. This looks like a good one to try. 

Samsung Gear VR. The Hubs is trying to pass this one off as "educational" and "for the kids," but we all know he's the one who's going to be flailing around with this thing on his face. 

Survival Kit. OK, we are not homesteaders or doomsday preppers, but we are a family who thinks that we could live off the grid. Stop laughing, we maybe could. The Hubs is always looking at these kinds of kits and I have my eye on a nice looking machete. It's stupid. We know. We're suburban veal and we'll be the first to be eaten in a zombie apocalypse, but we like to pretend like we could survive.

Gomer is 12 this year and he's such a tweenager. When I asked what he wanted for Christmas, he said, "Cash." Ugh. As if. That's not fun! I did see something on Pinterest where you wrap up a bunch of gift cards and candy and little trinket stuff in layers of Saran Wrap and make this big ball of stuff to open. I might try that this year. He's going to need a place to hold all those gift cards and cash and so he's getting a:


Wallet. He needs some place to hold all his gift cards and cash he's asked for. Boring, but at least it's not underwear.

Over the Door Basketball Hoop. We don't have a flat driveway (which is weird, because you'd think that everything in Kansas is flat) so we can't have an outdoor basketball hoop. This seems like a good alternative.

Wireless Dancing Water Speakers. Gomer received this for his birthday and they were such a hit that they'll now be my go-to gift for anyone between the ages of 10 and 15. They're like having a front row seat at your own tiny Bellagio.

Balaclava. Gomer's started walking to school this year and it's going to start getting cold. I thought this would be a good way to keep him warm so he doesn't call me whining for a ride. 

Exploding Kittens. We are game-players in this house. That's different than gamers. Gamers, to me, are the people who are serious about their online games and wear headsets and stuff when they're shooting players around the world--we just like a friendly game of UNO, y'know? I've been told that Exploding Kittens is a fun game for older kids and so we're going to give it a whirl this year. 

Funky Socks. Gomer is not what anyone would call a fashionista, but he does have one area where he likes to express his personality: funky socks. The weirder, the better. Where ever I go, I'm always on the look out for some interesting socks for him. These are perfect because, bacon.

Lego Mindstorms. This has been on Gomer's wishlist for about three years now. He uses these on his robotics team at school and they're very cool and it's definitely educational, but the price is steep. I keep waiting for a sale that's never going to happen.

Gomer is hard to shop for, but Adolpha's even harder. It's not because Adolpha only wants cash, it's because she wants SO MANY THINGS. She's 10 going on 25, so her list is a rando mix of little girl and big girl gifts. Plus, my budget isn't big enough for Adolpha's list. I hand it out to the grandmas and the great-grandmas and there are still things left over that no one will buy for her.


Mermaid Tail Blanket. Adolpha has about 80 billion blankets because she can't stop buying anything cozy and soft. Her bed is covered in blankets and she really doesn't need another one. But this one I kind of understand. It's a blanket AND a mermaid tail. How cool is that? 

Bean Bag Chair. I can think of nothing better than curling up in a bean bag chair (with a mermaid tail blanket) and reading a book. Books and bean bag chairs go together, right? Adolpha is my reader, so she gets the bean bag chair. If Gomer wants one, then he needs to pick up a book.

Head Lamp. When you're staying up late to hang out in your bean bag chair with your mermaid tail blanket and a good book, you're going to need a head lamp. It's the only way to secretly read after lights out.

Splat Hair Chalk. Adolpha would like to get hair professionally colored, but I'm not ready to cross that bridge just yet. We'll stick to hair chalk. We've tried many brands and this one shows up the best on her dark brown hair.

Bedhead Rock n Roller Styling Iron. When Adolpha isn't coloring her hair, she's trying to curl it. She has super straight hair and my curling iron wasn't doing the job for her. We asked around and this one came highly recommended. We've tried it and we're sold. This will be under the tree. Ironically, it makes awesome looking curls on her super straight hair, but works terrible for my naturally curly hair, so do with that info what you will.

Oil Paint Set. Over the years Adolpha has received an easel and watercolors. We like to work in the craft room and try new things. She'd like some oil paints this year.  

Coloring Books and Markers. I realize that "adult coloring books" are trendy as hell, but we don't care. Adolpha and I will be coloring in 25 years even if no one else is. We love any book by Johanna Basford and buy just about anything she makes (in fact, I've already purchased the 365-day calendar for Adolpha). We've learned the hard way that we need to spend some real money on colored pencils or markers.

Cat Ear Light Up Headphones. Adolpha loves dogs, but she'll make an exception for cats, because she loves how these cat ear headphones look. I actually think they're cute, too. Would it be weird for me to wear them??? 

On the Dot. As I mentioned before, we like to play games. This is one that Adolpha's been asking for. It looks hard.

As always, I like to include a few books that we read this year and enjoyed (or that we're putting on our wishlists):












In case you need more ideas, here are the links to my previous holiday gift guides:


Well, that's my list for 2016. Be sure to leave me a comment and let me know what you're buying for your family, I could use some more ideas.

PS - Of course those are affiliate links. I have to pay for my leggings and ponchos somehow. 

1 comment:

Mrs. K said...

Best Gift Guide ever! LOVE the socks.